Year-round Yuletide oddities
I may have mentioned Pirate Stu more than a handful of years ago, and his ‘Jingle Bells’ parody may not merit more mention, but “Jingle Piratopus” IS about a pirate octopus. Not something you hear every day.
Michael Scott Dublin (feat. Robert O’Connor & Mark O’Shaughnessy) bring Santa and a pirate together for a lively pop address: “Yo Ho Ho! And A Merry Christmas.” They have more in common than you’d think.
Hello Wonder indies “Dear Santa (A Pirate’s Request)” from the daughter of a pirate to the only one she knows who can make her dad nice, not naughty. Too cute for words!
Captain Dan & The Scurvy Crew ask Santa directly for cannons and whatnot in “A Pirate Christmas” all the while planning on ambushing, robbing, and slaughtering the jolly old elf. These pirates bite off more brass monkey than they can chew. Kiddie rap.
“Christmas Pirate” from Eye Suck metal rocks the benefits from being naughty at the wrong time.
Mighty Magic Pants is mighty kid friendly with their “Pirate’s Christmas Eve.” This is about the Caribbean setting (and music). Apart from a couple bits o’ jargon, no piracy threatens.
Whilst on the high seas, keep an eye out for the skull’n’cross bones. Will those scurvy dogs feel the Xmas spirit? Mayhap not as many a carol parlays to pirates as to regular sailors, yet a month’ll do.
Some swashbucklers commit to the concept and whole albums are aborned from their need to ope the coffers and share and share alike. Unpirately! says i. Still, The Bilge Pumps have an unholy admixture of sophomoric parodies of carols and other family fun, cleaved with casual rapine and murder. Uhh… A Pirate’s Christmas Wish combines spoken skit and nearly good music to their own end. Ye have been warned.
I can recommend “Pirate Yells” (‘Silver Bells’) for imagination and actual YE-ARGHS; “Carol of the Beers“(‘Carol of the Bells’) for performer energy and steel drums; and “More Rum, Gloria” (‘Gloria in Excelsis Deo’) for less explicit sexual assault and charming harmony. But, this thing is nearly three dozen offerings!
Regardless, “Johnny the Steampunk Pirate” (‘Rudolph’) stands out for novelty and morning drive DJ sound effects. Laser eyes!
Crappy boat metaphor helps fill Christmas albums, too. Ahoy.
BIG BLUE ALERT for the rap from Coi Leray (ft. Dess Dior & Maliibu Miitch) wishing a “Merry Xmas” to all the boys whether they locked up in the penitentiary or wildin’ on the boat. Spirited, but what’s that boat about?
More rap from St. Crypt.: Cause I am tired of rowing a boat with my bros but when I am not looking they drilling some holes (Holes!) Self sabotaging, i guess. But “Crypt” is about not really being yourself. Like the true spirit of Xmas. Or sumpn.
Cuter rap makes me realize the dearth of figurative language in our language and in our rap. “Holiday Jam” by ajasont notes that the cider is steaming like a boat. Now that’s just silly.
Nervous about family together and “For Those Who Can’t Be Here,” Tom Walker folk-pops: ‘Round the table banter flows Prayin’ no one rocks the boat. Careful now.
“Sinking Ships For Other Assorted Holidays” by Bad Witch employs pissed out figurative language to liven up the rock and roll. It’s a fun mess.
Tori Amos offers We’ll sail on a “Christmastide.” Indie grrl pop floats my boat. But this seems more pagan than reverent.
Off topic (perhaps), is “Tomato Christmas” from Eric Holm. More thick poetry: Oh, the Summer’s ripe in the face of its death And all the spirits of the departed Carry our boat over the lake with the force of their breath. It’s August. Perhaps the boat is real, but Christmas is the metaphor.
The Shanks describe “When My Ship Hits Christmas Day” with weird brassy pop rock (like Chicago?). I don’t get it, but i’m dancing.
“Bound for Bethlehem” is a fine Celtic carol from The Barra NacNeils about the pilgrimage to the birthplace. But it’s by boat. To a landlocked place. Or is it by angel–? Are we dead?
Sometimes the ocean-going way is so seductive, it invades our carols without our faces filled with actual salt spray. These metaphors can be powerful.
Check out Carbon Leaf’s “Christmas at Sea.” C-h-r-i-s-t-m-a-S. O. S.: A boat afloat at sea; Row you to me–Christmas at sea. Charming indie about missing you.
Alkaline Trio headbands the punk of “Snake Oil Tanker” with observations like: This time you’ve dug yourself an anchor too heavy to move ahead with. It’s never felt colder at Christmas. So there. Bang.
The Spongetones bring an elegant classiness to their mixed metaphor poetry piano bar tune “There’s a Star.” Starts with a ship and a shore. There’s Christmas in there… Must be something about redemption.
A tight squeeze in this category “Christmas Time in Motor City” is dandy industrial rock (multi-media) from Was (Not Was). An ugly cityscape ends with the image: I sit and watch the traffic panic, it sails away, Look at this…It’s Christmas Day… Noice.
Why not just sail away and leave all those troubles (surely not Xmas induced) away.
David Ker is truly troubadour in “My Little Jingle.” He’s alone, but in his (metaphorical?) boat he encounters whales and sea horses… but not you. Adorable indie.
Similarly Plunkett’s friends have left: This year everything is on sale, And all my friends have set sail To do much better things. so goes the most indie of alts “Sad Christmas.” By–ee!
So we begin to see boats are more than literal. Engelbert Humperdinck rides his mid-century modern styles with “A Night to Remember.” It’s all sugary mush: Dreamers who travel the skies As we sail on the glow Of a fire burning glow.
Old salts know how to make the best of a bad thing.
Robert Palomo tries the parody tack with “Sailor Christmas Carols.” Hard workin’ men havin’ a larf.
The Green Monkey Christmas Chorale (feat. Gary Minkler) get into character with “Xmas Time for Sailors.”
“A Yuletide Sea Shanty” is a fun curiosity from Steve Parsons. Sung here by the Excelsia Singers this operatic tale of tempest tossed sailors visited by Santa & The Reindeer becomes comic, in a good way.
Old timey sailors had it even harder. For Christmas.
1980s pop (with a gospel influence) may not be ancient, but Goombay Dance Band’s “Christmas at Sea” is about a simpler time. The tragedy is not being with family. That’s pretty much it. But you can dance to it.
Meg Davis runs over octaves with her classic operetta offering “Christmas at Sea.” It hurts to hear about it.
Old fashioned folk/country from Lloyd Snow brings in a Celtic influence. “Christmas at Sea” is frothy and light, but that’s only the foam floating on top. Its depths’ll kill.
How bad does it get for sailors at sea? No turndown service?!
Loneliness may be balanced with banquets in “A Maritime Christmas.” But Lee Murdock returns to slowly, sadly reveal at sea it be Christmas in song only. Shanty.
The worst of Sara Noelle’s “Christmas at Sea“‘s experience is not having Christmas at land. Autotuned ethereality about, i suppose, heartbreak.
Gabriel Minnikin balladeers the worst of weather in his banjo-driven indie-gospel “Christmas at Sea.” Hold fast!
Out of mothballs Scythian brings us “The Wellerman Christmas” which is just the old sing-along Wellerman about the whale that won’t let go, but with an appeal to Christ born near the end. I mean, that ship is being dragged ’round the world to no end. Fun stuff.
Frozen tea, lashings, pouring rain… “It’s Hard to be a Shantyman (On Christmas),” at least according to The Longest Johns (again). Advice: Grin and find some yuletide cheer— Brave, me buckos. Keep it shanty!