The Rude Off: overboard

How much fun can we have with the Rudolph legend?

Even kidsong can get off the mainstream. “Rudolph and the Snowman” is awesome folk Q&A from KidsTV123. Love it.

FuMP’s Phil Johnson & The Roadside Attraction curse out a metal revenge story in “Rudolph the Blood-Soaked Reindeer.” More curious than comical.

Kelly Nolf & Wyndi Harp use the moral here to tell “Rudolph Knows,” a country swinger of life lesson-ology.

Also into the figurative, Arne Hansen & The Guitarspellers decry a horrid first rendezvous sporting a big pimple on the nose as if “On a Date as Rudolph.” Rocking polka.

They Shined Up Rudolph’s Nose” gets more play than most of our novelties, but Johnny Horton brings just the right level of country rock to this number.

Some wild rockabilly elevated “Rudolph’s Ruin” beyond the drunkeness of the last post to victimhood. The Wildebeests deliver.

The Rude Off: overdone

What kind of reindeer is Rudolph? What kind of nose? Oh, dear.

Homophobic humor at its ’90est, “Rudolph the Deep-Throated Reindeer” Is Matt Rogers at his most unapologetic.

Rudolph the Big Dick Reindeer” is the unowned parody that also needs to be forgotten.

College Humor tries regular hard with “Rudolph the Regular Reindeer.” Shouting, but not that much.

Better from Kevin & Bean’s Shakespeare Man:

Rudolph the Blue-Nosed Reindeer” from Barney and Hector at least adds cha-cha-cha.

Rudolph the Green-Nosed Reindeer” from Smartz Crew add some marijuana. Yeah. BLUE ALERT

Rudolph the Runny-Nosed Reindeer” also unowned attributes the symptoms to sampling his drug-mule sideline.

Rudolph the Psycho Reindeer” is unattributed bro-humor wherein the boys crack each other up. Then justice is served.

Rudolph the Mohawked Reindeer” is Primate Punk’s punk BLUE ALERT aggressive answer.

Rudolph the Union Reindeer” takes us another direction completely. Organized by Ariana Eakle Blockmon.

The Christmas Jug Band help a smidge with “Rudolph the Bald-Headed Reindeer.” A Jimmy Durante tribute.

The Rude Off: crappy

Any other humor we can inject into the Rudolph song? How’s about the scatalogical?

Rudolph Don’t Go” is Kristen Key’s kidsong entry into Christmas poop. Guess what it’s about?!

Santa and Rudolph’s Poop Contest” also does NOT bury the lede. Lil Poverty Angels get word salad rap ready.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Hemorrhoid” is Matt ‘The Toilet Bowl Cleaners’ Farley’s depiction of holiday distress.

Rudolph Dropped a Package on My Rooftop” is the clever yet country humor of Brad Tassell and Steve Goodie.

Rudolph the Reindeer (S**t on My Lawn)” is The Flatworms’s garage nastiness (it’s like black cottage cheese!).

Sorry, everyone. I can’t feature any of these. So let’s end on a big downer, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (a rendition in minor key)” from Tempus Cucumis (Time of the cucumber??) This is more than shitty, this is enormously doomy. See, the ending is changed from happy to– well, you’ll see.

The Rude Off: drunk

From the top you’ve got no where to go but down. The fall of Rudolph is usually field by alcohol.

Rudolph is a Drunk” is fine raging metal from DØMT.

Rudolph got a DUI” is not so fine country from Bill Engvall.

Rudolph the Gin Nosed Reindeer” is fine punk from La Vasa. Just piss poor parody.

Rudolph Drank the Moonshine” is fine bluegrass by The Christmas Hillbillies.

Rudolph : The Untold Story” is fine polka comedy from Yulenog. (Amazing sax solo.)

The Rude Off: hubris

The ‘Rudolph’ song got as famous as the reindeer. In the annals of Xmas music it is Number Two of all songs. So, some took a shot at it (him).

I killed Rudolph–and I liked it! begins “Rudolph Burger… Hold the Nose.” The voice cracking metal from The Pork Guys is more defiant than murderous. So this gets only one shotgun shell.

Mighty Magic Pants rocks out “Rudolph on the Barbecue.” The childish innocence makes the mythivovre more horrible. Two shells.

Jesus Penis growls out the experimental garage rant “Rudolph the Red-Gutted Reindeer.” Ugh. Whatever shells.

