Again? Merrill Leffmann lounge divas “I Love a Man in Uniform” (meaning red suit, black belt and boots) with extra boop boop a doop.
林靜翬 winifai goes smokey, sultry lounge siren to recall childhood in the disturbingly evocative “[I Love You, Santa].” (The brackets indicate translated lyrics.)
“Santa Claus (I Love You)” by The Ruby Plumes gets garage alt hung up on the complexities of intimacy. Authentic, but perhaps not so honest.
Some Bo Diddley parody from Dana K and the Remedy’s “I Love Santa.” Oh, it’s on.
In “ASS ()F $ANTA” Dumpster Company delivers unto us a comedy of that strike-breaking meanie, who has written Elon for advice.
Dave Sweeney and the Kickin’ Mules soft pops the inner turmoil Santa has superceding The Savior Xmas Day. But one look at that “Empty Sleigh” and he is satisfied with a job well done.
Gary Oak. (not of Pokemon fame) raps with soul about the difficulties and proclivities of being Santa “xmasof95 (xmasof95).” It’s a nearly Blue Xmas.
Twinkle Toes Music has a lugubrious take on ‘Frère Jacques’ with the Q+A “Where is Santa?” The answer will NOT surprise you.
You need someone to warm up to? Try the boogie woogie “I’m Your Santa Claus” from Aaron Burton. If the sleigh is rockin’, don’t come writing any more lists.
Key of Awesome brings the seduction to a head with “Santa and I Know It” (the LMFAO parody). jennyinstereo is a bit weaker with her verzh.
The Wiggles don’t OWN kidsong, but they swing a big didgeridoo when it comes to audience participation. “Let’s Clap Hands for Santa Claus” gets the li’l ones going.
Nooshi mashes up state and church with “Santa Doodle.” It’s that kidsong propaganda and the march step of faith together again.
Bunch of Believers turn ‘It Must be’ into a whole new ska game with “So Many Santas.” This is often a point AGAINST the Saint. And the comparison to JC doesn’t prop him up. But… it’s Ska! Cool.
I Don’t Know Margo grunges country to give us an adoring “Secret Santa.” Kinda rocks.
Allowing for the stupid fresh of Santa, Bob Seger & The Last Heard beseech with correct r’n’r reverence “Sock It to Me Santa.” Bud Logan reinterprets “Sock It to Me Santa” as electric country with disco twang. That IS different.
The Soul Saints Orchestra get back to the funk with “Santa’s Got a Bag of Soul.” This mid-’90s James Brown homage delivers on the henhs.
Brook Benton slops on the soul for a real “Soul Santa.” 1971 vulnerability. Man, that flute!
Flourish out with some fine War parody: “Sleigh Rider” by Santa’s Elves. That chingon es muy trucha.
Party the Hut and Friends funks out when detailing the positivity of “Groovy Santa.” The Cat with the Bag, that’s who.
Lounge lizard cool extends to “A Ring-A-Ding-Ding, It’s Santa.” Joel Kopischke smarms up the Big Guy’s rep, but he’s still a member of the Elf Pack. Hey hey–Ho!
Libandano Urfam leans into “Merry Zeppelin” with amateur rockishness. Santa comes off cool, though.
Worth repeating: Jimmy Allen & Tommy Bartella doowop the rock of “When Santa Comes Over The Brooklyn Bridge.” Killer sax solo makes up for the weak 1959 girl backup. (But, it was only a dream!)
“Mr. C” from Luke Stanage is thoughtful indie rock about the swift rider of Christmas. It has childlike wonder ballooning out of a tempered body.
The lugubrious “The Spirit of St. Nicholas” begins with Jesus worship, then Bud Davidge extends plodding electric middle of the road pop to the strictures of our deliverer of gifts.
Spoken word poetry from Mary Thienes Schunemann sets the stage and the man in “St. Nicholas Verse.” Pretty intense.
