TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Scrub Out the Idea of a Tree

What is Christmas Without a Tree?” wonder Sno Cones with pop rock, tambourine, and Spanish guitar. (It’s like Easter without the bunny.) (It’s like this blog without this song.)

As mentioned afore, location may determine the availability of a good tree. Rusty Wellington pushes the c-western envelope with “There’s No Christmas Tree in Vietnam.” Our boys!

But, no trees in Trini?! “No Trees for We” worry General Grant with some shakin’ parang.

There’s not no Christmas tree in Butterbeans & Susie’s comedy ragtime “Papa Ain’t No Santa Claus, and Mama Ain’t No Christmas Tree.” It’s all comparative symbolism. And insults.

Treemouth wonders about the should have beens while rocking out about the loss of his “Christmas Tree.” He’s got none. Sad. But rhythmic.

Big R+B from Roy C who has no woman no cry no tree in “Christmas Without a Tree.” Ain’t nobody here but me. Blue now.

Minister Johnson classily cools R+B with a larcenous libretto about a B+E in “Where’s My Christmas Tree?” Poor screaming guy, they even took his biscuits!

It’s so beautiful, even “Aliens Stole My Christmas Tree.” anote4you revisits on of my favorite hillbilly breakdowns.

Wild swinging rockabilly from The Ridin Dudes (TRD) who got the blues, but ain’t got “No Christmas Tree.” Blue Christmas, baby.

Autulume suggests next year to have “A Christmas Tree.” Good plan. Symphonic jazz fun.

Treermendous Holiday Fun: What the Ficus?!

I’m coming around to the idea that some of these Christmas Tree entitled songs are jumping on the log truck bandwagon and have nothing to do with celebrating the holidays after all.

Or i can’t tell what the sap they’re talking about.

But i like the songs.

Mattie D’s “Christmas Tree” overwhelms us with percussive urgency.

Mike Red & Rai P sample off the ‘Home Alone’ movies. “Christmas Trees” lays the angry rhymes down. BLUE ALERT

Word jazz accompanied by experimental jazz (it almost tells a story…) “Black Christmas Tree” somehow from Midget Handjob. Enter at your own risk.

Christmas Tree” from Romantic Beats may be trying to trick us, but the angelic distortion of pop music lulls me to confused submission. Ahhh.

Thinking about what passes for reality, Love Tractor claims “I’m Not Afraid of a Christmas Tree.” Latin psychedelia, so: hunh?

Under the Bodhi Tree torture their “Pink Christmas Tree” with grinding club rock. But what in the dickens is it?

Does anyone sing along with metal? Twitch’s “Christmas Tree” has an angry punk message (i think) but mostly keeps time (to me). You try it.

Ditto for amped punk. EXTREME BLUE ALERTChristmas Tree Farms” by way of Snag spews vitriol, and i guess some December framework.

180! Light gentle jazz pop from The Pearlfishers intoning some Rod McKuen-style poetic sloppiness with “A Christmas Tree in a Hurricane.” Like a musical intro for a ’80s sitcom.

Also tender, Borderline Beauty (which seems to associate the growth with peace) cries out for “Christmas Tree Without an Oh.” Folk rock on a mission to change the world through poetry.

Guy Capecelatro III has a concept album (Abandoned Christmas Trees) about existential angst which ticks off the Christmas boxes. “Chainsaw” is a folk charmer about failures. “Tinsel” bemoans our futility with experimental rock. Now go take drugs.

I even looked up the lyrics for “Barcarola (You Must be a Christmas Tree),” but it stumps me yet. Sufjan Stevens is the troubadour of trial and error.

Fun rock from Women’s Christmas who regale us with “Pissing in the Trees.” Not Christmas, p’raps, but a party song of enormous proportions.

Cardinal tells a song of hopeful love in “If You Still Believe in Christmas Trees.” Symphonic ’70s rock. No trees are discussed.

Underground blues from the UK, the chatty The Sensational Alex Harvey Band detail the crime spree gone bad in “There’s No Lights on the Christmas Tree Mama, they’re Burning Big  Louie Tonight.” I get the story, more than in The Stagger Rats cover, but why o why the tree?!

