Ran out of month for the mythical figures, so we’ll sweep the Anti-Christmas stuff into its own month. Time for The Devil and Hell and all that infernal stuff what reigns the other 364. Does it touch unto us at the High Holy Day?
Krampus, y’know we just met him, is also known as The “Goat Demon” according to Hex’s frolicsome rap.
The easiest demon reference is the mixup during ‘the holidays’ of Hallowe’en and Xmas: So while the other kids dress as demons on Halloween; I hide behind my closet screen a display of red and green, R+Bs Chris Nicolosi in “Snowman’s Day.” That’s progress.
RattleSnakes’s garage punker “Sled 2 Death” involves a snowy incline, but not children. Some so-called ‘adult’ stoner on a dare loses his head. It’s a winter thing.
Jordyn Wilson may not hit the notes, but in her pop “Roll My Eyes at Mistletoe” she does nail every pop culture reference. Those (including sledding) she likes. Poisonous greenery lurking above transoms, she likes not.
Laura Nyro may have “Christmas in My Soul,” but All God’s sons have gone to trial, including the Black Panthers, the Chicago 7, and the Homeless Indian on Manhattan Isle. Siren sharp folk.
David DiMuzio (feat. Sam Mangubat) had “My Best Christmas Eve,” But it’s January 7th, and it looks like you’ve vanished. So it’s time for a weepy pop ballad of missed connections.
Bozo is all about the high. “A Bozo Twistmas” asks all the questions stoners ask, like Why does my car smell like a hobo? Is Jeffrey going to come near me? What about that guy on Seventh Avenue? Unplugged uncertain rock.
Gervarus “G” Giles is trying to help when he explains he’ll pick you up on the second bring you back on the seventh. But with all the “Cider & Hennessey” for the holidays i’m not sure this rap promise is binding.
Andrea Rodriguez has got you on her “Naughty List.” Wake up, baby, she chides, Do you wanna go round seven? Whoa. That’s pretty naughty. Inuendo express!
Better Than Ezra seems to just list the symptoms for a “Merry Christmas Eve” (including There’s a miracle on 34th Street). Jazzy, plodding pop, heavy on the sax.
For Brian Lim, a “Miracle on 34th Street” isn’t making Santa real–but making you mine. Guess that would take a miracle with this treacly percussive pop. Be the present.
Tim McGraw also whines–to “Dear Santa,” We need a miracle like the one on 34th, To get us back to where we were before. Country music like you hear in the stadium.
“Christmas in the City” is the rap/R+B of Mary J Blige (feat. Angie Martinez) about living large in NYC. Rockefeller Center, Radio City, and There’s a miracle on 34th Street On a train, yeah, that lady With all them bags, you see. No other place she’d rather be.
Little Timmy and Young Jacob decide to celebrate the B-Day of JC by getting all JD in the rapping true-crime tutorial “Merry Xmas” by Obi J. Don’t take notes! (Even if your friend has locker #35.) BLUE ALERT
Cyrus has a laundry list of accomplishments to take stock when “Baby, It’s Christmas.” From dropping 35 new records, to remastering my albums, to a tour ‘round the country where I made a lot of money then I lost it all to COVID–but none of it seems to matter in this folky pop tell-all, ‘cuz he BLUE ALERT lost you. I think he’s sorry. At least he’s talented.
Guys Nite brings us back to the is it/isn’t it “Die Hard” question, but this time John McClain addresses all four movies (including the fourth where a truck takes on an F-35 fighter). Granted, after the first two–There ain’t no Allen, and it’s not Christmas. But it’s the spirit of Xmas in this BLUE ALERT rocking commentary–to kick ass!
Despite the title, imma NOT gonna call a blue on “Christmas is Bullshit.” JC Cassis has some slightly R+B hard pop hating on the holidays [I’ve tried Christmas 35 times! It’s NOT WORKING FOR ME!]. Don’t worry, Santa-nistas, she DOES has a solution to Christmas woe if you’d just listen.
Christmas heartache songs are a dime a hundred. But let’s narrow it down to the 8 or so songs that claim 100 and cry about your absence, baby.
Rapping about how bad loneliness is ’round now “Christmas Alone” BLUE ALERT from Nerd Lady (ft. Divinity & Kali Crews) reveals feelings at 100. A wild ride.
Paul Kelly (feat. Vika Bull) admits I wrote a hundred times to Santa for you to appear on the “Christmas Train.” This wailing soul makes you wait to find out if the dear rail-y one makes it. Worth the wait.
Eric Clapton updates the swampy blues of Freddie King‘s “Christmas Tears.” (For a hundred years or more (you been gone) You came back and hang “Merry Christmas” on my door). Slays that funky music, white boy.
“Somerset Solo” seems to be about holding onto love with the barest of fingernail grips. This alt-indie mess of poetic sniffling from Matthew Milia offers: Here’s what I got you for Christmas this year, dear –A seashell which, if you put it to your ear, hear Me crying like a hundred manger babies. But with garage elan.
Emotional pop from Tommy Lellan about how it sucks to be “Done on Christmas” day: I hope I won’t live for a hundred years Without someone to spend it with Until that day, I guess I’ll have to bide my time.
Strains of Bellum misses the wife (and the dog and its poo) 100 days and more while stuck in some war during “A Metal Christmas War Love Song.” Honest head banging.
Did the Pandemic keep you apart–during the holidays?! These hundred-hour days are gonna bring me to my knees, complains Jacob Oman in “Social Distance.” Choppy R+B wants to cuddle up for Xmas.
The Russian Futurists realize that a short-lived romance in summer leaves a hole when it’s “100 Shopping Days ’til Christmas.” The R+B bebopping rap counts the calendar without taking a day off. Swing along.
365 is not enough Christmas. Try it all the hours of the day, all the days of the week. (But not all the days of the month.)
rwsrvnt interrupts his “White Christmas” celebration with the point that, being from Florida, he’s used to a time and place Where the tree tops swing And the ocean breeze Is 24/7. Calypso electronica, but it drags a bit.
The Jonas Brothers also phone in the love song “Like It’s Christmas.” See, Twenty four seven Every inch of Central Park Is covered in white This could be heaven–‘cuz it’s with you. Watered down pop.
Girl harmony rife with purrs and slurs, “25 Days of Christmas” doesn’t seduce so much as put you on notice: We’re gonna share 25 days of Christmas baby, 24-7 with the family. With, yaknow, game night & chores & and & picking up ‘fore we go to bed. I guess. Weak pop–sorta soul.
Slowed down, low impact musicality works better with the bedroom-eyed R+B of Matthyaz. “Let It All Go” admits, I need some presents I might need some snow And you in my arms under that mistletoe I want this shit 24/7. You are just a piece of the perfect picture, bae. Standoffish works for ya, yeah? (Melted me, a bit.)
“Wish List” by Big Burd (feat. Anastasia Pshokina) is a straight out rap love song without the putdowns and crudities. Romcom fun, where he gets up as early as kid-possible (4:30) to find that particular cute girl under the tree. Swings like R+B.
Emil Beckford is wondering how I’m gonna find 500 bucks to pay for you a surprise in his R+B charmer “Focus on the Love (It’s Christmas).” So he won’t have to, or get socks from you, he’s going to retread the reason for the season and make it about the feels. Kisses not lists. You good?