Month: July 2025

Xmas Instrumenting: Clapping

Body percussion! Put your hands together!

B-Shoc (feat. Mello) raps osut “The Christmas Clap” to let your Jesus shine.

Twinkle Toes Music use a taboo jazz backbeat for the piddling kidsong “Ring the Bells It’s Christmas Time.” There’s also dancing and clapping, and i heard in an extended cut, there’s occupying.

That beats The Hit Crew’s “Chanukah Medley” all to condescending pieces. Sure it’s ‘Happy You Know It’ and ‘Farmer in the Dell,’ but there’s no klezmer!

Baby Big Mouth gets straight to it with the kidsong. “Clap for Christmas” is more original melodically, even if there’s no actual melody.

“Clap Clap Clap For Father Christmas” smuggles in some polka for the kidsong. Friends Of Father Christmas may want you to conga line this muddle, but it’s too trying.

“Applause for Santa Claus” is slightly more CW than kidsong, but Ray Austin is measured and safe for all the ovation.

“Applause For Santa Clause” by Chris Weeks is all show tune effrontery. Still not feeling it.

Comedy Break! Talent Time TV brings us their “Santa Claus Clapping Choir Informercial.” Careful, it’s a cajun-spiracy.

The Benefit’s “Christmas Time (Clap Three Times)” is a technical foul, insomuch as no actual claps are named in the song (only the title). Yet, as ultra-short cheer-based pop, it rules.

“Clap! For Christmas” by Nique de Monet fudges a smidge as well (subbing the sound for the word; i mean–onomatopoeia). But this EDM rap is ’90s electronica infectious. Feelin’ the neon.

Also raging, “Let’s Clap” by UpROAR Music gets carried away with this call and seems to miss the party theme. I do find myself, however, erm, uhh, clapping.

Shameia gets mighty gospel upon “Clap for Him.” It’s for Jesus’ attention getting right there in the pews. Then, scat.

“Clap Your Hands for Christmas” demand Johnny & The Raindrops with old fashioned R’n’R. Now scream! It’s to wake Santa!

Xmas Instrumenting: Coughing

It’s a protective reflex, but largely under our control. Hawk tui.

“Christmas (In the Year of Austerity)” is not healthy. Leeroy Stagger takes the maudlin unplugged folk rock Prine approach, barely lingering on Santa’s tubercular sound.

“Glasses for Christmas” according to The Stetsons Electric are just right for the times. Santa allows for this ask, as the asker had a Covid cough for half of last year. But it was a near thing. Hard rocking.

And then there’s COVID-19. Phill Black R+Bs the plea: Don’t Give Me “COVID for Christmas.” I think I just heard a cough! Okay who just sneezed!

“Covid Carols! (Christmas Parody Medley)” by Jake Novak includes ‘Here Coughs Santa Clause.’ So let’s go.

The Oldhouse is having the worst time. “Christmas Lights (Year After Year)” is an endless decay of fun, like that time you choked on a snowflake and coughed up a lung. Delightful pop dirge.

Xmas Instrumenting: Farting

Flatulence has had a day or four on the blog before now. Never mind that.

Nick Mao does the obvious (albeit well) with “Let One Go,” a ‘Frozen’ parody.

Unrelated, 2 Live Jews parody ‘Let It Snow’ with their own tinkly “Let It Go.”

While in the parody mood (with lowered standards) “Please Be A Fart” is Joey Kalico’s ‘Felize’ funning. That’s how you use a karaoke machine!

Chris Rowell & The Jiggi Verandah Band boogie woogie for “The Last Reindeer.” Turns out the gassy ones get last place. ‘Zat okay with Santa??

Tempest Findlay rolls out lounge jazz about how “Santa Farted.” But, it becomes an extortion racket. Not very spirit-of-Xmassy.

Not as aural, “Santa’s Just A Happy Fat Fart” characterizes an old, relaxed workman. Swamp Dogg delivers the blues.

“Let’s Go Fartin’ in a Santa Suit” has Ben Rogers ratchet up the antic country pop. More imagery than necessary, but whatever turns your propellor.

Kyle Dunnigan (feat. Craig) admits “I Farted on Santa” with sprightly showtune melodies. I’m not sensing any regret or remorse.

Kruxy mines the Nativity for “Lo, O Caganer Rejoice!” a church hymnal that breaks a mighty wind. And a mighty dump. It was a manger.

JOVAi slathers AI pop/blues on top of “Tone the Farts Down (For Christmas).” Make it your ringtone, play it for all the fam, it’s not that bad.

Nathan Webb raps a bit about “Christmas Farts.” No sympathy is expected.

Xmas Instrumenting: Gasping

Sudden inhalation!!

