Look at Me, Everybody, See Who I Am–S.C.!

Launch Kontrol might overenunciate for the genre, but “My Name Is Santa and I’m a Punk Rocker” sells it. He’s like the glamdad you never had.

Third Earth’s “My Name is Santa Claus” adds some hand clapping jug band to pop rock, which results in twisty fun.

Robert McCormick’s “I’m Santa Claus” begins with a ‘Silver Bells’ accusation, but finally rolls into a full confession. Odd.

Johnny & The Raindrops list out the chores aspirationally in the retro rock “There are Lots of Things to Do When You’re a Santa.” Almost not worth it.

Pom Pom Squad’s deliciously camp over amped punk “Hello Santa Claus” introduces old 12/25 as a partier (And I don’t give presents to cops!). Tune in!

Bitch, I’m Santa

Lil Kringle gently brings the rap with “Bitch I’m Santa.” He’s not mad, he’s just Santa.

PMP SLIM R+Bs his rap with his “Bitch I’m Santa.” Some rules, but–chill. ‘Kay?

Wyatt Pirtle’s “Bitch I’m Santa” is more offensive, but kiddie style rap. No Blue.

Bitch I’m Santa” by Leekjaymusic is more misogynistic rap. Original style.

PIG PEN goes metal/punk with the rude-ass “I’m Santa Claus (And I’m Bangin’ Your Mom).” Adult situations, but no actual blue alert language. Did you see ’em?

Mr. Bowl of Jelly

Worth repeating: Fathead’s “Santa’s Drunk” celebrates as much as it chastises with some Motown blues. Danceable.

Greg & Brian take the POV of some assembly line elf who goes “Drinkin’ with Santa.” Daredevil hi jinx ensue in this honky tonking pop mess.

John Vosel & the Party Crashers also represent the elf contingent with the catch-all complaint “Santa Claus Blues.” It deals with bad gifts, drunkenness, and perversity. But it’s the blues. Whaddya goin’ ta do?

BearRon spins “An Unbelievable Santa Story” through gentle folk spoken word meandering. Yet this dream-like traipsing only begins with a drunken Santa (probably fake). Where it goes is pure enlightenment.

Brock Armstrong parodies Avril Lavigne with “A Complicated Christmas.” It’s a bitchfest against S.C. (Drink, smoke, cry!–wotta mess!)

The Missile Toads rage through punk about what a loser The Expected One has become. “Santa’s a Boozer” is the problem. Oi!

The Child With the Style on His Head

Primate Punk’s “Rudolph the Mohawked Reindeer” is pretty much what you suppose. Kid-friendly punk. Apart from one Santa stomping.

Santa Claus Has Dreadlocks” fools around with a Carrib-beat, but Eric Stone is just kidding. Apart from one smoky trail or two.

Monsters from the Surf much improve on the theme with appropriate punk in “Santa’s Got a Mohawk.” See the difference in artistic integrity?

Nerf Herder lets their punk flag fly for the drolly hilarious “Santa Has a Mullet.” Business in the front, party in the hat.

Gunna Celebrate.double aught buckshot

For the Second Amendment, my government gave to me… the means of overpowering all bad things (segue from last month!!) with violence and grievous bodily harm. Guns have a troubled history. Are they just handheld cannons? Did they ruin Samurai culture? Do they taint everything America has ever done? Will they make the ideal holiday gift?

Part of my Christmas Lists theme of 2016 included this medley:

A gun – The Vandals with more punkish punk. Ian Yo Yo Yo (Jib Jab Brothers) go urban for the Red Ryder Rifle. (Still preferable to the ‘Christmas Story’ musical version.) Best of the range is Roy Zimmerman’s  “Buy War Toys for Christmas.” Made Demento famous by The Twang.

Also previously posted was Seth McFarlane’s American Dad “I Want a Gun for Christmas.” The irony!

But there’s so much more! Granted much of it is lame, or low caliber (hint for level of humor), like Rocky Mountain Mike’s “The Christmas Gun Nut Song.” This Chipmunk parody seems to cut off before the shooting starts.

One of my favorite ‘sides’ is Wall of Voodoo’s “Shouldn’t Have Given Him a Gun for Christmas.” Post Punk with an unflinching backbeat. Call the news.

That’s Not Okay

Country with real twang is the foundation for Company of the Steel Hound’s “Worst Christmas Ever.” Jobless, alone, paranoid… it doesn’t get much worse, i reckon.

Town Bike’s “[It Should’ve Been] The Worst Christmas Ever” includes illness, turkey outages, and snowlessness. But, there IS a bae handy.

Static Cadets garage band like kids when they offer the “Worst Christmas Yet.” This self loathing seems to infect Xmas more than be caused by it.

Men with Ven’s “Worst Christmas Ever” involves bad alcohol, food, and family. It’s sing-along Brintpunk fun, however, so–okay.

