Category: rock

Hilary Marckx protests that “Santa Claus is a-Rockin’.” Blue suede shoes and red blue jeans mark this dancing beard-o as rocking. I guess.

Kevin Sisson kicks a bit of rockabilly to ask “Rock Me Santa.” Like at the North Pole, chicken.

Kathy & Jimmy Zee travel from the past to rediscover “Santa Claus Rock and Roll.” This was from before elided consonants. Still hip from the lip.

Kerr Donnelly Band recalls Elvis to promote “Santa’s Rockin’.” It just keeps building….

Joseph Hollister makes the rockabilly wooden with his study of the “Rockin’ Santa Claus.” Still, a boot-scooter.

Jan Terri was known for a minute as a terrible, but earnest singer in the ’90s. Even opened a couple shows for Marilyn Manson. Here’s a sample of her work from one of her VHS giveaways, “Rock and Roll Santa.” Brace yourself.

Worth repeating: all-Rush Mixtape posit a Bread parody with “The Santa Man.” Soft rock paints you a chapter.

A Beatles’ deep dive brings Colin & AJ to “Because.” It’s homage in an ironic age. Love it.

The Mavericks’ party blues-rock the retro with “Santa Does.” Toy time is the right time. Hoorah.

Piano bar lounge jazz bebop from Ralph Burns: my roof is his runway--! “Santa Claus is Near” is nearly a showstopper.

“Santa Claus Is Comin Tonight” is Tom Dudley Blues Buddha dropping boogie rock about dropping off the presents. Hold on tight.

Worth repeating: “Santa’s Delivery” from A Latino Christmas applies saucy salsa tempo to an exciting proposition: He’s there! He’s gone! Whoosh.

“Santa Clause, the Man” is rap by Cha$e D’Amico which builds up the jolly ol’ elf to slightly more than human status.

Hal Willis is golly-gosh impressed with “Santa Superstar.” Two-step jazziness elevates Big Red to royalty. Too much–

Bombastic country from Clint Black characterizes S. Claus to musical heights in “Christmas for Every Boy and Girl.” Bowls one over, does.

Instructional rock from Youth on Track introduces “Santa Claus (What Does That Spell?)” What’s meant to be kidsong is actual music.

Jimmy Fallon (with Meghan Trainor) swear no gifts in the rapping “Wrap Me Up.” But he does wonder if he’s getting a razor (or a manscaper). She’s offering hugs, instead.

Pufftube synths, or merely cheap out on recording equipment, for the garage experimental “Let’s Shave Rudolph.” It’s so crazy it just might work!

Roger Wodehouse glam rocks about a “Personal Menorah.” He’s hoping for an intro to the eight nights of love. (Love me like I’m Samson: Cut off all my hair.)

Pinkfong is back with Hogi and more childish drivel: “Have You Seen My Beard?” It’s Santa, though it sounds like a four-year-old, and it’s a crime scene kidsong. I’d check down your shirt, dude.

Nick Jacobs hearkens back to those good ol’ Covid-19 days with the hip pop downer: “No Holly Jolly Christmas.” Hope that you wear a mask not a fake Santa beard, he chirps. Not sure about the prurient Blue’s Clues parody for the video. What the fun?

That kid just took Santa’s beard in the midst of Covid. Bad stuff tried to bring us down, but “A Covid Christmas” was a time to remember the reason for the season: toilet paper. Driving pop with a solid rock backbeat from Interstellar emotion.

Brother Strange hammers on metal to remind you of “Sweet Beard Jesus.” All songs about Christ are Christmas songs.

Hard garage from Samaritan bleeds into metal for “Jesus Had a Beard, Why Can’t We?”

Lesley Whore folk rocks the more approachable “Jesus Had a Groovy Beard.”

God must get mistaken for Santa alla time. So sings Elvis Costello in one of my all time favorites: “God’s Comic.” JC wants to know, what’s the deal with airplane food?

Cracks & Scars wield galvanized punk to vent their spleen about that “Fake Beard Bastard.” BLUE ALERT–it wasn’t the real guy.

The “Christmas Beard” that took over makes an appearance in The Hollow Folk’s basement rehearsal pop warm-up. Oompah oompah march march march. That’s very powerful jaw upholstery .

King Drive’s follow up to ‘Put on Your Beard‘ is “Put on Your Christmas Beard.” This sorry sequel merely floats X-mas phrases against an awesome light rock melody. I’m still looking for some kind of beard….

More movie violence in honor of the holidays…

The Blankok Brothers get carried away with racism and gratuitous killing in the nearly country “Now I Have A Machine Gun (Ho​-​Ho​-​Ho​-​Ho).” For all its ‘Merican patriotism it sounds foreignly accented. BLUE ALERT

D. Brawlins narrates a bit more of ‘Die Hard’ in ” Now I Have A Machine Gun Ho Ho Ho.” Garage rage with careful pacing.

Churlington’s “Now I Have a Machine Gun… Ho Ho Ho” is more appropriately metal. BLUE ALERT again.

Harsher metal from Weak Music for Thomas in their “Now I Have a Machine Gun, Ho Ho Ho.” Fight the machine… erm, i mean terrorists. BLUE ALERT probably.

Honor Among Thieves’ “Now I Have a Machine Gun Ho Ho Ho” is even more appropriately punk. I have no idea if there’s profanity in there. Better BLUE ALERT anyway.

Let us close with Dislocator mixing more rock than metal in their retelling “Now I Have a Machine Gun Ho Ho Ho.” The title of the movie is the refrain. Top that, Mr. Mystery Man.

Why do you want a gun for Christmas? Jamir Fork indies the answer in “I Want a Gun for Christmas.” Now you know.

“All I Want for Christmas is a Broom Handle Mauser” by Alan.s.Robinson is a festive folk jig about taking care of problems. Get some.

Jonathan Mann has reviewed Twitter and cobbled together the lyrics for “A Gun for Christmas” with some rocking folk. Much more entertaining than you’d figure.

Bradley Sullivan’s The Naughty Christmas Elves filksing their own creation “Apocalypse on the Christmas Tree.” Problem seems to be the cold.

Petra Hernandez recalls the Mayan thing again with her ardent folk “Post Apocalyptic Christmas.” But the joke is she posted this a week after the prophecied endtime. Take that, ancient dudes.

Ronson Kwon posits the holidays as the cure-all: Seems like the end–Christmas came in time to Turn it around. The resulting “Snow Globe” is a pitter-patter rap of hopeless hope. Festive.

For Aztec Two Step the problem seems to be warmth. “Christmas Apocalypse #12 & 45” is the slow rocker dirge over global warming. Bummer.