When the lyrics talk about losing all friends, i think i know the category for the song, but Vengaboys are so party-strange with Uncle John dying and reggae-disco beats… i give up. “Where did My Christmas Tree Go?” is for you to figure out.

Short and sweet Laura Watling’s “Christmas Trees in July” pop tinkles across the dance floor.

Jumping Through Fiery Hoops also coopts our topic oddly. “Working on a Christmas Tree Farm” is psychedelia with a folk bent and flashfast imagery to corrupt your status quo. Whoa.

I’ve listened to “Christmas Tree” by Bewitched Hands on Top of Our Heads several times and i know it’s about something, but i don’t care. Chorale rock. Art qua art, dudes.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: TIMBERRR!!

Now that we’ve had our fill, how do we go about defoliating the Christmas scene?

Sandy n Steve don’t see eye to eye on the majestic pine in their house. Sandy says yea! Steve says “I’m Taking Down the Christmas Tree Now!” Show tune without much exclamation point.

Simply knock it over? Drew Carey’s ‘Whose Line is It Anyway?’ take the Irish Drinking song bit to the “Knocked Over the Christmas Tree” arena. Improv… it’s funny ‘cuz… elephant pants!

It could be an untimely accident, too. “Santa Knocked over the Christmas Tree” is that wordy Roger Miller country that we need more of from David Norris. Presents and a show!

Tipping over the Christmas Tree” is the jazz swing we need to capture our mood: drunkenness and ennui. Big ups to Beatnik Turtle for the perfect sound for AFTER the season.

Small arms play a part in the un-decorating of John Flynn’s Christmas tree from the “Christmas Balls.” Growling folk that rocks.

Drinking and Christmas trees also spell doom for “Christmas Balls” according to Holy Moly. Punk ‘billy.

Give the kids a turn! Tommy Mulaney’s kids keep “Breaking Christmas Balls.” Oh, wait, this jazzy pop blues is about what a pain those needy offspring are… Ballbreakers!

Assemble the conga line! Carter Conlin and some church kids investigate “Who Put Their Finger Through the Ornament?” with Cuban orchestrated kidsong. (Fret not, Jesus saves the day.)

Farting all the ornaments off is the job of Stinky Ninja against “Three Stinky Christmas Trees.” This cockney toddler nails the kidsong without self indulgent whimsey.

Hey, that gas is flammable. “Burn Down the Christmas Tree” is a pyro’s prize for the holidays. Slick country fun from Abbie Gardner. And she means it.

Even more fun is the polka rock from Piedmont Songbag “Burning the Christmas Tree.” It’s like druidic partying married to Christian solemnity. Hey!

Hey this is easy when the “Christmas Tree’s on Fire.” Holly Golightly uses experimental folk to bring down the house.

Tom Heinl celebrates while trying to put out “The Christmas Tree on Fire” (with a tube sock). Comedy country with one of those tiny toy pianos–segue to church organ & sirens. Good song.

The Lickity-Splits mean love when they screech “You Set My Christmas Tree on Fire.” Raging garage classic rock.

Cledus T. Judd cashes in on his parody “Tree’s on Fire.” It’s no ‘Ring of Fire,’ it’s funnier.

Cowboy saga music accompanies the legend of Chaston and Groditski’s “We Burned the Christmas Tree.” It’s like a family tradition on acid.

Here’s a good time to have The Toilet Bowl Cleaners “Pee on the Christmas Tree” again.

An original, but disturbing method of de-treeing the house comes by way of calliope music from Nicci & The Project. “Santa was Eating the Christmas Tree” turns out to be a dream after all. (Still need therapy.)

How do Christmas trees leave? One children’s song imagines the “Christmas Tree Tango” as an exiting number. Pretty, and pretty messed up.

So now IT’S GONE! Little Willie John and the Three Lads and a Lass bemoan the empty spot from 1953 with “Mommy, What Happened to Our Christmas Tree?” (It was the commies, Will.)

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Don’t DeForest Kelley

Well, it’s the afterwards you’ve been dreading. Fight for that tree, or someone will cart its carcas to the curb.

