Month: August 2023

X Files-mas: Zombies

There are as many people alive today as all who have died before. So, the return of the dead seems an even deal if they wanna get into it, yeah?

Zombies do the most damage wen they’re a surprise. Captain Ambivalent makes this point with jug band panache in his “Merry Christmas, Zombies!” It starts in the mall…. Amazed! (me)

Luke Smith is early on with the outbreak in his “Christmas Zombie Girlfriend.” A pop love ballad sees him sending her after you. Cute.

The Dollyrots take us through the infestation with the surprising “I Saw Mommy Biting Santa Claus.” Excellent story telling, with super cool rock.

Less helpful is the parody “Grandma Got Half Eaten by a Zombie” by Wretched Graverobber. Lots of metal to little effect. Yeah, that happened. (Not to mention–please don’t–“We Wish You a Zombie Christmas” from Mike Puccio. Yawn)

That opens the door for “Zombie Claus (Rob Zombie Dragula Parody).” Metal from Psychostick sticks the landing.

But now we have to deal with “Santa is a Zombie.” Indie playful with an edge from Surrounded by Werewolves.

More rote, the metal of “Tim the Christmas Zombie” seems to go through the motions. Dr. Scythe works hard for the humdrum though.

It takes a minute for “I Saw Zombies Eating Santa (Xmas No. 666 Hit)” to get metal. Strange Nocturnal thinks they’ve made a movie. But the result is all mood, no movement. Somewhat impressive.

More appropriately (given the heritage of the zombie), Brass Tax use a Caribbeat for their cinematic excursion “Zombie Christmas.”

“Zombie Apocalypse Christmas” by Candy Head and Tim Lane is driving Brit pop rock with lightness to the grisliness.

Hopefully, “there won’t be any zombies on christmas” according to  rushmore beekeepers. This folk rambling spins what-ifs from here to there. Don’t spoil Christmas dinner by shooting everyone in the head, ‘kay?

Inca Jones diverges with “Christmas Eve is the Time for Zombie Albums.” The title is the lyrics on a loop, yet mytifine electronica.

Vista Blue rock those blues with “My Zombie Christmas Song.” Indie reflective with shotgun.

Kepi Ghoulie keeps it symbolic with his “Christmas on Zombie Island.” Folk rocks the agenda, you brain-dead consumers you.

More upbeat David Ritter lounge pops “White Zombie Christmas.” Run and hide! But with pep in your step, two three four….

Retro girl rock from TAME also resuscitates “Zombie Christmas.” Something dead and dull shall rise and dance!

Uh Ohs include Godzilla in their zombie Christmas apocalypse with the sweet folk pop of “Nobody Said.” If only somebody had said something, like on a TV show or something.

Emmy the Great and Tim Wheeler return us to the movie making with their “Zombie Christmas” masterpiece. Club rock with suspense.

X Files-mas: Yeti

Thinking bigfoot and yeti are the same is like comparing a native of Atlanta with one of Tbilisi (both from Georgia, get it?)–ridiculous! So let’s party with our Himalayan friends. {A previous week of Abominable Snowman songs has already come and gone on the blog. So let’s get new ones.}

Scary red eyes and whatnot from Lightning Inside You recounts the coming of age every boy must face: cutting down a tree in the wintry woods while dodging “The Christmas Yeti.” It was a near thing. Folk horror.

Michael Scott Dublin (feat. George McMahon & Claire Ivory) wonders what you should do “If You Met a Yeti.” Lots of good alt-pop tips. (Hint: no racing!)

Bear Ron struggles with rhymes when he considers “Christmas With a Yeti.” Improvvie blues.

“Teddy and Betty Yeti” try being good to get presents, but as The Superions sorta sing they don’t know from human. This EDM spoken word confrontation with Santa gets grisly as they eat the North Pole-ians. Ew.

X files-mas: Witches

Supposedly inspired by Witch Week (a week after Christmas in Italy) Bev Gant amateurly strums out “The Christmas Witch.” She’s nice.

Make Like Monkeys seal that deal with their “La Befana (The Christmas Witch).” Swinging pop will make you like her more.

Dark Holiday Music warns us of the persecuted burnt practicers of darker arts with a sly “Carol of the Witch.” Reparations, anyone?

“Infinity Christmas” by Douglas Gwilym is experimental pop about happiness. How much happiness? Enough to melt the witch with water! If you see….

Holiday Roger heard that witches’ cauldrons was “Where Elves Come From.” Sprightly pop that takes a turn.

Sean Madigan suspects Santa has magic ‘cuz “Mrs. Claus is a Witch.” Wild words propped up with pop that veers into rockabilly just right.

Awesome country rock from Count D. that MIGHT remind you of The Man in Black, “The Christmas Witch” is nothing more than a pranking nuisance. But, ’tis also an awesome novelty song.

