As Seen on TV: Hotel Transylvania/Milo Murphy’s Law/Teen Titans Go

The Adam Sandler toon movie series landed on Disney last year, but both are smart and rich enough to add some talent. “The Christmas Wrap Song” is kid mummy unleashing his inner present preparer for a few seconds in the stale comedy conflict.

Heir apparent to Phineas and Ferb, again features colorful Americans interacting with a soupçon of fantastical oddities. “Christmas, It’s Not a Time of the Year” is only glimpsed here, but showcases the creative team’s talent. Thank you.

The mutant DC spinoff that has cultivated cult followings spins out an occasional tune of ADHD length including “All Hail the Jolly Fat Man” (sweet jazzy fanfare).

As Seen on TV: Futurama/Robot Chicken BLUE ALERT

Most of Matt Groening’s scifi sendup has been played out here, like “Robot Santa Claus Song” and “Neptunian Elves’ Song.” Good stuff. “This Trinity’s Going to War” pits Robot Santa against Kwanza Bot and the Chanukah Zombie–except they’re not fighting one another, just Christmas. Meh. “Kwanza Bot Song” gets more editorially expository, like science fiction should. Pop Caribbean.

Seth Green’s cultural tantrums encompass childhood cartoons and pop, political, and religious icons in such a way to make all of them cartoony. And nasty, boy howdy they’s nasty.

For your consideration, a Justin Bieber “F*** Christmas” song for his own special.

Santa Claus’s List” is an existential dilemma that may drive Big Red to eat an official Daisy Red Ryder Range Model 1938 Air Rifle BB Gun.

Just as offenisve, the “Hanukkah Gelt Rap” is not a play on the word guilt, but only more anti-semitism from that coy Jewish minx. See what he did there?

As Seen on TV: Game Shakers/Stuck in the Middle/Hank Zipzer

Ah, youth… wasted on the young, who make a holy mess of it.

RERUN: Seventh graders who hit big with their new app still have to grow up, but they can celebrate Xmas with their rapper friend Double G (Kel Mitchell) who sings for the show “Reggae Christmas Potato.” [Nickolodeon]

Over at Disney, corporate scrutiny results in perfectly formulated entertainment like a middle child (of 7) whose genius is overlooked by all except writers, audience, and the actors themselves. “Have a Happy Holiday” is such an overwrought piece of montage music you will forget it immediately.

Henry Winkler’s book series about a dyslexic teen suffering in a bureaucratic school comes to life in London with frantic antics and heart crushes just like the kids tune in for. The holiday love song “Home for Christmas” by cast member pop star Hayden Chase is poppin’ fresh (okay it sounds like everything else charting hot for preteens, but it’s the best of this lot).

As Seen on TV: Gossip Girl/Riverdale

Let’s just imagine the show by the music it picks, ‘kay?

Oh It’s Christmas” by The Rosebuds is bouncy alt-pop fun, setting the instamood to light and flirty.

The Weepies garble through “All That I Want” for a contemplative but moody thinky scene.

“Chrismakwanzakah” by The Dan Band gets our party rebel on, but fun-sized and definitely not threatening.

Again, play the hormone level of these tunes off the will-they/won’t-they tensions of the show i won’t get around to.

Fascinations Grinds Chorus adds a pop ‘billy (shudder) to “This Christmas (Underneath the Christmas Tree)” so i guess at least one of ’em are hopin’ to be humpin’.

“I Know You’re Real St. Nicholas” is lounge folk with whispery undertones. Must be during foreplay.

As Seen on TV: Bob’s Burgers

Rarely has a smudgily drawn cartoon about middle class losers of–at best–annoying personality traits been rendered with and received so much talent and love. The show is at times cringeworthy and at others breathtaking, without any warning.

The songs are often brilliant. Though they can be headscratching…

The Bleaken” is the marching song of the Belcher children on their way to confront a Christmas demon who steals presents. The song only has a couple lines, but a fan here are stitched together snippets to form the metallic battle cry anthem here.

During the same episode the mother stumbles upon a rave that has been constructed out of her stolen neighborhood decorations, but relents when the Queen of the Ball sings “Twinkly Lights.” R+B party music. The “Reprise” is actually better (a trademark of the show is the end credits music.)

