Frosty Felon

On one side of crime: The Bilge Pumps shake down Santa (out of desperation) in “Jolly Old Saint Nicholas.” Kindergarten percussion, but the threats are grisly.

Dave Rudolf notes that “Santa Claus was Running Through Town.” It was a bad part of town. Guess what the cops thought when they saw him running?

On the other: BearRon pokes old folk with the banjo-tactic “When He (Santa) Comes.” He takes your stuff, including your car. You better insure!

Rollins Bell’s spoken word scene of the crime descripto “Santa the Thief” is the devolution of icon to con. Unplugged jazz guitar chaos in the background.

Richard Sponaugle has gotten some crummy gifts from his so-called friends. So he calls out “Come Quick, Nick” in order to get a great Santa present. In a country pop song peripeteia, Nick robs and beat him! Isn’t that always the way?

Weazeldust counts down the hours on Christmas Eve hoping for a peek. But, when he awakens too late, he cries out in rockabilly pop: “Santa Claus You Dirty Rat (Bring Back My Guitar).” That stealer even serenades him with it on the roof!

Santa in a Ski Mask (Stick ’em up it’s Christmas)” starts with a brick through the window… Angry ska from 4 Aspirin Morning, however, makes the violent robbery worthwhile. Weee!

Christmas Countdown: 2001

Incubus smack-raps Hanukkah with “Get Your Dreidel on.” A shout to the year brings the festivities to a close.

Now, hang on a sec. Alan Koch and Jay Hallett have basement taped a mystical classic: “Christmas 2001,” a skating rink organ waltz (with reggae overtures) looking to the distant future. Lightspeed to travel, gifts are all programs, the robot’s making eggnog… wasn’t the future wonderful? Noveltychristmasmusic endorses this masterpiece.

X-claim: oh yeah

Affirmations confirm exclamatory enthusiasms. Oh Yeah! (Can i get a Baby?)

I mean, take “Christmas Oh Yeah” from Barenaked Ladies. Fun soft pop that really gets into the neighborhood spirit.

Orville Grant gets a little nasty with “Ooh Yea.” This misspelled Christmas greeting reaches for hip hop hope.

Watered down R+B from Les Taylor, “Oh Yeah It’s Christmas” dance-parties the feeling where i suspect religion = sex.

Hey it’s freakin’ Christmas begins “Christmas! Oh Yeah!” By Atticus & the Candy Crew. Then the hectic experimental rock devolves.

[Quick weird detour: “Yo It’s Christmas” is actually kidrap about oh yeah.]

With the power of rock Oh! can become Uh! in All My Mind’s “Merry Christmas! Oh Yeah!” (One paltry yeah was detected in the analysis of this song.)

FactNotFiction can barely beat that tambourine in their laconic alt “Christmas in July, Oh Yeah.” Echoes of psychedelia save it, though.

Philosophically, Steve Drewett gets britpop with his life story in “It’s Christmas Time! (Oh Yeah, NaNaNa).” (Many additional yeahs were detected in the scansion of these lines.)

Jared & Aaron get tuneless with their raggedy ragtime “Oh Yeah! Christmas.” Childish foolishness just how i like.

Toots and the Maytals get more sacred with their reggae “Oh, Yeah.” The sincerity rattles your teeth.

Does It Have to Be a Star?

When you say a word too many times (‘western, western, western, western….’) it finally loses its meaning and becomes just noise. Overthinking disconnects the sign with the semantic. So, what’s the deal with Christmas and… a star?

Watkins and The Rapiers pick over symbols as meaningless in a heartbroken world with “All the Stars at Christmas” a bluesy folk ballad of bitter disappointment. (If you wait, hope may be at the bottom of the box.)

Dr. BLT takes the “Star of Bethlehem” to task for symbolizing perhaps too many ideas. Let’s count all the connotations. I’m not sure he’s trying to be the best star he could be, but kudos to the smoky western ska.

WHAT ELSE? Chaka Kwan

There are enough black in the USA that it’s not all straight-up straight laced. Black culture includes Republicans, thugs, choirboys, and brain surgeons. So. Are there outlier Kwanzaa songs? How weird does it get?

