Yo Ho Ho Ho-The Briny Deep

Lori Mae Hernandez reappears (after rising to the level of America’s Got Talent) with “Yo Ho Ho (A Pirate’s Life for Me)” all about Santa’s bathroom habits.

Putting up the tree and mate yanking and swabbing the deck are just some of the “Christmas Time On A Pirates Ship (A Christmas Shanty)” fun-time activities by Cookies and Cream Entertainment (with Derek and Andrew). A rap masked as shanty with a strange Eastern European accent. Yeah, it’s like that.

Yo Ho Ho Ho-Avast Ye

Hello Wonder indies “Dear Santa (A Pirate’s Request)” from the daughter of a pirate to the only one she knows who can make her dad nice, not naughty. Too cute for words!

Captain Dan & The Scurvy Crew ask Santa directly for cannons and whatnot in “A Pirate Christmas” all the while planning on ambushing, robbing, and slaughtering the jolly old elf. These pirates bite off more brass monkey than they can chew. Kiddie rap.

Yuletide: Boat Show

Toy boat? How ’bout a beaut of a boat? Is that TOO much?

Paul and Tom’s ‘Holiday Spunktacular Podcast for December 13th, 2017’ from their podcast Hometown Sounds begins with Andrew Grossman’s band The North Country recording of “Don’t Shop Just Love.” This noted socialist doesn’t want a U-Boot, just warmth. So, no boat. (Continue listening to the podcast as you please. It’s okay.)

Unkle Funkle also disapproves of Xmas excess: I don’t need a car or boat or brand new skis; I don’t want a diamond ring or any of these–I just need a little Christmas romance, please!I Want a Kiss from Santa” he funk-raps. That’s enough… for the lonely.

In the most aggro ship-hating, SHeDAISY (feat. Rascal Flats) gives away and burns your stuff (including sinking your Bass boat) so you’ll have more time for her. As a Christmas gift! “Twist of the Magi” is a pop country back-and-forth of fun.

[Repeat offender Amanda Shires brings back the actual want of a boat, and a pony, and a plane–anything but you! You she wants “Gone for Christmas.” Groovy blues.]

Crazy Kuzins want a ship and a skipper in their “Warning… Crazy Christmas List.” ‘Course they also kid-rap how they want a really smart newt to compute square roots, a mosquito burrito for my pet bat, pat, and a bowl of potpourri. So, no limits.

Yuletide: Toyboat Toyboat Toyboat

Boats can be gifts for Xmas.

Christmas Oranges & Sunk Submarines” is Buttonfly’s plea to stay home for the holidays and not see all the extended family with the baby. Gentle indie folk that bleeds the blues all over the tub toys.

Curly head dolls that toddle and coo, Elephants, boats, and kiddie cars too are just some of the booty you’ll see when “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” Not every version bothers with these carrots, preferring to terrify you instead with the stick of his seeing of you when you’re sleeping. Try Gastronomical Unit’s re-imaging.

The elf who DOESN’T get to make the toy boats is pretty pissed BLUE ALERT in Tessa Barcelo’s ‘Toyland’ musical. “Merry Christmas for Today” is a mad lyrical rap from Hanna Bielawa who is not satisfied on the shelf. Frantic and antic.

On Track to Xmas: Clickety Clack!

Christmas train songs can just be noisy and not mean anything.

Train Trip” from the album Christmas Sobbing by Flore CF starts as a noisy journey, but interweaves multilingual background dialog so the whole mess just feels like holiday travels.

Not a Late Night Train” from the album CHRISTMAS SPECIAL 2017 by Ann Eysermans is the back tracking weirdness of experimental pop. No idea what it’s supposed to be.

Santa’scomin’baka’round!” by Toddiefunk yells out the rap like a black Paul Revere. It’s all good, it’s all celebration: Now after all the presents have been opened and the dinner consumed We’ll dance down a soul train line. Funk. E.

On Track to Xmas: N Scale!

In toy trains N Scale is 1:160. That’s not very big.

Sqrrl! chant/sings a laundry list of Christmas symptoms for “Happy Merry Christmas.” Choo choo trains rhymes with candy canes. So it’s in. Kidsong.

Northwest Stories also chants their alt-pop, but it transforms “Christmas Eve” into mythic magic here. All the decorations are on display, And that Christmas train keeps chugging away–I will stay awake.

Krayko Breezy raps out how much he wants to be with his boo in his “Wishlist.” He even want to help her with the tree, put a train down below. But the rhythms have some stuttering impediment that makes me suspicious.

A Slippery Slope.20

Slipping on the snowflakes, Chancellorpink takes on “The Christmas Snow.” Alt-pop with a touch of prog, challenges deep subject matter.

Lindsey Stirling turns gothic-Victorian mania into a “Snow Waltz.” Not exactly skiing, but this gorgeous violin opus needs more hits.

Hella Maze raps out “Skiing” with a bellowing set up. Drugs, violence, and winters in Europe. Mmmkay.

Breaking the Ice.12

Aidan Mark expresses hyperbolic love falling in the easy going pop “Wishlist.” Since it happens to be the most wonderful time of the year, they’ll consummate with skating.

Johnny O gets even more middle of the road with his piano lounge “What Christmas is Meant to be.” This laundry list of seasonal symptoms provokes little nostalgia, no joy. Maybe a hmm.

Travis August (feat. Prestxn) applies soul to the standard list to uplift the material into the rap “Christmas & U.” Much better.

Cowabunga Christmas.8

I love the fractured surf rock sound of Jon Bomb & The Humanoids (featuring Gnarly McDude & The Electric Sleds) in their “Surf Christmas.” Let’s play it again! (jk)

Beachfront Vinny does the odd parody with “The New Chanukah Song.” It’s–i think–a song listing people who don’t like surf rock. May i include this?

The Cuz don’t do the tourism biz any favors with their rollicking rap “Come to Straya.” This amateur bit of cleverness finally allows (after all the dangerous animals) that Santa might be surfing there ’round Xmas time. Long pointless outro.