The music also inspires groups to replicate it. The Nationals makeover “Christmas Magic” as an alt folk dirge. The original is noisy and crazy as a group improv folk number.

Rerun: “The Spirits of Christmas” is sung by landlord about the reason for the season–glug glug glug.

Linda’s Christmas Dream” is the apotheosis of the sudden fragmentary musical number out of nowhere teaching us to live above our misery. Showstopping diva symphonics. (Mr. Present sounds nice.)

Let’s end on one of those end credit pieces. “We Can’t Spell Christmas Without US” wails and sells the jazzy show tune out of the park.

As Seen on TV: Winx Club

This Italian skinny girl magic show has been on Fox, Cartoon Network, the CW, and Nickelodeon, dubbed into girly English.

It’s become an industry in itself, so a bit of pop music for you to buy to go along with the action figures. “Christmas Magic” appears in an episode of helping a deserving family, although the cry of ‘Merry Christmas’ from a pagan figure sounds odd at best. The whole song as follows:

As Seen on TV: Victorious/Austin & Ally

Teen soaps on cable trend in the early 00s, and they are dopey lowbrow sitcoms. Their music is teenybop gum fit only for wanna-tweens.

At Hollywood Arts High (hah!) Tori and her friends make songs fun. “It’s Not Christmas Without You” is exhibit A. If you slowed down the beat, you might have a nice torchy jazz number.

But that’s Nickelodeon. The Disney Channel goes full corporate formula with the odd couple aspiring musician duo who [RERUN] sing “I Love Christmas” and “A Perfect Christmas.” So peppy i think totalitarians should use them for propaganda. Oh, wait….

As Seen on TV: Phineas and Ferb

This Rocko’s Modern Life descendant is a musical cartoon about adventurous step-brothers, but as a Disney channel kidstoon the songs are a given. Since the songs have been nommed for awards, we’ll give some of the 2010 album a listen.

Winter Vacation” is a good place to start. for to look over the setting, meet the characters, and glimpse their unlikely adventures. Disneyfied rock, but Bowling for Soup thank you very much. The inevitably drippy pop song “That Christmas Feeling” comes from Olivia Olsen, the daughter of the evil mad scientist.

The signature childhood angst of the show finds form in older sister Candace’s ’50s pop lament “What Does He Want?” and the entire cast’s showtune anthem “Where Did We Go Wrong?” (Don’t fret, those are answered in “Danville for Niceness” and “Thank You Santa.” Happy endings, all!)

Most kids’ favorites for the show are the hero-nemesis duo of the pet platypus Agent P (featured in a commercial promo for the show, as he doesn’t get a whole lot of song or vocals, “We Wish You a Perry Christmas“) and Dr. Doofenshmirtz the not-so-confident mastermind, whose conflicted song “I Really don’t Hate Christmas” is a virtuoso of character constricted vocal chords (think Daffy Duck a la Gilbert and Sullivan).

As Seen on TV: The Flash/Supergirl

The WB has rejuvenated superhero TV into a hip gorgeous young party with the dark (Arrow), scowling (Black Lightning), light (Legends of Tomorrow), and silly (Supergirl). But this journey quest for destiny out-Joseph Campbells the other beat-’em-ups.

The music is pretty cool too.

Hayley Sales sings “Christmas is Leading Me Home” in the sweet whispery love of hearth and family that this show has trademarked. Snuggle-licious.

The Rosebuds’ pop “I Hear Click, Click, Click” with just a tiny edge, befitting the faux suspense of the series. Uh oh, is he really dead? [This song also backgrounds on Supergirl, which has one other half listenable song “Gonna Be Christmas” by Bob Burger: a middle school dance anthem.]

Jules Larson sings “Honey I’m Home for Christmas” slapping on the saccharine sweetness. Uh oh, are they really in love?

And then, the heartbreak. Ponyboy sings “(Please Don’t Leave Me on) Christmas Eve.” Bluesy.

Andrew Kingslow and Laura Dowling sing “Christmas is That Time of Year” merely celebrating the celebration. Ah, millennials.

Amping up the irreverence, “Christmas Dan” by The Rosebuds reveal the new route the show takes in season 2. Grooviness ensues.