Damn That Holiday: Hell.6 BLUE ALERT

Rapping with enunciation danopposite lays out his case for why this is “Christmas in Hell.” Sore feet? Bad gifts? That all you suffer from? Come on.

Snarky Off-Broadway tunes from the musical ‘Christmas in Hell’ include “Every Day is Christmas in Hell.” Ensemble BLUE ALERT about a kid in the wrong place at the right time.

Awesome Death take a more industrial pop/rock approach to their “Every Day is Christmas in Hell.” The more metal it gets the more philosophical it gets. Again BLUE ALERT.

Captain Chemical countrified his pop when he explains that when you’re in Hell it’s “Christmas in Hell.” The torment seems festive the way he sings it. BLUE ALERT

Breaking the Ice.31 – BLUE ALERT

Joyce Manor can’t go wrong on “These Kind of Ice Skates.” Or can they? Hard garage. So just quit.

New Lenox is ready to quit as well. It’s that last moment with here, on the frozen lake, with the parents’ borrowed “Ice Skates.” Then we hear cracking. Powerful alt.

Angry and BLUE ALERT OK Cool doesn’t want any part of this exercise, bc “I Can’t Stand in Ice Skates.” Bitching alt to bring us to a close.

Christmas Countdown: 4:00 BLUE ALERT

Is 4 in the morning late or early? Zac Schultze Gang notices Just when I am thinking That the night is at an end, I end up in Coyotes and I’m there till 4AM in “A Medway Christmas.” That’s one of those ancient type locales in eastern England; so pop Brit rock.

Four o’clock, and I’m still up is also a problem for the poet-troubadour Cyrus Dali Vesuvala on his electric softt pop “Christmas Morning.”

Lil Kuzi recalls his Christmas List finally done I was up til four, when he heard a sound… But, BLUE ALERT it wasn’t nothing but his over imaginative conscience. “Saint Nick” lands like rap existentialism.

King Virtue couldn’t wait, so like most kids he’s up by 4 A.M. in “Christmas is My Favorite Holiday.” Fun rock with lots of pop music tinseled over it.

The Veras rock the family get-together, though Grandad‘ll be sound asleep by ten to four. “Have a Merry Christmas Time” is still a party and a half.

Destinee Maree is all about the home for the holidays. [Dinners at 4 and you better not be late.] She even swaps out boots, coats and rings off the gift list for the most precious things Love, life, family. “Everything” is lulling R+B sweetness.

Cainn9ne (feat. Trey K) raps the at-home life as well, but Granny out here baking cookies: We ate em after four–so there are house rules. “It’s That Time” may have multiple meanings.

The Revelator calls Joy over and over [Joy to the sunset at 4pm sharp], but it’s all ironic bleakness. “Joy to the Breakup (All I Want Christmas Is for You to Feel Bad)” is bitter pop from a dead place inside. Cool.

Silver Mouth notes the sun setting at a quarter past four, so maybe this siren pop is more southernly. Regardless “Hold On.”

Back to Christmas morning. The Stew Boys are begging BLUE ALERT! for Christmas off, but instead they’re up at 4 A.M. to “Make the Stew.” Hope you’re happy. The plodding pop makes me quite so.

Christmas Countdown: 7 weeks/months/years BLUE ALERT

After Halloween “Suddenly it’s ChristmasSeven weeks before the day. Loudon Wainwright III morosely serenades with uke folk about the longest holiday. Ha!

American Mammoth Jackstock wishes “Merry Christmas Lonelies” with calm, unplugged rock and acid-washed psychedelic lyrics: on a thursday, seven months, now: you exploded; didn’t know how. Search me.

Shocked to be alone on Christmas Eve, Getaway Car rocks out Seven months ago
We were all right, I believed it
. But this is an “All Time Low.” Stop believin’.

Trying to get back into the season, Rakz Radiant reveals It’s been 7 years since I got into this scene. But the rap “Get Sleighed” is too cool to ever get jolly.

