Yo Ho Ho Ho- Pirate Party The Band album BLUE ALERT

Demographics like standard deviations, but the reality is weirdos consume as well. So there’s gotta be a market for basement dwelling pals who grapple with talent to be funny. Probably they crack each other up with their naughtiness and iconoclasm, but Pirate Party the Band is just bloody awful. Their parody album Xmas Marks the Spot plays with traditional carols in a piratical way. Sexiness is of the porn kind, minimalist. Wit is of the sophomoric kind, swear words. Seems largely improvised. The only track i Might recommend–out of Dadaist sentimentality–would be “Ninja Fisherman’s Christmas Bash.” Rambling lyrics and story (I don’t have a fuckin’ idea what I’m singin’ about) about times of olde. ‘Slike i always say: too many drugs (or not enough).

Christmas Countdown: 12 finally

What’s really strange and 12 and for Christmas?!

On Christmas Eve Salsa Boys saw a twelve-point down the street. So they alt-rock “I’m Gonna Get Me an Elk.” Turns out it was only a metaphor. Weird.

Fed up with capitalism: A week before Halloween–festive cards can be found in isle twelve–Merry Xmas! composclero gets all “Screwge.” Chill, dude, it’s only a cantaloupe.

Twilight Creeps would rather have Halloween, but All I see when I look up are 12 reindeer on Santa’s sleigh. Casting a ghoulish light on the winter fest, “Poison in the Mistletoe” rocks pop music with an evil glee.

12 Angry Reindeer” is a muddled journey by House of Large Sizes. Rant received, but never seem to get out of the garage music.

Even worse is the oppression on the proletariat. Cashleaders raps All this over time and I’m still broke; Got my Christmas bonus looking like it’s bogus: Twelve whole dollars–boy I hope it ain’t blow it! “Christmas Blues” is the fuse on the powdering of the underdog.

Stephen Amick wants “Guitar Lessons for Christmas.” He may be intermediate, claiming I learned twelve songs with just C, D and G, but this off-key folk pop begs to classify him incorrigible.

Christmas Countdown: the 12 days–worst

The horror that is ‘The 12 Days of Christmas’ will not die, whether it’s listing phrases particular to pirates, rednecks, Black Santa, fast food, JC, his disciples, stressed students, COVID-19, sweaters, drugs, kid stuff, romance, weaponry, IT, psychoanalysis, homosexuality, sexual perversion, regrets, online revenue, and nihilism.

Then there’s the regional: the beach, the Delta, the Bayou, the Bahamas, Newfoundland, the Midwest, Vegas, NYC, Hawaii, Mexico, Canada, Australia, Scotland, Ireland, England, Germany, Russia, China, Japan, South Africa, Kenya, India, Honduras, China, and travel in general.

Naturally, there’s also pop media ‘culture’: The Simpsons, ‘The Lion King,’ Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings, Pokemon, Barbie, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Phineas & Ferb, Sonic, the Penguins of Madagascar, Smurfs, He-Man, Star Trek, Star Wars, Fortnite, Zelda, Warcraft, Minecraft, Stranger Things, The Walking Dead, and overall fantasy/superhero nerd.

There’s no end to these. Make it stop.

But, novelty Christmas music is my mission, so i’ll allow runners up in the humor dept: The Christmas Pranksters, Brandon Rogers, and–omigod–Vihart.

Then there’s original folk melody from Peggy Seeger. Horizon broadening.

My fave-o, though, to end on a semi-positive note, is the Billy West voice impersonation from the Christmas Party with Eddie G album. Spread between various songs are these ‘outtakes’ from a Three Stooges “Twelve Days of Christmas” parody. Terrific stuff.

Christmas Countdown: 25 [other]

Don’t wait til the 25th cautions Jessie Dunks with cool jazz acoustic guitar in “Give Thanks.” Ostensibly a Thanksgiving song, that dares to compare itself to Christmas.

