Category: Caroldies (parodies of carols)

What’s in a name? Loads, actually. A rose by any other name would smell. If it were called ‘skunk butt’ or ‘dumpster fire’ noses likely’d run away. People don’t usually name their children Adolf or Pol Pot anymore. Attachments linger.

Here at the blog w’ve already addressed celebrities, so we might avoid those (fictional or historical). But, while Jesus and John McClain and Frosty might be out, Herod and Skut Farkas and Yukon Cornelius might be in. We’ll play loosey goosey here. For fun.

By and large we’re looking for all the songs about Billy and Suzy and Mr. Smith, even if they are mentioned but tangentially. The best way to play is to look up YOUR own name and see who’s sang what about your moniker (yes, nicknames are included). Therefore, we’ll proceed alphabetically (as nearly as i can–it’s a hair-puller to find these novelties).

Let us begin with the concept of names. Sure, before language–who cared? But as population, specialization, and bureaucracy grew, so did the need for individualization. Who to blame exactly is as important as to whom precisely this gift should go. And variations can suck an egg. I’m going to include all spellings and male/female forms within one entry.

[Oh yeah, we’ve already covered dozens of Elf and Reindeer names. Those don’t bear repeating.]

While on that aside, i have to wonder “What’s the Name of Santa’s Sleigh?” The Ohio City Singers try to riddle this out with sing along folk.

AI responds with the pop “Santa Knows My Name” purportedly by Your Cafe Music. It’s that list thing. Not that i can tell if it’s naughty or nice.

“All Time Low” by Fool’s Holiday allows for the names being on the bad roster. Jazz pop with a emotional punch or two.

David La Barbera uses the magic of password identity with the odd jazz of “It’s Your Name On My Christmas List“. Only a bit creepy.

Revenge of the Egg People claim My name is not important while rocking on about “Something About Christmas“.

Rage Against The Manger pit the name Chanukah against Christmas in the hard rocker “Christmas in the Name“. Starting something here….

TiRon & Ayomari (feat. Nonchalant Savant) play the grab game Xmas morn with “Take Names Off“. This R+B rap has to do with wanting what’s yours (what has your name on it). Powerful.

Goofing on kid shows (or at least Aqua Teen Hunger Force) Toiley T. Paper & John B. Dehaas parody an unusual seasonal selection with “A Few of My Stripper Names“.

The actual help for psychological problems doesn’t always help in time for Xmas.

Mike Nichols and Elaine May do the situational stand up “Merry Christmas, Doctor” that flips the script and makes the psychologist more disturbed than the patient. Hilarious contraposition for 1962. Perhaps doesn’t age well.

In “Christmas Freud” Yulenog & Nathan Kuruna mumble through an emerging parody. They get better in their novelty career.

Advising Joseph, David Wood’s ‘ROCK NATIVITY’ includes the tune “Don’t Be Afraid“, nudging the old man into nuptials with the preggo teen. Angelic advice.

Therapy can be gras roots, too. A Harris & Hart Holiday propose a cure for what troubles us with “Christmas Hands“. Folk anthem. And pretty damn funny.

Evoking ’70s easy listening perfection, The Free Design advise “Close Your Mouth (It’s Christmas)“. Put your feelings in a jar, kiddo.

For all the expectations you could never meet, here’s a “Gift Receipt” warble The New Anxiety. Not so much Freudianism as it is Retail Therapy. In metaphor at least. Personable easy listening.

If you follow Endiamonds simple indie song steps you may “Lose Every Inch of Your Sorrow“. This weighty loss program is not for every one. Consult your doctor if despair persists.

Garrison Bailey’s cure when determining that “No One Should Cry on Christmas” is the original Nativity tale. Read ’em and don’t weep. Sanctimonious pop.

L’Resorts exhorts Just Don’t in their layered “No Tears“. Carib pop reminiscent (for me) of Timbuk3. Which means i like it.

Tigger from Pooh helps Noodle Noggin’s prescription for “Santa’s Mental Altiitude“. It seems merely clapping hands does the trick. It’s the Tinkerbell Effect for this kidsong.

Also bossy, “Wintrvention” seems to be a will power recommendation from The Classic Brown. Matter over mind comes in the form of military march pop here.

Back to the professionals! The Therapy Sisters round up “The Twelve Days of Analysis” with a lightning round of courses. Hope it helps.

Glamourpuss mumbles and moans “Pastel Christmas” to describe washed out unfocused celebrations at the end of the year. Just like we used to have. Psychedelic club rock.

Rock riffs hep up the pop of Kristian Noel Pedersen’s “Ordinary Christmas Day“, not a convincing surrender of positivity. But middle of the road, nonetheless. Charmed, i’m sure.

randywackmin is fed up with Xmas. “What a Rip Off” he indies to the electronica of screaming children, burning cookies….

Now, good ol’ Otis Gibbs promises no one’s getting “Crap for Christmas” from him. Not that there’s no end of fecal quality around this time of year. But his bluegrass insists he’s not part or parcel of it.

Perhaps crossing a line, The Satanic Temple plays devil’s advocate about the importance of this otherwise “Arbitrary Night“. This is a parody of ‘O Holy Night’, for all the good that info’ll do ya.

The UK don’t play proper games, but have Queensbury rules and fans kill each other more than sportsmen do.