Bullshark Comedy turns the worm with “Rudolph Shooting” in which the maligned venison buys a gun at Walmart. BLUE ALERT for this mass shooting ‘humor.’

Fortress of Attitude’s cowboy yarn “I Shot Rudolph and I’m Sorry” is an amazing genre send-up and gets all the shells.

I Shot Rudolph” is the country stomper about the fraud perpetrated by Todd O’Neill. It warren’t him. Shells waived.

The Rude Off: proud

Fans abound for the most famous reindeer of all.

Kidsong likes the counting song, hence “Nine Counting Rudolph” from Brian Kinder. Catchy, but not his best.

Asiansploitation and Byron S. mock Lourdes with their “Rudolph.” It’s all about–

The Reindeer Song” by Daniel Dennis and Mason Douglas (as Sno’Rida and Mista’Toe) white-rap out the credit due the nine. Celebratory shouting to commence.

Hamildolph” is the epic parody of ‘Hamilton’ from Eclipse 6. Worth the time reliving the bullied fawn’s tale.

Gee, Rudolph Ain’t I Good to You?” is the Nat King Cole classic funnied up by The Christmas Jug Band. Unrequited gift-bringing is so bluesy.

The Rude Off: immodest

A 1939 Montgomery Wards holiday booklet retold the ugly duckling story one more time, with a weird-o ousted hoofer having the one mutation to save the day. Whether handicapped, non-white, non-binary children took ‘Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer’ to heart way back then–the songs and shows co-opted this outlier concept so all mainstreamers can see themselves as special. Hooray.

If you began listening to every cover of the Johnny Marks song (over 420 on–so i figure over a thousand, easy) you might be done by Christmas. So, don’t do that. And IDONOTCARE if it was sung better by Burl or Gene or Ella or Dean….

However, some songs reference Rudy in novel ways–including several we’ve sampled on the blog before.

One of my favorite parodies is Jars of Clay’s Nirvana’s “Smells Like Rudolph.” Swell smell!

Also prized parody, “Here Comes Rudolph” is The ’60s Invasion’s Rolling Stones’ take on the 1967 stop-motion special.

NOT a parody of The Crystals nor Chuck Berry, “Da Doo Run Run Rudolph” is a gentle folk rock froth from The Not Fur Longs. Love song stickiness. (Title’s just a hook, no actual Rudolph here, for those who care.)

Line Up-finishers

Some songs simply sneak in the roll call of reindeer. Listen carefully.

The Simians’ “A Perfect Christmas” is that list of ingredients that fill the bill. Alt-rock sneaks in the rostrum at the end.

Santa Country” is old beach rock, so the actual country features Santa Barbara, or Santa Monica, Santa Cruz, or Sante Fe–get it? Reindeer creep in at the finale thanks to Bad Tide.

Flaterectomy gets desperate with his Song-of-the-Week challenge in Week 51’s “Ho Ho Ho,” in which Santa robs with a BLUE ALERT bitter vocabulary. The reindeer are named as accomplices in this metal/show tune mashup.

I Got Yule Babe” from the inimitable Joel Kopischke waits for the outro to enumerate the sleigh pullers… and some bonus crew!

Line Up-starters

All the reindeer get named in some songs.

Autry, Gene Autry returns with Will It be A Hit? “Thirty-Two Feet and Eight Little Tails of White.” Kidsong before his Rudolph deal. (But THIS song comes out two years after.)

Where’s Rudolph? is the R+B question of “Reindeer’s Christmas Song.” The Stocking Fillers wail on it seriously.

Now Dasher Now Dancer” is a musical interlude in the Mickey Rooney elder-recital of ‘Night Before.” Bouncey kidsong.

More kidsong from Candy Cane Lane: “Eight Reindeer” is bebopping lite rock about the names.

Starting the refrain, the reindeer list fills in Chris Commisso’s need for lines in the hyperactive pop number “The Christmas (All I Really, Really Want).”

The Sandpipers give each a voice in “Santa’s Other Reindeer (We are the Reindeer Who Work for Santa Claus).” This kidsong personalizes all but the ninth with mucho gusto.

Dash Away All” is the hyper showtune from Sounds Of Blackness’s ‘The Night Before Christmas – A Musical Fantasy.’ Tempo to race ’round the world (never mind the going on strike twist).