The Nutty Squirrels want to fight to convince you “Please Don’t Take Our Tree for Christmas.” But this jazz band 1960 stinker wants the tree to stay in the forest, with the nuts. Pee-yew.

The best way to keep Christmas in our hearts all year is “Don’t Take That Christmas Tree Just Yet.” Three Chord Monkey perk up their garage with a little country, and a lotta spirit.

Merry Christmas, little baby “Don’t Touch the Christmas Tree” ‘billys A Band in Seattle. Dendricide by infant is a problem up there i understand.

Daddy, Don’t Take the Christmas Tree Down” wail the kids in John Dameron’s pop country song. No fair, they invoke God.

BLUE ALERT Earn Your Stories angrily defends the “Christmas Trees” with a punk-centered need to believe in something. Wait, that’s not punk–unless you’re really pissed about it.

Less seriously, Piedmont Songbag wants the night to go on forever. “Don’t Take the Stockings from the Tree” is lounge jazz of the awkwardly seductive sort. Baby, look out, he’s jealous!

It’s Christmas day in my house “‘Til My Christmas Tree Come Down” ululates Mighty Magical Pants. Kids jug band with just the right sappy enthusiasm. That dead brown thing is still up!

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: It’s Moving!

Now that we’re done with the Christmas tree, let’s get a pet. That’ll do it.

“There’s a Kitty Under the Christmas Tree” proclaims Tom Grant with some masterful jazz classical piano. Despite the fuzzy craziness, little threat to the tree exists at this time.

Tricia Cole sings “I’m Climbing up the Christmas Tree Neow!” as a cat, being predictable. Show tune with minimal damage.

The sense of doom is clear from the commencement of the electric kid rock of “Walter and the Christmas Tree.” But this time the damage is personal. Three bandaids.

Muskrat adds funny sfx to “The Cat Knocked Over the Christmas Tree” to punch up the oompah comedy. Doesn’t help the song, but the tree is done. So’s the TV.

Myke Ko rocks down like the cat knocks down. “Cat in the Christmas Tree” worries about not getting presents in the debris. What will Santa say?

Now there’s a dog! “Wags is Bouncing Around the Christmas Tree” is The Wiggles’ kidsong rocking cautionary tale. It’s fun, not dangerous.

Since dogs are more loyal, you can rely on them. Or at least you can trust in Rover Dangerfeld in his animated musical bragging “I’ll Never Do It on a Christmas Tree.” Softshoe musical fun.

Well dog my cats, Lion and Frog (feat. Mike Brookshire) ‘billy the pets about to “Untrim the Christmas Tree.” The tension is palpable. I give the tree a 50/50 chance on standing.

Leah White & the Magic Mirrors goes cats and dogs and beyond (lemurs, skunks) with some kidsong disco jazz in “Crazy Animals in My Christmas Tree.” That tree’s not going to last.

Cherry, the Resurrection Rabbit continues the Christian twisting of all things in “Bunnies Hoppin’ Around the Tree.” Kidsong featuring a painfully shrill falsetto.

Ranger T is wondering where the tree is. Turns out “T Rex Ate the Christmas Tree.” Here i thought it was a carnivore. Hey, maybe it was full of cats! Kidsong folk with humor.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Stoned in a Stand BLUE ALERT

More and more states are legalizing more and more greenery. Trees won’t just be pine in the near future.

BIGSHOT raps out his cash only business plan with a nice tang of parang. “Christmas Tree” is about burnin’ it up.

Danish reggae band Blunt sing in broken English while taking off ‘Rockin” with “Smokin’ up That Christmas Tree.”

Major Lazer reggae as well to tell ya how “Christmas Trees” are like marry-wanna.

MJX borrows ‘Carol of the Bells’ to rap down the need for weed with “Christmas Tree.” One note.

White guy Guggy and friends (Jr Blessington, Milton Blake & Nate Jones sing light it up when reggae rapping about their “Christmas Tree.” Winkety wink.

