We may have mentioned the criminal aspect of Xmas, but as a reminder: CRIME DOESN’T GET PRESENTS.

Lulu Belle and Scotty from the late 1930s regale us with the tale of the lightfingered poor daddy, “The Empty Christmas Stocking.” This old country swing is no ‘Christmas Shoes’ (Thank God), but it does tug at the purse strings. [For something a little more 21st, allow the Celtic regrouping by Misty River.]


Sometimes all we notice is what’s NOT there. It’s Christmas. There’s all the trimmin’s. But where the presents should be– well, not those.

Someone took a talented performance from Mr. Peter of a fine looking congregation somewhere and edited the bajeebers out of his “Nothing at All for Christmas” so that it becomes only a list of what you don’t get. No rhyme. No season. Just friendly gospel show tune.

I have no idea how to introduce or credit “Empty Box 4 Christmas.” This ‘Vince Coletta Project’ (wasn’t he a comic book artist?) stumble-raps a sad story about what this howler got (or didn’t) for Christmas.

De Postman jams a slasa carib with “Nothing for Me.” No questions nor angry accusations, only a big fat nada.


Whaddya say about nothing? I’m talking ’bout Christmas… i mean empty stockings, uncluttered trees, echoing expanses… well, then it’s time for the blues.

I’m Getting Nothing But the Blues for Christmas” is less raunchy and more melodic as a disaffected Stuart Hale Shakman pirouettes around the six-string to spill his guts. Purdy stuff.

Grinding the gears, Blaha shreds the blues with “It’s Christmas Time (And I Have Nothing Left to Lose.” It’s a sing-along for done-me-wrong.

Floyd Dixon leans hard on the bad news with his 1951 icy jingling “Empty Stocking Blues.” Brace yourselves. He’s all alone.

No Thank You

What about those spoil sports who just don’t want anything for Christmas? Don’t let them get away with that! But, listen a spell.

Pissing and moaning, Matt Stratton tickles the strings for a country sounding set of blues in “Empty Christmas.” Sucks to be… hell, everything just sucks.

Eric and Sari abstain from all the frippery including presents and prefer just to chestnuts and chill. With each other. “This Year I Don’t Want Anything for Christmas” is garage pop fun for grammas everywhere.

Canadian-American emo-boy new wave from The Classic Brown mopes about the pointlessness of a list in “Walmartiana.” Wah, wah, be-shoop de-doo.

Also despairing musically Futureman gives up on asking in the alt-folk “Better Christmas.” (P.S. That’s ironic: nothing will ever be better.) Sigh. La la la.

Let’s just say it: “Nothing for Me.” Jazzy punk from The Muffs cops to the big zero for Christmas. And… you’re all caught up on your shopping then.

Unreality BLUE ALERT

Is Xmas about the presents? You know better than to fall into that trick question trap. What should you really be into for the holidays? Well, imma tell you:

Lil B gets what for from his mama in “No Presents,” a rap battle of mediocre proportions. I do hope he learns to lessen.

The Sowell Family bands together for bluegrass and preachin’ in “It’s Not Christmas.” Turns out presents are the least of your hopes. No tree, nor snow, nor–i’m not sure but maybe not even–family matters. You better pray you figure out what does.

Pony Death Ride lands on what’s important with their “Nothing Beats Old People at Christmas.” No specifically eschewing gifts (they didn’t get you any bc they ‘thought you would be dead’), this BLUE ALERT irony must be heard, because millennials.


Oh the songs you could hear if you searched nothing-for-Christmas with the-one-you-love. I can’t bring myself to put you through all that. So let’s stick our toe into the muck just a millimeter. (I can do that to you.)

She can’t sing (or make English) but Nubia Rose shakes what her sugar daddy bought her with “I Want Nothing for Christmas,” a poor pop pooper of impropriety. Phbbt.

Group pop chanting from New Found Glory takes sappiness and bro-s it up into “Nothing for Christmas.” Men’s chorus hollering I got what I wanted just comes off creepy these days, guys. A more perky variant from the ABC Jugband, their “Nothing for Christmas” becomes a folk-pop plea to troth togetherness for the Advent, please. Love me some toy piano.

Another one of those my-gift-is-my-song numbers actually brightens the post with some nice backbeat. “Poor Excuse (Merry Christmas)” from The Silver Bells rocks lightly into our night.

I dig the party bop of “Nothing But the Bells On” from Fashionable Glasses. This late-night goth club ’90s bit o’ darkness refers to how this non-believer only wants You without the usual vestments… [see title].

Darren Parry jumps the shark on “Don’t Need Nothing Else This Christmas.” Not with the lounge-tastic country treacle here, but the fan-fueled video gifs strung together into an ah-may-zing video. Do they love the song/Are they making fun of the song?! Who cares!


What else can we say about poverty enabled people being overlooked at Christmas? They’re so poor… they don’t know it.

Carly Jamison cries “Oh No Santa Claus” when her characters in her story suffer all year long, only to realize today’s different somehow.

Foxtails Brigade presents the drama of a little girl who witnesses everyone else enshrouded in merch, but in “Unfairness Awareness” she gets the nada.