Had quite a few “Shoot Your Eye Out This Christmas” kind of songs. Now, the message is nose-off-to-spite-your-face; hate you and your gifts and the whole season. And saying so (and burning everything?) hurts me, too, i guess. Ask Sam Pearson and his indie guitar to find out.
Nevermind, time for more bloodbath–this time with premeditation! “Evil Christmas” from Big Chino is family rap about lying in armed wait Xmas Eve. Suddenly, Santa’s NOT dead and HE’s got a gun, too–!
Electric Bill and the Utilities indie punk how they want “A Gun For Christmas.” What they’ll do with it is a BLUE ALERT carnival ride. Weee-uh oh.
And all I wanted for Christmas was a gun is the encore sentiment from Super Chron Flight Bros (feat. Zesto) in “B More.” Real. With ‘Boyz’ samples.
Lil Seradino actually wants an xBox for Christmas, but if that fails… gotta get an AR-15. “Have a Merry M6” is unfortunate rap, but it’s a product of its social economic system. BLUE ALERT
After seeing “Black Santa” TDK wants to be gone. Especially because of the drugs and violence: If you point that gun Make it click, he raps.
Northside, strangely, identifies with “Batman” for Christmas: Have you ever seen a gun When it points at you; I don’t know the feeling, But that’s what my father went through. So, not completely the same.
LRN Nola is so mad at some lady who’s writing to Santa, he starts listing the weaponry at his fingertips in “I Hate Santa.” BLUE ALERT rap.
Vilardz is not quite BLUE with his rap “Christmas Hype.” He throws shade on YOU but insists he’s holding his steady gun (probably means good, huh?).
“You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out” by Big Chris & D’bare Bones Band is a summary of that movie to some gangater honkytonk rockabilly. Makes that movie better.
Ralphie’s Red Ryders rock the pop when they persist their case: “I Won’t Shoot My Eye Out.” That’s right. I can dig it.
The (John) Candy metal the kidsong with their “You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out.” Napalm? I feel threatened.
Johnny Dee rollicks the rock with “Shoot Your Eye Out.” It’s fun, even when he calls the household jolly assholes. So, be careful.
Millington swings the ska pop with “Christmas Song (I Don’t Want To Hear Another).” They do pick up on all the specials and movies, however, including having Lost an eye to a BB gun. Awww.
Responding to the noise of someone coming “Down My Chimney,” the narrator in Alder H. Linden Music’s musical (rap?) experience DOES ask questions first.
Stronie goes to the trouble through hair rock to advise putting down the guns in the festive “Raise a Glass.” Tiny bit rando, there.
The experimental rap “Don’t Shoot My Birds, Santa” by DJ Bowler Hat establishes a number of bluebirds, and the imminence of death. But beyond that, i’m stymied.
Some kids made a song. “Don’t Shoot Santa.” They call themselves [image control]. It’s kinda good. Okay. Garage rock like. Yeah. So, no shooting. Or being alone.
A busy year, but rewarding. At least that’s how i choose to look at it today. Don’t ask me tomorrow what i think, doesn’t matter then.
Tried some wild concepts for my monthly themes. Surfing for Christmas?! Many surf-rock versions of traditional carols roll in with the tide, but for songs ABOUT riding the waves in December… Well, i’ll recommend The Barbary Coasters’ Hark! to Parrotheads, retro rock enthusiasts, partiers, and anyone else with a pulse. I think you’ll dance.
Oddest of the lot: Surf Party, USA was a joke band that made good–well, at the college radio level. But their 2018 beginnings have resulted in THREE holiday albums (one’s for Thanksgiving, another’s for Halloween). So, get wet with Surf Party, Yule S.A And say hey to Andrew Berg for me.
The single i can’t get out of my head was a typo. “Athiest Serf Holiday” by The Yule Logs from the album You Ruined Christmas has to be heard to be believed. No oceanic adventuring. Surf rock, and existential as Moondoggie.
FEBRUARY tried more sport transpo with sledding action. Christmas songs about buttsliding on snow?! As much as ‘Jingle Bells’ is a Christmas song! That Band From Holland, known as The Non Traditionals, and their light rock insouciance is a slam for the worries of the world. Their album New Traditionals (Final Christmas Compilation) is but one of many. Try it and see.
The Light get me right in the novelty bone with their bizarre “Sledding Song.” I can barely believe the rush.
March continues with skating! Most of these interesting songs come from albums littered with standards–which i do not prefer to recommend. But Ginger Cat’s Christmas With You has just enough class to make my cut.
John McCutcheon noodles on the electric guitar in such a way that his “Fly” evokes childhood, nature, athleticism, and pure joy. Yeah i like this.
April tested boundaries with songs about skis. There’s a subculture in the music world there, so it’s easy to land on the album Ski Songs by Bob Gibson. The suffering, self-hatred, and ecstasy of being a skier lands more on the ’50s than now. but this is a must-have for the slope-sters out there.
1960s Outsider Pop is another thing imma not familiar with. If Joye Bell’s “Let’s Go Skiing” is symptomatic of this trend, sign me up. Peppy and fun.
May kept us moving, but more Christmastastically with trains. Rollicking rock from The Hot Dogs with Holy Shit, It’s Christmas kicks off the fun. Yeah, baby.
