Category: R&B

Christmas stocking troubleshooting certainly involves technical issues, but can deal with overall seasonal hiccups as well.

The Martial Arts key into ’70s hard synth (pop verging on punk) to cry out heartbreak in their flaming “Stockings.” I’m doing the slide! I’m about to pogo!

“Stockings Hung by the Fireplace” according to Goiter incur one significant problem. Experimental weirdness.

Trouble in paradise in the form of “Stockings,” a wonderful retro pop-sterpiece from How to Swim. He feels abandoned, but rhymes that with no longer companions. Fun.

Those Death by Disco boys commiserate with hard rocking in “Hang Up Your Stocking.” Yeah, I know we’re through.

Shylo’s “Broken on Christmas” has a wish, but hanging the stockings gives no relief. You’re not here. R+B catastrophe.

Grownups want stockings filled as well!

C’mon back! Guns of Nevada funk up the American rock/country with a bottom line demand: “Liquor in My Stocking.”

Lynn Cornell hits a 1960 sweet spot with …not exactly RnR …not exactly R+B …not exactly big band pop …but exactly “Xmas Stocking.” It’s like a love song and a Christmas song had a baby …in a stocking.

The Men resort to begging (Santa) for their “Christmas Stockings.” R+B piano lounge list out their wishes: girls. And common sense.

Cozy up!

“Fireplace” by Sam Shrieve is pop on a romantic creep. All he wants for the holidays is you by the fireplace. Willingly? Doesn’t say.

Piano lounge from Benton Stokes looks forward to “Sitting by the Fire with You.” Sentimental fool.

“Sittin’ by the Fire (With My Dear)” is the repetitive calliope of a love song from Fruitcakes. Is it hot in here?

Deconstructivistically, The Non Traditionals soothingly croon about the need for a “Forest in My Chimney” to make the fire possible. So–those burning things… used to be trees?

Simile from Endiamonds slurs the indie pop of “You’re Like A Fireplace.” A smoke show, i reckon.

The cast of ‘Naughty… But Nice’ R+B about the “Fireplace Man.” He’s the almost unseen man on the TV version, but still seductive.

Does the fire scare you? Come closer–

Taken aback, the group Christmas! demand Santa “(Get The F​*​ck Back) Up The Chimney.” BLUE ALERT for their overreaction to an expected scenario.

“Comin’ Down your Chimney” by Orifice DeathFuck is a metal scattershot of abusive threats and shrieking. If that’s your thing. BLUE ALERT

What’s scaring me is Goiter’s “Stockings Hung by the Fireplace.” This experimental indie is light of tone and short of breadth. Yet, like a dentist’s drill, it does seem never to end.

HorrorScene’s “Chimney Creeping” wishes you Merry Christmas Baby amidst the echoic Prince impressions and R+B swirling. But, deeper inside, the threat becomes real.

Get on with it! Santa, hit the bricks!

Johnny Awesome and the Elves hard metal “Comin’ Down the Chimney Tonight” with a simple HO! HO!–HO! HO!–HO! HO! Let gravity take its course, St. Nick!

Cosimo sirens “Down The Chimney” as a hurry up and get to me missive for Ol’ Red. This syncopated pop insists rather aggressively.

“Santa, I Have One Request to Make” countries The Jolliest Elf (Tyra Madison) and it’s about that chimney mess he’s gonna make. Wait, are sooty footprints a problem? Do i need a vacuum?

Cabana Man tropically teases “Come on Out da Chimney.” Careful, a watched pot belly never toils.

“Get on Down That Chimney” funks out Holidelic. Badunkadunk. To. The. Point.

Worth another listen: Bob Noxious degrades the iconography of Santa with “Where’s Me Fuckin’ Sherry.” He’s there to slurp, shag, and scoffer. MASSIVE BLUE ALERT

Just as obscene comes Kevin ‘Bloody’ Wilson with “What about Poor Old Santa Claus.” A BLUE ALERT day in the life for that guy.

