Take a Card: 21st century

Post Millennium, stamped cards have gone the way of old folks sayings. Kids today send greetings in other ways.

Pointy Bird Records homespin a family children’s song (with valiant effort over talent): “Special Christmas Email.” It cheers up the childies.

Addison Weismantel’s uncles have a bouncy country pop tea party while having an “Email Christmas.” Technologically observant.

Spottily able (or drunk?) Mike Hayes wombily warbles “Who’s Gonna Tweet Me this Christmas?” He’s sad. I am too, now.

The Modern Prosthetix go much more professional and retro rock ballad, with “Facebook Christmas.” He’s never alone, you know, a-whoa-oh-ohhh.

The Perry Brothers favor the stupid, as with their Stupidface and Retarded Policeman series on Youtube (oh, ay, one of ’em preformer’s autistic; is okee). But their “Xmas Txt” is a mediocre callout to the thumby generation. Cards are (somehow) more personal!

The excellent Jon Lajoie lets you know how much he cares when he sends you a Christmas text. “Merry Christmas Exclamation Point” is country rock pop done stone cold ironic.

Just as predictably Kristen Bell fronts Straight No Chaser with “Text Me Merry Christmas.” This was probably a gas several years ago when first sung, but it’s a smug MOR show tune now. Cute.

Take a Card: misc.

If it’s a card at Christmas, but it’s not a Christmas card… what is it?

The Effengee’s (by way of a fine John Prine sound) folk their Dylanesque “Card with No Name.” But it’s about (among other things) a gift with a blank tag. Enigmatically emblematic.

Jethro Tull’s “Birthday Card at Christmas” also dodges the traditional posting. This is the mad symphonic rock of Ian Anderson, expect multiple meanings.

John Vosel & The Partycrashers have a country swing-pop rock chimney warning for you: don’t send a “Belated Christmas Card.” This guy hates waiting by the mail box.

Take a Card: or not

The zen balance of cards you give and cards you get is zen.

So counting becomes a means of exacting justice.

Newby’s Diaries sadly, retro-pop-ly regrets. “I Don’t Expect Many Cards This Christmas” rolls out the punctured inflatable holiday yard art that won’t ever stand tall.

Or just “No Christmas Card,” the chant of children (actually Citizens of Nowhere) in electronica parang.

Watkins and the Rapiers sneak their message “Don’t Expect a Christmas Card from Me” in some serviceable polka. But, (while self righteous) remain vigilant–and hopeful!

Take a Card: addressed

Check that return address, wouldja?

Pat Boone pokes fuddy-duddy fun at the cold with his “California Christmas Card.” It’s like Parkinsons and schmaltz had a grandbaby!

Diedre Jenkins gets bluesy country in a lower register for her “Missouri Christmas Card.” This time the sentiment’s serioius (‘tho i wish she didn’t pronounce it ‘misery’).

Straw gets us out of this world with “Christmas Card from Vietnam.” Light blues mashed up with someone zipping up a coat, i think.

Take a Card: addresser

Grasping at straws we include a (fine) song from Rob Snarski what sings the inscription on the “Christmas Card from a Drunken Sailor.” I wish the (few) cards i got had so much writing in them! Dreamy alt folk.

Country gospel from Christopher Toland honoring “Mama’s Christmas Card for You.” Reverentially formulaic.

Spoken country from Merle Haggard belaboring every detail on “Grandma’s Homemade Christmas Card.” Where’s the 5$?

A Christmas Card from Daddy” by Mike Bryant lets me know what to get Daddy in return: singing lessons! Yikes.

Also all heart and no caliber, Noel Delisle nasal-croons “Christmas Card from a Servicemember.” Quit with the jolly, get guilty feeling.

Same Sex Mary and Jack Johnson bring it home with “Christmas Card from a Gary in Las Vegas.” It’s not a straight parody of the Tom Waits ‘Hooker’ non-Xmas song, but spiritually, it’s beholden. (Eventually it gets ‘billy rager-garage BLUE ALERT [!?].)

Take a Card: parody

Funning up other songs is MY own special category.

‘O Christmas Tree’ gets a fumble with “My Christmas Cards Came Back to Me” by Carol Denney. Humor, if you need to know.

Billy Joe Duprix gets off track with his ‘Rudolph’ run “Christmas Cards.” They’re credit cards, these cards. That’s something else. Sorry.

While we’re tangential, Alan Sherman has a parody he never quite released: “Christmas ’65 (Draft Cards).” It starts as ‘The Christmas Song’, then gets to commenting on all of last year–like a family letter for the holidays, now that you mention it.

Take a Card: experimental

Some music gladly defies all sense and sensibility. It’s a happening, as we used to say.

Honorable mention to “Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis” by Tom Waits. Late night bar jazz with drug-addled stream of consciousness tragedy. Christmas, you know.

Hot Buttered Elves throws down with “A Watercolor Christmas Card.” It’s a hot holiday mess.

Take a Card: alt

Coloring outside the lines helps bands brand with their own sound. It’s not exactly rock, or folk, or metal… WTF?

But i loves so much of it.

It’s folk! It’s the blues! It’s country! Henry Cyr worries about sending that “Christmas Card” to you. He’s crying and crooning.

Blending symphonic easy listening with jazz and pop, Nancy Kelly likes her “Christmas Cards.” Seductively persuasive.

BLUE ALERT: driving rock + light folk + playful pop = “The Christmas Card Song” by Craig L. McEachern. Do i smell some punk aftertaste?

Alt is often thoughtful and heavily poetic. In the words of a “Christmas Card” Jonathan Reuel considers his life. And yours. Folk, garage, blues.

Dismissively garage and sorta punk, the minimalist “Christmas Card” embodies the empty sentiment of buying that damned thing, or anything. Henry Kroll III jazz free associates the insanity.

Pop jazz country R+B, Christine Anu’s “Christmas Card” is honestly full of love. Take heart!

The Many-Splendored Things take the time to describe “A Christmas Card (In My Heart)” with some colorful detail, sprightly jazz, flirty folk, and pop back ups. Thank you.

Take a Card: pop

Blissfully circular melodies with quick time and repetitive lyrics descend from many genres. Pop is sneered at and set outside of genre, but it’s money. And infectious.

The Shooting Stars drop out of punk and grunge into britpop with “My Christmas Card to You.” Sloppy sentiment (the song is the card), but the tubular bells are what sells.

OBB also sing this “Christmas Card to You” to package the platitudes about The Truth with unrecognizable shreds of funk and rock. Whoa-oh-oh.

Reprise: The Partridge Family bastardize folk and jazz to pop “My Christmas Card to You.” It almost sounds like music. David Cassidy, older–not quite dead–and raspier, has added some bluesy ragtime to a newer version.

Once in a moon, pop pees in your cornflakes because it’s so tired of having to entertain you. TeraBrite starts out the ecard “This Christmas Card from Me” sweet and soul, then gets nasal, then metal (sorry about the deck the halls). Fooled me.