Author: douglove1225

Stockings, etc.

Are stockings just one more prop for the set designer Xmas Day?

What kills me, is the song that shopping-lists all the Christmas cliches without any concern for coherence or storytelling. F’r’xample: Downie Street Collective’s pop anthem “Christmas Stockings.” A regular ‘Didn’t Start the Fire’–only without any mention of stockings that i can discern.

“Christmas Stocking” from Jakolev parleys retro electric folk rock into easy listening so completely i don’t get whatever the song’s about.

“Happy Christmas – To You and Everyone” comes from 3Berlin (feat. Robert Metcalf). It’s a red-nosed roster of different languages. Traditions come up, too–like candles, tinsel, and stockings.

Emility stutters through the electronica of “Christmas Stocking” as if it didn’t matter, or he’s having a stroke. I feel itchy all over now.

TAKING Stocking of the Presents

Grownups want stockings filled as well!

C’mon back! Guns of Nevada funk up the American rock/country with a bottom line demand: “Liquor in My Stocking.”

Lynn Cornell hits a 1960 sweet spot with …not exactly RnR …not exactly R+B …not exactly big band pop …but exactly “Xmas Stocking.” It’s like a love song and a Christmas song had a baby …in a stocking.

The Men resort to begging (Santa) for their “Christmas Stockings.” R+B piano lounge list out their wishes: girls. And common sense.

MIXED Stockings

Is a Christmas stocking automatically a GOOD thing?

C’mon back! Zack lampoons ‘Red Solo Cup’ with a comparison of how good his “Red Christmas Sock” compared to his brother’s dumb blue one. Cool.

Ruth Duncan screeches and warbles about potatoes and onions and coal (maybe on top of a jewelry box!) in the breathless kidsong “Christmas Stocking.” Forget about it, it’s magic.

“Leon the Christmas Stocking” loves his job, but hates his name. Until Santa read it backwards! Loud kidsong. Santa’s a miracle worker!

MANY XMAS Stockings

Each Xmas stocking is individual, except for those clearance items at Target.

Tom Paxton folk sings kidsong about his “Christmas Stocking“… and his sister’s, too. He’s REALLY looking forward to all the treasures he’ll find there Christmas Day–including a tree (?).

“Two Little Stockings” is Tim Dinkins’s old style country chatty tragedy. In this little boy tragedy, he wants to help out a poor girl he’s sweet on.

“Three Stockings By The Tree” by Joe Egan is endearing new parent vibing all over slow pop music. A new addition will need another stocking! Awww.

I, Greyhound sings it straight with “Baby’s First Christmas.” It won’t care about the stocking, but will shit all over the place. Folk from the hip.

“The Christmas Stocking” by The Caroleer Singers and Orchestra turns out to be many different sizes and shapes from many different places. One to a customer, though. This kidsong takes you around the world.

Stocking HOPE

So, what’d ya get?

Fretting over shopping, Evan Church indies up a heap o’ hope for the “Christmas Stockings.” Woo-hoo.

“Geek Girl’s Stocking” is some in-joking from Rhiannon’s Lark. DIY filking actually works well here.

Matthew Bright is almost inarticulate in his anticipation. “Stocking’s Hung” combines scat, jazz, and panic to create a relatable Xmas joy.

KEEP ON HANGIN’ THAT Stocking

“Hang Up the Baby’s Stocking” is the lullaby you didn’t need from Christmas Music for Kids. Babies don’t really care, y’know.

Michael M. went to the trouble of re-editing Slade’s ‘Merry Xmas Everybody‘ so only the first line–about stocking hanging–is repeated ad nauseam. Love it.

Squirrel Nut Zippers’s epic Xmas journey begins with “Hanging Up My Stockings.” But this jug band take paints us a whole living room worth of kitsch. Whew.

“Hanging Up My Stockings” is that slow banjo exploration of feelings that adults get this time of the year. Plaintive folky bluegrass from Debbie Davis and Matt Perrine.

HANGING THE Stocking

Perhaps the original Saint Nicholas tossed treasure in through open windows (in December?) which landed in socks, but when did kids start hoisting old bits of clothing up onto furniture (bedposts)? Certainly after Clement Clarke Moore’s 1823 poem. But all that means is: A) Santa’s too busy to wrap, and 2) Santa only gives teeny tiny gifts. A pony isn’t going to fit in a stocking, bruh.

Let’s start with the hanging of the footwear!

“Hanging Up My Christmas Stocking” is the middle-of-the-road country mush from James McKillop (for charity!) about happiness and joy, everyone!

A righteous tutorial from Sam Scola (with weird throat harmony) points out how to hang “My Christmas Stocking.” It goes by pop music fast, so get your note-taking pencil now.

“Let’s Hang a Stocking Up” is a better pop kidsong due to an authentic RnR backbeat (and great snare action) from Katy & Kiki. Go, Ozzies, go!

Not fluent kidsong from SKG kids seems to (want to) educate, but “I Hang the Stockings” is a tough read. Good kickline music. Oh, brother.

NO CHIMNEY

Santa still comes when there’s an absence of chimney, right?

The Dumpster Company pop through the options with their “No Chimney.” Pick one!

Through the radiator? The window? “No Chimney (2020)” by The Clapis Cousins frets and puzzles the problem. Ukulele pathos.

“If I Don​’​t Have a Chimney” is only the beginning of the problems for The Christmas Jug Band. More country than jug, this three hanky weeper wanders through the wonderings of a poor child. (No fireplaces at the shelter….)

“Ain’t No Chimneys In The Projects” soul declare Sharon Jones & The Dap​-​Kings. Still some blessings, tho. Funky funky schooling for you ‘burbanites.

“Santa, No Chimney” bewail The Bad Companions. Rockabilly with extra points for that extra syllable in ‘chimney.’ Points off, however, for the backup plan. Still–cool. (Or would you prefer The Osmond Brothers with this novelty.)

Smooth Roof

Can you just skip the chimney?

Michelle Hill and The Snowflakes garage up the indie “All I Want For Christmas Is Food (Passover My Chimney).” Perhaps Hebrew in origin, these folks just say No to the el.

Fountain Dew reveals the aluminum foil and lightbulb which means “The Fireplace is a Hoax.” Claus blocked! Effective garage.

More assertively, Dick Blowtorch wails garage electronica about “Waiting by da Chimney with a Baseball Bat (Oh Yeah).” I feel his pain (in my ears).

Flashing

And when it’s not possible?

“Santa Canta Getta Downa the Chimney This Year” by Todd Burge is relentless punk metal purporting it’s a weight issue on the Santa side of the scale. Still, no go.

On the other hand “World’s Smallest Chimney” presents its own problem set. Casey Weissbuch has little to add to this metal fest.

Antoine Dodson doesn’t anything to do with that “Chimney Intruder.” Modulated rap weirdness.

Darkcave has a simple suggestion. “Don’t Block the Chimney.” Indie solutions are the rockinest.