Category: rockabilly

Pick up that holiday stocking, feel it, run it through your imagination. If you’re a guy, it reminds you of something (and so does everything else).

Steel Panther’s “Stocking Song” is just innuendo (and kazoo) enough to raise an eyebrow. Metal up, boys.

Hey, what’s that IN “My Christmas Stocking“? Earl Green part raps/part country pops the endless double entendres for your listening pleasure. Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong….

B3 the Third dances around his “Stocking Stuffer.” But there’s a BLUE ALERT in this sprightly rap. Finally.

Scuzz Twittly’s “Fill Yer Stocking” is sommat better than the usual rockabilly chockablock with wink winks and nudge nudges. No BLUE ALERT per the text, but–oh, my.

Sock hop!

Sounding like an encore, The Creole String Beans rock out in a kid friendly way for the “Rocking Christmas Stocking.” Dance, children, dance!

“The Animal Christmas Do” is some kickin’ kind o’ party Down Under. The way Amber Lawrence spins this down home country kidsong, the stockings are kept clean of poo. Good on ‘er.

What gets me up to strut is some good ol’ rockabilly, by Various Artists. So, welcome “Keep on Filling My Christmas Stocking” (especially with orthopedic inserts for me). Go, flats, go!

Santa still comes when there’s an absence of chimney, right?

The Dumpster Company pop through the options with their “No Chimney.” Pick one!

Through the radiator? The window? “No Chimney (2020)” by The Clapis Cousins frets and puzzles the problem. Ukulele pathos.

“If I Don​’​t Have a Chimney” is only the beginning of the problems for The Christmas Jug Band. More country than jug, this three hanky weeper wanders through the wonderings of a poor child. (No fireplaces at the shelter….)

“Ain’t No Chimneys In The Projects” soul declare Sharon Jones & The Dap​-​Kings. Still some blessings, tho. Funky funky schooling for you ‘burbanites.

“Santa, No Chimney” bewail The Bad Companions. Rockabilly with extra points for that extra syllable in ‘chimney.’ Points off, however, for the backup plan. Still–cool. (Or would you prefer The Osmond Brothers with this novelty.)

Santa isn’t just loved, he’s loving. He’s after all the womens! (And several of the mens as well.)

This is a familiar topic from before. Let’s expand our susses.

Again! Chris and Bri set up the he-said/she-said torch song “Santa Claus Stole My Girlfriend” with classic comedy writing. If only he’d known Santa was single!

“Santa Stole My Girlfriend” from The Maine indies the trauma (you bitch!), while blaming the self (I should’ve known). Regret runs deep.

Aaron Trippin brings the full force of modern electric country to declare “It’s a Good Thing Santa Ain’t Single” or else he’d be Jolene all over the world.

Thee Elfmen rockabilly about that “Cruel Yule” when he took Baby away. Sound slick, but it ain’t cool

Santa doesn’t get propositioned for nothing–!

Smashing that chimney dumper has happened before ’round the blog.

BLUE ALERT for the straight. Sukihana keeps it transactional for Santa. She’ll be the triple “Ho Ho Ho” so long as she gets gifted. Mad rap.

Good girls sound more like Mellee Fresh when she’s synthing “Santa You Promised.” She wants jewels, a car, and her sugar daddy.

Cookies for goodies? “Santa Got Me Trippin‘” is the industrial rap (with R+B) about macking on the big man (or his missus), but not without a price. From Dunst and Friends.

Mary Criddell wants a “Santa Rockafella.” She doesn’t make offers, but she does leaning the rockabilly especially hard. Everything’s dirtier when rockabillied.

Retrospect mashes up old carols for the DJ kicker “Santa Says We Have to Go.” Play it for the relatives who stay late.

Hex’s “Shatter Claus” is not the Santa you know. ‘Though he might be like the Santa we heard about on the fourteenth. Nasty rap.

“Santa’s Little Lamb” is possibly the WORST Santa we’ve met. If you don’t put the cookies on the plate, all bets are off! Spoken experimental weirdity from h_double.

“Santa as Seen on TV” is kneeslapping with a side of irony from The Christmas Jug Band (feat.Tim Eschliman). They haul washboard!

Also, look out b/c “Santa is a Creeper!” Make Like Monkeys retro the rockabilly with warnings about this B&Eer. I’ll violate your habitat! Oh, no!

“I am the Santa” from Fuck You & the Xmas Trees is loud, proud garage anger about who’s who. And BLUE ALERT, everyone!

“I’m So Santa” is less certain. Sensitive Men layer indie with a form of rap that trips all over its apolojetics.

UZworm rocks out the R+B with a carrot/stick Santa who barely qualifies as “Jolly.” Watch out, Johnny!

Winterval pushes electric folk up the indie with the funtime “I’m Santa Claus.” It’s chores for him; it’s cool for us.

The Dollyrots give us a warts-n-all picture of Mr. Presents, but we idolize the smarts and smells “Because I’m Santa.” Awesome ‘billy–in love with this parody of their own ‘Because I’m Awesome.’

“What Have You Done to Your Hair?” is the alt rock refrain Harrison Lemke suffers when visiting the older relatives in Central Oregon for the holidays. Your choices matter; but your rationales don’t, groomer.

Duck Dynasty‘s The Robertsons bring the down home country down to the level of sweet family cliche in “Hairy Christmas.” They’re shaggy, armed, redneck, but Christian.

“Christmas Hair” from Joy Riding is another family dynamic. Young people partying need to fix up their best features like there’s something wrong with them. Indie rock with regrets.

Mr. Husband rewards our patience with the laid back rockabilly “Christmas Hair-Do.” He also wants to look his best: beehive? pony tail? afro? What’s a boy to do to look good?

Why stop at shooting one?

“Whoville Massacre” by N4TURALS is that kind of death metal where the message is in the bleeding ears.

Nurf (Feat. moonie & Emilyn) go melodic psycho kidsong with “Santa’s Little Helper.” This helper helps murder everyone, ‘cuz she got socks. Damn.

Welcome back Angry Johnny & The Killbillies bemoaning in rockabilly how “Daddy Won’t be Coming Home for Christmas” because of all the people he shot and killed. Apparently the shopping didn’t go well.

Santa wants to kill them, but The Cakewalk’s got a gun, so in the meatlistic “Christmastide” it’s a Mele Kalikimaka standoff. Don’t blink.

Teenage Disaster has a gun, but it’s “A Disatrous Christmas” for everyone. Everyone seems to get shot here, including you. Metal but spoken.

Joby the Artist has a BLUE ALERT confession: “This Christmas (I’m Boinking Santa).” After yearning and dirty details, Santa (the slut) is caught with the brother’s wife… Ergo, time for a gun (and a knife?). Slow indie pop.

Gotta flashback for a minute to Angry Johnny and The Killbilles, the kings of feral, backwoods Xmas gunplay. “Six Bullets for Christmas” is a psychobilly take on curing infidelity, while “Bang Bang Baby Bang Bang Merry Christmas” is the same but the knee jerk reaction of catching them in flagrante delicto. Nobody hurts so good.

The Vaudevilles rockabilly the tale old as time: “I Shot My Baby for Christmas.” What’s he going to get her?!