Zonked for the High Holidays

Alcoholics Anonymous get busy around late December. Let’s sing, in the basement of the church.

12 steps… 12 days…? Couldn’t help it! Mishka6487 sets the process to music so you can remember it better. “12 Steps of AA” is just sweet enough (has to keep checking her list) to make me almost respect it.

Martin Nesbitt elicits guffaws with his folksy portrayal of sliders and slippers at “The Alcoholic’s Anonymous Christmas Ball.” Crowd pleasing isn’t easy with this subject–it’s not nervous giggles, guys. Hello, my name is–what was it again?

Yaupish for the High Holidays

Alcohol for Christmas? How ’bout not?

We’ve already had J. Denver ask Daddy to not drink, but the rest of you might resist the elbow bending.

Riesa Rose Harris sings in her kitchen–perhaps as a bulwark preventing the guests from storming the liquor cabinet. “Non-Alcoholic Christmas” is strong country-gospel and she’s got presence. I wish her house had better acoustics.

The Bob and Tom Show presents “We Won’t Get Drunk This Christmas” as a show stopping laugher. It’s a talky roster of regret over vomit, harassment, and accidental violence. You know, the usual. Cue the lafftrack.

Kindevog rip on Tool’s ‘Sober’ with “A Sober Christmas.” Raunchy fun if a touch BLUE.

Jonah Lee rock a “Sober X-mas.” Sobriety here is court ordered, so i guess we laugh at him. Again, a dash of BLUE. (Last minute has outtakes.)

Lunch at Allen’s turns the humor upside down for a melancholic, soulful slow Celtic country number “Sober Up for Christmas.” Damn, now i feel crummy and heartbroken. Well, Christmas is a time for hope and redemption.

X-ened for the X-mas High Holidays

The etc. cast of characters for the Christmas traditions have been known to tie one on as well.

Rudolph Drank the Moonshine” might seem a funny little idea for a song, but The Christmas Hillbillies apply themselves in country-bluegrass high form to create a catchy little number.

DØMT squeeze funny out of punk with “Rudolph is a Drunk.” Fighting and vomiting follow.

John Stapleton plies us with a homegrown hymnal about when “The Elf Got Drunk.” Pretty folk rock with more talent than it needs.

Wrecked for the High Holidays

Just as there are critics on Christmas, some people don’t see eye to eye with Mr. Christ. They throw hard shade, perhaps out of self image problems, perhaps because of the post-colonial patriarchic oppression.

BLUE ALERT Kreise rages philosophical in their hard metal “Drunk Jesus,” but their existential dilemma is lightened part way through with a lovely Spanish guitar bridge. Drinking here is metaphorical and only the truly desperate would include this on any Xmas playlist. But… i kinda like it.

Less approachable, but just as BLUE are Assrash with their own “Drunk Jesus,” and Cumchrist with “Jesus was an Angry Drunk” (critical of scripture, but with a funny meme).

A marathon of busting rhyme, “Drunk Jesus” by Me$$’d Up is an epic adventure of pitting personal venal desires v. fallible martyrdom. Still BLUE, my lambs.

Gravity Wagon play their folk hard, but not so BLUE. “Jesus You’re a Mean Drunk” may begin Sunday school, and it may be a lively lesson in the humanness of the Messiah, but these guys are playing music for two different songs.

Voracho for the High Holidays

Rolling in the Christmas holiday, one might say we’re imbibing Christianity. Too much JC might result in impairment of the physical form.

(Psst–actual drinking of fermentation may result in misbehavior regardless of intent, see “Drunk for Jesus” by Readhard.)

Reverend Deadeye screeches the blues in “Drunk on Jesus.” Room for one more at the pearly bar.

Uncle Carl, however, cautions in clear blues syncopation “Don’t Get Drunk on Jesus.” I do believe these songs have something in common.

Angela Tibbs sings like a drunk cat, but has a message for you. In “Drunk on Jesus” she instructs us how to take in Sunday’s word. It’s a trip (to heaven).

