Roll On: Bill

Sure sure sure, BILL is short for William, but Billy Boy is such an entrenched sobriquet–and i have SO many songs for the B-name–, i gotta give him his due. Duck lips! Restaurant reckoning! Law draft! Hat visor!

Let’s get past the missed-it-by-that-much comedy from Brett Gelman & Paul Scheer “Bill & Ted’s Christmas“. The cultural flashpoints are aged out, the humor is too much Beavis and Butthead. Off color more than blue.

An AI rocker about the movie Gremlins?! It features Christmas and Billy and his warning “Don’t Feed Them at Midnight“. So, here it is.

More movie riffs from Davey Dips deals with Billy’s “Post Traumatic Santa Claus Disorder“. Damn dark rap pop.

American Death Cult blind stomps through “Billy’s Christmas Party” with a death metal wont. Scary.

Just as scary, Billy was so naughty he gets “Tofu For Christmas” and it wants to hurt. Tofu Vibrations hollers the garage hit of the season.

Time for a hero! “Big Brave Bill Saves Christmas” by stopping Snowman Sid and rescuing the young and the old. Delightful Celtic ballideering by Kate Rusby.

Some rando puts on the suit and becomes “Santa Bill“, a memory cherished in funky blues by Brad Peterson.

The Incorrigibles go for more of a nuanced great guy. “Wild Bill’s Wild Christmas” is country drunk for the holidays.

Little cousin Bill wants to see the mall Santa, even though Birthing Stirrups reminds him of the delicious potato pancakes at home. But it’s all “Steam Rolled Santa” downhill from there. Very upset garage.

On that same album they reveal the fate of “A Christmas Sweater for Billy“. It’s the last thing he ever wore. Bereaved garage.

More enterprisingly, Dr. BLT (feat Brian Benson) garage maintains “Billy Wants a Job for Christmas“.

More upsettingly, Hot Buttered Elves tell the tale of “Billy’s Gift“. A nice boy who wanted a puppy gets the New Age indie treatment. What terrible tragedy could befall this?! And then he did –what?!?

“Christmas Eve at the Dew Drop Inn” by Flooded Cellar involves a drunken Billy, hot rodding, and blind driving. Garage a go go.

Regrettably metaling to the tune of “Jingle Bells (Billy’s Christmas)” The Venom Berries recount a naughty Billy and the hijinx what ensue.

When naughty, “Billy and the Christmas Coal” play a duet, according to Chance Hunter’s country AI-flavored banger. Wait for the twist ending.

BLUE ALERT when snowboys2k14 parody The Beach Boys with “Little Saint Billy“. No, i don’t get it.

I do get “Billy the Christmas Pig“, a spoken word children’s book about an orphaned animal–not a reindeer–as sung by The Gift of Christmas Players. Some prejudices are celebrated.

Less stigmatized, “Billy Bob the Hillbilly Goat” makes a show around Xmas as monotoned by the folksy Betty Overstreet.

Red Sovine’s “Billy’s Christmas Wish” about a freezing human orphan gets a tear jerkin’ cover from Brian Allan.

Jim Bobo & Hank Mitzell come across that same orphan in the honky tonk tinkler “Little Bill At Christmas“. Same reactions.

Comedy from wan•abs features the shady door-to-door knocker “Salesman Bill” around the holidays.

Santa schools Billy in the odd off-key “Santa’s Wishes” as spoken worded by The Unemployed Orchestra. Presents? We don’t need no stinkin’ presents!

Billy-envy is a thing in the rapped “Jelly Christmas” by Lexly Nirvana (feat. 1K Phew & Belle). Don’t look for lessons here.

Kidsong nonsense from NanaBananaKidZ AIs “McChilly Billy the Snowman“. Hyperactive.

Barry Ward has a scary flashback during Christmas ’99 of a heroic GI name of Billy in “Christmas in Chu Lai”. Funny thing is, Bill refers to his sacrifice as Christmas in July (mispronunciation mine own). Country pop ballad.

Billy, the boy scientist, invents a “Christmas Time Machine” in order to catch a ride with Ol’ Nick. Piedmont Songbag slings the boggie woogie without apology or explanation, just like i like.

Billy, the aspiring artist, was so good “Billy Got Drums For Christmas“, pop with a killer backbeat from The Hooves. Screw the neighbors.

Also blessed, Isaac Koshy’s Billy has “A Wonderful Christmas” getting the perfect present. Couldn’t tell you what it is from this rocker.

“Little Billy’s Christmas” turns out pretty good as well. Country Gary knows what a country boy wants. Country music! And a robot.

Mike Stackhouse lightens the country when they offer to “Hit Bill with a Toaster“. Non-material things seem to matter.

