Stable Genius

Some of us (sometimes) have no use for Santa. DuncanG used to post clever pop parodies in a Christmas bent. But all trace of his stuff is gone now. Reminisce with me for his Adele parody “Someone Like Santa.” Take him, leave him.

Rodd & Judy (in an American Song Poem) wrestle easy listening into the twee tale of children who want nothing from Old Man Christmas except for “Santa Fix My Toys for Christmas.”

Marc Copage and Saxon-Freed follow this thread with “Santa, Please Repair My Toys for Christmas.” This nauseous kidsong rats out Dad as the toybreaker.

Peter Thomas & Joseph interrogate the bleak night sky with the driving folk “Merry Christmas, Santa Claus.” They want Mr. Gifts to bequeath all their gifts to other needier ones. Kids today!

Red State Update distinguishes between S.C and J.C. in the menacingly upbeat “Forget Santa Claus.” Pop music with a message.

Fiction Family pitches a hissy with the bluegrass pop of “I Don’t Need No Santa Claus.” Seems his baby is enough. Bearded guys can wait outside.

Father Christmas

Eddie Florano’s “Santa Claus is in Town” is celebratory Philippine rock about just how Santa he is. Happy happy happy.

Jamie Callum rails full lounge with “The Jolly Fat Man.” How cool is Santa? cool cool cool.

Have You Heard the News?” inquires Koko Taylor through funky marshy blues. It has something to do with Santa coming to town…. Can i get a Go to sleep!

New age indie from Adam Follett also praises his frostiness in “Me Encanta Santa.” Mystical warbling.

The award for most laid back chill might have to go to Mr. Otis Gibbs’s bluegrass folk “Mr. Santa Claus.” I have a weakness for this kinda fiddlin’.

Damn That Holiday: Hell.13

In my cell, a Christmas hell, like a Yuletide lobotomy was the take away for Jeff Avinson with some fine Calypso pop (and scat). “Stop the Bells (Jingle Bells)” is his 12/25/2020 verdict.

Do we even deserve Christmas? “A Krixmas Carol” from The Krixhjälters reminds us of the children we’ve been killing in our many and frequent wars. Shame. Shame for turning Christmas into Hell.

There is no justice in the desert Because there is no God in Hell, sings Cass Dillon in his rocking pop song “Christmas in Fallujah.” Had to be there.

She Gave Me Hell for Christmas” is a merry bluegrass shrug from The X-Misses. Ya git whut ya give.

X Files-mas: Jacob Marley

Oh sure, you got some Xmas ghosts. Can you ever have enough? If you had to name a Par-Tic-U-Lar Christmas spirit, could you carol it?

Aimee Mann makes alt-folk out of “Jacob Marley’s Chain.” It’s a great metaphor for one day at a time and other bothers of sobriety.

To explain that chain, Jason Alexander sings (as a dog) “Link by Link” to Kelsey Grammar (as a bird) is some animated Christmas Carol from TV. Dogs DO go to hell.

Getting reggae, “Jacob Marley” tells Ebeneezer what’s coming Christmas Eve in this ditty from The Benefit.

Majestica uses epic metal for their “Ghost of Marley.” That oughta convince Scrooge.

Bill Drake uses prog rock (metals naive younger brother) to introduce “Jacob Marley” to you.

Ace Enders & Nik Bruzzese allow Scrooge to thank “Jacob Marley” in their indie number. Triumphant.

Make Like Monkeys uses Scrooge to introduce us vis “The Ballad of Jacob Marley.” Seems grateful with indie rock.

Is there room for rap? “Jacob Marley” by Them Nights in Lago punctuates R+B pain with dropped rhymes. Okay fine bye.

Nasal country from Mark Westendorf frames the confession of “Jacob Marley.” We get an actual Woe is me.

Ballad of Jacob Marley” by JD & The Straight Shot is bluegrass suffering you didn’t realize this sinner was capable of. D’you thing he achieved any redemption after helping his fellow usurer out?

A Slippery Slope.27

Eva Via scams the fam at the holidays with a pretend boyfriend. But “Make ‘Em All Believe” is more romcom than psychological desperation. When I remember going skiing during MLK day — all those runs; I say that we should try this another month. Thus, true love.

Ski Lodge in the Late 80’s” by Comfort Noise is a palate cleanser of an off-brand instrumental. Scraping, screeching, pounding. But it works.

Strangely exotic, “Embrace It All… Feliz Navidad” is more Carrib than Mexican. Mami Ishibashi (feat. Mayan) swings it. The skiing might be on Gulf waters, though.

Pixie and the Partygrass Boys actually suggest skiing in their bluegrass rafter-raiser “Ski and Party.” Boy howdy.

A Slippery Slope.2

I Lost All My Hair in a Skiing Accident” says it all. Trencher’s odd child-friendly metal punk piece is shorter than the title. But still rages.

Andorran music-maker Arinsal may know something about “Skiing Sessions.” But his Bossa nova beat instrumental suggests heat more than slaloming.

There’s a ‘Jingle Bells’ parody going around–“Broken Skis“–that’s as basic as novelty gets. But it’s fun to inflict it on others, so here you go. Oh, and Amber Waves Band brings it us with bluegrass. Almost makes up for the earnest original carol belted out after the funniness.

Breaking the Ice.8

Tae Hendrix recommends “Just Smile Be Nice” with some alt-rap weirdness. Don’t forget skating the streets for the homeless as an approach. If it works, it works.

