Merry Mistletoe: oddness

What’s left…

One of my favorite unclassifiables is Franklin Bruno whingeing on the electric organ with alt-rock assuredness. “Invisible Mistletoe” haunts me like a half-remembered kiss.

A.K.A. Belle also weird up the alternative rock with “I’m Giving Mice Elf to You.” It’s a mistletoe love song that preys on your insecurities, like a kiss you won’t get.

Minimalist and new age-y, Wun Two quietly invade your psyche with their take on “Mistletoe.” You won’t be able to tell if that was a kiss.

The Jesus Lizard go a touch psychedelic with their “Mistletoe.” Your kisses may never be the same.

Merry Mistletoe: party warm up

You need hard driving music to get the mistletoe party started.

Wait wait. Softly to begin. Gotta warm up those kissable lips.

Besureis is all about setting the kiss party mood with “Mistletoe.” Mmmm.

Gentle as an opening oven revealing gingerbread, Kyle Harrington sing-murmurs “Mistletoe Song” so nice. You can trust him.

Ghost the Jukebox will foreplay you up with “Mistletoe.” Rollicking and romantic.

Crashing and clashing, party boy Dino Barbiera (is that a party name or what?) leads you to the mistletoe with good-boy promises in “Meet Me Under the Mistletoe.” You’ll be there.

Now Atomsplit will plant one on you b/c they are the “Master of Mistletoe.” Party pucker up!

Merry Mistletoe: adult – BLUE ALERT

Well, i listened to the hip hop and i got nastified.

Courtney Stodden plays the female-empowerment “Mistletoe Bikini” like a stripper pole. She promises that if you kiss her under there it will be ‘sweeter than a candy cane martini.’ She might be all talk.

Todd from Rockvlogs seconds the motion with finger pointing (not so much winking). But “Kiss Me Under the Mistletoe” refers to a different sort of toe, a bit more dromedary in fact.

No between the lines for Junksista. “Under the Mistletoe” describes sexual activities to dance music. Kissing is a gateway position.

Now you promiscuous girls are gonna get it. Here comes the name-calling. Kevin Temmer channeling Ray Stevens with a rock cum country ballad “Mistletoe Ho.” Laugh-In it’s not. But catchy it is.

Tonya Sexton has posted a fun celeb parody revisiting crooners of yore. “Under the Mistletoe (Kiss My Ass Goodbye)” gives timely advice for the cheated upon.

Merry Mistletoe: hiphop BLUE ALERT

Rap starts out as scat, right? Louis Armstrong? How about Koreans playing around. eSNa have a “Mistletoe” song that borders on rap. No, what do YOU think?

New the Pharaoh gets the real rap on stage with “Mistletoe.” Female exploitation ensues. And profanity. And carrying on.

Secret wanders around the party to make arrangements with his babe. “Mistletoe Song” is the softer side of rap. He’s going to woo the woman.

T-Rock dopes the rock with “Smokin’ Mistletoe.” It’s flyin’.

Merry Mistletoe: bands big and small

Let’s make a production out of the mistletoe melee, shall we.

Piano bar noodling can cover a lot of octaves. Jazz clanker, Trevor McShane is all over the place with “Too Much of Me (Mistletoe Song).” Now remember, jazz is not the wrong notes–it’s the notes you feel.

Travis Cloer amps up the orchestration with “(Baby It’s Cold) Under the Mistletoe.” What a show stopper! Or a door stopper, it’s pretty dense.

Hey, what about classics! Margret Whiting leads the band with “The Mistletoe Kiss.” It’s 1940s fun for all ages (well mostly under 12).

Dick Robertson with his orchestra swing and big band the olden days with “Meet Me Under the Mistletoe.” It’s like a whole afternoon of entertainment.

Merry Mistletoe: womens

Girl soft folk emo jazz rock plays in the back of many a Starbucks. It’s a mood.

Barely off the pop, Destenee whispers a touch of R+B into “Meet Me Under the Mistletoe.” It’s bit too clingy.

Colbie Calliat embodies that misty yet independent grown gal with “Mistletoe.” She knows what she wants. Maybe it’s you. Maybe not.

Indigo Girls are so cool they don’t sound like girls, or women, or men… just a stream of poetic toughness. “Mistletoe” may sound like it’s begging. It’s telling.

More earthy and motherly, Christina Custode weaves a dreamcatcher of a wintry scene of home and love and jazz with “The Mistletoe Song.”

Angelic sounding Jelly Rocket soar over our heads melodically with “Under the Mistletoe.” It’s almost childlike in its nurturing, reassuring womanly innocence.

Merry Mistletoe: pop

Pop music is for kids wanting to be 6 years older than they are. By the time the subject matter of top 40 tunes is age appropriate, the consumer is so over that.

Thusly, these are largely trash.

Brenna Miles (from TV!) twangs up pop for her “Mistletoe.” You’re eight. in front of mirror, with too much make up on, practicing the nae nae–Go!

Playing the soft rock angle, Colin Healy sounds like a girl with “Meet Me Under the Mistletoe.” It’s what prepubescents pick.

Breathy but safe, Kendall Schmidt autotunes “Blame it on the Mistletoe.” Scream! Scream! Cream!

WHO really wants to be a sexually active girl?! Drag act Courtney Act with “Head to Mistletoe.” Feel like a princess with all those frogs!

Merry Mistletoe: Kissmass, Harris, Earle

Well, let’s admit, the best thing about country western is the birth of rock and roll. Or their bastard stepchild rockabilly.

Mary Kissmass’s “Blue Mistletoe” has all the thrumming bass and wicked guitar changes you’d expect of the ‘billy. It’s cool beans.

Jeff Harris seems to translate modern music into rockabilly with fluency others (Brian Setzer) covet. “Stand Under the Mistletoe” is five by five, man alive.

Johnny Earle ain’t no thing but a chicken wing. His “Mistletoe Rock” ghosts Elvis, but captures a dance spirit you must give it up to.

Merry Mistletoe: Travis, McCoy

Toby Keith plays somnolent with “Blame it on the Mistletoe.” It’s to country music what Queen’s ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ is to punk music. Still, pretty like make out music.

Randy Travis rules understatement in country/western sung emotionality. “Meet Me Under the Mistletoe” sells it without blubbering.

Same title different song. “Meet Me Under the Mistletoe” by Jason McCoy has some Carter Family ah-huhs! and thick slide guitar. And the video is in a bowling alley! What a party (children! chickens!), you gotta be there.

Merry Mistletoe: Hale, Anderson, BLUE ALERT

Lynn Anderson retros the CW with “Mr. Mistletoe” turning a harmless tradition into a suburb or lust and lies.

Lucy Hale (from TV) pops country with her “Mistletoe.” It makes me think all possible lyrics combinations for the subject are already used up.

Then I stumbled over potty-mouthed Kyle Dunnigan. His “Fuck You Mistletoe” has given me the strength to go on, or at least listen to more country scrying subtext.