Why Couldn’t It Beard Christmas Everyday?

[I Saw Mommy Kiss Santa] Last Night” has a famous line about tickling under the beard. Still, i dry heave to hear the original. Perhaps the Yule Logs with their surf pop reorchestration can soften the bile.

A pop lesson in history from John Edmond tells us about “The Very First Father Christmas.” It’s mostly about stockings, but the beard gets a mention.

A pop lesson in culture from Kerstin Adeström, Ola W Jansson & Sami Yousri piano bars “The Swedish Way to Celebrate” Christmas. Their Santa may appear unconventionally, but he’s still got that long white stuff at the bottom of his punim.

Gunna Celebrate.257 Roberts

Shoot what?

I Want To Shoot Rudolph” is bouncy pop from Yakey Tamarrack (ft. С​у​п​а Т​р​о​п​с​к​и​) mostly about wanting to. And reasons for. Almost swayed.

Toy instruments collide in cacophony for Mystery Moisture’s “Shoot the Mistletoe.” It’s a friendly mess.

That reindeer with the red light attracts the long rifle from Mavado Flexxx & Savage in the Carib rap “Gully Christmas.” BLUE ALERT despite the heavy accent.

I Didn’t Get What I Asked for This Christmas” whines Phillip Hermans with a late night easy listening vibe. He suggests pooping in Santa’s hat and shooting the reindeer to get even. (Look out, it’s not HIS poop.)

Damn That Holiday: DamNation.3

Gurf Hankle brainstorms ideas for holiday classics, but seems stunk on Tom Hanks movies. When he delves into his own personal pain, he showtunes up “A God Damn Christmas Song.” That’ll make more sense after you listen to it.

God Damn, it’s Christmas time again! begins Junkie Dildoz & Friends’ “Merry X-Mas Bastards 2.0.” Seems to take a lot for granted, while not giving a crap about anyone. That’s rock’n’roll for ya.

Adam Lore seems sleepy singing the easy listening “It’s Damn Near Christmas.” But it puts me in the holiday mood.

Damn That Holiday: Hell.12

Amanda McCarthy suffers how the hell can I be merry if I have to bring your gift to a cemetery in a “Christmas Without You.” Lite pop that wanders into country mush. Holy hell.

Randy Pisswhistle is gentle and comforting with a folk “Christmas in Hell.” It’s other people, according to Sartre.

It’s Christmas (But I Don’t Carey)” if half hate (kill Mariah Carey!) and half demon summoning from Go Go Ponies. Girl rock of the BLUE ALERT sort notices the hell in your veins, and your scarlet tongue too. You devil.

Megan McKenna’s “Family at Christmas” admits It’s one hell of a show (the family). Bouncy jazz retro rock that would fit in well coming out of elevator speakers.

Damn That Holiday: Satan.0

The original Bible (OT) doesn’t feature much Satan, just some snake in a tree. The New Testament feeds the need people had back then for the celestial or more-than-human with angels and demons and their stories. Temptations and accusations become the incarnate evil, the horned one.

The whole anagram thing has been debated before on the blog. So let’s avoid the devil with the jolly white beard.

Is being the first on Santa(God)’s list the same as being the “Last on Satan’s List“? Fireworks metals the answer in hard-to-follow parts.

Music Vault kicks a Bossa nova beat to wish “Merry Christmas Satan.” See, this time of the year is his fave-o due to all the inviolate inhumanity inherent in us all.

Yo Ho Ho Ho-Elementary School Assembly

 John Jacobson & Roger Emerson have one of those kid shows to lure in the parents to the grade school, A Pirate Christmas. Kids on a Caribbean holiday encounter pirates (more kids). The idea of stealing vs. giving gets some play in the pop “Give and Take.” Then Santa intervenes and whisks them all to the Pole where reindeer teach pirates to dance in the trad R’n’R “It’s Cool to be Cool.” Santa’s soft pop lesson, “Christmas Joy,” is a party downer–but a young pastor’s delight. The finale is easy listening mealiness, but could be our month’s theme song: “A Pirate Christmas.” Sing along! For your grade!

Yuletide: Red Skies at Night

Why not just sail away and leave all those troubles (surely not Xmas induced) away.

David Ker is truly troubadour in “My Little Jingle.” He’s alone, but in his (metaphorical?) boat he encounters whales and sea horses… but not you. Adorable indie.

Similarly Plunkett’s friends have left: This year everything is on sale, And all my friends have set sail To do much better things. so goes the most indie of alts “Sad Christmas.” By–ee!

So we begin to see boats are more than literal. Engelbert Humperdinck rides his mid-century modern styles with “A Night to Remember.” It’s all sugary mush: Dreamers who travel the skies As we sail on the glow Of a fire burning glow.

Yuletide: Canoe Help Me

Santa may not just deliver by any old skiff at sea. In “Christmas Island” you are advised: Wait for Santa to sail in with your presents in a canoe. (I might prefer Ella to Leon this time only.) Island pop.

The Surfers sing out “Here Comes Santa Claus in a Red Canoe” like they’re auditioning for Sing Along with Mitch. Easy listening (‘I say, old bean‘) with some slack guitar.

Edward Littlefield stretches ‘Three Ships’ out of shape for “I Saw Canoes,” a Tlingit adaptation to honor family. Or something.

D. P. Weisemann stretches vocals to send us his “Canoe,” an indie transcendence of the holidays. Whoa.

Nightheart wins me over with the camp-song “Christmas Canoe.” Simplicity can make novelty that much better. Bravo.

A Slippery Slope.17

Nessa’s Playhouse returns us to the children’s music category with the fast-paced “Christmas Miracle.” No miracles were created during these lyrics, just eating, singing, and skiing.

Angry electronica from m0rxx creates a fierce, competitive “Skiing” environ. Go faster or get outta the way.

Sledding gets a nod in “Merry & Bright” by Benton Stokes. But the house is done up like a Smoky Mountain lodge, so we’ll loop this into a wintertime sports catchall. Easy Listening for the old’uns.

Breaking the Ice.11

Barenaked Ladies need a revisit by now. “Green Christmas” is their pop ode to the frozen days of yore–icicles, snow angels, skating. Where’d that go?

I Wish It Could be Christmas Every Day” also returns, now with Cheap Trick helming, to remind us that no matter how cold the season gets… skating! Jangling rock on top of pop.

Jerry Marcellino slows the rhythm down to easy listening to paint us a “Christmas in the City.” Peace and love. Maybe skating (in Central Park) too.