Lil Poverty Angels dabble with the rabble in their “Trap House Christmas Tree.” It’s light and fun, then lit and funky. Hip hop.

Strung out and stumbling through the rhymes Bloody Rain’s smokin’ up the “Christmas Trees.” BLUE ALERT

Not inappropriate enough. Rucka Rucka Ali is all about the poor taste with his ‘Tannenbaum’ parody “Smoke Christmas Tree.” It’s all out there. BLUE ALERT

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: The Aluminum Supplanter

Steven Weeks (i told you this before) coolcoolcools the jazz-folk for his “Aluminum Christmas Tree.” Praise the reprise.

David DeBoy countries up the comedy in a (repeated) funny “Aluminum Christmas Tree.” Hmm.

My personal fave, Benny Grunch & The Bunch get down south with “I Could See the Aluminum Tree Through the Pitcha Winda.” Meditative nostalgic Nawlins jazz.

Mumbling through some folky bluegrass the guitar plus me nasally drones out “Aluminum Xmas Trees” because that’s the problem and the solution… i guess.

Michael Franks (yeah ‘Popsicle Toes’) lays down the romantic hyperactive jazz irony with “I Bought You a Plastic Star (for Your Aluminum Tree.” Just go with it.

Joe Hammel gets Catskills with a jazzy softshoe number “The Aluminum Christmas Tree.” It’s POV the tree, so keep the hankies nearby.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Stand-in in a Stand

Poor resources! While nearly 30 million living trees fall for Xmas each year, in the past few years half that number artificial trees are bought. So let’s not forsake the fake.

This quandry is the subject of the ‘Tannenbaum’ take-off “O Christmas Tree, Reusable Christmas Tree” from Richard Holley. Lively, but with an agenda.

The dilemma is taken to violent levels in the grade school musical ‘Home for the Holidays’ by John Jacobson, Roger Emerson, Cristi Cary Miller, Emily Crocker, Mac Huff, and Tom Anderson. “The Christmas Tree Feud” features both sides in a kidsong sing off. They both win!

A word of warning, some assembly required. The Puffers oompah some old fashioned country rock for their “Christmas Tree Catastrophe.” So lowbrow, it’s fox-worthy. (Now, with the Lord.)

Flocking a tree is still a dead plant, but “We Will Flock You” from The Mistletones is so good, i had to repeat it here in the artificial section.

Quite alt, “Christmas Tree Menorah” is a music hall comedy (?) skit from Three Quarter Ale getting medieval on the tree. It features a long spoken set up, protracted groans, and a final Wonh!

Caribbean steel drums crowd into the lively “All I Want for Christmas is a Big Palm Tree” from Gene Mitchell. It’s so much better than the traditional, Gene follows up with the sequel “Coconut Palm for a Christmas Tree.” Double dipping in the inspiration pool, bra.

Likewise, Singin’ Steve is out on the islands with “Coconuts on My Christmas Tree.” Kidsong that worries about Santa finding the right tree. And Santa’s definitely black.

Apparently Texas has some forestry difficulties. So the McGuire Sisters (in 1956) proposed a party switch to “The Cactus Christmas Tree.” Sanders Family has a more tongue-in-cheek modern hillbilly take. Can’t tell which is more offensive, i likes ’em so much.

Spanish influenced, “Tumbleweed Christmas Tree” portrays a poor family’s second best. Red Steagall & The Boys in the Bunkhouse know and play real country (maybe not USA).

Po’ folk gots to improvise, i get that. But this Loretta Lynn clone “Green Felt Christmas Tree” is so spot on loving ’70s country that i’d pay good money to Ella May Kay. Wowza.

Hibiscuses’ Christmas Tree” might refer to a business name, or a family name, but this goofy S.Pacific Islander love song is so alternative, i have to believe it’s not a standard Christmas tree. Aloha, Ukulele Santa!

My Fake Plastic Christmas Tree” is all LJ Jones needs in his gentle folk rock apology. It’s bright enough.

Electronica from Glial Cell (is that a moog?!) extols their free “Plastic Christmas Tree.” Sounds already lit up.