The Creatures bang the the post punk beat solidly for “Red Wrapping Paper.” This seasonal beat poetry is punctuated with a burst, flash, gasp, and more.

Emery Ball deconstructs what it means to say “MERRY CHRISTMAS BABY (JESUS).” Indie jazz depicts even that infant’s first gasp of life. Effective.

Christmas is dead, 3EyedCrow crows in the AI “Sleigh Wrecked (No More Merry).” Your final gasp is measured. No quarter is given in this iconoclastic inferno of pop metal.

Xmas Instrumenting: Humming

Lips closed, nose open… make like a kazoo and reverberate in your vocal apparatus.

In “He Forgot That It was Sunday” John Prine does his priney-thing with still-scapes of ordinary people. Here the children are humming Christmas carols. The alt that folk forgot.

In the AI of Dakimo Music country sad, their “Homeless Christmas Man” has an unnamed sufferer humming while he walks nowhere.

“Just One Kiss As A Christmas Wish” is Just.Mike.Project. (feat. Mayo Velvo) soft pop ballading about that special woman who misses Grandma, and hums Christmas songs, and misses his kiss. Hokey, okay?

Barnaby Bright also characterizes that lonely female as humming some Christmas hymns missing him in some “Star Crossed Christmas.” Indie pop, but i’m getting the feeling humming isn’t just wistful… it’s a cry for help.

Or, it could be a cry to the spectral plane. “Lonely Lights (This Christmas Night)” from Harmonic Pulse Collective gives us a protagonist who moans, And I’ll hum oh I’ll hum a melody/To keep your spirit here with me. Plaintive AI pop.

Absent-mindedly the honoree of “Cowboy Christmas” hums ‘Away in a Manger’ as sung by Terri Clark (feat. Ricky Skaggs). Pretty dang lonely, though. Real twangy country.

AI from DMHA118 describes the mental condition of humming that earworm of “Not Another Christmas Song (Remastered).” Country whining.

David Ker invites you to hum along with “My Little Jingle,” a not-quite-catchy holiday New Age jazz mashup. Humph.

Disco from Christian Paul, Christian San Pascual alerts us that “Christmas Has Begun.” You can tell because of the sweet harmonies we hum. Happier!

Undone Sons are ambivalent when considering whether or not to “Wreck the Bells.” They might hum Auld Lang Syne, then they do so. Unironic pop.

Xmas Instrumenting: Hiccuping

 A singultus (also hiccough) is an involuntary contraction (myoclonic jerk) of the diaphragm, yet in my experience there’s never just one. We’ll discuss cures at another time.

Dawn Bosley seems to know how “Santa Got the Hiccups“–but it’s that heavy drinking trope. Cola causes this condition as much as vodka, chum. Anyway, wild electronic pop.

In “This Christmas (I Want You)” Asbestos Dreams (feat. Pearl Rose) is in an indie big ol’ hurry to drive home. A sudden scare (black ice) causes some breathing contractions. Quite a story.

Another (possible) cause occurs in “Santa’s Sex Dungeon” from NilCha0s. Rap with oral consequences. BIG BLUE ALERT

Willie Bill Hiccup whips out the club rock for “All I Got for Christmas Are Hiccups.” Not sure what to make of it, but two ‘BOO!!‘s up.

Xmas Instrumenting: Laughing

Humans might be the only animals that laugh, but everyone else is laughing at us.

Brian Acosta folks through “The Christmas Laugh Song” with a ha-ha-hallelujah or two. But i’m taking it seriously.

Santa Claus & His Helpers step out of the ’50s with the overly orchestrated kidsong “Santa’s Laughing Song.” Sure he ho hos, but when wound up–this guy’s flipping.

Monty Haper relies on “Santa’s Laugh” as a mode of identifying that big stranger in the front room. Reggae kidsong.

Koji and Junko Shioyama offer “Santa Claus Laughing” as a CW cultural mashup with our friends across the Pacific Rim. Who‘s kissing Susan?

Lispector’s “The Laughing Valley” is the truly Japanese setting for the happy holidays.

Got that? Now Automatic Timers would like you to relieve holiday stress the easy way and “Laugh Like Santa Claus.” Indie pop with a message.

Still not sure how? Herschel Cedricson’s tutorial “Mr. Santa” ought to just about do it. Basement parody. —Now you!

‘Course there’s always Another Side to every story. Mulberry Bunch swings blues to tell how “Santa Learned to Ho, Ho, Ho” by me (in Idaho).

Or worse, “Santa Lost a Ho” as we learn from The Christmas Jug Band. Swinging ragtime polka. The richest kind.