X Files-mas: Werewolves

A medieval fear of wolves blended with fear of people who were up to no good. Both skulked and threatened at night when we were sleepy and vulnerable. So we thought.

“Werewolves of Christmas” is a serviceable parody of ‘Werewolves of London.’ More poof than cheer here. Thanks go to The Wox.

Amateur exuberance from Matthew O’Donnell lights up “Werewolf Christmas.” Filking at its prime.

“I Want a Werewolf (For Xmas)” by The Slingsby Hornets is possibly a ‘Hippopotamus’ parody. But it’s punked up enough that i would discourage lawsuits.

Clash of the Orchids mumble out “Werewolf at Christmas.” This spoken word/sung folky pop number looks out for Christopher. You should look out, too.

Timur and the Dime Museum metal out the rock with their “Werewolf Christmas.” Growls, roars, and howls punctuate the painful struggle the protagonist has with his change. Whoa-o-oo.

X Files-mas: Vampires

The shtriga in Albania, vrykolakas in Greece and strigoi in Romania are a far cry from the stylish, charismatic vampire of today. These soul-less demonically possessed corpses feed off of us because otherwise they have no animus. So, like a Hollywood agent.

Rev. Wyrdsli uses Anne Rice’s fictive Lestaat to feature in the bloodbath “Vampire Christmas.” Santa shows up, but to little purpose. Spoken caroldie.

Deth Elf livens up the party with their jounces metal “Vampire Christmas.” Wee!

Truman Proudfoot and David Kandal bust some rhymes with gothic folk rock in their “Vampire Christmas.” They’re everywhere. Even in the woods. Which is good news for humans–lots of stakes there, guys.

Rainbow Plaid’s “Vampire Santa” is your standard terror/lite metal warning.

30 Nights of Violence speed up the metal for heir “Vampire Santa.” More a propos.

Vom Norton sheds light on the whole solstice for Xmas dither: “Love Xmas, Hate Vampires” says it all, with groovy retro pop rock. Many good turning tips.

X Files-mas: Unicorns

Horses or cows or, more likely, goats with hooves and a horn up front have inspired our imagination for centuries, especially if you’re an eight-year old girl. Let’s play.

Country schlock from Tiny Totz Kidz celebrates the arrival of “The Christmas Unicorn” to do what Rudolph couldn’t–light Santa’s way. Huh?

Kidsong wonders Wouldn’t it be great to be The jolliest unicorn of the sea? in “It’s a Narwhal Christmas.” Had to include it.

Annisa Diadra sings “All I Want for Christmas is a Unicorn.” Not the parody it was expecting, but a lovely girl pop exploration of heart.

Still more girlishness from Claudia Robin Gunn about the helpful “The Xmas Unicorns.” They help with magic magic, magic magic. They also fly. [Her “Jingle Jangle Magic” also entertains, this time with unicorns AND trolls AND witches AND pixies AND more…..]

Quarantined malaise is reflected in the “Depressed Unicorn Christmas Song.” Kevin Drew leads us away from kids’ pap to more nuanced pop morphing into soul. Whoa.

Fraine River recounts with fine folk pop how fairy tales with Pegasus and “Unicorns” will help children believe in things like true love, even on Christmas Day. Don’t harsh my dumb, bro.

X Files-mas: Robots (Santa, Jesus, etc.)

Let’s get specific with our Xmas-bots.

Hunter’s Christmas Project seems to worry that “Robot Santa” knows when you’re sleeping etc. bc it uses spy gear and drones. Scary, yet pop.

P-Dog & Maddog enters the realm of experimental music, accidentally i presume, with “Robot Santa.” Confrontation with shooting seems to be the reason for the season.

Benny Holmes raps the story of Santa being replaced with a machine in “DarcYLand – Robot Santa.” Fun.

Glial Cell foretells Santa’s passing kickstarting governmental automation for a moving pop brio “Robot Santa.” But, love–?

The Bunkhouse Boys make punk of “Robot Santa Claus.” It’s just another song.

Were you loo0king for more Futurama Robot Santa? Screamerclauz drops samples of the show into their electronic metal “Robosanta.” It’s funny ‘cuz it’s deadly.

Steve Paget welcomes us to the house of “Robot Jesus.” A nice electronic pop introduction.

Funky blues from La Tormenta lays out “Robot Jesus” as rubbet hay-seuss. Robot or alien?

“Robot Jesus UFO” settles that debate with scampering backbeaten rock via The Demons of Folk. Check your uplink prayer unit.

“Robot Jesus – A Christmas Song” is another electronically deranged recitation this time cleverly enunciated by kharmakazy.

