Shaven in a Manger

Mimi Teddy synths the voice to become kidsong, but it’s so scary. “Merry Christmas to You” recounts block chain problems, reindeer retardation, and how Santa Claus is waiting for his beard to regrow; His barber shaved it off by mistake a month ago. Nightmare!

Previously, it was an honor to share Gary Alt’s “Holiday Shaving Cream,” a holidaytion of the old Benny Bell classic (as heard on the Dr. Demento Show throughout the ’70s).

Da ADR Crew update that with the rapping “Santa’s Shaving Cream.” Short and… shaving cream.

Gunna Celebrate.277 FURY BLUE ALERT

Just enough time for some last bits.

Turns out when we Mommy kissing Santa Claus, Daddy found out and got his gun. “Santa, Run!” is the rocking hijinks that ensue from Reckless Renegade.

On the BLUE ALERT side Javeth [ft. Nova Omari] decide to “Kill Santa” with a Nerf gun. Angry yet silly rap.

Standing ready Svvamp VVillies amateur pops “Santa Glock.” Stocking-ed and loaded.

It’s a bad scene when “Santa’s Got A Gun,” the suspenseful pop number by Roger Oddcock. Take cover.

Pretty retro pop from The JAC about the boy who said “I Saw Santa with a Gun.” Trauma is the gift that keeps on giving.

Harm’s Way metal raps “Santa’s Been Drinkin and He’s Got a Gun!” Seems to celebrate more than warn, but ’tis the season.

Buy more guns, that’s my New Years resolution, raps Onyx (feat. Mad Lion) in the BLUE ALERT “Ahhh Year.” Looking forward, with a laser site.

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When is gunplay not gunplay? Metaphor time!

The Shoot​-​out at the Shawclough Coral” is western frivolity by Matt Crossman. It has to do with who gets what at the family holiday table.

Had quite a few “Shoot Your Eye Out This Christmas” kind of songs. Now, the message is nose-off-to-spite-your-face; hate you and your gifts and the whole season. And saying so (and burning everything?) hurts me, too, i guess. Ask Sam Pearson and his indie guitar to find out.

Nevermind, time for more bloodbath–this time with premeditation! “Evil Christmas” from Big Chino is family rap about lying in armed wait Xmas Eve. Suddenly, Santa’s NOT dead and HE’s got a gun, too–!

Gunna Celebrate.275 H&H Magnum BLUE ALERT

Electric Bill and the Utilities indie punk how they want “A Gun For Christmas.” What they’ll do with it is a BLUE ALERT carnival ride. Weee-uh oh.

And all I wanted for Christmas was a gun is the encore sentiment from Super Chron Flight Bros (feat. Zesto) in “B More.” Real. With ‘Boyz’ samples.

Lil Seradino actually wants an xBox for Christmas, but if that fails… gotta get an AR-15. “Have a Merry M6” is unfortunate rap, but it’s a product of its social economic system. BLUE ALERT

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Ghetto, ghetto, gone… or would if they could.

After seeing “Black Santa” TDK wants to be gone. Especially because of the drugs and violence: If you point that gun Make it click, he raps.

Northside, strangely, identifies with “Batman” for Christmas: Have you ever seen a gun When it points at you; I don’t know the feeling, But that’s what my father went through. So, not completely the same.

LRN Nola is so mad at some lady who’s writing to Santa, he starts listing the weaponry at his fingertips in “I Hate Santa.” BLUE ALERT rap.

Vilardz is not quite BLUE with his rap “Christmas Hype.” He throws shade on YOU but insists he’s holding his steady gun (probably means good, huh?).

Gunna Celebrate.244 Remington

Santa and guns?? Who’s getting shot?

Somebody named Grandmaster was waiting with the rooftops in his sites for when “Santa’s Here Again.” Dread metal from Infinity Greenhouse.

Shot Santa in the Back” is amateur pop from Wheelchair Full of Old Men. It’s not safe for working sanity.

