Don We Now: not

The opposite of dressed is… next.

Escaping the entire fashion scene is Dan Hart with his light-hearted “Xmas in the Nude.” It’s poppy ragtime. It’s natural.

This doesn’t have to be sexual, you know. Unless you ask Donny Lovering. “Kenny’s Naked Christmas” is on the naughty list. Lounge pop.

Yeah, “Naked Noël (A Naturist Christmas)” by Andy Twyman does that thing with comparing your free swinging bits with food. We’ve done that! But, those Brits laugh at the same thing over and over.

Time to let it all hand out! The Naked Cowboy (Gaetano Lattanzi, Lee Evans) party down with dance and reggae and country and rock and all manner of noise in “Naked Christmas.” Whoa.

You’re not intimidated are you? Big Mess ukes up a lively folk warning about “Naked Santa.” Run doesn’t seem to cover it.

Peter E Clarkson is seething. His frantic showtune “Santa Saw Me Naked” is propounded on mere conjecture. Settle down, man.

Don We Now: doff

With Christmas over, don’t we need to unclothe?

Well, there’s the “Strip Club Christmas Eve” by Drew Jacobs. But it’s comedy from tragedy, man. Folk rock lite drollery.

But then there’s Keno Project rock R+B-ing “Take Off Your Clothes.” Party on!

Goldie Lookin Chain pop raps a comic set with “I Don’t Want to Wear No Clothes on Christmas Day.” Lots of phrasing for exposed parts.

Don We Now: shod at sunrise

[Heavy sigh.]

‘kay, there’s a song about Christmas clothes as a gift you may have heard. I even included it once. I think we should avoid it. (It’s TERRIBLE.)

(And the excellent parody by Robert Lund.) (But not the Scary Pete equally perverse version.) (Or the trailer park satire from TAL and CC Productions.) (Or the Truma family feud.) (And not the overlong Oddwalk Ministries expose of the kid scammer.)

A slightly punk version of the ultra-Christian cry “Christmas Shoes” by FM Static should cover this. Unless there’s some change left over…?

Don We Now: whadja not wanna get?

Did you really ASK for something to wear?: ‘Course you didn’t! That’s lame-o!

Grandma’s Christmas Shirt” tells us the story of that gift you have to wear but you’d rather burn. The Good Year Pimps go appropriately punk for this honest discourtesy.

Drunk parody fun time! “What Tie is This?” takes a turn at ‘Child’ with the wit of Robert Lund of FuMP. You’ll larf, if you’ve lived this.

‘Course there’s the sizing problem. Mel Blanc gives us classic nationalism with “The Hat I Got for Christmas is Too Beeg.” Reeng dee bell and beet duh drom.

Then there’s socks. Something Awful Christmas Songs tells the whole sordid BLUE ALERT tale in “King Lou’s Terrible Christmas Song.” You might need a drink.

Andy Pagana gives you the actual list of what he does want. But most especially, he country kidsongs, “I Don’t Want Clothes for Christmas.” You’ve been warned.

The worst gift JD McPherson ever got? “Socks.” A jazz romp of considerable elasticity.

Boogie rock with Trout Fishing in America: “Santa Brought Me Clothes.” You need to reinventory your misdeeds for the year, dudes. Santa’s telling you something.

Don We Now: whadja get?

The easy present for Christmas is clothing.

Sometimes that’s a good thing. Not that often, though.

I mean if it was a flying suit–! Teresa Brewer intros “The Flying Suit Song” as a Christmas wish. Not a practical gift, so don’t ask me for that.

Carmen is asking: “Give Me Pajamas for Christmas.” Her folk recital is awful persuading with all the comfy and cosy.

Trey Stone couldn’t be happier! All he wants is a “3 Pack of Underwear.” With his group The Ringers he country lauds the perfect present. So happy….

It’s Christmas Day and What Have We Learned?

After a year of research and devilment, i like to take a mo and hit him with a hammer. Nyuck nyuck nyuck.

Rather than simply Top Tenning it, however, let me stack up the discoveries i’ve made over the last eighteen score posts. I can hardly believe i still stumble across novel new noisemakers everyone and their dog should hearken to. (*Hint: the word ‘album’ might link you to a Youtube playlist to listen to.)

Parodies’ Paradise: Sure there’s reliable Bob Rivers, noel Joel Kopischke, literal The ’60s Invasion and also hand-ringing The Mistletones (the last two with one powerhouse album apiece), oh–and the holy ApologetiX (for the coolest Christian retreads of the most sinful rock ‘n’ roll). But this year i bumped into Balderdash and Humbug. Their 55 Days of Christmas album has some gnarly new stuff on board. Thanks, guys.

