On Track to Xmas: G Scale!

Trains can be toys, too! And G Scale is 1:24. If you calculate you get an actual train of 100 cars to a model over 200 feet long.

Kiboomers list the toys under the tree with territoriality ‘cuz “Santa Put It There for Me.” To the tune of ‘Knick Knack Paddiwack’ we find a doll, a drum, and a train! Kidsong horror. [JunyTony doubles down on this same song, but it’s all for ONE kid. Easy now….]

Thomas the Tank Engine brings on Brit pop for the little toy train that could toot in “The Little Engine Who Believed.” Sodor so adorable.

So horrible is The Christmas Workshop Band with their “Old Christmas Toy” song. Whistling electronics help the nausea of the uncertain lyrics.

My only recourse is to resort to death metal from Soul Contract. “Up on the Housetop” is nearly unrecognizable from them, including giving young Will a train and lots of tracks and a hammer and a whip that cracks. Then run.

On Track to Xmas: Wrong Side of the Tracks!

Not all Christmas railways are candy striped…

Almost threatening, the alt-rock of Regent Royale in “Tiny Tim – Christmas Train” spits out the word fun like a curse. Proceed with caution.

Zac Hartman’s “All Aboard the Christmas Train” is a long studio session about loss and emptiness. Mopey rap.

Christmas Train” from Men and Machine is rockin’ blues about Santa and Rudolph piloting that rolling hunk of steel your way. Now with harmonica.

Michael Irvine’s “Christmas Train” is capital B blues. Big downer for the holidays. Now with more harmonica.

But the big fret is from DeathTongue’s “Christmas Train.” Santa is on an axe purge, riding the rails from door to door to eliminate the naughty. Or, just all of us. Metal.

Christmas Countdown: 12 hours

Christmas numerology twirls around 12 months, 12 days, and now 12 hours. What’s with this expression?

From the ‘Toyland’ musical Hanna Bielawa BLUE ALERT reveals the tears of an elf in the mad rapping showtune “Merry Christmas for Today.” Notice the elf! Not for twelve hours, but here to play.

Little Jackie applies R+B to the equation when she figures “Mrs. Claus got nothin’ on me: I can do 12 days of Christmas in 12 hours. Superhero music!

ZILF is another pissed elf. Clocking in hasn’t been more than twelve or so, Hours since I last clocked out into the freezing snow and there’s still so much to get done. Metal meets pop in “Red Snow,” a tale of having had enough. (Eliminate the fat red fool!)

Christmas Countdown: 45 BLUE ALERT

.45 caliber weaponry is part of THUG LIFE for the rap-set. “Slay” is the purveyance of Sky Janga and King Redd. There’s sex, cancer, ice cold feelings, but no cake. Keep the gun in the console: 45 with the red nose.

More garage than rap, white-guy Kipp EZ wants his Colt 45 poolside in “California Christmas.” Wait, that’s a malt beverage.

Hey Santa Claus here’s a present from me All seven rounds of .45 ACP throat shreds Billy Creepshow for “Ho-Ho-Homicide.” This time, it’s poison metal.

Christmas Countdown: 50$

A President Grant seems to be the respectful gift limit for Xmas. More is trying too hard (or covering something up), less is bargaining.

BLUE ALERT Frostbyt3 (feat. Josh Coleman) raps about the frustrations of shopping as well. in “Wishlist” he laments Walmart or Target, I got fifty bucks And the line is so long that I know that I’m stuck For an hour at least. Sad.

BLUE ALERT Boosie Badazz paints a prettier picture of “Santa Claus of the Ghetto.” In this rap A fifty dollar bill will make a kid smile bright
Thank you, Mr. Dope Dealer

BLUE ALERT Mini Meish has a “Wishlist” that’s pretty naughty: some new titties Wit a big ole ass and hundreds and 50s–and that’s not including the sexual favors she’d like added. Girl rap.

BLUE ALERT “Red Christmas” from Ray León seems to whipsaw between killing and paying. Shawty like 50 and think she still lit: Imagine her raising them kids. Petty like 50 on insta,  Results of the life that I’ve lived. Is that dollars? It’s intense, even for rap.

TIMŌRĀTUS presents us a charming heavy metal journey: “Christmas Present Conundrum (Courtney’s Crisis).” What should she get the hubby–last minute? Should it be a fifty dollar Starbucks card??? stay tuned!