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Saved the best shit for last. Red Peters is often as funny as an Asperger’s ridden 1960s burlesque emcee. But his psychological passive-aggressive pastiche of Walter Brennan (you don’t have to suffer through the original tear-jerking tune) dealing with ungrateful grown kids at Christmas is a hoot and a holler and a half.

Please enjoy “You Ain’t Gettin’ Shit for Christmas.” It’s funny. I shit you not.

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Don’t forget now, we’re locking elbows with the lowest common denominators of society: the profane. Life is terrible. What’re ya gonna do? Curse!

So watch down your nose Wish Crosby and Flo Murphy getting their Christmas from the Family on with “Shitty Shaggin’ Christmas.” They’re a regular Archie and Edith bunker three rungs down the trailer park.


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Well, this is a sweet one. Because the hectic holidays are a time of love and the pressure’s really on to make the day count, 12/25 can result in a frustrating and expletive-laden fiasco of just-missed mistletoe moments. Shit!

Kailen Beitel and Chris K Payne act and sing Rob van de Meer and Yfke Berckelaer’s ode to modern romance: “Shitty Christmas.” Can i get an awww!

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Easter may not be an appropriate reference for the high holiday of Xmas. Or is it…. Tell ya what, we’ll deal with death and resurrection next month. Let’s get back to swearing.

Tinkling the piano keys all artisan fancy Lisa Scudiero dives deep into androgynous anger over present-giving posers pouting while she does all the GD work.

Her “Merry Shitty Christmas” is a gentle tune of ulcer-giving complaints. An octave higher and i’d call her a whiny bitch. But she plays it just right as a Unionizing call to arms.

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The pressure to be relentlessly merry for the second half of December does not prohibit calamity, mishap, and bad breakups. It makes the pathos so much worse, in fact.

Landon Tewers, a mopey rocker, really delivers on this message of bedroom betrayal and cutting faces out of pictures.

Careful, “I Hope You Have a Shitty Christmas” contains many more oaths than the s one. But it does rock out that list of what i wish would happen to you (including a shark attack).

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These Southhampton boys have made a kiddie version of punk that makes you want to sing along (or throw things at the same time). This temper tantrum, illustrated with a slide show of coloring book fun cartoons, swings with festive profanity,

“Christmas is Shit” by Pocketful o’ Nowt.

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Stevie Simpson ( makes it personal with “I Wish You a Shit Christmas, Dave.”

Between draughts of holiday drink, this coordinator for the Charlotte chapter of the Nashville Songwriters Association International names names for who’s been letting him down this season. Nick and Clint and Dave don’t meet his standards. And he cusses them out… but it’s mandolin strumming; it’s not that mean.

Piss.Ess: he’s got a sequel with tons of production values from Gun City. I’m not sure the inclusion of children helps his humor or ramps up the creep factor, though.

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The exclamation OH SHIT is merely gasp of astonishment, quite appropriate for The Advent.

Oh Shit, It’s Christmas!”  by the Tim Tations is a bouncy garage howler. Almost reverent in its anarchic call for revolutionary antimaterialism, really.

Oh Sh*t, It’s Christmastime” by The Mad Tea is also mad rockin’ fun with a twist of Limey. Party music.

Musically mediocre, the video for The Zissou Society’s “Oh Shit! It’s Christmas” is a compelling climb through the TV time tunnel to the holiday hokum of 1970s commercials. Wow what video fun.

Deer Tick’s “Holy Sh*t, It’s Christmas” really digs down into the underground of experimental rock. A rock bottom gravelly voiced angry celebration.

Red Peters as usual gets dirty and nasty with his standard: “Holy Shit, It’s Christmas!” I guess it’s jolly.

It’s The Hot Dogs who get the rock-out-with-their-shit-together nod with a hot hammerin’ “Holy Shit, It’s Christmas!”

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Parodies with harsh language in place of holy wishes don’t add much our novelty canon. Let’s flush through them quickly.

Home movie auteurs Brian Conway and Kennedy Malone go kwazy wit “Crappy Little Christmas.” A couple cleverly cruel lines here.

Exhausted dad Collin Stewart sings his “Have Yourself a Shitty Little Christmas” to no one is particular. Take a nap!

cky tries for the metal parody of ‘We Wish You a Merry Christmas’ with “A Shitty Christmas.” Ooo, multiple swear words AND gnarly guitar thrashing.