Yet another ripping yarn, “I Saw Your Father Beat A Man To Death In Tesco’s” from Mr.B The Gentleman Rhymer recounts Billy’s da Dickie doing the dirty deed at the worst possible time. And the song he sang to Billy. Music hall rap.

“Billy Got My Bike” complains Jacobsen Brothers after the Xmas booty has been compared. Folk pop for kids who want to know how to balance the scales. of unfairness. Lessons learned?

Roll On: Bernard

Bear Hard is what BERNARD does. Think hairy, more than navigating.

Marsheaux gets EDM and New Age-y for “We Met Bernard Sumner At A Christmas Party Last Night“. Not that we learn who this is or how hard they party (or bear). But it IS hypnotic.

Chuckling Event uses modulated spoken word to reveal BLUE ALERT the elf (Bernie) who satisfied the lonely when “Mrs. Claus Decked His Boughs“. Experimental oddness.

Girls Aloud hard pop that awkward age–too old for panto, too young for the sauce–where “Christmas ‘Round At Ours” was a larger than life cast of family characters: Daddy, Grandma, Uncle Bernie…. I dig it.

Rauf Yusuf also values family memories, especially Auntie Bernie’s “Christmas Lights“. Well, especially that one he had his eye on since he was five.

“Bernadette’s Christmas” by Bel Harbour (Feat. Lea) is a song about a singer singing a song. Show tune style for the feminine form of Bernard.

Not as etymologically kosher, Bernice is the mother in honor in “Merry Christmas Momma” from Snow Boi. Smart Motown.

There’s also a Bernice (a floozy this time) in the unfortunate parody “Grandpa Got Runned Over By A John Deere” by Cledus T. Judd.

John D’Onofrio’s “Bernadette’s Christmas Song” is a thrasher of a folk call to celebrate… something.

Frank Zappa & The Mothers of Invention lambast the plastic holiday toy machine in the satiric Neo-rap “Uncle Bernie’s Farm“. We called that avant garde back in the day.

Roll On: Ben

Whether Benedict (aka breakfast), Benjamin (aka hundo), Bentley (aka auto), or Bennet (cf Pride & Prejudice)… BEN is a son of a man. Unless the last name is Dover….

Wee Turtles totally rock “Benjamin, Santa’s On To You” like they can help that naughty guy.

“Bennet’s Wish” from King Dow is more commercial than musical.

xtcdreams gives a shout out to Bennet while counting Grandma’s presents in the mail. “chex mix.” is growly rap with a chip on the shoulder.

AI ruins more kidsong in “Benny the Christmas Goat” ‘by’ Mark Travlin & Mark Womack. He’s a magical Christmas helper.

House dog Louis sings “Benny It’s Cold Outside” seeing as how Benny wants to go out at Xmas time. Trent Austin (and significant other) represents the need to pee in parody.

Josh Belville describes Uncle Benny’s overreaction when he drops the spirit in his folk family revelation “Xmas Needed a Heretic Genius“. Fun stuff.

You remember Uncle Ben! He’s the one who first gets slugged in Yogi Yorgesson’s “I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas.” Classic Scandihoovian polka.

“Benny’s Dream” by Sir Prize & The Twomorrow Knightz plays with Elton John fandom around Xmas time. Benny Kline, as the story goes, wants The Jets for the holidays. And to play drums at Dodger Stadium. Downbeat pop.

Also dabbling with the famous, “Christmas And Ice Cream And You” by Tim Ponzek (feat. Lisa Pressman) belabors flavors and firms of icy treats (for the holidays), including a couple of my old employers: Ben and Jerry. Awfully amusing easy listening.

Norick Eve’s “You Give Better Gifts To Ben” is a whistling whine-fest of indie unseriousness. Everything’s a contest with you millennials.

Kathy Reid-Naiman intones the cautionary tale of “Big Belly Ben” who ate wa-a-a-a-y too many latkes for the holidays. Like 23. Jazzish folk.

Roll On: Bella

You don’t have to say Ciao, BELLA to know this is a beautiful name.

The Bella All Star Band swing “Have Yourself A Swingin’ Bella Christmas” just right. It’s a frame of mind.

I am fond of fod’s “Bella Dark (Interpolation of ‘Just Like Leaving’ by Bella White)” despite not learning who Bella is, or how the abandoned child from Xmas Eve has to do with that other song–which is in itself pretty dark. Oh well. Folk.

Two time sadder by half, “A Sonnet for Bella McLay on Christmas Day” is a posthumous love letter set to tortured folk pop by The Bird And The Monkey. The love at first citation was eighty years ago, so assuage your tears with a toast to long-lived love. Affective.

Allowing for variations, Javan Johnson unironically sings about a so-called Belle passing through his small town falling for him around the holidays just like a “Hallmark Movie” (Live Acoustic Version). [For ‘brevity’s sake we will skip Southern belles, ma belle charies, and belles of the ball at this juncture.]

