X File-mas: Kaiju

Godzilla may be King of Monsters, but those other guys need some screen time, too.

Not a fan of foreign verse, but give “Kaiju Christmas” by Radioactive Karaoke a chance. Ostensibly a Gojira song, this little band pop number brings a children’s glee to glee club.

Jimmie’s in the Basement celebrate when “It’s a Kaiju Christmas.” This retro electronic rock is the new ‘Monster Mash.’

The Radish Friends borrow a great one with “The Christmas Kaiju Cometh.” It’s the end of all good times. Groovy folk rock.

Make Like Monkeys are their usual cool retro rocksters when creating “Santis! The Christmas Kaiju.” Just because we can add giant claws, doesn’t mean we should…. [Not to mention their “King Kong for Christmas” as another of their cool monster musical mysteries. Fab, boys, simply fab.]

X Files-mas: Dragon

May have touched on Christmas dragons once before. Time to get to it for reals this time.

Dragons are just stories when it’s “Christmas in the Shire.” Brendan Dalton & The 1740 Boys Choir soft rock our merry hearth. Then there’s a wizard knocking at your door….

Frosty the Dragon” from PerCy Nevers clumsily mashes up ‘Puff’ and ‘Frosty.’ So doesn’t the new guy melt or not?

Fugli’s “Santa’s Got a Dragon” assesses the reindeer situation and finds them wanting. So, with a bit of metal, he rocks the turbo upgrade for sleigh deliveries.

On that note Mediera chants about the dragon mode of delivery in “Christmas In The Realm.” Pop metal.

Johnny & The Raindrops want something different for Xmas. “I’ve Got a Dragon” reveals the ups and the downs of a boy’s Xmas ask. Make a wish and blow out the house fire!

Retchfire the Christmas Dragon” from Mozart Rottweiler with Sinister Undertones twists the metal with synth reverb. Sure it sounds scary. But I can’t make it out.

Within Temptation’s “Gothic Christmas” aggrandizes ol’ St. Nick to the point where he’s slaying dragons. Cool. Retro pop.

Robby Grant wants to help Santa and the elves so he will summon and “Fly on Christmas Dragon” to get there lickety split. The welcome isn’t exactly warm, though. Prog rock with disco moments.

X Files-mas: Dracula

Christmas vampires are going to fill up a entire post or two, so let’s give additional attention to the big daddy of all of Stoker’s invention.

Howsabout a little comedy from Team Four Star? “A Very Hellsing Christmas” features Alucard (Drac in disguise) murdering Santa then facing the consequences. Somewhat funny.

S’more comedy from Red State Update. We already featured “Dracula Doesn’t Have Ebola for Christmas.” So let’s rewind the clock to the bit “Dracula Got Ebola on Christmas Special.” The big joke is the hit song referred to doesn’t exist. But the comedy includes the antithesis, including the extra number ‘Dracula Salad.’ BLUE ALERT, too. Song writing tips gratis.

As Dracula bums a smoke at the arcade Christmas scenes already set, begins “Dean Martin” from Lovers Turn to Monsters. Sets a sombre mood in contrast to the holiday times. Indie gloom.

Another casual allusion to the Big Bad is in Cledus T Judd’s “All I Want for Christmas is Two Gold Front Teef.” He’ll be like pimp Dracula! Countrified parody.

Some of the laziest humor comes from funny accents. Dracula Sings! makes hay with the Euro-trash vocals for an almost parody: “Unholy Night.” BLUE ALERT

What we’ve been looking for is “Dracula is Santa (Scary Christmas)” by The Palace of Auburn Hills. This tinny club rock is light and breezy.

X Files-mas: Bigfoot

Bigfoot is the official cryptizoid mascot of the Pacific Northwest, the new bumper sticker craze. Ol’ Sasquatch is a symbol of lost wilderness and banished aboriginals, but we all pretend to root for him anyway around here. Merry Cold Times, Dude.

Bigfoot Noel” from Streaking in Tongues is spoken poetry to set our sober yet melodic mood. Pretentiously pretty.

Sasquatch is Coming to Town” is NOT a parody, but a Minnesotan country rocker from Bo Allen. This snowmobiling sack-carrying wookie is actually what brings the toys to good girls and boys. Believe. (But not in the last two minutes of credits and outtakes.)

Uncle Jess and The Rippers completely rock out the animals’ Christmas party somewhere in the woods made awesome by the dancer of the hour and his “Bigfoot’s Christmas Shoes.” Go, Bigfoot, go, go, go.

Just like the difference between typhoons and hurricanes, we own our giant hairy apeman identity here in the Western Hemisphere. But “Bigfoot and Christmas” seems set in The Alps (Yeti??). But, it’s about true love–so an honorary spot for Mark Perko’s folk trudge of a story. Caution: yodeling attempts.

Poor misunderstood shy guy! Cornpone novelty country from Jack Franzen tells how everyone suddenly understood this monster and so “Bigfoot Rides with Santa.” Problems with Act 3….

Cat Named Norris attempts rap in “Christmas with Bigfoot.” Big dance number. Nothing else to recommend it.

Ben & Tucker have solved the problem of sucky Christmasses; Bigfoot ruined ’em. “Bigfoot Why?” they holler in unplugged rocking fashion. The rest is silence.

X Files-mas: Aliens [part E]

Christmas is based on mythology, whether you follow X-ianity or capitalism–it’s all faith based. Ya gotta believe. like Bigfoot hunters do. Like experiencers do. So let’s chew on some sunflower seeds and follow the were-rabbits down their hole (whilst of course overlooking the ordinary flying reindeer, singing snowmen, and furry green Christmas-stealers).

