Stocking Stocker

Santa Claus is Missing! howls Pyreworks in their experimental church organ dirge “International Catastrophe.”

Where Have You Gone–? moans Rudy Casoni in the lounge act “The Christmas That Was.” But this time, the Sinatrator isn’t making with the comedy so much as the message. Santa died because we have forgotten the true meaning of Christmas. His body was found behind the Walmart

Aye Cay goes to extreme lengths to get even with Santa after being passed over. In bluegrass (reminiscent of Sufjan Stevens) he reveals “The Plot.” Not for the faint of hearth.

BLUE ALERT Rap “The Death Of Santa Claus” by Cult Activity (ft. Claas) holds no scruples over murder. Brutal.

Dr. Scythe catches “Santa’s Last Christmas” with lighthearted metal. Frozen is bad.

Bullet in the head, is the method from Infinity Greenhouse. Indie pop BLUE ALERT autopsies “Santa’s Dead” with musical precision. Don’t tell the kids, but they’re not sorry.

White boy rap from T Vinci (feat. Sully Gunther, James PM, Woolly Peaches & Yung Krusty) follows a fall and plow over. “Santa?” is only the beginning. The boys do the cover up and then do the job. But….

Valley of Love (Dan Barbanel · Amaury Massion · Joy As a Toy) overproduce the dramatic reenactment “Santa Died for You.” As much a march as just plain pop.

The Smothers Brothers sing their unfinished “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” redo with abrupt panache.

After the fall, whaddya going to do? Make Like Monkeys retrorock the answer in “Santa Claus is Dead.” Hint: you’ll need a lighter.

Mr. Pointy Hat

Santa Criminal? Sharks Teeth run with space rock (think Pink Floyd) as they deconstruct their “Broken Trust in Santa.” Thoughtful, but scared.

Ray Stevens cornpones out the same old hee haw with the “Nightmare Before Christmas.” It was only a dream, but the charges against conservativism should not be taken lightly.

BSam goes to immense, though amateurish, lengths to parody Jeff Wayne’s (awesome) rock opera ‘War of the Worlds‘ with “The Christmas Eve of War.” The sleighs are invading!

Santa Took My Car” croons the country Duck Logic Comedy about the inexplicable actions of the jolliest one. He was given permission (and keys), but he didn’t even gas it up when he returned it!

Christmas Cheers” from the Not fur Longs is a saccharine song about Santa trying to steal the tree. Infectious!

Enter Santa” is the metal parody The Withers uses to warn you off the breaker and enterer.

Dave Rudolf points out Santa’s criminal driving record in “Folly Old St. Nicholas.” It changes up that old Xmas song.

D’Modes employs hard rock silliness to portray the mental decline of “Psycho Santa.” First he came for your trees… and you said nothing.

Cold Fat Bastard

Some just hate Big Red. Worth repeating: Erin McKeown uses some swearing to proclaim “Santa is an A**hole.” This cowboy pop screed is a full portrait of all the flaws. Look out, kids!

Oh, Santa!” by Mr.B The Gentleman Rhymer gentlemanly raps dislike about the mess left by that terrible visitor Christmas Eve. Ghastly that!

Dumpster Company improvs loudly as experimental artists in the raging “Fuck Santa (in f).” It’s all bad that time of the year. BLUE ALERT

Also lo-tech is Terry Childers venting “Hey Santa” with some decent drumming. He seems to be missing a radio….

Here Comes Fatty Claus” by Rudolph & The Gang (Johnny MacRae) is hate speech pop (with profanity) about the high costs of giving. Sounds mean, but it comes from a place of hurt.

Chemtrail doesn’t merely doubt, but refuses Kris Kringle in the minimalist “You are Not Santa.”

The Silver Bells retro-rocks their disapproval about the double dealing Elf in “Santa Doesn’t Care About You.” Loved you and left you–nothing!

Even further, Beatnik Turtle also pop-rocks the disdain of Santy in “Santa Doesn’t Like You.” You got to face the fact.

Grampa Yule

Worth repeating: “Baby Boomer Santa” is from the Dan Harmon show Community and represents what Millennials think in their kaleidoscopic minds about the olds. OK Donald Glover, Danny Pudi, and Chevy Chase.

Sia Furler has an empty spot at Christmas, and wants not My everyday Santa Claus (which is you, ya deserter, you)–but “My Old Santa Claus” to help her out. Is that a compliment in millennial pop music??

Magritte & Rosen may refer to Old Man Christmas as an obese senior citizen, but in their skippy singalong “Santa Needs Some Help!” they address climate change and Covid-mania among his concerns. Do seniors care about that stuff?!

Patricia Vonne figures rockabilly will make the epithet “Old Man Santa” an endearment. But this this bar-burner accuses the old guy of cruisin’, rockin’, and blazin’.

I suppose tweeting makes Santa look young, but when “Santa’s Twitter Got Hacked” he’s just another old victim.

