A Figment of My Magi Nation

What If Elvis was Santa Claus” poses more questions than it answers. Jesse Chavez of the Dysfunctional Family Band wails, though. Thank you very much.

Sugies has trouble when blackmailing Santa to get on the Nice List. See, that guy at the mall is not him. So she gets on the phone to him to promise she’ll keep his “Secret Santa.” Charming kidsong pop.

Deli has his doubts, but it’s about the big belly. “Damn, Santa!” is the rap to unwrap the secrets that matter. Is Nelly in there?

Julia Wade and Friends also see Santa Xmas night. Turns out it was a dream “The Night I Meant St. Nick.” Wild showtune kidsong that turns to the following year (another dream??).

Bah & the Humbugs point out Santa sightings might be fake. Might be a “Blow Up Santa.” Perky pop forewarns cops might get involved.

Jack Douglass of Jacksfilms wants to drive the nail home, so be prepared to duck for cover during the pop “Santa Ain’t Real.” AGAIN!

In Bocca al Lupo

Piling on to the so-called tradition of the Dickens morality play, every handful of years a handful of new adaptations take the stage.

That Disney animated movie Oscar-winner, Alan Menken, threw the music onto ‘A Christmas Carol: The Musical‘ of 2004 (from a 1994 stage production). This iteration is a (TV) star-studded gala for this (TV… erm, uhm, Hallmark [sorry]) production. Kelsey Grammer is more confrontational with his growling rendition here (“Nothing to do With Me Part 2“). Jason Alexander is more sly with his suffering Marley (“Link by Link“). Silly filler includes Scrooge’s upbringing (“A Place Called Home“). In fact six pieces in the 20 song soundtrack belong to the Past lessons, psychoanalyzing the misanthropy of the big jerk (letting him off the hook as a victim of circumstance, sez me). As uszh, the better pieces are from “Mr. Fezziwig’s Annual Christmas Ball” (largely orchestral for all the dancing) and the Future: “Dancing on Your Grave” (largely drama recited to the music). Not groundbreaking, but seems like a grand theatrical experience.

Ya wanna get rockopera about it, get some Tommy Johannsen’s Majestica. His A Christmas Carol (Extended Version) has all the import of class warfare and all the metal of Metallica. The numbers tend to start with traditional carol tunes, like “A Christmas Story” fronted by ‘O Come All.’ “The Ghost of Marley” is all ‘Deck the Halls,’ but still kicking hard. A welcome relief is “The Joy of Christmas” a ‘Wish You a Merry’ about Scrooge’s past. But the “Ghost of Christmas to Come” number is a rollicking cabaret routine like one long drum solo. Original?

Gunna Celebrate.242 Rimless Nitro Express

‘Weird’ Al Yankovic’s “The Night Santa Went Crazy” is classic (overplayed?) rock about atrocity. Santa goes after the workshop with a shotgun. The usual.

Aidan Ryan’s punk update on “Santa Baby” includes My ex’s number, An airsoft rifle and many other red flags. Uh oh.

More shooting in the hood from Chris Leland’s “Santa Claus Bag.” Ouch.

Satanic metal from Bestial Crown observes the niceties of gifts: A toy rifle, New earrings, A cute dolly, A new watch… not carcasses and slimy bugs like you’d expect in “A Wrapped Christmas.”

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Why do we need a brand new Jesus, a “Brand New Christmas“? Hot Chocolate gospel/disco raps why–To take the gun out of the fighting hand, To take a little away, from the greedy man. ‘Seasy!

Trouble with money, trouble with drugs, trouble with being “Lazy,” yet Jay Stunner claims: This Christmas I done bought errbody a gun. Yer standard BLUE ALERT rap.

Greg Volk’s folk pop “Have a Maga Christmas” might be straightforward, it might be ironic (lots of ‘whatever‘s), but it does suggest Gun-right garland, whatever that might be.

Sum 41 & Tenacious D ups the ante with an expectedly ridiculous metal screaming list in “Things I Want,” a solid gold Harley with machine guns on the front included.

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A Gun for Christmas” by The Brown Christmas seems to recount an actual gift with tragic results. Hard to tell through all that garage synth. Just as well.

Tweaking and plunking, “Don’t Shoot, It’s X​-​Mas!” by Colemanworld comes in at the bare minimum of a song about something.

The _____ Hunters growl and slobber their garage way through psychopathy with an Xmas wish for “My New Gun.” It’s not pretty. Boys will kill boys.

Despite the warning not to fear “Tofu for Christmas,” Dad’s grabbing his gun! Tofu Vibrations punk that metal to make their point. I’m afraid.

Come On Now!

For X-Ray Mary “The Worst Christmas Ever” begins with Santa dead. The rollicking punk pop makes it sound more like an inconvenience. La di dah.

Two-Fisted Slobberknocker leans into the punk with their “The Worst Christmas Ever.” Economic disadvantage drives this punk screamer.

Glamourpuss recounts “The Worst Christmas” with experimental metal. Apparently crappy presents ruin everything. It’s terrible. (Not the song; it’s cool.)

Damn That Holiday: Armageddon.8

Man of Arms worries about zealots, breadlines, and missile launches in their spunky indie “It’s Christmas Time and Everything’s Wrong.” Lively for a bummer.

Hot Buttered Elves give us a hot minute of exposition with their “Mayan Santa.” Angry, they claim, the fat man will unleash volcanic endtimes in 2012. Remember that?

Hip to that Bastard Monster barricades the manor to prevent Sant bringing the “Christmas of Doom.” Measured metal makes a meal of this mess. What’s with that spoon?

Damn That Holiday: Armageddon.6

It could be the end of the world, sings Akal Odea (feat. DW) for “This Christmas Will be Different.” It’s been a helluva year, he continues, with an R+B downbeat that harshest the buzziest of buzzes.

Palma Violets approaches “Last Christmas on Planet Earth” with enjoyable rocking pop. Rudolph was shot down, but hey–whaddya going to do?

Everybody’s running and screaming crazy! when nuclear war threatens at just the wrong time in Hot Buttered Elves’ “Dead for Christmas.” Listen for the cheering at the end of this garage crowd pleaser.

Tyler Huston gets metal with the rock if it’s gonna be the “Last Christmas on Earth.” I mean, party–right? Or–declare love. Yeah, that’s good, too.

Damn That Holiday: devil.3

Darius Rucker smoothly wonders “What God Wants for Christmas.” Well, God IS everything… but the devil given up could be one of those wishes. Pop soul.

Wolf Devil unleashes the ultimate wingman when they metal croak “(Party with) The Christmas Devil.” It’s tinkly!

Schizoid Lloyd proudly presents the metal “Christmas Devil.” Born of whores, with horns, he recommends to poke it with a stick.