Under the Influence for the High Holidays

I’m not running low on alcoholic Xmas music, but i have an odd subcategory to share with you: drinking/drunk with Jesus. These songs hardly mention the holidays, but it’s thematic. And some of these rock.

Leave it to Jello Biafra and Mojo Nixon to get déclassé on “Are You Drinkin’ With Me Jesus?” Honky tonk rock with just the right levels of snark: can you walk on that much beer? Guffaw. The Gravel Spreaders pick and grin on this song, too. Still funny the second time.

Roy Payne takes a moment to scare the bejesus out of you with a quiet country “Drinking Beer with Jesus.” A sermon at the fount. (Cheap shot on Jerry Springer, though.)

Thomas Rhett drawls out his “Beer With Jesus” with a bit more ham-fisting preaching. This is deep country, boy. Got God?

Hopeless alcoholism might turn around with the miracle of Christmas. Mark Gostnell introduces us to his bottom of the barrel life in “Jesus Talks to Me When I’m Drunk.” Keep your sponsor’s number handy for when this growling folk piece winds up.

Here’s a rocker for you. Red Elvises rockabillicize some Latino for “Drinking with Jesus.” These Russkies command me to party. I must obey.

Tight for the High Holidays

Hey wait–that’s not Santa who’s drunk, it’s Daddy!

The big dog of novelty songs for drunk Xmas daddies is John Denver’s “Please Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas).” His angelic voice makes this saccharine slice of cheese barely tolerable. Alan Jackson clones this into a hit for a later generation, adding but a nasal twang. Laurie Leblanc makes it swing, honky tonk like. The Original Five stamp bluegrass all over it, and make it a party. Crossfire makes it lounge rock, just about a 6 on the Elvis meter. Sean Na Na makes it surfer rock, with bongos man. Harry Buttocks and the Hemorrhoids make it punk, but sweetly. Hot Socky make it punk, but nasty.

Smiley Bates slurs his Canadian country music all over “Daddy’s Drinking All Our Christmas.” That’s honky tonk music what’ll give you a hangover. Tommy Hester covers this with a bit more crooning, just as much pain.

A man and a couple chords can strum up a story. Rod Picott even adds some violin and a splash of percussion but keeps his “Dad’s Drunk Again on Christmas” simple and moving. It’s not just a song, it’s the funny horror of living in that household.

Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen bring the sentiment home for me with “Daddy’s Drinking Up Our Christmas.” These down home musicians who smoked every brand of country there was (and hit once with ‘Hot Rod Lincoln’ in ’71) know how to effect every affect out of strings and vocals. Drink it in, cousins. (The Christmas Jug Band have a sadder version. Skip it. John Guliak over enunciates his pop version. Skip it too.)

Three Sheets to the Wind for the High Holidays

Drinking and driving have been addressed in this blog heretofore, but Santa’s weaving through the sky is so seminal that we need another day’s worth of holiday hijinx to cover the sorry topic.

At least one ‘Grandma Got Run Over’ parody might slip in. Haven’t had one in a couple months. At least Kevin Binkley plays it deadpan in “Santa Got Pulled Over by the DOT.” He he.

Gallagher’s Twin tries ‘Jingle Bells’ as a musical basis for “Santa’s DUI (A Cautionary Tale).” Color me cautioned.

Alcoholics Unanimous rage rock “Santa Claus DWI” in a rather charming old fashioned lilt. Ha ha.

Word and Record usually deliver a fine bundle of comedy and “Santa Got Picked up for a DUI” is more fun. Tight bluegrass, a crisp yodeling range of harmony… ahhh.

Occasionally just anyone thinks they canister the novelty Christmas music game. Rigo Sebastiani works “Santa got a DUI” without much musical backup, or talent. But he sells his vision of funny. I buy it anyway.

At other times soft alt gets so weird that by the time I recover from my hypnotic state I’m not sure what I was listening to. Debt of Nature presents exhibit no. 1 with “Santa Claus is DUI (Full of Love).” I can’t stop listening, but what the fugue state?

Rocking and rolling Steve and The Jiggi Verandah Band lean into “Santa Went DUI.” It’s as cool as a monotone, but it is cool.