As a gift to you, let’s revisit just about my favorite video from last year, Jason Bojangals’s “‘Blank Space’ ‘Home Alone’ Parody.” ‘Home Alone’ is a Christmas movie, right? It’s just so sociopathic! (Like Ms. Swift!)

Snow Business: While fooling around with songs about freezing cold precip, i was winded by Piedmont Songbag’s “Roger, It’s Snowing.” This Greensboro bunch a’ bubbas sound like the fun-lovininest likeable lugs to smack around a Christmas novelty song as ever blew down the flu. Tragically, their bassist died of a sudden this year. Please buy their album Try & Spread Some Cheer. Iffen you no like it, give it to me. What i’ve sampled is SO COOL, i will reference their work more and more. (Honestly, i don’t buy any of these masterpieces. Hint, hint.)

Anthropomorphic Snow Sculpture: Shark Uppercut out of nowhere broadsided me with their After the Fall (A Holiday Album). This electronic mess is hands down hilarious and offensively random. If you’re angry and think irony is stupid, go for it. (Sample 25 Days of Jesse, and also the instrumental electronica Robots Call It Christmas. Then you’ll know.)

But, i have to repeat InsideOut A cappella’s “In the Sun They Melted II.” This is their parody sequel, son. Check out the original, if you have the time. (No cool exclusively CHRISTMAS album from these kidsong singers.)

Tree-mendous Holiday Fun: A couple albums to investigate… Austin’s pretty-farout-sounding boys Watch Out for Rockets have an album, 13 Days of Xmas (Bandcamp offered it for freakin’ free). Eclectic energy.

The Hipwaders are overly talented kidsmusic men. Their album A Kindie Christmas merits more than the usual juvenile consideration. Find it. Play it. Play with it.

These overshadow the notorious Dr. BLT (Dr. Bruce L. Thiessen) and the prodigious number of odd songs he’s been rock-country-reggae-ska-folk-ing up in new volumes (Candy Cane Lanes) (album 1) (album 2) (album 3) (album 4) since 2015. Plus a kid’s album Hollotajolly, and an adult party album holottholly. Great googly, dude’s overachieving!

But, love goes to Parry Gripp, cartoon theme writer, jingle impersonator, and overall kookie genius. His Christmas songs are individual sensations, so i can’t grab ’em by the album. But look them over. Laugh, cry, covet…. Go ‘head.

Presents of Mine: Train guitarist Jerry Becker has an oddly B’way-ish album of Xmas imagining, Holidayzed. It appeals to the musical and the mayhem inside of me.

Lil Poverty Angels have one of those word jazz improv hip hop kind of nonsensical offerings, an album with 30 songs about a minute each. Christmas Cookies and Government Cheese. Don’t love it, but do respect it.

Angry Johnny and The Killbillies has an ammo-centric album Bang Bang Baby Bang Bang Merry Christmas. But i mostly dig “Christmas Shopping” on it.

As Seen on TV: Coupla bloggers caught my attention for this month, those people who relentlessly, exhaustively, OCD-ily obsess over their hobbies. Joanna Wilson’s “Tis the Season TV” channel on Facebook will describe, evaluate, and link you to oh so many holiday specials and movies and series. She has published books on it. I find her to be an easy touch for cheesebally sentimental value.

The big win here is “A Cartoon Christmas” blogsite. I don’t know the people involved, but i am in awe of how schizo cranky/besotted (t)he(y) are. This is brilliant, if microscopic, analysis of 20th C animation, from the Rambo cartoons to Rankin and Bass. And the breezy wit and casual rage make me a believer. I stole whatever i could from here.

As a chance to revisit old TV shows something caught at me… it was the ancient ‘Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol’ and the songs therein. That was a show and and a half for kids. Meanness redressed, chances seconded, and fun tunes, like “The Lord’s Bright Blessing (Razzleberry Dressing).” Aww.

Sing a Song of Singing Songs:

Canadian guitarist par excellence Wendell Ferguson is much originally funnier than i would’ve given credit to. His album Wendell Ferguson’s Cranky Christmas will get more and more play from me. Damn that’s good. To measure his level of fingering genius, resample his “Why Does Every Christmas Song Have So Many Chords?”

Take a Card: Sticky Mittens is a novelty Christmas album that just won’t quit from Rochester professionals who gather throughout the year to jam original music. This is what America’s about, people! The pity about discovering Watkins & the Rapiers so late for me is that their songs shoulda been included in my previous posts about Subordinate Clauses (overworked elves), Tree-mendous Holiday Fun (Christmas lights), and Santa Jobs (unemployed slacker). On my wavelength! Let’s remember them for “Don’t Expect a Christmas Card from Me.”

Don We Now: O, the sites i’ve seen– Arbor recordings are also NJites with a charity to help. Every year they corral local talent to pop up a musical album fundraiser. Mucho nuevo musica. My last visit to Bandcamp revealed their 18 volumes at “make offer” or “free download.” Holee molee. I just grabbed eight hours gratis. (Us limited incomers ain’t proud.)