Kev Choice tries cacaphonous rap with his “Kwanzaa Song.” Sounds like anyone who could pick up an instrument did. But it’s upfront.

Deuce the Emcee samples out trad R+B Xmas music to back his mad rap “Harambee It’s Kwanzaa.” Seizure inducing.

Pop tribal from Steve Cobb & Chavunduka, “It’s Kwanzaa Time” starts out sweetly, then comes the frogmouth (is that s’pose pass for Louis Armstrong?), then the motor-rap (Bobby McFerrin?). Cartoon values for the season. Drum solo for an anticlimactic finish.

Georgia Anne Muldrow gets experimental pop with layered vocals and bells, bells, bells in “The Kwanzaa Song.” (I wish creative oddness extended into title making.)

Experimental reggae from Luqmann Ruth, “Kwanzaa Song” is inspirational, recreational, and crazy weird.

Don We Now: Santa suit

Let’s get to the meat and potatoes of Xmas couture: the red suit. You know. You know.

Plank Road Publishing (i think) brings us “The Man in the Bright Red Suit,” hyperactive kidsong.

Centennial Elementary in WA state relays the cute kid parody of ‘Run Around Sue’: “The Jolly Man in a Big Red Suit.” Teen despair over heartache begone!

Takes a minute, but the Peter Pan Singers (here redubbed Peppermint Kandy Kids) noodle through their orchestral “The Man in the Red Suit.” You know who they mean (not a doctor… not a cowboy…).

Time for parody? The ’60s Invasion send up ‘Devil in a Blue Dress’ with “Santa in a Red Suit.” Good golly, Miss Frosty.

Who was that red-suited man? ask the shaken survivors. Tyler Bernhardt wonders about”A Man in a Red Suit” with funky jazz pop. Our only clue is that he came in through the fireplace.

You’re too young to know about the “Fat Man in a Red Suit,” according to Tesse with lovely psychedelic garage mood.

Skaramanga are much more mysterious with their “Man with the Red Suit.” He’ll solve your probs. But–who is he?! Carib-beat-pop.

Parodies’ Paradise: 2015 “Slumber Party”

Britney Spears’s second single from her ninth studio album featured brass, marimba, “syncopated synths”, percussion and a horn section… an ode to fornication and making sex tapes… appeared on the national charts in countries including Canada, Spain, Scotland and the United States, where it debuted and peaked at number 86 on the Billboard Hot 100… topped the Dance Club Songs chart after several weeks.

Derrick Barry (w/Nebraska Thunderfuck and Adam Ramzi) stars in Adrian Anchondo’s slavish tribute “Christmas Party.” It’s about office party shenanigans with sexy backup dancers in the elevator hall.

Parodies’ Paradise: 2012 “Locked Out of Heaven”

Bruno Mar’s first single off his second album charted inside the top ten in over twenty countries, including the United States… fourth number one single on the Billboard Hot 100, holding the spot for six consecutive weeks… topping the Canadian Hot 100 for three consecutive weeks… certified six-tuple platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA)… used at his Super Bowl XLVIII halftime show set list… won several awards and received three Grammy nominations.

Brian Fitzy plays on the pain with his “Left Out at Christmas.”

Parodies’ Paradise: 1994 “The Sign”

The Swedish Ace of Base’s international hit… reached number two in the United Kingdom… and six non-consecutive weeks at number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in the United States… became the top song on Billboard’s 1994 Year End Chart… the No. 1 song of 1994 according to Billboard magazine’s year-end charts… ranked at number 60 on The Billboard Hot 100 All-Time Top Songs for the first 50 years of the Hot 100 chart… received a nomination for Best Pop Vocal Performance By a Group or Duo at the 1995 Grammy Awards.

N. Fla. comedy sketch troupe Awkward Silence Jax fill the void of the necessary Christmas parody with a smidge of ability in their “Spend.” This is all about the epiphany of angry holiday shopping–it gets pushy.