A triumph in housecleaning and safety, Tommy Emanuel’s “Artificial Christmas Tree” is always pretty and really ever-green. Bossa nova club music with a seductive sales edge. Yes, you want that plastic thing now, don’t ya baby.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Time for Another Scotch Pine

When pure evil tragedy strikes around Christmas, what better scapegoat than that thing you spent all day doting on and bejeweling?

In fact, that thing might be a diabolical doorway to demonicry. “Christmas Tree from Hell” reminds us of two important issues: buyer beware, and ‘God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen’ is a scary melody. Listen with the lights on to Bah & The Humbugs.

They hurt me! Kill them all! is Paulette’s “Christmas Trees” message. Talky folk, but oh my.

Metaphorsing metaphors, Bree Lucas compares you to the lack of comparison. “You Couldn’t Compare, Christmas Tree” is front room folk by a powerful talent about a terrible thing that happened.

The emptiness around this time of year coalesces for JJ Voss with “Whiskey, the Tree, and Me.” (As previously posted) it’s scotch o’clock for country rock.

Six Billion Lights (On the World’s Biggest Christmas Tree)” makes a bummer out of living. Derek A. Dempsey and Nicole Lynch point to each person on the Earth and, in military country pop, allow that we all suffer. So, Christmas. You’re welcome.

Islands plink and doot-doo through “Christmas Tree” with alt folk philosophy… oh, you know what’s coming! Bad stuff (coffins, oppression, misunderstanding).

Orbit emplys some simple rock and not so simple word salad for “A Christmas Carol.” Get a load of the refrain. Damn. Suicide prevention hotline, please.

Okay, not so holidaysical, but “Christmas Tree Bridge” leans on the irony of the awful tragedy of losing a parent with the most family of phrases. Yikes. What sick folk is this?! BLUE ALERT

The Vandals want to kill two birds and “Hang Myself from the Christmas Tree.” Indie folk rock. Get comfy, this is a long one.

Perhaps homicide? “Murder by Christmas Tree” is a short metal ode to how to get away with murder from Santa’s Angry Elves. I don’t like them when they’re angry.

Next? “Bury Me by the Roots of a Christmas Tree” pop punk Agent Pazz. It’s such cute nihilism. BLUE ALERT

Time to give up! Life is too awful. Let’s buy the “Christmas Tree” with Kiki Bohemia and her cheap electronic hypnotic singsongery to show our despair. Bleak, black, blecch.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Stand by Your Tree (alone)

Still missing you! And there’s a Christmas tree here.

Alt folk with Shannon St. Clare is husky warbling. She wonders if you think of her “When You Put up Your Christmas Tree.” And gets in a few digs, too.

It’s not ok when you’re not thereStanding by the Christmas Tree” sounds classier with classic piano and some Irish. Cara Dillon raises the bar despite the platitudes.

Wendell Ferguson gets more clever with “Pining ‘Round the Christmas Tree.” His electric country tickling is punny and hopeful. Go, Wendell.

Come back home! cries D’Lannie so you can be “By the Christmas Tree” with her. It’ll make or break the whole holiday. I presume, ‘cuz it’s electric pop and that’s superficially dramatic.

Ed Mills is missing her–i think she’s dead, Jim. “Sitting by the Christmas Tree” is not always on key, but it’s sincerely sad country.

I get Take me back this time and some other lamentation in this hard folk strummer. But “A Small Gathering Around a Pine Tree” is about broken dreams only known to the stoned poet. Fun mixed media experimentation.

On the verge of not making it, Latka rocks the house (w/some bad ass fiddlin’) “From Under the Christmas Tree.” She could make it, but she’s been found out. Damn her.

Speaking of lost organs, Suzi Miller & The Keynotes admits “I’ll Hang My Heart on a Christmas Tree,” updated with icy jazz by Jeni Fleming. The ’51 band number soars.

No hope for my baby ever to be there, so Sarah Brown relates “My Christmas Tree is Hung with Tears.” Funky soulful blues. Testify.

Baby Jane and The Blenders doowop the 1963 out of “You Trimmed My Tree.” (It was with her broken heart, you cad!) It’s mad, dad.