Coal Man – mildly blue alert

How mean can Santa get? “Santa Sneezed on Me” recalls Matt Farley (aka The Toilet Bowl Cleaners). It results in a criminal prosecution. The blues.

Santa Gaga” is a parody by reubennase that aims to frighten with a little BLUE ALERT, a little talentless rock, and a little graphic imagery.

Lil Poverty Angels does their odd spoken jive rap improv thing to scare us with “I Heard Santa’s a Blood” (he calls it Crips-mas!) as well as “Drive by on Santa’s Sleigh” BLUE ALERT.

The Electric Amish are pretty scared when “Parson Klaus is Coming to Town.” The tune is an old carol, but the concept is adorbs.

Bragging about their crappy music since 1988, Wheelchair Full of Men wishes revenge ‘cuz “Santa Claus Hates Me.” Experimental (or just mental) jazz with a scarily quiet intensity.

Go Slowpoke is mad as Noel and not going to take “Shit from Santa” anymore. That crotchety old so and so. Lovely folk with fab kazoo bridge.


IS the whole concept of Santa Claus just too weird? ShiSho covers Sufjan Stevens’s “Get Behind Me, Santa.” Their little girl energy further obfuscates who or what the song is about. Weird with a beard.

Harold Rippey spies “Santa Claus on the Side of the Road.” With halting country pop, he explores how odd this stranded wayfarer is.

I Got this Neighbor” is the ska song about when MU330 worries about who just moved in nextdoor. The suit, the shoes, the hat, the laugh, the mail…. Hmm.

The cast of the musical Hey Nunnie Nunnie heard about that elf and wondered “Who Is This Santa Claus?” As members of the faith, they give him the benefit of the doubt: the threat of him will keep children quiet.

The Jacobsen Brothers also wonder, but conclude “Santa is Strange.” Folk imponderables for the kids.

The North Polaroid

Worth repeating: “Santa’s Lost His Mojo” is an indie bit of coolness from Jeremy Lister. That banjo does the trick.

Mayflies adds cowboy guitar to their indie “Santa’s Misery.” Not exactly a sure-footed Christmas man according to this.

Santa’s Got Covid” is a salsa inspired bit of rap-pop from Reality Student Ministry. Poor old guy.

To ‘Jingle Bells’ Hilary Henshaw worries about that oldster when stricken down. But it’s “Santa’s Hiccups” that perplex (and annoy) with all that noise. Shout along, kids!

B Minor Music also frets “When Santa Got the Hiccups.” More original, and certainly more Australian.

Worse health-wise, “Santa’s Got Diabetes” as depicted in ’80s anthem rock by The North Polio. Impaired! (But completely believable.)

Deer Valley Trio reveal that time “When Santa Claus Got His Ass Kicked by the Reindeers.” This hand-clapping round is sung in good natured folk joshing.

St. Nick

Rockabilly doesn’t usually get this chill, but Thee Elfmen lay licks into “Santa Santa” that induce duckwalking–at most. Not swinging, but cool.

Jody Whitesides’s rock also holds back in “Sharing for Christmas.” But what’s so funny about good, cheer, and spirit?

Amidst the grunge of “Rise, Santa, Rise” come the lyrics: The sky, is calling; The sleigh, awaits its king. But Placeholder Confidential’s metal attitude doesn’t frighten so much as pledge to the Kringle his due.

Dipping a toe into psychedelia, Collaborateurs announces that Santa Claus is frozen Jello. Perhaps that’s only to rhyme with his epithet as a “Mellow Fellow.” Or perhaps it’s meant to melt your mind, in a giving way.

Secret Santa” is most often NOT the actual Santa, but a form of workplace abuse. Canned Hamm and Friends make of this idea a charming hash with hooded brotherhood initiation intonations. Oooh.

PeaceNick” is so laid back it’s come ’round again. Roy Zimmerman applies the Lefty attributes of Santa to a forensic sketch and gets this hippie portrait. Folk comedy.

Gunna Celebrate.221 Remington Fireball

Guess i missed this curiosity a few months back when we scrutinized songs about monsters. Extize extols how Christmas Eve starts with a gun; Guess the nightmare has begun when you’ve got “Gremlins in the System.” Peppy metal.