Bonecage’s “Merry Christmas Robot Christ” introduces a whole new Second Coming. And not a nice one, despite the quite danceable pop music. The End.

X Files-mas: Robots (overlords)

The singularity may be only a couple decades off, but as with most prophecies our general intelligence and anxiety of overlording artificial intelligence or robotic sentience will preclude any takeover. The actual robopocalypse will be with a whimper, not a bang. We will become them, they will become us. No difference… after 2050 or so.

Still, it’s my opportunity to once again include MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS SONG of all time. Jonathan Coulton’s boss pop “Chiron Beta Prime.”

Now try “The Christmas Robot” by MJ Hibbett & The Validators! This apparently children’s song pits The Christmas Dinosaur against humankind’s nemesis to violent effect. The ending hints at Christmas spirit, but then–

Retrobot shows us the evolutionary beginning of these masters with their “Christmas Robot.” EDM for kids.

Rampaging robots are sometimes just in pain, like the “Secret Robotic Gorilla Christmas” from Hot Buttered Elves. Brief sharp pop.

The Game Chasers go a different route with their “Christmas Robotica.” Lost in space these artificial beings chase booty… for Christmas. Prog/metal inexplicableness.

JPK tootles out some electronica in order to celebrate “Christmas Robot.” It’ll be the first to tell you: does not compute.

Qae also simply tootles the electronica for “Robot Christmas.” No judgment, just EDM.

Dogstooth gets down to brass tacks with “Killer Robot Christmas.” No Futurama icons were harmed during the metal of this song. But all meatbags are in jeopardy.

Tyrannosaurus Mouse warns us of all the hidden perils in a “Robot Christmas.” Emotional hair metal.

Youth on Track rock for “The Robots at Christmas.” Will you get one for a present? Will it kill you? Give their pieces a chance….

Proton Packs’s “Junkie Robot Christmas” pops the metal with adult intent. Were WE the robots all along?

And then there’s the helpful robots. Parry Gripp does not overthink the concept when he pops us “Merry Christmas from TacoBot.” Watch the extra cheese.

“Otto the Christmas Drone” is Music Production’s jazzy lite pop intro to another helper who can get into places reindeer won’t. So, Rudolph’s replaced, but gets to vacation. Wild tempo.

Ice Cream Vendors get some ’90s retro pop for the artificial sounding “Robot Christmas.” This time it’s celebration. And what do robots have for dessert–?

X Files-mas: Orcs

Tolkien elves led astray by Morgoth became orcs, a mainstay of the Dungeons and Dragons gameplay. Horrid little easy pickings.

“The Time of Christmas has Come” by ORCumentary is a battle march in metal (with flourishes) about Orc Adams determined to get some Santa presents. Through malfeasance, natch.

@Krudmonger has a charming parody set in “A Very Tolkien Christmas.” Balrogs show up twice, but orcs appear in the next to last bit ‘Up On the Hilltop.’

Hooray! It’s the return of the kingly Brendan Dalton & The 1740 Boys Choir with thoughtful regret in the form of folk pop: “A Friend for Christmas (Prelude to the Death of an Orc).” Before its demise, it wishes for a Merry Christmas. Just like Jesus wanted.

X Files-mas: Monsters

The notion of ‘The Monster’ predates all literature, and the Latinate root of the word seems to denote simply ‘Warning/Instruction’ (like literature is s’posed to do). Monstrophy tells us a lot about a culture. That’s what all these posts are about. Sometimes, monster’s a catchall for the odd outlier, the not-us. Here’s where those unspecific entries fall.

A+ Cake (feat. MC TC Mc) embody this generality with “We Wish You a Monster Christmas.” Listing centaurs, vampires, and your cat isn’t compelling. Nor is the parody (despite the rap coda).

The Universal Monsters were a successful film genre from the 1930s but reached great fame in weekend TV offerings during the ’60s. Lots of fun comedy and rock songs from that. Like Len Maxwell’s “A Merry Monster Christmas” album from 1964.

“Santa’s Monster Bash” by Dwight Frye and the Crew of Creeps is a welcome bluegrass palate cleanser. It’s a who’s boo of creatures.

Peter Pan Records put out their own hodgepodge of silliness with the album Monster Christmas Mash. Lessons are definitely learned. Probably later ’60s, but rereleased in perpetuity.

“Monster’s Holiday” was covered here earlier (though i credited Bobby Pickett with Buck Owens’s version). The Plainsmen rock the hell out of a different edition (not exactly Xmas–but cool).

“Monsters Christmas” from Ys is nearly subvocal rap about some injured victim trying to react to some threat of some kind. There’s a cool story in here somewhere.

Red State Update raises the roof with “The Day All the Monsters Came to Church and Got Saved.” They loved Jesus, too. A Christmas miracle.