The “Something Awful” people have a website [founded by Richard Charles Kyanka 1999] of various victorious vituperations, but they do sponsor a contest annually for nasty noeling. They’ve got seven volumes of several discs each. Gah, i can’t access where i downloaded them FOR FREE earlier. Here’s the Bandcamp collection. I did buy a volume before i got lucky on their poorly supervised website sometime in November.

Gentler, kinder, Kaleb Withers also devises an Xmas disk each year full of parodies and nutty new stuff. This Perth WA team (with wife) is exceptional and makes me smile, but Amazon and itunes don’t know them much. Spotify will play them, but it was only Christmas Albums 5 & 6 posted on Youtube that tipped me off. I guess you can buy their stuff on Reverbnation. I’ll update when i discover otherwise.

Finally, Rhett & Link have a talented Youtube channel full of novelty songs and other crazy boy pranks. Well, i fell hard for their series of Christmas self decoration songs starting with “Christmas Sweatz.” Click on the cues for the sequels “Christmas Face” and “Christmas Booty” if you dare.

So, God, if you love Xmas so much, why don’t you Mary it?!

Don We Now: Santa below the belt

What’s left for Santa?

Well, footwear… but if you find “Santa’s Boots” under her bed–not so jolly. The Crusty Jugglers bring the maudlin to honky tonk for a country downer.

Kinky boots continues with Diane Gee wanting to wear “Santa’s Boots.” Kidsong, so i’m sure it’s innocent as all get out. But when she crows about bein’ ‘jolly’ after ‘strapping on’ the gear–i dunno.

Gleefully naughty HB Radke puts the big band in gay apparel with “Shiny Red Boots.” It’s not cross dressing so much as Xmas dressing.

Also alternative, Greg (guitar) Case strums and hums through “Santa Wore Cowboy Boots.” This Santa identifies as ‘scoot.’

bennie accounts for this anomaly with “Santa’s Got Daddy’s Boot on.” Guess it was a shortchanged quick-change. Frolicsome kidsong.

Joe Teig brings the rock’n’roll to kidsong with “Santa Claus’s Boots,” a measure of how big a man he is. (As in, i could never fill those boots.)

Metal now with “Black Boots on” by Billy Scream. This inventory of apparel gets dark fast.

Just as disturbing is the disco hip hop from Marc Schaefgen “Black Boots n’ Red Pants.” This is not natural.

BearRon (Rob Barron) sees too many Santas when he sings “Oh Santa Pants.” This slow country two-step ends badly when he finds discarded Santa pants… eek!

Brian Greene (in not quite a sequel) polkas up his phone call to the North Pole to report “How Santa Lost His Pants.” Where will the operator connect him? Child services?

Where will this end? “Santa’s Panties” by Valley of Love, Dan Barbanel, Anu Junnonen, and Joy As a Toy round robin sing about that piece of costumery that must not be mentioned. Experimental pop. Be cautious of learning too many details….


Don We Now: Santa not suit

When is a Santa suit not a Santa suit?

When “Santa’s Got a Sharkskin Suit.” Rockabilly from Bob Wire and Chip Whitson refits the season. It was time for a change.

Jerelyn Craden (of Joy Jam) also redresses the fashion crimes of the jolliest elf with “Santa’s in a Bathing Suit,” But he was in L.A. so no worries, bra.

Hi-5 also recommend “Santa Wear Your Shorts” when visiting them in Hawaii. Kip bop pop.

Dave Rudolph goes dirty jump blues with his “Santa’s Got a Zoot Suit.” Sah-Moken!

Don We Now: not Santa suit

If it’s the suit, isn’t it the Santa?

Au contraire mon frère.

Little Encyclopedia Browns roam the front room figuring out it’s someone else in the getup, like Dr. Elmo with his bluegrass folk “Grandpa in the Santa Suit Show.” Nice pickin’.

Falling for the man in the uniform, but this time the man, Christiane Bjørg wants to know “Who’s the Hunk in the Santa Suit?” Who’s your umpapa? (Ja ja, beerhall pop, das ist gut.) (But Danish.)

Wait, is that YOU in the Santa suit? Filipino Dream Girls puzzle out how when you go get the “Santa Suit” on, you transform. You are Christmas. Funny folk rock worth opening your minds towards.

Maybe i have NO idea who’s in that two-piecer: “Somebody Stole My Santa Claus Suit” wails Dan Hicks and the Christmas Jug Band. This trip through instrumentation winds up Christian anyway.

Fountains of Wayne document the woes of “The Man in the Santa Suit” at the mall. Fine alt to celebrate the season. (Or a retelling of the first The Simpsons episode.)