Damn That Holiday: Satan.0

The original Bible (OT) doesn’t feature much Satan, just some snake in a tree. The New Testament feeds the need people had back then for the celestial or more-than-human with angels and demons and their stories. Temptations and accusations become the incarnate evil, the horned one.

The whole anagram thing has been debated before on the blog. So let’s avoid the devil with the jolly white beard.

Is being the first on Santa(God)’s list the same as being the “Last on Satan’s List“? Fireworks metals the answer in hard-to-follow parts.

Music Vault kicks a Bossa nova beat to wish “Merry Christmas Satan.” See, this time of the year is his fave-o due to all the inviolate inhumanity inherent in us all.

Yo Ho Ho Ho-Elementary School Assembly

 John Jacobson & Roger Emerson have one of those kid shows to lure in the parents to the grade school, A Pirate Christmas. Kids on a Caribbean holiday encounter pirates (more kids). The idea of stealing vs. giving gets some play in the pop “Give and Take.” Then Santa intervenes and whisks them all to the Pole where reindeer teach pirates to dance in the trad R’n’R “It’s Cool to be Cool.” Santa’s soft pop lesson, “Christmas Joy,” is a party downer–but a young pastor’s delight. The finale is easy listening mealiness, but could be our month’s theme song: “A Pirate Christmas.” Sing along! For your grade!

Yuletide: Red Skies at Night

Why not just sail away and leave all those troubles (surely not Xmas induced) away.

David Ker is truly troubadour in “My Little Jingle.” He’s alone, but in his (metaphorical?) boat he encounters whales and sea horses… but not you. Adorable indie.

Similarly Plunkett’s friends have left: This year everything is on sale, And all my friends have set sail To do much better things. so goes the most indie of alts “Sad Christmas.” By–ee!

So we begin to see boats are more than literal. Engelbert Humperdinck rides his mid-century modern styles with “A Night to Remember.” It’s all sugary mush: Dreamers who travel the skies As we sail on the glow Of a fire burning glow.

Yuletide: Canoe Help Me

Santa may not just deliver by any old skiff at sea. In “Christmas Island” you are advised: Wait for Santa to sail in with your presents in a canoe. (I might prefer Ella to Leon this time only.) Island pop.

The Surfers sing out “Here Comes Santa Claus in a Red Canoe” like they’re auditioning for Sing Along with Mitch. Easy listening (‘I say, old bean‘) with some slack guitar.

Edward Littlefield stretches ‘Three Ships’ out of shape for “I Saw Canoes,” a Tlingit adaptation to honor family. Or something.

D. P. Weisemann stretches vocals to send us his “Canoe,” an indie transcendence of the holidays. Whoa.

Nightheart wins me over with the camp-song “Christmas Canoe.” Simplicity can make novelty that much better. Bravo.

A Slippery Slope.17

Nessa’s Playhouse returns us to the children’s music category with the fast-paced “Christmas Miracle.” No miracles were created during these lyrics, just eating, singing, and skiing.

Angry electronica from m0rxx creates a fierce, competitive “Skiing” environ. Go faster or get outta the way.

Sledding gets a nod in “Merry & Bright” by Benton Stokes. But the house is done up like a Smoky Mountain lodge, so we’ll loop this into a wintertime sports catchall. Easy Listening for the old’uns.

Breaking the Ice.11

Barenaked Ladies need a revisit by now. “Green Christmas” is their pop ode to the frozen days of yore–icicles, snow angels, skating. Where’d that go?

I Wish It Could be Christmas Every Day” also returns, now with Cheap Trick helming, to remind us that no matter how cold the season gets… skating! Jangling rock on top of pop.

Jerry Marcellino slows the rhythm down to easy listening to paint us a “Christmas in the City.” Peace and love. Maybe skating (in Central Park) too.

Christmas Countdown: 4 years/weeks/months/days/hours/seconds

Lord Ferzy seems to be recording in his car, but the rap/R+B story of “Christmas is Gonna be in Heaven Tonight” takes a turn with the memory: four years ago I was waiting on my own For you to wish me a Merry Christmas, which happened and happiness was had. But now, not so happy. Meaning–oh, no.