Johnnie Clutch & The Rumbleseats retro the whole deal with a frosty number entitled “Santa’s Too Drunk to Drive.” Elves and reindeers, prepare to be rocked. Wild. (The Hot Rods also do “Santa’s Too Drunk to Drive”  with a cutesy intro: ratchet it back, boys.)

Shitfaced for the High Holidays

The idea of Santa stinking drunk is easy pickings for upcoming songmeisters. But how’d he get like that?

Chris F. explains in “Drunken Santa Claus Song (Santa Claus is Drinking at the Bar).” Okay, the title really explains it all. Chris simply reiterates while banging on his guitar folk style.

Santa stumbles into the wrong crib in Stevie Rite’s “I Got Santa Claus Drunk.” This rap fable reveals the lure alcohol (and other drugs) have on travelers during the Christmas holiday.

Not only urban ballers, but cajun cats corrupt the Claus. “The Night That Me and Santa Claus Got Drunk” refers to Travis Matte and a certain weak-willed delivery man in a reindeer adjacent vehicle.

Alex Anthony’s troubles lead him to the bottom of a glass in “Santa Got Drunk.” He is wildly energetic for such a sad holiday sordidity. And i suspect Santa isn’t drunk at all in this song about writing a song. Hey.

Matt Rogers’s “Drunk Santa is Coming to Town” delivers all the sophomoric FM DJ humor you could hope for. Check your list, seriously, this has all the comic tropes to play at your holiday Vegas-themed frat party.

Gary Craig one ups that parody with a Bing-along “Drunken Santa’s Comin’ to Town.” Different lyrics, more style, same humor mined.

The DiRaffs play it light cautioning ‘he shouldn’t fly’ in “Ho Ho Ho 2 (It’s a Drunk Santa).” This light pop rock from an undisclosed bunker is easy breezy stuff bordering on grownup boy band. But the message seems outraged. Huh.

An epic tale of Santa crashing, thrashing, then dashing off to AA comes by way of The Folksinger (Bill Evenhouse). “Drunk Santa!” is Celtic light and fluffy stuff and i think all kids (of alcoholic parents) should hear it.

Going full out children’s song, Corey Ott hopes you’ll play along with the ironic “Santa Got Drunk This Year.” If you elect to wink and nod you’ll have a silly billy fun time with that rummy lush.

Clyde Lasley and the Cadillac Baby Specials close the joint down with their bluesy rocking “Santa Came Home Drunk” from the early days when R+B was about to become RnR. It’s a fun tale of woe. You may dance.

It doesn’t take much imagination to discover the loads Santa is suffering under. Television Television presents Da North Pole Crew singing “Santa Got Drunk” because he’s just not loved. Come on, family Claus: stand by your fat man in this country comic gold. (Spoiler Alert: happy ending–except maybe for the reindeer.)

Reeking for the High Holidays

We seem to be moving backwards following drunk Santa. The previous post was about the Jolly One in rehab. Did we miss the signs? Of course not. Follow the bouncing tonsils which will sing us the songs of soused Santa.

The Uncle Louis Show discovers “Santa Claus e Ubriaco” in a couple languages. It’s corrida lite, gentle and reverent. So yay for Kris.

Doug and Glenn slide the piano player roll across the floor with their sloshy “Santa Claus Got Drunk.” I think they didn’t get the Transformer they wanted when they were eight and it’s payback time. Ouch.

Cranking up (out) the experimental garage rock The Austins snark out “Santa Got Drunk This Year.” There may be a lot they don’t get. But they are making some music.

Titty Twister Band scream their faux hair metal “Santa and Rudolph are Alcoholics” in a most amusing fashion. Well until they try a Cops skit a couple minutes in.

Rockabilly should help and Brian Eckleberry and Matt Tompkins of Omaha Live! bring it. But “Drunk Santa” is cleared for radio play because it ticks off all the comedy boxes without eliciting actual laughter.

Proper blues from Fathead proclaims “Santa’s Drunk.” This is a raging tune, but clean and within the lines. It’s my kind of funk.