The Modern Prosthetix go much more professional and retro rock ballad, with “Facebook Christmas.” He’s never alone, you know, a-whoa-oh-ohhh.
The Perry Brothers favor the stupid, as with their Stupidface and Retarded Policeman series on Youtube (oh, ay, one of ’em preformer’s autistic; is okee). But their “Xmas Txt” is a mediocre callout to the thumby generation. Cards are (somehow) more personal!
The excellent Jon Lajoie lets you know how much he cares when he sends you a Christmas text. “Merry Christmas Exclamation Point” is country rock pop done stone cold ironic.
Just as predictably Kristen Bell fronts Straight No Chaser with “Text Me Merry Christmas.” This was probably a gas several years ago when first sung, but it’s a smug MOR show tune now. Cute.
Grasping at straws we include a (fine) song from Rob Snarski what sings the inscription on the “Christmas Card from a Drunken Sailor.” I wish the (few) cards i got had so much writing in them! Dreamy alt folk.
Same Sex Mary and Jack Johnson bring it home with “Christmas Card from a Gary in Las Vegas.” It’s not a straight parody of the Tom Waits ‘Hooker’ non-Xmas song, but spiritually, it’s beholden. (Eventually it gets ‘billy rager-garage BLUE ALERT [!?].)
Billy Joe Duprix gets off track with his ‘Rudolph’ run “Christmas Cards.” They’re credit cards, these cards. That’s something else. Sorry.
While we’re tangential, Alan Sherman has a parody he never quite released: “Christmas ’65 (Draft Cards).” It starts as ‘The Christmas Song’, then gets to commenting on all of last year–like a family letter for the holidays, now that you mention it.
Blissfully circular melodies with quick time and repetitive lyrics descend from many genres. Pop is sneered at and set outside of genre, but it’s money. And infectious.
The Shooting Stars drop out of punk and grunge into britpop with “My Christmas Card to You.” Sloppy sentiment (the song is the card), but the tubular bells are what sells.
OBB also sing this “Christmas Card to You” to package the platitudes about The Truth with unrecognizable shreds of funk and rock. Whoa-oh-oh.
Reprise: The Partridge Family bastardize folk and jazz to pop “My Christmas Card to You.” It almost sounds like music. David Cassidy, older–not quite dead–and raspier, has added some bluesy ragtime to a newer version.
Once in a moon, pop pees in your cornflakes because it’s so tired of having to entertain you. TeraBrite starts out the ecard “This Christmas Card from Me” sweet and soul, then gets nasal, then metal (sorry about the deck the halls). Fooled me.