Brutalligators has spent almost seven holidays Eleven thousand miles away from you–on the other side of the equator! So then “Christmas in July” for him would be the right kind of weather for you. Gentle rock serenading sells it.

Regrets galore [I miss everyone i’ve ever met but a few of you more sharply] from Ember Knight about a certain someone taken for granted. There was trouble And i didn’t snitch for 7 years and then it was too late. But in her “Christmas Song” she still asks if you’ll remember her on the holidays. Grand piano pop.

Ella Ion plays that game in reverse, calling out someone in her driving pop “Christmas” song–You’ve wasted seven years now. But she wants you know she’ll be there for you.

Every Christmas morning for the last seven years Queen Elizabitch III has been eyeballing the mantle and suffering “Stocking Envy” over her sister’s loot. BLUE ALERT, but it’s sibling rivalry so it’s understandable. Catty pop.

Christmas Countdown: 31st BLUE LIST

Starting a bit early (31 days ’til Christmas) Straight No Chaser start their countdown (in multiples of 7) toasting “To Christmas!” This is a cappella that bears repeating. (It’s only 6 days ’til New Years!)

The 31st itself may be a bit late. Katherine McPhee divas us with Years almost over Sure looks like December; The snow and ice on the ground, I hadn’t sent a single Christmas card, The 31st is coming around… But “It’s Not Christmas Without You” means that time is a feeling, not a particular day. Soaring/hokey pop.

Sergio Otero, however, hates the 24th and the 31st as fake excuses for family get-togethers. In a BLUE ALERT hard rocker “Christmas Hyporcrisy” also maintains the heart, not the clock, is what matters.

Christmas Countdown: 42 BLUE ALERT

Cheezy pop from some Barbie Christmas special, “It’s Gonna be Amazing” includes holiday antics like seeing a show on 42nd Street. Run. Save yourself.

An uncomfortable education comes from Ras Kass (feat Doc Hollywood). “Jack Frost 2 (White Christmas)” raps through Saturnalia, Bethlehem, and ‘Miracle on 42nd Street.’ Open your eyes, sheeple!

Counting the months of love Jill Johnson runs the vocal range on the pop country song until she runs out of the love in time for “Christmas on My Own.” No bitterness though, as she wants to wish a merry Christmas, to the shiny people that I met on 42 street. Brave. I reckon.

When we were young, Christmas time was fun; But, now I’m 42 and I can’t wait ’til it gets through is the grown up message from Liar’s Club in the second half of their rock duology “Agnostic Christmas/Merry F___ing.”

Christmas Countdown: 49 BLUE ALERT

The Wish You Weres are a punk band from deep in the heart of Kentucky. Their extensive “Wishlist” features each band member asking for their specifics: a toaster, a turtle , an Easter Basket full of dead chihuahuas… but that’s not the worst. What they got YOU (it’s under the bed) is the worst. This seems to be take 49, according to the lyrics. BLUE ALERT–so fun as expletive.

Christmas Countdown: 1… 2… 3…. [BLUE ALERT]

Kicking off a kick-ass carol might begin with a ‘count up.’ A one anna two anna–take it away Lawrence Welk–!

Kelly Clarkson begins “Winter’s Dreams (Brandon’s Song)” with staccato vibrancy. But it’s all pop/love treacle. Ho, ho hum.

Even more pop, K-pop in point of fact, Wa$$up toggle ‘twixt languages for their “Jingle Bell.” But the 1,2,3 let’s go is serious this time.

1,2,3 go intros the silky rap (oddly to ‘Winter Wonderland’) “I Saw Mommy Kissing Sacramento Santa.” There’s a 916 Sacramento area code reference in there, too–but Big TL gives us very soft-core blue language. So, for MOST of the family.

But 1,2,3 Go! needs some (punk) rock for true trajectory. So, “Socks for Christmas” from The Wish You Weres is a contentious (hence, BLUE ALERT) reaction to the bourgeois platitude that is the gift-without-thought. Well… GO!