“The Laughter Of This Christmas” by Aaron Long is folksy pop about childhood memories. We did laugh when someone else had to worry about everything, didn’t we?

The Superions put it bestest with “Laughter at Christmas,” an island conga beat with experimental undertones.

Xmas Instrumenting: Screaming

A lusty, throat shredding ejaculation of awe, frustration, terror, or joy can mark a holiday for life. Primal therapy for Christ.

Luna Reign reminds us horror and the holidays don’t mix despite multiple metal attempts. “Gothic Christmas (Forbidden Edition)” has Santa screaming in the end. Me too.

BoroTone stirs up AI to give us “Ho Ho Ho Santa’s a Punk.” He shouts and screams, for the cause. Or without a cause. It’s punk. So he’s just pissed.

In Da Epic Squad’s “Naughty or Nice,” Mrs. Claus is made to scream all night long due to these bangers’ ministrations. Suggestive rap.

ANOMALI STUDIOS dawdles metal for their “Eve of Destruction,” probably more AI in which the reindeer scream this time. Bc they’re goats?

Prog rock gives unto us “Santa vs. Krampus: Chains and Cheer,” a battle royale of epic proportions. Fallen Fairytales has K-beast screaming by its end. Hoo-ray?

For Victor DELOULE’s “Christmas Rave” WE will be screaming. Rather than EDM, this rave revs up with metal rap. I scream, you scream….

Back to AI with “Blood on the Sleigh” in which someone (the narrator?) will kill Santa and the elves and other lost souls will be screaming. Light-hearted rap.

Antic metal from Venomous Sin details “A Christmas Time Massacre” where the halls will be decked with screams and gore. It’s like ‘Nightmare Before’ as a Saturday morning cartoon. Their “A Maddeningly Merry Tune” points out how kids scream at Santa at the mall. It’s a haters’ ball.

Atom Stars loops the algorithm to make us all scream and shout “Santa Claus (Can You Hear Me?).” Pop music with a bit of dirge to it.

Kem hopes you will also scream and shout for “Doo Wop Christmas (That’s What Christmas Is About).” A bit R+B heavy for my doo wop needs, but dandy.

Someone watched too much Cryptkeeper to set AI onto Xmas sentiment. The Singing Skull as they call it posts “Let It Scream, Let It Scream, Let It Scream” about monsters and holy observations. Metal-lite.

Xmas Instrumenting: Sighing

This pharyngeal fricative is impatience, annoyance, frustration, and many other things not-Xmas.

Marty Robbins wants “One of You [In Every Size].” Then he compares you to a doll that sighs and kisses, like you’re not even a person that he can see. Unfortunate message, but swing country.

CHG music weaves a country folk romantic reunion on “Next Christmas Eve.” He thinks it’s cute when you end all your thoughts with a sigh. Surely that means you’ve had enough of his silliness?!

With a smirk and a sigh, Curtis Onstott gives us “A Cynics Christmas.” Silly pop with an agenda.

Perhaps this breath can be upbeat? AI from Linhy pitches “Home for Christmas Again” as worthy of a joyful sigh. Jouncy jazz pop.

Anni Krueger revisits a happy childhood family holiday when she had to stay outside until she heard Bing Crosby sigh. Not sure about that, but “I Wish I Could Go Home This Christmas” is fine diva lounge work.

Eric Clapton’s tear jerking folk “For Love On Christmas Day” commences with that name he sighs. But it’s not to be. You know why. Don’t make me say it.

Poor living results in No laughter, no joy, just a house full of sighs in WESTbrook’s “Silent Silent Night.” But childish hopes are not tragic here. It’s pop.

“If You Don’t Want to See Santa Claus Cry” or sigh when he should be ho-ing, then give Alan Jackson another chance. He’s all honky tonk mopey ’til then.

Crank up the easy listening as Lou Torrieri & John Banrock ask “Don’t Make the Lord Sigh on Christmas.” I am not kidding.

Xmas Instrumenting: Slapping

Open handed strikes are loud, not simply violent. That’s so blind people can appreciate the Three Stooges.

“Feliz Navidad (Now Please Slap My Ass)” is BLUE ALERT sexcapades by Kamakazi. They bottom out here with their parody even with Walken in their winter wonderland.

Fred Frees is gonna “Slap You for Christmas.” Verbal abuse you, too. It’s his love language. But, call the cops. Power ballad.

More pointedly, Jeff Carter’s “Slap the Heretic” brings guitar folk into the intolerable holiday mood.

Chubs and Fatty from Tell Me Something Funny redden their cheeks with their “Christmas Slap Battle – Deck the Jaws.” This ‘Halls’ tribute is quite amusing, to them. But they put their backs into it.