Gunna Celebrate.250 Savage

Santa wants to kill them, but The Cakewalk’s got a gun, so in the meatlistic “Christmastide” it’s a Mele Kalikimaka standoff. Don’t blink.

Teenage Disaster has a gun, but it’s “A Disatrous Christmas” for everyone. Everyone seems to get shot here, including you. Metal but spoken.

Joby the Artist has a BLUE ALERT confession: “This Christmas (I’m Boinking Santa).” After yearning and dirty details, Santa (the slut) is caught with the brother’s wife… Ergo, time for a gun (and a knife?). Slow indie pop.

Gotta flashback for a minute to Angry Johnny and The Killbilles, the kings of feral, backwoods Xmas gunplay. “Six Bullets for Christmas” is a psychobilly take on curing infidelity, while “Bang Bang Baby Bang Bang Merry Christmas” is the same but the knee jerk reaction of catching them in flagrante delicto. Nobody hurts so good.

The Vaudevilles rockabilly the tale old as time: “I Shot My Baby for Christmas.” What’s he going to get her?!