Aimee Mann BLUE ALERT leans into the excuse-making alt-pop “I Was Thinking I Could Clean Up for Christmas.” Four more weeks that couldn’t make any difference, Except maybe to you. Heard it all before. But it is melodic.

Five for Fighting plays with offbeats and voice cracking for “Policeman’s Xmas Party.” After an unexplained crime scene, 4 weeks later it’s still Raining in the Park, Marine with a gun guards my house after dark… Yeah, dark. And pop.

Four Days to Go” from The Starshine Singers is kidsong from the elementary school stage. The days count down, the temp increases. Appropriate.

Travel this time of the year is not so merry: I’m spending 4 hours on a plane, yet again I’m losing 3 hours when I get there, but I don’t care, whisper-plains Asya Aydin in the hypnotic “I’m Coming Home.” Pop oddness.

All the innocent kids Are running around without cover For more than four seconds in “A Civilian Christmas.” Burmese Bombshells take an easy listening lounge approach to the wartime madness easing into festive gladness. My!

Christmas Countdown: 10 short units of time

The Ort think every moment counts: Take my hand… 10 seconds, Just long enough To illuminate this spot. “It’s Christmas” is a Celtic rocker of sweet emotion.

Plaintive pop from Kristen Brown: “Christmas Spirit” explains, Anybody asks what I’m wishing for this year I’ll ask for ten To spend with you again. But–ten what? minutes? years? Love knows no math.

Even more breathily sentimental, Lil Cat sets the scene: fireplace on video; 10 hours should be okay. But all this mise en place is in order to enjoy your “Christmas Sweater.” Earnest fetishism.

Feisty protest folk from Elton Thomas, “It’s Christmas Time” is the sorrow of the homeless guy at the end of the line turned away–it ends tragically: Now rewind ten hours ago, and some guy (in some metaverse) trades spots with him. Problem solved.

Ten hour drive through the blazing sun, Hotter than Hades before we’ve begun–can be the downside to an Australian holiday homecoming. But Simone Craddock (feat. The Girls of Oz) make a fine point in her folky country pop “When I Get Home It’s Christmas.” Who needs a calendar?

It’s been 10 months now… is the soft folk opening to “Our First Christmas” by The Christmas Cards. A love ballad on the soporific side (with interior monologue/panic).

Sevenths makes a string-heavy pop editorial ‘giants Boris Johnson in his “Blue Christmas.” The uncertainty of 10 Downing Street in handling the pandemic cost human lives: you’ve dropped the ball for ten months Now we’re all suffering at your hands. Not strictly for the holidays, but it’s when this hits hardest.

Christmas Countdown: 300

Three hundred may be magic for bowling, but what else can we say about it? Sure, it’s a triangular number and the sum of a pair of twin primes (149 + 151), as well as the sum of ten consecutive primes (13 + 17 + 19 + 23 + 29 + 31 + 37 + 41 + 43 + 47) and, okay, it is palindromic in 3 consecutive bases: 30010 = 6067 = 4548 = 3639, and also in base 13. But other than that….

John the Singer invites you to drink 300 beers now that you’ve made it through the shitstorm of this year. BLUE ALERT “Merry Ducking Christmas” ducks no punches in an experimental garage kind of way. Sounds like how existential angst feels.

The Macc Lads get way more BLUE ALERT with their “Jingle Bells.” Sex is like breathing for these hardcore punkers. See, when Beater found 300 johnnies in his Christmas stocking We didn’t see him ’til New Year’s Eve. That’s 300 condoms in one week, mathematicians.

Jamie Cullum’s “The Pianoman at Christmas” has got three hundred songs about Santa Claus under my fingers. This psychological study adds symphony to the lonely. Worth a listen.

On the lighter side, June Christy wishes you “The Merriest” for Christmas and the next 300 and some odd days. This swingin’ jazz easy listening needs listening to. It’s hep, cat.