Santaphilic.12 VERY BLUE ALERT

Markologic kicks off Santa sex with this unambiguity that fucking Father Christmas is usually pretty same sex. “I’m Going to Fuck Santa Claus” is a lively (and funny) rap about fulfilling conjoining.

BeanzTaken gets even more graphic with the gay in the childlike rap of “I Fucked Santa.” Just finding their way.

Lil Frik identifies with the ASLO immortal OG homie Kringle. “I Fucked Santa Claus” is workmanlike rap without much passion. In and out.

Song Boys play more punk (pop) with their tell-all “Merry Christmas (I Just Fucked Santa.” Got ‘r done.

Jesus Penis growls out the garage rage of “I Sodomized Santa Claus” like it was a butthole of a chore. Whew.

Santaphilic.11 BLUE ALERT

Despite the implied impurity of “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” back in the ’50s, everyone piled on much later to spice up the corny kidsong.

We’ve mentioned these naughty parodies before

Since then, we’ve been witness to “I Saw Mommy Pegging Santa Claus (Away In A Manger)” by Abortion Clinic Daycare. Indecipherable metal.

Something Awful’s Donner Party Christmas Party also plays opaque with “I Saw Mommy Blowing Santa Claus,” an echoic instrumental that samples more than seduces.

JossiRossi from the same group later recorded “I Saw Mommy (Explicit) [Censored].” This is that comedy routine where bleeping inspires your filthiest imaginings.

What i’d like to direct your attention to now, however, is quite the oddity. In 1952 Spike Jones & The City Slickers chased Jimmy Boyd’s release with his own featuring his ‘Two Front Teeth” guy George Rock. But, then– for giggles–he had the gang record a SECOND version: “I Saw Mommy Screwing Santa Claus.” Thanks to the internet this private use only recording has finally seen the light of hoi polloi.


“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” hit #1 on the Billboard singles chart when 13-year-old Jimmy Boyd first released it in 1952. It’s been a staple since. Barely novel at this point. And yet, some of the reactions since–

Kip Addotta turned the idea on its head with “I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus” in 1984. Stand Still here covers that for us. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Again! The Yule Logs reorchestrate the idea with “[I Saw Mommy Kiss Santa] Last Night.” Psychological repercussions are explored to a slack key guitar countrification.

Balderdash & Humbug reposition the events for a he said/she said of “My Kid Saw Me Kissing Santa Claus.” Conclusions are jumped to in this spoken piece.

Cecily Strong gets more into the trauma for an SNL sketch that brings in Dad and a big, weird payoff.

Certainly, for novelty purposes, Homer & Jethro, and Tiny Tim deliver with bizarre sounds. But let’s leave this elevator music with a tip of the Captain’s chair to William Shatner and his little kid who’s not getting mad–he’s getting even.


Waiting up all night with puckered lips in order that Klaus may show up and get some…

Again? Unkle Funkle sums it up best with “I Want a Kiss from Santa.” Rollicking, synth-ed pop.

Mr. Neet asks you to sing along with “Wanna Kiss Santa.” Hard not to get caught up with this repetitive (BLUE ALERT) calliope-istic pop.

Christmas Kiss” from GRAYÉ is light-hearted rap about that oscular connection with–the girl? Santa? Does it matter?

Dad band The Lifters settle into a bluesy rhythm with their chanting “Kiss for Santa.” Nice axe work.


Again? I overlooked L M Azpiazu’s original “A Christmas Tango” (about celebrating JC’s Bday, when it first posted the updated “A Christmas Tango (With Santa).” Both’re sexy Latin music, only the latter is about fatter men.

Lala Deaton torches up the night before with all her fussing over kissing ‘cuz “I’ve Got a thing for Santa.” Seems he’s got a thing for her as well. Look out.

Throwing Muses has some trouble focusing. In their “Santa Claus” the object of affection reminds me of Santa Claus. Then there’s a lot of running. Wild club indie.

Elfie with the Christmas Workshop Band freestyles the aberrant, lisping “Love You Santa” with abandon. Now we’re getting to the novelty of it all.


Again? Merrill Leffmann lounge divas “I Love a Man in Uniform” (meaning red suit, black belt and boots) with extra boop boop a doop.

林靜翬 winifai goes smokey, sultry lounge siren to recall childhood in the disturbingly evocative “[I Love You, Santa].” (The brackets indicate translated lyrics.)

Santa Claus (I Love You)” by The Ruby Plumes gets garage alt hung up on the complexities of intimacy. Authentic, but perhaps not so honest.

Some Bo Diddley parody from Dana K and the Remedy’s “I Love Santa.” Oh, it’s on.


Some flashy DJing by KiofNC in the paltry “I Love Santa, But I Ain’t Sittin on No Grown Mans Lap.” Mixed messages.

Sami Stevens & Kaz George get moody with all that jazz a la “I Love You Santa.” It’s sad, but follow that crossed star!

Santa Claus, You Broke My Heart” is Shallow’s epic pop opus about love lost. Heavy sigh.

Serious honkytonk from Werewandas result in some heartbreaking mishegas with “I Love You Santa Claus.” How could you, C?


MY LOVE, SANTA CLAUSE” by Cyber X (feat. Jody Watley) is EDM with an expected beat (may cause seizures). But the song does get a little PG-13.

勇​吾​は​人​生​で​あ​る​YUGO introduces a soul-infused instrumental with the admission “Santa I Love You.” Not sure if it’s consensual….

I Love Santa” by Kim Stockwood ups the rhythm with a really old fashioned swing. Honkytonk outplays nightclub for romanticizing!

Love Santa” by Kang Er (feat. DAPHNE D) take us back to kidsong innocence–it’s not time to get too nasty yet about the big guy.


Sky Vaux Fuller w/Chasen Hampton confesses to a snowman “Santa I love You.” He never lets one down, always comes through, nothing he can’t do–sound too good to be bubble gum pop?

The band Harris waxes angelic with their “2013 I Love Santa.” Children sing the darnedest things.

StarFish lead the kids in a noise-repeating row with “I Love Santa Claus.” No Simon Says, just follow along with this grand ukulele kidsong. (Everybody pinch your bum!)

Better novelty is the toy piano with the cracking voice of an underager: “I Love Santa Claus.” Dixieland jazz from Paul Thomas!