Boy howdy have we already considered aliens on the blog. From plain old sci-fi (with Dr. Who specialization) to Santa (whether his own self, or as a nemesis to).

Like with Jell-o there’s always room for more (or at least there are antacids for after the glut). So let’s peep in on “Violent Vincent is Coming to Town,” a parody about a truly cute and grisly ET with a gun from Xploshi.

Abducted, Jessica Delfino endures “Christmas in Space.” Pop near-rap with falsetto about anal probes. Painful, but even aliens celebrate.

Literally Newt seem stuck in a rut when they electronically celebrate an “Alien Christmas” with aliens. Seems those things have their own observation. Who died for their sins?

We Wish You and Alien Christmas” is the synthed parody from RalphWiggy. Careful what you wish for.

The alien POV pops out from Old 97’s with “I Don’t Know What Christmas Is (But Christmastime Is Here)” from 2022’s ‘The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special.’ Cool retro rock pop. Earthlings are so weird.

Also judgy are the aliens in The Dusty Meadows Band’s “Christmas in Outerspace.” Electronic pop that warns of reindeer poop in space.

Tyler Del Pino & Rusty Robot want to spend “Christmas with Aliens‘cuz they don’t know what is. Apparently these rockers don’t appreciate our traditions of spend spend and spend. They want a new party.

Yo Ho Ho Ho: Christopher Lillicrap & Jeanette Ranger album

CHRISTMAS CAT AND THE PUDDING PIRATES by married team Christopher Lillicrap & Jeanette Ranger is another kidmusical full of shouting and giggling. In a British way. On the SS Santa Claus the characters are colorful. The Captain checks in music hall fashion that everything is “Ship Shape.” Wot fun. “Myrtle the Beautiful Mermaid” is a siren song of fate and love. The old school R’n’R of “Pudding Rock” is a show stopper of enjoying the Christmas pudding. Danceable. The show degrades to treacle after that. No pudding thievery is sung about. Sorry.

Yuletide: Flying Dutchman

Sometimes the ocean-going way is so seductive, it invades our carols without our faces filled with actual salt spray. These metaphors can be powerful.

Check out Carbon Leaf’s “Christmas at Sea.” C-h-r-i-s-t-m-a-S. O. S.: A boat afloat at sea; Row you to me–Christmas at sea. Charming indie about missing you.

Alkaline Trio headbands the punk of “Snake Oil Tanker” with observations like: This time you’ve dug yourself an anchor too heavy to move ahead with. It’s never felt colder at Christmas. So there. Bang.

The Spongetones bring an elegant classiness to their mixed metaphor poetry piano bar tune “There’s a Star.” Starts with a ship and a shore. There’s Christmas in there… Must be something about redemption.

A tight squeeze in this category “Christmas Time in Motor City” is dandy industrial rock (multi-media) from Was (Not Was). An ugly cityscape ends with the image: I sit and watch the traffic panic, it sails away, Look at this…It’s Christmas Day… Noice.

Yuletide: Warship

Mostly sailors an conscripted onto their floating death traps. Few do it as a lark, a look-see ’round the world. Doesn’t mean they can’t have a good time, but no one cares that they do.

Classic The Who explore the Cold War tensions with “Rael Pt.1 and Pt. 2.” In this rock opera, China threatens Israel with naval might. Now Captain, listen to my instructions: Return to this spot on Christmas Day, Look toward the shore for my signal. Will it be war? Townsend never finished this….

In Doug Stone’s hokey country “Sailing Home for Christmas” the troops are headed to a foreign shore. They’ll be home ONLY in their dreams. Psych! (Which war? You decide!)

Little Red Ambulance’s “Sailing Home for Christmas” rocks pop in a responsible way. Besides which the sailors have been gone for seven months and are honestly homeward bound in time for the holidays. Celebratory.

Yuletide: Davy Jones’s Locker

Boats do many things well. Resting at the bottom of the sea it one. For Christmas.

Princess Ariel from Disney uses shanty-lite for “Christmas in the Ocean.” Buried treasure does make a good gift.

SpongeBob SquarePants uses doo wop to illustrate his “Wet Wet Christmas.” Splash squish. Better music!

Glad Host’s The Aquanauts do an experimental deep dive with “Christmas Underwater.” Dark and disturbing (throwing horses overboard!)!

Sunken Letter” by The Christmas Band is a tragic turn of the mundanity of a sailor’s voyage made cruelly ironic by our knowledge of the title. Soft folk twists the knife.

Derivative (homage to ‘Octopus’), yet delightful, “Christmas Under the Sea” by Colin & AJ rocks and kidsong rolls with some alt-oddness. Fun (except for Lydia).

Yuletide: Buoyed by Love

Love Boat, y’all. It’s the holidays!

R – Dot uses the metaphors like a rapper in his “Christmas Lap Dance.” He asks, he gets, but the rules are clear: Ima′ let her drive the boat but I′m the captain! Naughty Xmas.

Daniel Silverman has only one item on “My Christmas Wish“: you. But this amateur nasal rocking is boyishly charming in its earnestness. Sail away with him girl.

Ronson Kwan’s “Christmas in July” is more studio sophisticated, but its slickness is suspicious. It’s Autumn, it’s Christmas, it’s July… As I sail across the sea of summer days I search the space, the empty arid sky For the memory of autumn rain. Could be love… Poets and madmen, am i right? Pretty indie pop.

The Waitresses made a novelty splash in the early ’80s with “Christmas Wrapping,” which is as hip hop as ‘The Star Spangled Banner.’ But this missed cute couple don’t go out to lunch, or meet at his boat, or trick-or-treat together. The seasons pass until they are fated to cross paths at Christmas. Jazzy club rock.