I’ve shared Clarence Carter’s “Back Door Santa” before. But have we tried the FEMALE version (by Morgan James) yet? Se-duc-tive blues.

jennyinstereo goes BLUE ALERT with the Xmas party pickup line: I’ve got my “Sleigh Outside,” Baby–c’mon with me…. R+Bish rap-lite.

Crankshaft Alligator’s Santa is on the make in the troubling R+B car crash “Downchimney.”

“I Wanna Be Your Santa Claus” from Johnny Pierre is a romantic overture of the bluesy rock kind. Comes on heavy, but so’s Santa.

R+B with a disco edge pushes Rufus Thomas to declare “I’ll be Your Santa Baby.” I believe. ‘Til 1984.

Soul from DJ Prototype makes the room swirl. “I Wanna be Your Santa Claus” is gonna get you some! (Put it on a loop, though: the beginning and ending are clipped.)

Keith James goes falsetto R+B in “Santa for You.” Smokey.

Gregory Porter (Featuring Roxiie Reese) brings us more seductive R+B. “I’m Your Santa Tonight Baby” is consistent, insistent, and persistent. Don’t be resistant.

Is Santa… a monster? Worth repeating: “Christmas is Creepy” by Fred Figglehorn is the ADHD synthed kidsong from a previous generation. Like 2010. Wow.

Beefus concocts an odd Xmas musical (Daddy Slap Chop and the Santa Gland) in which Santa undergoes a horrific transformation: “What’s Happening to My Body?” he screams. Graphic, yet comedic jazz/R+B.

Mark Cummings retells “Jolly Old Saint Nicholas” about the time he mistakenly climbed into the nuclear reactor, began to glow, and seemed to disappear. Weird.

Now in Terrorcore! Kurwastyle Project hammers at the electronica to give us “Santa Stole Your Children.” A nightmare Pete the Elf hepped me to.

Sprighty old world folk from Alan.s.Robinson reveals that “Santa Claus has Eaten the Baby.” WTF? Is he an Ultraliberal Democrat? Monstrous!

Transvestimentals applies hard rock to “Scary Santas (And Christmas Creeps).” It’s the same old story: girl runs from old man in panic.

Jeff Hershey & The Heartbeats reveals all in the moody R+B “Santa Claus is a Monster.” Creeping, eating all the cookies, mistreating elves, crashing sleighs… you see what he’s getting at.

Worth repeating: “When Santa Comes to Santa Cruz” is The Malibooz’s bongo beating bag of brag on the bearded one. Surf rock, natch.

Mushmouthed excitement from Nor’easterners Flooded Cellar. “Santa’s Gonna Roll into Town” seems to elicit much bell ringing. So it’s a big deal.

“Spon End Santa” is a local figure of some note (around Coventry, England). David Goody pops the r’n’r to make him sound good.

Australian Santa also seems cool, according to Jim Haynes. “Owyagoin’ Santa Claus” is the question for a proper bruce. Pop.

“San Diego Santa” is actually cool ‘cuz he’s on vacation. Durnst & Friends slowly roll out the indie to keep it boss.

“Incense Burning on an Open Fire” seems to open the door to Santa adulation. Durand Bernarr sweetly croons the R+B higher and higher.

Ran out of month for the mythical figures, so we’ll sweep the Anti-Christmas stuff into its own month. Time for The Devil and Hell and all that infernal stuff what reigns the other 364. Does it touch unto us at the High Holy Day?

Duh.

Krampus, y’know we just met him, is also known as The “Goat Demon” according to Hex’s frolicsome rap.

More generically, T-Error Machinez explains through the metal “The Legend Of Christmas Demon” what Krampus is reduced to. BLUE ALERT

Ragnarok’s “The Norse Winter Demon” is the real deal. Heavy metal cinches it.

The easiest demon reference is the mixup during ‘the holidays’ of Hallowe’en and Xmas: So while the other kids dress as demons on Halloween; I hide behind my closet screen a display of red and green, R+Bs Chris Nicolosi in “Snowman’s Day.” That’s progress.