Merry Christmas (Wanna See My Dad’s Gun​?​)” boasts the claim it was written in ten minutes. Guwange, however, gives us a thoughtful, hyperactive, short garage pop to challenge our traditions.

Gettin’ us down, Guy Clark is pickin’ at the ol’ gee-tar with “Queenie’s Song.” He bets you got a gun for Christmas, but that don’t make it right.’Cuz what you did ain’t shoulda been done. You son of a bitch.

Joybuzzard resorts to garage folk to melt away hopes, expectations, and cheer in “The Broomslinger.” He carries a broom on Christmas Eve, a gun on Christmas Day. You’ll see why.

End of the Line, Fatso

Experimental ‘music’ from Concave Onion claims Santa is a multiple murderer. And it’s “Worse Than Coal.” Sheesh.

Psycho Ho Ho” from El Camino features a Santa who has fewer motivations, but rockabilly menace. I’d steer clear.

Davey Dips’s “Post-Traumatic Santa Claus Disorder” is a rap tale about Billy who is orphaned by that red menace. Oh, it’s just a movie.

Comeuppance arrives from Hot Buttered Elves who find “Pieces of Santa” all over the front room. This new age indie offering makes it sound like El Giftarella was delivering faulty ordnance. Ouch. Still, magic sack….

Ben & Tucker admit through gritted teeth and folk strumming that Santa Claus is dead… and now he’s coming for me! Tune in to “White Turns Red” to find out more.

Please… Don’t… I Have Children….

Vengeance escalates, then murder. For christmas!

The most twisted vengeful song only digs one grave with the pop wisecracking of Kunt and the Gang in “Kuntish Christmas.” Lots of evil wishing, so don’t worry.

Santa’s Revenge” is a new age lite metal from Infinity Greenhouse about Dead Santa returning to grant atom bombs to the kids, to make the world pay for their sins. Is this Futurama?

Silent Night Deadly Night” is mass slaughter metal rocked from Vista Blue. The orphan says, they’re gonna pay. Now we got a song!

Young Mark’s “The Farewell Ballad of Holiday Wonderment and Joy and Blood Also” is a mini-show of in memoriam, but only screaming so at the end. Whoa, that came out of nowhere.

Inward Chills direct “CSI Lapland,” a tinkly ad lib folk corrado about Santa killing. Will justify prevail?

Sticks and Stones

Bad words hurt and can be a crime. But, when it’s Christmas we forgive everyone mean-minded, bigoted, mouth poisons! (right?)

Marshal Keep exhibits a hair trigger in his peppy pop “Jingle the Red Nosed Halls Christmas Tree.” Brace yourself.

My Christmas Wish” is faux metal from James H. Carter II. Aspiring to metal requires a certain menace. It’s in there, with reason (stole his tree!).

Salvador Buttersworth gets into it with the family in “Christmas on Love Avenue.” In this folk strummer he actually does turn the car around.

Could be Better BLUE ALERT

Out of the hellfire into the front room… Christmas is a special time of the year, but tragedy strikes when you least expect it. So are troubles over the holidays just more of the same, extra terrible, or some sort of test of your faith?

Bad times have come across the blog before. If you can’t laugh at them, then Sauron wins.

Out of money, out of hair, full of ants, Dieter Horvat can barely bear “Christmas (On a Wednesday).” Doom comes in all sizes especially in folk music.

The Doomsday Bunker Band stumbles under the burden of disappointment and despair of late December. Folk rock sells “The Christmas Hurtsmas Song.” To live is to suffer. BLUE ALERT

Damn That Holiday: Satan.6

Satan’s Christmas Tree of Fiery Shit​-​Filled Death” by Aristocorpse is merely another BLUE ALERT metal rage-filled antiestablishment announcement. Moving on….

Marlboro regrets celebrating “Christmas Everyday” pretty bad. He starts confusing God and The Devil, blaming whomever comes to mind. Satan go swallow a tack he declares, to get even with his folk rock.

Emit Bloch (with Michael Vinaver), equally hungover, regrets that “I Mispelt Santa, Satan.” No horrors are visited upon this misdeed, but children cried. Not ’cause of the chill folk pop melody, though. Oh no.