Viva Joaquin cleans up the professionalism with banjo and blame in “Someone Shot Santa Claus.” It was Old Kringle’s fault, the perv.

Weege & The Wondertwins roll out the ragtime for “Daddy Don’t Shoot Santa Claus.” It really begs with soul.

Andrea True Revival (feat. latenightbagel) try some electronic rap (sound like spoken lyrics in the sociopathic “Santa Died In A Shootout.” Tough stuff.

Santa Claus Just Got Shot” is the repetitive rap from Shaq Queso (feat. Donnie Preoccupied). It’s rough Northside.

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Time for some urban retribution. King Aiden raps Ak47 what I want on my wish list I need guns for protection hold up load up that little clip in the tinkly, almost jovial “Hood Christmas.” Better safe than surrounded by alive people.

Sleigh Ride Drive By” from Coolio and Meredith Brooks is just a ‘Sleigh Ride’ cover with some commentary. Intent is there. I guess. And a laugh track.

Boosie Badass (feat. YFN Lucci & Rich Homie Quan) promises–through rap– I’m gon’ get some more guns in their “Christmas List.” More suffering , more rapping.

RHL_KT sounds more melodic and low key, but with a ‘mag’ he intends to ‘light ’em up,’ by which i think he’s going to shoot down your decorations. Plenty of other code indicates you may not survive his need for weed in “Hood Santa.”

IT’s all downhill in the concrete jungle. “Dark X-mas” from Mikael Englund is R+B rap with some pretty melody, but some monstrous fate for the Fat Man and the kids for that matter.

Rucka Rucka Ali adds Tchaikovsky for a lighter element in “Twas the Night Before Kwanzaa.” Santa confronts two homies with a knife and a gun… until Suzi shows up with an uzi. Ultimately no man left that night, without a cap in his ass! So, like presents–?

Gunna Celebrate.222 Remington Magnum BLUE ALERT

Smash Mouth can sing a song, i’ll admit it. The ne’erdowells in their swing rock “Better Do It Right” beg, borrow, and steal, as Santa didn’t come. And all you wanted was a BB gun.

Party time! “All I Want For Christmas (Is A Gun)” by Pete Witham & The Cozmik Zombies is just the beginning. According to Neitsche he just deserves some fun. With this country pop, figger that’s a start.

Rapper say: Like I be shoppin for Christmas; I got a gun on my wishlist. John Cannon’s “On Me” seems more like an autotune bitchfest. BLUE ALERT

It’s all bad in “Bring On Your Last Existential Sabora,” an electronic ballad from Coping Mechanism. Life sucks, then you get a present. A shotgun? BLUE ALERT

Could be Worse

Johnny Setlist uses the end-of-the-year times to reflect on how awful it all is. With experimental alt-folk he marches through “This Christmas” as if 2018 was the worst case scenario.

Santa brought us a nuclear attack, begins “On Christmas Day (Happy Holocaust)” by Mr. Strange. Slow and measured metal, like our hearts will be.

Irony smokes “Xmas Next Year,” as Connor Ratliff · Mikey Erg sing about this being the last Xmas. Games and toys over, man. Pokey indie.

Damn That Holiday: DamNation.7

The passage of time is a fearsome foe For the decent and the damned, so sings Kaprekar’s Constant wishing you “All You Wish Yourself.” Folk pop of the wishful varietal.

Song for Santa (Jingle Your Own Damn Bells​!​)” by Sparkbird is an elf’s lament about that miserable taskmaster. Time for representation!

No Funeral is having a particularly bad Christmas, so they want to blame “Dammit, Santa.” Punk-rock with a whining edge. Fights, jail, arson… it’s a tall order for the old guy.

Laid back rap from Bubba Mooch 57 allows that “Damn, It Feels Good to be Santa.” Kidstuff, but adulterated for your listening pleasure.