Valley of Love enter musical land with their episodic “Santa Claus Restauration.” It’s essentially about helping out the elderly.

Santa’s Gettin’ Too Old for This” bemoans Dr. BLT in his signature folk-rock funk. This reality check is making me sad, so maybe don’t scat so much.

Herr List

Worth repeating: BearRon(Rob Barron)’s “Nuttin’ (The Dumb Original Christmas Song)” is a thoughtful folk ballad about how a kid will get even for his Xmas betrayal. Love it.

From Flying Bomb Presents Surprise Package – The Collectors’ Edition comes Rocket 455’s “Santa Ain’t Comin’ This Christmas.” Finely aged punk brought to my attention care of Pete th’ Elf.

Rough punk from Lion’s Law has the beef that “He Never Came Around.” You know who.

Richard DSouza translates (barely) “Santa Don’t Come to My Home.” Peter’s got a solution, though–

Swing from Steve Weeks who has a “Grievance with the Man in Red.” Someone’s been counting… how often he was GOOD. But, did it pay off??

Killer dad rock from Luke Nelson, who notes “There Goes Santa Claus.” Not that you can tell from the absence of goodies.

Even harder retro rock from Lee Harris demands “Get Santa Claus on the Line.” The complaint line, that is! Not even underwear, man!

Christmas Man

Hilary Marckx protests that “Santa Claus is a-Rockin’.” Blue suede shoes and red blue jeans mark this dancing beard-o as rocking. I guess.

Kevin Sisson kicks a bit of rockabilly to ask “Rock Me Santa.” Like at the North Pole, chicken.

Kathy & Jimmy Zee travel from the past to rediscover “Santa Claus Rock and Roll.” This was from before elided consonants. Still hip from the lip.

Kerr Donnelly Band recalls Elvis to promote “Santa’s Rockin’.” It just keeps building….

Joseph Hollister makes the rockabilly wooden with his study of the “Rockin’ Santa Claus.” Still, a boot-scooter.

Jan Terri was known for a minute as a terrible, but earnest singer in the ’90s. Even opened a couple shows for Marilyn Manson. Here’s a sample of her work from one of her VHS giveaways, “Rock and Roll Santa.” Brace yourself.


Worth repeating: all-Rush Mixtape posit a Bread parody with “The Santa Man.” Soft rock paints you a chapter.

A Beatles’ deep dive brings Colin & AJ to “Because.” It’s homage in an ironic age. Love it.

The Mavericks’ party blues-rock the retro with “Santa Does.” Toy time is the right time. Hoorah.

Piano bar lounge jazz bebop from Ralph Burns: my roof is his runway--! “Santa Claus is Near” is nearly a showstopper.

Santa Claus Is Comin Tonight” is Tom Dudley Blues Buddha dropping boogie rock about dropping off the presents. Hold on tight.

Kris Kringle

Worth repeating: “Santa’s Delivery” from A Latino Christmas applies saucy salsa tempo to an exciting proposition: He’s there! He’s gone! Whoosh.

Santa Clause, the Man” is rap by Cha$e D’Amico which builds up the jolly ol’ elf to slightly more than human status.

Hal Willis is golly-gosh impressed with “Santa Superstar.” Two-step jazziness elevates Big Red to royalty. Too much–

Bombastic country from Clint Black characterizes S. Claus to musical heights in “Christmas for Every Boy and Girl.” Bowls one over, does.

Instructional rock from Youth on Track introduces “Santa Claus (What Does That Spell?)” What’s meant to be kidsong is actual music.

Until the Son of God Tapered (or Block Cut)

Jimmy Fallon (with Meghan Trainor) swear no gifts in the rapping “Wrap Me Up.” But he does wonder if he’s getting a razor (or a manscaper). She’s offering hugs, instead.

Pufftube synths, or merely cheap out on recording equipment, for the garage experimental “Let’s Shave Rudolph.” It’s so crazy it just might work!

Roger Wodehouse glam rocks about a “Personal Menorah.” He’s hoping for an intro to the eight nights of love. (Love me like I’m Samson: Cut off all my hair.)

I’m Gettin Muttonchops for Christmas

Pinkfong is back with Hogi and more childish drivel: “Have You Seen My Beard?” It’s Santa, though it sounds like a four-year-old, and it’s a crime scene kidsong. I’d check down your shirt, dude.

Nick Jacobs hearkens back to those good ol’ Covid-19 days with the hip pop downer: “No Holly Jolly Christmas.” Hope that you wear a mask not a fake Santa beard, he chirps. Not sure about the prurient Blue’s Clues parody for the video. What the fun?

That kid just took Santa’s beard in the midst of Covid. Bad stuff tried to bring us down, but “A Covid Christmas” was a time to remember the reason for the season: toilet paper. Driving pop with a solid rock backbeat from Interstellar emotion.