Have Yourself a Hairy Little Christmas

What Have You Done to Your Hair?” is the alt rock refrain Harrison Lemke suffers when visiting the older relatives in Central Oregon for the holidays. Your choices matter; but your rationales don’t, groomer.

Duck Dynasty‘s The Robertsons bring the down home country down to the level of sweet family cliche in “Hairy Christmas.” They’re shaggy, armed, redneck, but Christian.

Christmas Hair” from Joy Riding is another family dynamic. Young people partying need to fix up their best features like there’s something wrong with them. Indie rock with regrets.

Mr. Husband rewards our patience with the laid back rockabilly “Christmas Hair-Do.” He also wants to look his best: beehive? pony tail? afro? What’s a boy to do to look good?

Gunna Celebrate.255 Jeffery Rook

Why stop at shooting one?

Whoville Massacre” by N4TURALS is that kind of death metal where the message is in the bleeding ears.

Nurf (Feat. moonie & Emilyn) go melodic psycho kidsong with “Santa’s Little Helper.” This helper helps murder everyone, ‘cuz she got socks. Damn.

Welcome back Angry Johnny & The Killbillies bemoaning in rockabilly how “Daddy Won’t be Coming Home for Christmas” because of all the people he shot and killed. Apparently the shopping didn’t go well.

Gunna Celebrate.250 Savage

Santa wants to kill them, but The Cakewalk’s got a gun, so in the meatlistic “Christmastide” it’s a Mele Kalikimaka standoff. Don’t blink.

Teenage Disaster has a gun, but it’s “A Disatrous Christmas” for everyone. Everyone seems to get shot here, including you. Metal but spoken.

Joby the Artist has a BLUE ALERT confession: “This Christmas (I’m Boinking Santa).” After yearning and dirty details, Santa (the slut) is caught with the brother’s wife… Ergo, time for a gun (and a knife?). Slow indie pop.

Gotta flashback for a minute to Angry Johnny and The Killbilles, the kings of feral, backwoods Xmas gunplay. “Six Bullets for Christmas” is a psychobilly take on curing infidelity, while “Bang Bang Baby Bang Bang Merry Christmas” is the same but the knee jerk reaction of catching them in flagrante delicto. Nobody hurts so good.

The Vaudevilles rockabilly the tale old as time: “I Shot My Baby for Christmas.” What’s he going to get her?!

Yo Ho Ho Ho-X Marks the Spot

Jason Andre admits “It’s Hard to be a Pirate at Christmas.” Not just fighting the Kraken, but also being too naughty for Santa, and no red decorations. Visions of looting the sleigh, just isn’t enough. Well acted shanty pop.

Phreddcat pits Santa Claus against Christ in the allegorical “Merry Pirate Christmas.” This wild jazzy ride borders on rockabilly, so it’s fun and meaningful, too.

On Track to Xmas: Refill That Firebox!

Santa Train!

Patty Loveless hillbillies the country of her “Santa Train” with all the insouciance of a true Nashville star. Clickety clack!

Blake Shelton twangs the nasal chambers for his own “Santa’s Got a Choo Choo Train.” Lots of country fussin’ for this repeat.

The better reprise is The Tractors’ “Santa Claus is Comin’ (In a Boogie Woogie Choo Choo Train).” This is gold.

Santa’s Train” from Artie Rossi & The Duck Band has a killer sax backup, but this rocker needs to be on the BACK porch.

According to The Hipwaders, Santa is coming down, down, down in “Santa’s Train.” Check out the inventory, this line is loaded. Rock’n’roll, but still a little country.

The Dellatones rockabilly “Santa Special” like they’re having fun. It might be as much fun as i have listening to this party favor. Woo woo!

Breaking the Ice.16

Josh Bogert wants to get lost with you in a “Christmas Village.” This pop microscope looks over the ideal jollities therein, incl. frozen pond fun.

What does “Christmas Mean to You“? Jesse Reid shares his pop/rock vision with cocoa and gingerbread after skating. Or just time with you. Okay.

Christmas With the relatives has India Ramey’s equanimity and poise skating on thin ice. Her cure-all is a “Cocktail for Christmas.” MY cure-all is this honky tonkin’ rockabilly. Aw, that’s the spot.

Christmas Countdown: 94

A$AP Twelvvy gets all blerd with his rap: “12 Days of X-Mas.” I’m in a Santa suit Tree botanical, on 94th Street I’m a miracle Not for Comic-Con I’m a muppet boy begins the rap adventure of partying, shopping, and crashing. Don’t let the title scare you off, no repetition mars this swirl.

Back to the rockabilly! The Hollybells are lost, narrating: It’s not about the gifts Where’s my car I love this time of year I’m in aisle 94. “Christmas Simple” is just a swingin’ thing. Go, cat, go.

Christmas Countdown: 1,000,000+

And a little more…

Run D.M.C. gets a mill in cash from Santa’s wallet in “Christmas in Hollis.” And that’s what Christmas is all about.

A million gold bars is one of “All I Want for Christmas” from LZTraps, mediocre rap about worth.

Simple Plan wants a million gifts, it’s right there on “My Christmas List.” Driving rock/pop.

So, Santa’s got those million gifts, via “Father Christmas is Coming” from BiiJ. Tweaking children’s music.

Liz Thresher equates your pleasant company over the holidays with “A Million Dollar Christmas.” Syncopated R+B that doesn’t flirt all that hard.

Greed leads to excess. So “A Million Dollars for Christmas,” a sassy rockabilly antic from The Andersons!, doesn’t seem all that surprising. Count how many times they sing the title! Repetitive!!

Domain and Rangifer: idk

Sometimes a reindeer isn’t a reindeer. It might be an unshakable symbol of power/unknowable tool of legend. Or, i dunno, maybe a bank loan gone wrong.

You Are Something True explores childhood trauma with “Reindeer on the Roof,” a sensitive pop Rosarch test. I see– an angry father.

Broken Reindeer” is mystical altpop from Jambones about–perhaps–climate change (??). Definitely a lively bummer.

November Reindeer” might tell you about a night when you’re too ill to go out. Or hoping for snow. It’s a King Thing may not even know their message, just good ol’ garage rock.

House of Large Sizes also keeps it close to the garage with “Twelve Angry Reindeer,” a miscommunication misadventure set of notes.

Oso Oso’s “Reindeer Games” looks at the ups and downs of an uncertain relationship. Whiny love pop.

Lounge fun from M.D.C. (Millions of Dead Cops) poeticize the end of the world with “Acid Reindeer.” Uh oh.

Final words from Flooded Cellar with the rockabilly road rock “400 Reindeer Under the Hood.” Pedal to the metaphor, gang! Whooo!