Category: Caroldies (parodies of carols)

Open handed strikes are loud, not simply violent. That’s so blind people can appreciate the Three Stooges.

“Feliz Navidad (Now Please Slap My Ass)” is BLUE ALERT sexcapades by Kamakazi. They bottom out here with their parody even with Walken in their winter wonderland.

Fred Frees is gonna “Slap You for Christmas.” Verbal abuse you, too. It’s his love language. But, call the cops. Power ballad.

More pointedly, Jeff Carter’s “Slap the Heretic” brings guitar folk into the intolerable holiday mood.

Chubs and Fatty from Tell Me Something Funny redden their cheeks with their “Christmas Slap Battle – Deck the Jaws.” This ‘Halls’ tribute is quite amusing, to them. But they put their backs into it.

The membranophone might only buzz your humming, but it makes fools of mobs. Hand out a bag of ’em at any meeting and see for yourself.

Rob Douglas from Down Under broadcasts from his back room “Me, You & a Xmas Kazoo.” You may discern some fun in this poorly recorded pop folk.

Concave wants to beat you over the head with “A Kazoo for Christmas,” so his cacophonic tantrum is the soundtrack of breaking your lease.

More merrily melodic “Merry Christmas to You” is some funky country from Sidewalk Prophets in which the reason for the season is I got a kazoo. Joyous.

Benny Grunch and the Bunch’s “I Got a Used Kazoo for Christmas” features bongos as well as the titular piece. It’s a fully developed masterpiece of mocking ‘Deck the Halls.’ You may want to run get yours to join in.

Blake Dan swings parang to get a “Horn for Christmas.” It might be a sexual euphemism, but the riddim rulz.

Inspired by Psalms, Sufjan Stevens’s “All the Kings Horns” lays low the pomp of the others for the all new-and-improved KoK. That’s all we know shofar. Mighty folk.

“Santa’s Horn” from The Wizard of Loneliness is an EDM message of urgency. I think something bad happens. Accidentally.

“Christmas Katie” has a horn to blow, for anyone passing by, any time of the year. They call her Christmas ‘cuz that’s her mood. Roll with it. Dank jazzy blues from Widespread Panic. And so should you.

Sure as the horn blows Tom Lindh sings “Merry, Merry Merry Fucking Christmas.” So, you know, BLUE ALERT on this dawdly indie. Goodness!

Rockapella encourages Mr Taxi Driver to honk his horn on the holiday. So with muddied doo wop they sing of the “Hope We Hold” for Christmas Day. Inspirational, we hope, for some.

These same car noises are the subject of everdraed’s “Carol of the Horns.” Cacophonous, man. Yet all are welcome here.

Beatnik skins might simplify musicality, well at least as Hoops & Yoyo present it in “Bongo Christmas.” Carib beatings.

Bryce Bowyn is hunting for bear in “Santa Daddy.” You can hit it like a bongo drum, he advises, in the queerest of ways. Rhythmic pop.

Funnin’ on ‘Nuttin” Snook’s “Nan’s Drownin’ Kittens” is a tragedy… until he gets bongos for Christmas. Huzzah.

“Keep Me Up All Night” by Flickering (feat. G Curtis) hits all the marks, but the overproduction dampens the seductive mood this R+B song aspires to. Christmas seems a distraction here.

More entertaining tunes that barely comply BLUE ALERT: “Fuck It Let’s Go Bowling” from Schubert Doobert deals with drugs, responsibility, insomnia, and only to dream/Of a holiday meltdown.

Amateur parody is ALWAYS welcome here, so Quintessential Grace scores with me doing “Baby is Up All Night.” (It’s ‘Baby It’s Cold’ for the newly ‘renting.) Tee–psychologically traumatizing–hee.

Stormeezy raps out his “Christmas Nightmare” although he seems replete in weed and stuff. What’s so nightmarish?

Dagger Blade’s “Christmas Nightmare” is more straightforward death metal. Self contained.

Brian Maull posts “The Great American Christmas Nightmare” from the Howard Stern Show. Apart from ripping of ‘Holly Jolly’ i can’t tell what public figure they’re skewering.

Stream​☾​atcher’s “dreaming tonight” is a DJ mashup of new age fulsomeness. Fluffy, but odd.

In the dark was the child in the dream in the head was the dream… or something. “Dream Child (A Christmas Dream)” is Trans-Siberian Orchestra’s take on a soothing drug trip. Prog rock, natch.

“Must Be Dreaming” by Penthouse Sweets sums up the whole year as a dream. But this one’s not as awful as my own year. So. Yay. Pop with a rock beat.

“Hawaiian Dreaming” is a comedy bit from Balderdash and Humbug about how great a vacation would be about now. Basic parody. A couple cute rhymes, though.

Time to do dirty to ‘White Christmas.’ These are hard working parodies, laugh at your own expense.

Dave Rudolf gives us the obvious “I’m Dreaming of a White Trash Christmas.” The reason it might amuse is the gnarly Elvis impersonation. The lyrics are fair to middlin’.

Robert Blake, aka ‘Dr. Bob,’ goes grampy hobo with “I’m Dreaming of a Christmas That is White.” It’s borrowed lyrics stitched together with bluegrass dementia.

2 Live Jews are “Dreaming of a Blond Shiksa.” Dirty, indeed!

Mike Belden amateurs it one up with an unidicted co-conspirator in “I’m Dreaming of a White America.” No, racism isn’t funny, i hate ALL bigots.

“I’m Dreaming Of a Dead City” is The H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society unleashing Cthulhu upon our deathless sleeping forms. This includes the oft overlooked intro.

“(I’m Dreaming of a) Hogwarts Christmas” by Hawthorn & Holly does the least amount of lifting. No charms or bewitchment mentioned.

The subject of impossibility must needs rear its fat head when dealing with Santa coming down the chimney.

Encore! The Heebee-jeebees relate with blues and scat to the day after man stuck up the chimney with those “Boxing Day Blues.” Does that mean kidnapping?!

“Santa’s Stuck in the Chimney” is kidsong country from Paul Evans. It takes a village to cause the flue movement. Danceable.

Kidzone combines harmony with shouting for the ‘fun’ “When Santa Got Stuck in the Chimney.” I guess your nose would get itchy in there….

The Penguins of Madagascar ad lib the kindling out of “Stuck in the Chimney” to the tune of ‘Up on the Housetop.’ The fixes proposed will cause much mayhem. Ha.

Yesterday’s sex with Santa tunes were rough trade. What about happy gay sex with that silver grizzly?

Again? We did some fun stuff with this topic a while back.

Suite 666 romps the punk with “Santa Blow Me.” It’s angry, but friendly.

Big Freedia asks for a boy (someone like you), bc “Santa is a Gay Man.” This is a Chordettes’ parody of ‘Mr. Sandman.’ Too raunchy?? There’s a clean cut from Charted (now that’s weird).

Jesse Hawkins keeps it clean(er) with “Santa Baby (Gay Vision).” This parody asks for clothes, and drugs, and a puppy. Very little kink, just expressions of the heart.