Damn That Holiday: Armageddon.10

Colleen McNutt takes a moment to fun-up ‘Coming to Town’ with a “Doomsday Christmas Carol.” It’s what the internet’s for.

It’s Christmas Doomsday” is one of those fooling around in the music room rambles by Michael Ambrozic & Friends. No worlds were ended in the singing of this electronica.

Jeweled Snakes synth punk their message of… uhm, being fed up? in the danceable “Doomsday Holiday.” Pack for bad weather.

A Slippery Slope.8

Triple Black Diamond crunches the garage for “Slopes (Rough Cut).” Gentle, but trending downward.

Cute flute on the classical travelogue “The Frosted Slopes” as conducted by Derek and Brandon Fiechter. Over hill and dale.

Cassels amuse with the ironic punk portrait of a square in “Charlie Goes Skiing.” His failed holiday is just the start of his problems. Will he be saved?

Sled It Snow.14

A downer from Dave Wirth in the form of experimental sfx folk, or “February and Other Winter Tales.” Sledding and cocoa were the childhood draws, but she ran away from home for a reason–

A Great Big Piles of Leaves misses the sledding when there’s a “Drought of Snow.” Brassy alt-folk. But a hint of a smile here.

Nessa’s Playhouse reminds us that kids like music, too. Perhaps not this strident pop, though. “Christmas Eve’s the Longest Night of the Year” has a message, but it’s illegitimate–built by committee.

The Nameless rock the punk with “Xmas Time,” an attempt to recapture the childhood joy around the snowy holidays. A bit defiant, ‘cuz they can’t.

Christmas Countdown: 3 others

Two’s company, three’s a crowd (one’s a corporation?)… but sometimes, when it’s dark and cold, three can be cozy.

Bob Dylan is asking (spoken word) that you stop and hear the “Three Angels” playing their horns in a nowhere corner of Montana. I may have missed ’em.

Just as disappointed Mel Bryant worries that you won’t “Keep Christ in Christmas.” In this brilliant, profane folk-pop rant she fingers speeders, hypocrites, and billboards [that say: Three angels give earths final warning‘].

Another reminder from Wright Now: that first Christmas was much different; No bed or walls in that cattle stall Just a family of three with no place left to sleep. Soft rock makes “Let This Christmas be Different” easier to bear. It’s an object lesson with rhythm.

Much more preachy is a houseless family in Ray Boltz’s pop panegyric “The Gift.” Shivering and without, suddenly they are swarmed with gifts, the note reading: Inside the three of you The real heart of Christmas. Get it?!

Much more fun is Squeeze’s interp of Mary and Joseph in “Christmas Day.” Industrial pop rephrases the manger scene: The man on the desk didn′t hear them right When the two of them booked for three. Thus the rock.

Graeme Connors folk-pop poeticizes “Christmas in Melbourne” where all manner of (unfortunate) magical realism melts the mind, including three cops bearing gifts from the East (they bring him around with a Christmas slap).

The antidote to that might be Bootscoot’n Betty with my band of three kid-song-ing “It’s Christmas Time in the Great Outback.” Don’t forget to recycle out there!

The colorful characters in Mikey Powell’s “And a Happy New Year” have worse lives than Elanor Rigby. The soft pop serves up a broken homed teen, empty widower, and single mother [Three children, two jobs and overdue rent] who wish each other pointless cheer. Buckle up, ye of privilege… it’s brutal out there.

Also bottom drawer, the millennials of Default Genders who steal as a political protest [At Christmas, three of us blazing In the parking lot of a bar you were DJing] celebrate with a fizzy pop “Christmas Card from a Scammer in Minneapolis.” At least they got each other.

Desperate for family when ties seem to have been cut, Daily Norris sees that a Table set for three (If you count the dog) is not quite what we used to call Christmas cheer. “You Feel Like Christmas” is a soft pop cry for help. You better deliver.

When THAT sitch is blown, Penny and Sparrow feature a narrator who only wants not to be so damn lonely. Long soaring rock notes of sorrow belabor his wish when she comes back to pick up the dog: Let’s have a “Neat Christmas,” like we used to, All three of us, just like it was…

Well I wanted just to see you on my lonely Christmas eve, Instead I′ve got two dogs who want to spend some time with me begins the sad sack of “I Want My Christmas Back.” Upbeat pop at least. Brett Emerson Wagner, at least, knows how to front the party.

Another solution is to wish for a “Mistress for Christmas.” According to AC/DC’s metal, Wanna be in heaven with three in a bed.

Even more comfortable, Nat King Cole has “My Little Christmas Tree.” Little? You’re big enough for three. Smooth jazzy easy listening

.Just the three of us, man we’re gonna have a party; Everybody else can go to hell may be the healthiest attitude here. Patrick Van Sante (feat. Tim Kerssens, Jaco Bakker & Auke Broertjes) play punk like a kidsong (with penny whistle) to let you know “With Christmas I’ll be Drunk.” And loving it.