Lundström recommends ice skating for a first date strategy in “Christmas Magic.” Light pop with a fringe of R+B. And some happily ever after.

Katie Morey’s honky tonk singin’ ’bout last year when you connected… and now it’s this year and you are “Skating on Thin Ice.” This calendar of your bad boyfriend moves moves her. And now it’s Christmas thin ice. Good stuff.

Christmas Countdown: 3 decades/years/months/weeks

Matt Dorrien moves from Portland in time to have “Christmas in L.A.” Soft rock to pick the neighborhood: Three decades ago Wasn’t safe after dark. But it’s gonna be okay. ‘Cuz Christmas.

MxPx want you to have enough cheer in the rocking “Christmas Day.” How much is enow? There’s Chistmas cheer, enough to last you three whole years! Get some!

One of my favorite comedy ‘bits’ about being split up for Xmas is “Xmas Blues” by Big Tyme. In this spoken word masterpiece, Otis is banging on the door wanting Bonquisha to let him in for a Merry Christmas. He admits three years ago, he bought crabs instead of ham… but this year’ll be better.

Sadder is Ondara’s “Mother Christmas.” Oh, I want my mother here for Christmas; Oh, it’s been three years and oh I miss her goes the lament in bluesy pop. Three years? I guess that’s enough time to think about what you did.

Rebound time with The Kota, autotune rap/R+Bing who confesses, My heart was broke three years ago; I don’t wanna spend thе holidays here alone–My hеart still been healing though. “Christmas on the Channel” is the answer to seasonally affected time.

Kristin Hope Key is having a bad season: Late for work three weeks in a row… and so much worse! But in her best jazzy horrid audio she torch sings “All I Want for Christmas is Forgiveness.” What would the birthday boy do?

Carbon Leaf is picking and grinning in the luscious countdown “Christmas Child.” Starting three weeks out they run us to the breathless conclusion with joy. Pop by way of bluegrass.

Christmas Countdown: 5 rings

Yes, the big ‘number’ in ’12 Days’ is the ring count. Such an odd jewelry insertion into a bird/servant mix. It got noticed and celebrated.

MaynEax wants to know “What U Want 4 Christmas” ‘cuz it’s prolly HER. See, she’s sporting Five golden rings, Got the bling, Got all the cha ching–Like what you see? She’s gonna rap like that.

Brian Lubucki is too interested in you to worry about setting the scene: Snow falls and the choir sings Bout love and the five gold rings. That should do it. Harmonic rap to make “It’s Christmas” NOT stand out from the billion other holiday songs.

Also listing, Toby Young mixes Five golden rings and the TV, so at least imma wondering wassup. Gradual garage makes “Here for Christmas” playable.

Chance the Rapper and Jeremih paint a more personal portrait: Bucket full of wings, Trying to give about five golden rings, Balling for the chills, Drinks on, get your smoke on. Rapping with vocal exercises mixed in give us a “Chi-Town Christmas.”

Starshine Singers butt in with the antic kidsong “Where’s the Ring?” As in: Five rings are not for buying. One’s missing so we’re crying. Count along!

Stock Kings use Five gold rings as a placeholder rhyme for Indio Palm Springs. Just one of the ragtime rocking places “Santa Don’t Always Bring Snow on Christmas Day.” Cha cha cha, indeed.

Maybe it’s just more present. FaZe Kay electronic filters his “A FaZe Christmas Song” wishlist with: New LV, hell yeah, Givenchy-venchy, oh yeah, Five gold rings, hell yeah, Lambo or the ‘Rari, yeah… Silly rap.

Girlfriend management can be much: She said who is Saint Nick? all she want is Saint Laurent: Four birds that are calling or 5 rings that are all golden-Imma make sure Santa brings you everything you want. Hrtbrkblake’s got it bad; raps all over himself in “Mistletoe.”

And Michael Ferrera offers I would buy five golden ring If it’s change your mind… But “This Christmas (I’m Singin’ on My Own),” so i guess this indie pop gambit benefits him not at all.

Mark Erelli excels with the blue grass aftermath twanger “Ain’t No Time of the Year to be Alone.” By himself he decides: I want yule logs, reindeer, egg nogg, good cheer, Five golden rings, Not Kris Kringle’s singles therapy. Coping are we?

Christmas Countdown: 11 o’clock

[At Least for] A Little While” is a honky tonk song about an odd date: Baby, take me back to Christmas night, It was eleven o’clock when we got high. Good times.

Good evening ladies and gentlemen: Tonight, at this eleventh hour We have a very special treat for you: begins Legs Nose Robinson in a tribute to the Christmas 2013 Dr Who special in which Matt Smith is replaced by regeneration Peter Capaldi. “Goodbye Bowtie” is fun Brit pop.

Perhaps too drunk to appreciate the time of the year, Kristie K slur-raps, You know what’s going to happen When clock show eleven: You’ll be dancing and laughing. “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” doesn’t seem quite so here.

Swinging between adult and childhood, Darryl Rahn folk-pops “I Guess It’s Christmas” about when he’d be up all night to when he’d be sleepin’ ’til eleven. I guess I just grew up. So sad.

Much more Christmassy, “It’s That Time Again” is a bluegrass inflected ditty about standing outside the church It was about eleven, and the service was about to start and wondering about what if Christ were here today, that present for Dad, and what was that light? Rich Krueger’s stream of consciousness is festive.