Dinah Washington croons “Ole Santa” about how magical the reindeer man is. R+B, but i can’t believe it’s not gospel.
Rock Sugar metals the parody with “Don’t Stop the Santa Man.” I understand you’ve vowed never to hear Journey’s hit ever again. But, trust me on this one.
Pulling on the beard is just one more thing that happens because of a “Bahumbug Baby” in Dave Tough’s indie-pop cautionary tale.
Grampa’s got one of those Santa beards in JJ Heller’s pop/folk “Christmastime.” Not sure what’s so traumatic, but she insists we’ll all be fine in a week or two.
The Heebee-jeebees may be confused when they seek someone to “Arrest This Bearded Gentleman.” (To the tune of ‘God Rest Ye’.) They don’t seem to understand who this guy is. But then, the theme to Gilligan’s Island rears up. What? Now i’m confused! Skip-per-r-r-r!
Preston Penn lead with their chins in the children’s rock’n’roller “Santa’s Beard” from 1965. He always wears it, kids. In case you were wondering.
The Quaint & The Curious turn green (and incarcerated) over the comparisons betwixt their own and Santa’s. The ukulele easy listening plodding seems at odds with the unfairness that “Everyone Seems to Love Santa’s Beard.”
Let’s try rewriting an actual song! This was my Christmas card for 2023, and it caused some confusion as i never said in so many words that it was based on the ballad of the legendary John Henry, the steel driving man. Now, that’s a tune!
The Ballad of Kris Kringle
Kris Kringle was a little elfling
Sittin’ in zero degrees
He picked up a doll and (a) wooden choochoo
Said: ‘Toys’re gonna be the death of me, Lawd Lawd
Toys’re gonna be the death of me’
Jeff Bezos said to Kris Kringle:
‘Gonna bring that AI on shift,
Gonna bring ChatGPT on the job
Gonna outdeliver all your gifts, Lawd Lawd
Gonna outdeliver all your gifts’
Kris Kringle told ol’ Siri:
‘A Saint ain’t nothin’ but a man,
But before I let your block chain beat me
I’d die with a present in my hand, Lawd Lawd
I’d die with a present in my hand’
Kris Kringle said to his reindeer:
‘Rudolph, why don’t you sing?
I’m throwin’ down chimneys bikes and baby dolls,
Just listen to that sleigh bell ring, Lawd Lawd
Just listen to that sleigh bell ring’
Kris Kringle said to Google Bard: ‘Hey
Google, you’d better pray
‘Cause if you miss that little ghetto boy,
Tomorrow’ll be your buyout day, Lawd Lawd
Tomorrow’ll be your buyout day’
Alexa said to Kris Kringle:
‘We think this chimney’s cavin’ in’
Kris Kringle said to Amazon: ‘Hey, Man,
That ain’t nothin’ but my reindeers zeroin’ in, Lawd Lawd
That ain’t nothin’ but my reindeers zeroin’ in’
The man that invented the Turing Test
Thought he was mighty fine,
But Kris Kringle made billions happy
And SantaBot only handled nine, Lawd Lawd
And SantaBot only handled nine
Kris Kringle barnstormed the suburbs
Delivery was striking fire
But went so hard, he broke his sleigh’s harness
He smashed up his reindeer and he died, Lawd Lawd
He smashed up his reindeer and he died
They took Kris Kringle to the North Pole
And they buried him in the snow
And every child’s mother comes along by
Says: ‘There lies such a nice boy, Lawd Lawd’
Says: ‘There lies such a nice boy’
Well, every Christmas mornin’
When the carolers start to sing
You can hear Kris Kringle’s joy start to rise
You can hear Kris Kringle jingling, Lawd Lawd
You can hear Kris Kringle jingling
I originally started with the idea of Santa Claus vs. AI, because it’s everyone vs. AI here in The Digital ‘Twenties. The idea percolated (or festered) without going anywhere in particular for a few weeks. Then John Henry came to me from somewheres and I did that switch-words thing for a bit. So, here we are.