Adolescent humor takes me back to my just a few hours ago. It’s what i know. So, when i say Ben & Tucker’s “Magical Rainbow Train” is self indulgently & narrowly hilarious, i guess I know what i’m talking about.. [Which means their album Christmas Carousal (Deluxe Edition) is something to check into as well.]
June took locomotion onto the high seas–and sea bottoms–with boats for the holidays. This gave me a chance to revisit Carbon Leaf’s bluegrassy rock in their inimitable Christmas Child. That is good music.
Another tangent, ‘cuz Christmas music about ocean craft only floats my boat so high… but Brennen Leigh’s “Merry Christmas, Asshole” finally pays the tab of all those put upon women in country music singin’ about all those intolerable men. He does sink a boat, but there’s SO MUCH MORE to call him out on. Sing it!
July naturally extends boats to pirates. What a great idea for Christmas tunes! …in some other year, perhaps. I did happen across concept bands who ONLY perform pirate music where’er they play. Mostly they spoof traditional carols with an ARR! or AVAST!, but Ye Banished Privateers is deadly serious with their researched and cosplayed A Pirate Stole My Christmas. The energy! The grime! Goosebumps! Get some.
A rare live performance from Captain Bog and Salty charmed me enough to feature “Merry Christmas, Santa is Walking the Plank.” Perhaps i shouldn’t have. But it is quite the jolly blend of cruelty and danceable shanty.
August comes alive with MONSTERS for Christmas. Oh you kid, the possibilities were endless… well for ghosts and zombies, anyway. Most cryptizoologicals didn’t earn much play (Chupacabra Xmas songs, anyone??). The Glenn Crytzer Orchestra resuscitated (in 2019!!) big band sounds from mid-century flawlessly with their album Underneath the Mistletoe. On repeat, please.
“Love Xmas, Hate Vampires” care of Vom Vorton doesn’t mince feelings. But this righteous rockabilly punk has a great beat and i can die to it.
September rounded up even more monsters with demons, devils, and Satan hisself. Christmas Reminisces from the X-Misses includes at least two songs about Hell. And a helluva lot of more originality. Rock, swing, disco… who could ask for anything more!
Music Vault (Joe Heavey / Patrick Kelly / Rick McKay) amuses with their love ballad “Merry Christmas, Satan.” Whatever you think it is, you’re wrong. Sigh.
October continued all things damnable, including a major detour through Armageddon. The Doubleclicks offer solace with their unusual album Christmas Ain’t about Me. Classically trained funsters cute loose. Cool Christmas album.
Rifftones ends times with their “Apocalypse Christmas.” This joyous drinking song hits all the wrong notes in all the right ways. Great video besides.
November naturally turns to the worst Christmas ever. It’s about time to introduce you to A Very Bert Dax Christmas. Purveyor of the greatest Saint-Louis-centric holiday compilations ever compiled, and then some, this collecting apparatus has been going strong for years. Not always original works, but always cool. We’ll start you with Volume Seven.
December turns the tables with the menace and power of guns for Xmas. Which means imma feature songs id rather avoid. Including Ralphie’s Red Ryders’ album You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out. Embarrassing movie, great rocking subject.
“I Want To Shoot Rudolph” is bouncy pop from Yakey Tamarrack (ft. Супа Тропски) mostly about wanting to. And reasons for. Almost swayed.
Toy instruments collide in cacophony for Mystery Moisture’s “Shoot the Mistletoe.” It’s a friendly mess.
That reindeer with the red light attracts the long rifle from Mavado Flexxx & Savage in the Carib rap “Gully Christmas.” BLUE ALERT despite the heavy accent.
“I Didn’t Get What I Asked for This Christmas” whines Phillip Hermans with a late night easy listening vibe. He suggests pooping in Santa’s hat and shooting the reindeer to get even. (Look out, it’s not HIS poop.)
I shoulda seen “Jingle Bell Glock” coming. This BLUE ALERT parody comes in at a 7 for wit, but a 4 for talent. Sorry, Eddie Ishaya & Wasted Youth.
BLUE ALERT. The short-is rap “Asked Santa Claus For A Glizzy” by Sunshine Christo gets filtered and urban, but is so sing-along that you’ll want the whole family to join in.
Santa will you bring me a gun, I think I need to kill someone, sort-of raps April Blue in the just weird enough “Too Much.” Warned ya.
Kinsey Sticks point out how Lebanese and Syrians get a gun, so they want to also “Get a Gun.” A cappella pop with a hint of hymnal. And you can use it later for Halowe’en!
A bit ironic and agenda-driven The Private Gentlemen’s Yacht Club has the children recite “All I Want For Christmas Is a Shotgun.” The reason: It’s America! BLUE ALERT as well as gasp alert. Lively pop.
“Whoville Massacre” by N4TURALS is that kind of death metal where the message is in the bleeding ears.
Nurf (Feat. moonie & Emilyn) go melodic psycho kidsong with “Santa’s Little Helper.” This helper helps murder everyone, ‘cuz she got socks. Damn.
Welcome back Angry Johnny & The Killbillies bemoaning in rockabilly how “Daddy Won’t be Coming Home for Christmas” because of all the people he shot and killed. Apparently the shopping didn’t go well.