“Yodelin’ Belle’s Song” by Sisters of the Silver Sage is one of the least offensive Xmas octave-skippers i’ve encountered. It’s as comforting as a lullaby.Lots of actual bells included.

Not on you if you didn’t readily know, but Xmas trivia includes Scrooge’s old ex-girlfriend as a possible motivator for his stingy ways, name of Belle. Coffin Salesman sings a soft showtune “For Belle, Merry Christmas” in her honor.

“Silver Belle the Christmas Donkey” saves the day for Santa. I have trouble picturing how big an ass is needed to visit all the (Christian) children in one night, yet Patsy Trigg patiently engages in hillbilly kidsong to that end. Bray for Christmas.

Roll On: Barry

Another disputed set of origins. Blond, spear, or barbarian? I see all three as BARRY!

“Barry Christmas and the Happy New Year” by Barry Gammon begins as lively pop naming odd out reindeer. Then the refrain alternates Merry with Barry for Christmas greetings. Okay. Back patted.

“Barry Christmas” by BARRRYYY, on the other ham, is a flimsy excuse to say naughty things. Spearman, indeed.

On the nicer end, Barry has made a song! “Barry Loves You Santa” is such short pop that it’s premature genre.

In a winkity wank, The Harmony Boys sketch out some comedy asking us to “Meet Barry Harmony“. Oh, Barry!

Barry Paranoid and the Tin Foil Hats put us back on the obscenity track with “We Wish You a Barry Xmas“. BLUE ALERT! Punk screaming, but in the spirit.

Colin Buchanan & Greg Champion introduce us to a rude “Barry The Elf“, but keep us somewhat family friendly with this scampish kidsong.

Jeff Green has a jolly “Christmas Spree” with too much food, gifts, and fun. He continually wishes himself, Barry, a good time. So, festive–no regrets. Electro-pop.

Roll On: Barbara

Barbarous, barbarian–they have the same origin as BARBARA. Outsider.

The broken hearted-love song “Crying for Barbara” from Big Sleep realizes her loss right around Christmas. Garage pop.

A merry BLUE ALERT for CKY, “Barbara Jeans Ass (A Christmas Song)” is about sexual insult and demeaning. All for fun! (‘Up on the Housetop’ melody.)

BLUE ALERT some more! Nasty rap from Altoy claiming “All I Want” is multiples of women. Including fake, plastic ones to whom he refers as Barbies.

Perhaps he’s looking for Baby Tate who, as seen in the party that plans to “Light up the Tree“, wants to go as Last name Claus and first name Barbie. Much cleaner rap.

Or perhaps Heidi Montag, who has all the toys to make her look like Barbie. Now, she raps “All I Want For Christmas Is The Club“. Party till you drop rohypnol.

Tori V returns us to pop mush with her “Pink Christmas” and its allusion to her big hit ‘Barbie Girl’. You may develop diabetes here.

Roll On: Ava

Could mean bird, could mean First Woman… AVA is self-contained, short palindromic perfection.

“This Kind of Christmas” by Howlin’ Chip is AI funky country, almost convincing. But it’s confused subject matter about fears and tears and wars and jukes–at least there’s a bartender named Ava.

The protagonist in Davis Smith’s carol isn’t a social butterfly. He attends the Xmas party reluctantly and does NOT fit in. He does notice Ava’s with John (huh). But he’d rather be “Home Alone“. Kick ass pop.

Morris & Rivers’s “Shopping Mall Santa” deals with too many names (oopsie), including Larry (night shift) and Timmy and Hunter (lap sitters), but in this jazz lounge torch burner Ava stands out–asking Big Red for a blowtorch. Burnout’s a’comin’.

Roll On: Aurora

AURORA means dawn, which is already a name. Guess we gots too many people.

NAM VUONG BAO LE, Timothy Pham, DJ BYOUNG throw a little personification on the Aurora with their country/pop/rap “Under the Christmas Canopy“. Lively, yes. AI… hmm?

Michael J Goujon Jr also personifies in “Alaska Christmas Morning, Vol. 16” a proper country pop crooner.

“Aurora” by John McCutcheon finishes up our figurative language. She’s dancing! Great country reel, dance all!

Roll On: Aubrey BLUE ALERT

OF for elf ruler, AUBREY is predominantly for girls. Who can tell with elves?

Naughty “Ali and Aubrey” only got coal for Xmas according to the caterwauling of JR Brumley. It might be pop music, mostly noise.

BLUE ALERT! TAAYLEE G gets especially sexualized for her “Christmas List“. And if she doesn’t get it from you (quick) she might ask Aubrey (Drake). Horny rap.