BLUE ALERT Blight Dolezal slips in a chipmunk filter to his rap”Trappin’ on Christmas” with lots of drugs, but Mess with the money and we pull the trigger–No child jobs we ain’t babysitters: 50 strippers, beat ’em to the bed Then go back to gettin’ richer.
Not terribly surprised by “50 Shades of Christmas.” Liz Moriondo jazzily R+Bs the usual wordplay into a near-decent ditty about blindfolded foreplay.
“Santa Baby” gets a remix rap treatment from The Christmas All Stars (Salt-N-Pepa · Onyx · Snoop Dogg · P. Diddy · Keith Murray · Mase · Joseph Simmons). Late night, stars are bright We gettin rocked! With the 50 St. Nicholas Start rippin this. Is it the cops? The money? The nunna my beezneez?
More tomfoolery from Jeff Dunham’s persona Bubba J covering “Roadkill Christmas” (which we have featured before from The Road Kill Band). The wife outwrestles the not-quite-dead deer peeled off the road, since she had 50 pounds over him. Har. Country music har.
BLUE ALERT NoneSoo gets crazy in “3 Hos” with driving under the influence (getting bout fifty) and a backseat full of women. Careless rap.
Well, it guess it’s Christmas Eve when Carrie Underwood’s protagonist–with 50 miles to go–spins out on black ice and begs “Jesus Take the Wheel.” So, Xmas adjacent.
Codlist (feat. Still Stevens) plays the fool with the ironic lounge idiocy of “Crack Open an Ice Cold Christmas.” 50 years ago this day a baby was born in Bethlehem, This triggered a phenomenon known as “Christ Mas.” You celebrate in your way, and i’ll stay over here.
The Seething Coast gets antic with a rap-like folk diatribe “Tinker’s Blues” which brings out some thinking, including Sometimes I think of Christmas time in 1965. This may be a Viet Nam riff, but also a groovy ditty.
WyGuy raps out the loss of spirituality for the holiday in “Mean Spirited” by alluding to several movies/specials, including the Charlie Brown one Way back three years after the Christmas of 1962. Do the math, i guess.
Allan Sherman (remember him?) tells it like it makes you itch with newsfed laughter in “Have Yourself a Sixties Merry Christmas.” But he means 1965. He says so. Schlocky lounge comedy, but that was king back then. (Aka ‘Draft Cards Burning on an Open Fire.’)
Well, this is no silly old year. This is a literary allusion you should all recognize. Meet the Seavers go highball low lounge jazzy with “Christmas 1984,” pointing out the lengths and depths surveillance Santa will go to. Watch out! Be good!
“Another Holiday” has got the harsh vocals, loud brass, and slick pop noodling of the ’80s. Why not, it was The Other Ones’ hit from ’87. Forceful.
A handful of scorn, but on the other hand a delightful pop croon: “Another Drunken Santa Claus Christmas” calls out the worst of us to the best of them. Amusingly quiet. Sleeping Dogs Lie nail it.
Allusion alert! Stupendium includes all the cool scary villains from —i’m i don’t know, ask a Millennial–in “Another Horror Holiday.” This campy lounge showstopper might be your next cultural party quiz. Name that baddie!
Are you clued-in to check the beat? These swingin’ verses are straight from the ‘fridge, daddy-o. And they also pertain to the neighborhood of Christmastide.
If you try too hard, swingin’ cool gets loud and loungey and–gasp–showtune-like. Hence David Tobin’s “Almost Time for Christmas Day.” He’s one Hep C cat.
Marrying gospel and John Prine, John Field is his own man with “Nearly Christmas.” A bit loud, but my head’s a-noddin’.
Billie and The Haint plug in garage nonchalance with “Almost Christmas.” It’s a beatnik banger, a hippie howler, a millennial meltdown.
Actual big band swing is still a genre of historical note, so let’s apply ourselves to the sweet girl gang The Morning Report in their “Christmas is Just Around the Corner.” Wartime was warm times way back then.
A jugband ragtime lassez-faire meandering, “It’s Almost Christmas” ups the ante of local in-the-know dead on time. Hats off (then back on, ‘cuz its Chicago winter!)!
Leaning into the curves (wait for it…) Joe Escobar sets up and eases into “Christmas Time’s Around the Corner” with such panache he didn’t even spill his martini. Smooth (except for that unnecessary brass.)
Piano jazz bar and a nod to Frank make Tom Deger & DarkHorse a nose ahead with their “It’s Almost Christmas Time.” Playful country electric and a drugged-out swirling helps.
Almost a word-for-word rendition, Wayne Newton manages to demolish the family joy of this traditional song with his smarmy lounge version “Jingle Bell Hustle.” Only one word has been added to the original. Can you spot it? Should you?
On opposite day the kids want coal for Christmas. How goofy can we make this trope?
Pete McPherson is feeling the chill, so he wants country swinging “Coal for Christmas.” To hedge his bets he slurs ol’ Santa’s name, and also readies the shotgun to get what he wants. Damn, that IS cold.
Yulenog gets environmentally conscience-less when lounge swinging how much they want “Coal for Christmas.” (They’ll take oil, for that matter.)