In Len Maxwell’s album Merry Monster Christmas, the Mummy and Igor tell jokes until “Christmas Games” are suggested. Darts are thrown at and by these Old Worlders. Brit adjacent comedy.

Santa seems more gentile when playing darts, as THEY do (at a bar) in “Where the Santas Meet“, the New Age smelling indie from Fetching Pails.

“Opening Day (The Christmas Song remake)” by way of GiftTime Rugby might teach you a thing or two. But more scrimbo than Crimbo.

Clondalkin RFC 2006’s “The Night Before Clondalkin Rugby Christmas” might not do that, but retains its dignity better.

Football/soccer/whatever is hard to track down, so i’ll settle for The Dimmer Twins’s “Three Aussie Kings“. Expurgated parody for the whole family.

Backyard cricket in just another “Queensland Christmas” from Those Folk describes the fun and games from Down Under. Swinging pop.

Likewise “Christmas In The Summer” by Echidna Candy Store in which The cricket’s on in the background every day and in the backyard every night for the holidays.

Then there’s true admiration when “Oh Christmas Time Is Cricket Time” is sung as if a national anthem by The Dimmer Twins (Mick & Keef). Parody of ‘Tannenbaum’.

Yeah, i played. Back in the ’70s. THAC0 and all that.

Which means these tend to be weak sauce parodies with some clever lyrics.

The lame title “A Dungeons and Dragons Jingle Bells Parody” becomes a drinking song from Cami-Cat (feat. Friends!). Pub brawl!

Hissy Fits rolls out the expected “12 Days of Christmas (D&D Edition)“. Huh.

“Away in a Dungeon – A D&D Christmas Carol” also shows competence and little else. Beloch Shrike tries.

Bard College of Citrus improves on this conceit with “A Wish!“, teaching me about some 5e spell that probably shouldn’t exist.

The decent ‘Grinch’ spoof “Mr. Lich” by Law from Slap Dash not only works arcana into the song, but puts an end to my pronunciation problems with that monster.

Agranak Studios dredges metal out for “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like Crit-Mas“. Math ensues for those attack rolls of 19 or 20. BLUE ALERT

Trying an original ditty (rehearsal) ChaosInfinity makes a quest of “A Dungeons and Dragons Christmas“. Slight pop.

AI rears its unshaven head with “Christmas in Nine Hells“, purportedly a D&D song from Trina, a daughter of Fierna, or whatever. Almost metal.

AI works extra hard for a metal chant-rap in “The Dungeon Before Christmas“. Holiday Rebellion: Seasonal Music for Lefties confuses me.

AI nearly ruins “DND Christmas” with their pick-terms-out-of-a-hat and setting it to big band swing. If it weren’t so weird, i’d not like it. DNDrip is to blame.

Perpetual elf Ginny Di makes with the scary aspect in “Carol of the Spells“. There’s THAT many? “TPK Carol” is ‘Jingle Bells’ with a new acronym for you. But where she rolls a natural 20 is “All I Want for Christmas” despite that tedious melody playing yet again. Her list is nigh endless and includes dice, snacks, and a workable schedule for players… ha. (Bard Life Music shows what a mediocre parody would look like for this carol. BLUE ALERT)

Sledding in the winter snow needn’t be competitive, but boys measure worth in losing. So up to the top: ready, set, gravity!

Magic Tuna overuses android voice in the AI kidsong “Squirrel Sled Race Madness!” Losers are stew!

Less exciting, “Riding Our Sleds Through The Snow” has Johanna Lewis lah-dee-dahing about childish endeavors through mediocre kidsong. Just play.

I’m not sure “Go Freeze” is actually about sledding, despite Bobs & Lolo singing about it. This is a hard rocking kidsong about the Squid Games event. So, WTF?

The Blues help “Slide In The Snow” from John Vosel & the Nutcrackers. No competitions, just an integral part of dealing with all that white stuff. Cool.

Unplugged chaos, “Sledding Is so Fun” features Yulenog making fun more than sense. Still, like it.

“Sled Riding” is mostly braggadocio from Three Days Wait, but their American rock makes me root for ’em.

Snook flips the script for a fearfully bumpy course in his parodic “Little Bummer Boy“. Call 911!

Clark & Clark argue “Is Die Hard a Christmas Movie?‘ but settle on contradictory byplay. The ragtime pop adds to the frivolity.

“Is Die Hard a Christmas Movie?” is supposedly by Colin Andrews, but smells like AI. Cowboy pop doesn’t help the case.

“Die Hard is a Christmas Movie” sinks deep into Rickman sampling, but then jazz-raps the message with winsome wiles. Snazzy.

Swamp Ass and The Meat Sweats flip the table with the garage punk screamer “Die Hard is Not a Christmas Movie“. This time without feeling, please.

“I Just Wanna Watch Die Hard Tonight” rocks Classic Pat. Vim and vigor detected.

Not as many ask whether ‘2’ was a Christmas movie. Axis of Awesome reviews the plot in “Lee’s Christmas Story” for your consideration. Spoken in anger.

Borrowing from ‘Drummer Boy’–but the Bing/Bowie verzh–Insane Ian & Bonecage really deliver on “Die Hard Christmas“, which consists mostly of borrowed lines. Still works. [Beware Patreon plea at end.]