Tanya Rivera doesn’t want you to break her “Candy Cane Heart.” So, her pop music instructions include drinking, skating, and dating. Then, love. By the book.
“The New Ice Skates” carry her away. He knows she’s leaving so, at least in the Faint Lights alt folk song, buys her a mode of transpo. For when it’s cold enough.
Joni Mitchell’s second most covered song is the anti-Christmas folk mopery “River.” She wishes she had a river she could skate away on… See ya! (Okay, beautiful song, beautifully sung–but, wotta bummer.)
Trying to make it through this snowy “Time of Year” Gabriel Gassi raps and R+Bs about skating on thin ice with you. Listen, gurl, you’ve got ’til the end of the song to change your mind.
Guess it’s more like a dirge than a carol, concludes Brittany Ann Tranbaugh in sassy country pop that deals with a breakup. There’ll be no skating, now. And “The Christmas Flannel” shirt she got YOU–she’s keeping that. Nice coping mechanism! Great tune.
Francis Blume half yodels, half warbles through the old timey country trembler “For the Holidays.” He wants to kiss you! He likes spending time with you: Like the time that we went ice skating drunk and you slipped and nearly broke your Ask me what I’m doing for the Holidays. Ask him!
Jenny Alien slips in some BLUE ALERT with her clubby EDM “Skating Rink.” She’s failing at clubbing, but lives next to that icy palace. Something’s not working. Except the hot mess of a song, that slaps.
Sport Game gets more gnarly garage with “Figure Skating.” Seems reflective. Can’t really tell.
Wovoka Jr. tries some “Star Skating” but loses me somewhere around Saturn. New age-y alt explorations of hypnotic strength.
Little Baby Bum and Friends narrates how “Ice Skating” is such good fun. Kidsong pontification.
Muddying the waters, Eric Evans raps out the problems he’s got with you “Ice Skating.” Get it off the rink, son.
Sherwin Sleeves and Roy Harter grate out the horror, the horror of skating down the stream in the genre-smashing “The Christmas Skater.” Is it a train? A bad breakup? The encroaching darkness that will swallow us all?
Romance and skating on ice are nearly one and the same in the R+B (hoo, hoo hoo hoo, hoo) singalong “Christmas Wishin’” from David Davis. Holla.
Different Boats is in the friend zone, however, after mixed signals from skating. “Season of Sadness” is a maudlin rap without lashing out in anger. Sorry for your heart. (Crash cart! Stat!)
Connie Landers dredges up the ol’ ’60s rock’n’roll with “I’m Gonna be Warm This Winter.” That sleigh ride helped, but the ice skating cinched it. (Wotzat? Ya wanna hear Connie Francis, who originated it, do dis? Go ‘head. It’s more pizzicato.) (Nobody else, tho.)