Will the Real Santa Claus Please Stand Up?

Worth another listen: Bob Noxious degrades the iconography of Santa with “Where’s Me Fuckin’ Sherry.” He’s there to slurp, shag, and scoffer. MASSIVE BLUE ALERT

Just as obscene comes Kevin ‘Bloody’ Wilson with “What about Poor Old Santa Claus.” A BLUE ALERT day in the life for that guy.

I’ve shared Clarence Carter’s “Back Door Santa” before. But have we tried the FEMALE version (by Morgan James) yet? Se-duc-tive blues.

jennyinstereo goes BLUE ALERT with the Xmas party pickup line: I’ve got my “Sleigh Outside,” Baby–c’mon with me…. R+Bish rap-lite.

Crankshaft Alligator’s Santa is on the make in the troubling R+B car crash “Downchimney.”

Could It Be… Santa?!

Santa is The Big Man. So, wouldn’t you wanna be like that? Gonzo and Fozzie tearfully croon “I Wish I Could be Santa Claus.” It’s a lesson, showtune style. This was Paul Williams penned, so it WAS nommed for an Emmy.

Jacobsen Brothers know all their last minute shopping problems would fly away with one wish–“I Wish I was Santa Claus” they croon with slick lounge-y pop. And they’d give out more wishes–Like the Wizard of Oz!

Performed by Sumus Vulgus and based on the Kinks’ 1967 song ‘David Watts,’ “I Wish I could be Like Santa Claus” kicks retro pop in the elbow.

Gastronomical Unit returns to covet the power in “Santa to Be.” This folk anthem is deep and shaggy (as in dog). Love it.

C’est Moi, Per Noel

The idea of an unhappy Santa was not created by Father Guido Sarducci, but his “Santa’s Lament” discos up some fine comedy. Remember, he hates Jell-o.

Johnny Setlist has some confusion with the Fresh Prince when Mr. Christmas meets a child at the N. Pole in “Santa’s Christmas Rap.” What what!

Santa’s Lament” by way of Fm Smith & Rob Bonaccorsi is a bar-fueled set of sloppy blues. Santa lonely! Not jolly!

Noisecult’s “Santa’s Lament” begins with the disgruntled naughty calling for Claus to DIE, but complicated the issue with Father Xmas calmly addressing the issue in metal.

Charlie William Boyd’s “Long White Beard, Red Suit (Santa’s Lament)” is country complaining. The cops, the wife, the kids… it never ends. And he’s not even the real deal.

And Now… Kringle!

Worth another listen: Danny Gonzalez has seen Tim Allen’s ‘Santa Clause’ once too often, so “I’m Gonna Kill Santa Claus” in order to become the North Pole King. BLUE ALERT. Blame the game, not the playa.

Atmosphere’s “If I was Santa Claus” is a rapping wish list that addresses the psychology of the wisher. Poor guy, he’s conflicted.

Ol’ Nick and Rudy” is a whole story from Matt Andersen, including some statements from Mr. C. It’s not really him, but it is his side in his own words. If it weren’t for the kickass honky tonk music, i might’ve overlooked it.

Balderdash & Humbug have noticed an uncomfortable resemblance when holiday eating. “Beginning to Look a Lot Like Santa” is indeed a take off of ‘Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas.’ But it’s self-serving.

Christmas Blues” is the letter of complaint from Santa by way of Arrogant Worms. It’s blues, but comedic.

Kris Speaks

Worth repeating: Lee Harris’s Santa is so pop tired “I’m So Sick of Christmas,” he’s accepting applications for his replacement.

Mark Keeley honky tonks insouciantly with “I’m Your Santa.” Lucky you.

Henrik Widegren adds some funk to the bedroom eyes with “I’m Santa Claus and I Am Yours.” Don’t say no to his innuendo.

You need someone to warm up to? Try the boogie woogie “I’m Your Santa Claus” from Aaron Burton. If the sleigh is rockin’, don’t come writing any more lists.

Key of Awesome brings the seduction to a head with “Santa and I Know It” (the LMFAO parody). jennyinstereo is a bit weaker with her verzh.

Guess Who? (Santa)

Parlovr’s “I’m Santa” overplays the garage uniqueness into head bobbing gonzo oblivion. I mean, what th–?

Chevon & Flagstone lecture us in “I Am Santa Claus.” Spoken word haughty teaching that goes as far as World Peace.

More spoken word from another cultural landslide, which leads into the sultry club blues “just remember i’m santa claus” (2015 r3 mix). Star Wars meets the garden department.

Jeremih & Chance the Rapper soothes our concerns with “I’m Your Santa.” Soul to the rescue. (Dance moves given, no extra cost.)

Andrew X is strumming and folksong asking for a little faith when he proclaims (Elvis-style) “I am Santa Claus” and he was working late last night.

Look at Me, Everybody, See Who I Am–S.C.!

Launch Kontrol might overenunciate for the genre, but “My Name Is Santa and I’m a Punk Rocker” sells it. He’s like the glamdad you never had.

Third Earth’s “My Name is Santa Claus” adds some hand clapping jug band to pop rock, which results in twisty fun.

Robert McCormick’s “I’m Santa Claus” begins with a ‘Silver Bells’ accusation, but finally rolls into a full confession. Odd.

Johnny & The Raindrops list out the chores aspirationally in the retro rock “There are Lots of Things to Do When You’re a Santa.” Almost not worth it.

Pom Pom Squad’s deliciously camp over amped punk “Hello Santa Claus” introduces old 12/25 as a partier (And I don’t give presents to cops!). Tune in!

Bitch, I’m Santa

Lil Kringle gently brings the rap with “Bitch I’m Santa.” He’s not mad, he’s just Santa.

PMP SLIM R+Bs his rap with his “Bitch I’m Santa.” Some rules, but–chill. ‘Kay?

Wyatt Pirtle’s “Bitch I’m Santa” is more offensive, but kiddie style rap. No Blue.

Bitch I’m Santa” by Leekjaymusic is more misogynistic rap. Original style.

PIG PEN goes metal/punk with the rude-ass “I’m Santa Claus (And I’m Bangin’ Your Mom).” Adult situations, but no actual blue alert language. Did you see ’em?

The Beard in the Mirror

After a minute and a half of background noises, Song Boys features an interrogating figure as “I’m Santa.” Not a song so much as a bad dream.

Hex 1134 toss us a trap Claus, rapping “Like I’m Santa.” You can call me Shatter Claus.

One of the coolest Santas still wants to soul/blues bitch how “It Ain’t Easy.” Shon Sanders (from the Idaho Ho Ho album) sells the sass.

Christmasboyz almost raps the folk sad tale related to them: “I’m Santa.” BLUE ALERT–not many good things go with the bag.

Mike Gibson’s “I’m Your Santa Claus” persona is a bit disappointed in you. Better not yell at me, he warns. Pouting seems okay, howevs. Rockin’ pop.

Me, Myself, & Icicle Breath

I am the Santa” from Fuck You & the Xmas Trees is loud, proud garage anger about who’s who. And BLUE ALERT, everyone!

I’m So Santa” is less certain. Sensitive Men layer indie with a form of rap that trips all over its apolojetics.

UZworm rocks out the R+B with a carrot/stick Santa who barely qualifies as “Jolly.” Watch out, Johnny!

Winterval pushes electric folk up the indie with the funtime “I’m Santa Claus.” It’s chores for him; it’s cool for us.

The Dollyrots give us a warts-n-all picture of Mr. Presents, but we idolize the smarts and smells “Because I’m Santa.” Awesome ‘billy–in love with this parody of their own ‘Because I’m Awesome.’