Mêlée rocks out the annual question “(When is) Hanukkah this Year?” What’s that to do with our number? Contrast! So goes the intro: Yeah, it’s really good to have it just, you know You know it’s the 25th every year so no surprises–Yeah, hey, that’s true.

December 25th isn’t enough: Why stop at 1 day, Let’s go the rest of the month! chortles Rob Vischer in a sly party pop mood. “‘Til New Year’s Eve” is a plea to leave up the tree. I thought y’all already did do dat. Piffle, but uplifting.

Biggie Cream astounds me with his random bubba-ness and inappropriate rhymes. In his rap “Holiday Szn” Santa grabs your kids and rides away on his motorcycle, But December 25 its hunting season! Time to die! What the noel, dude?

Here’s something you don’t sing every day… Heymonday rattles the rafters with the overdone pop message: I just don’t get how I could ever spend the 25th without “Our Mixtape for Christmas.” Not sure if that’s love, or just music.

Redbubble seems to be an Australian online site for ordering stuff printed on merchandise. Hence “All I Want For Christmas (Is Gameshow’s Redbubble)” from Gavin and Qnce. At times awful, at times horrific, at times befuddling. But only 25 [Australian] dollars.

Harry and Chris from ‘The Russell Howard Hour’ (yeah, i don’t know ’em either) explain Christmas from the 25th to the placenta to a last minute, on the way to Christmas dinner, present-buying, emergency service station stop in “The Christmas Song.” Pop show tune comedy. Literally.

Christmas Countdown: 39

In-between these numbers is the thirty-nine and a half foot pole no one would touch the Grinch with. Many have tried to improve on this ‘standard,’ but let’s settle on the pretty Tyler, the Creator “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.”

If there’s an idea The Simpsons hasn’t made a joke about… wait’ll next season. So, apparently in season 22, Mr. Burns leads the Simpson family AS MUPPETS (and Mo, and Katy Perry) in “The 39 Days of Christmas [click the title for the entire bit],” featuring all the lovable 19th Century shenanigans the old codger celebrates (anarchists, fishwives, scriveners, and more).

[for just the song, click on the image]

Christmas Countdown: 2018

Web nastiness vs Harry+Megan, Melinda touts and tortures the year with her “An Honest 2018 Christmas (help).” Return to the thrilling days of yesteryear with fine a cappella vocals.

In a similar vein The Holderness Family, a professional video excreter, take M&M music and rap out their yearly accomplishments in “Christmas Jammies 2018“–which are much more uplifting than the news.

Neon Star Sky has one of those big-things-happened around Xmas time numbers with their New Age “Realization.” 2018 and 2015 are both holidays of epiphanies, both negative. Bummer. But it’s my kinda musical-type vibrating.

Deck/Wreck the Halls” by Big Eazy & Tiny Dancer (feat. Double $ $lick) is a handy comedy bit on a trad carol (with fun switcher parody 2 minutes in), but the boys do not want this to be the worst Christmas party of 2018. So, mm-kay.

Felice Avian: sensation

Those flying hatracks are really something, i tells you. Impressive doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Santa gets all the credit in Air Mack’s garage “Flying Santa.” With exclamation points.

Local Business Comedy gets a replay with their Platten parody “Flight Song.” It makes me sit up straighter, prouder just introducing it.

Barnes and Barnes return to scratch your ears with their ‘bad’ music “I am a Flying Reindeer.” You wish you were them. So stand back, mortal.

Ringers: etc.

The list grows longer and longer when comic singers ad lib ad infinitum. Strap in, this will take a while.

Hal Willis admits the old reindeer are getting too old, so here comes Rosebud, Flasher, Moonglow, Twinkletoes, Jodhpur, Stomper, Starbrite, Whizbang, and Herman. “Santa’s Reindeer Clones” is country cornpone kidsong.

The Benefit start out traditionally, but then… “The Reindeer Song” requires some stamina to make it through. Those who share this sense of humor will not tire of the endless add ons in “Reprise.” My favorite? Crouton!

X-claim: hey (pt. 6)

Hey! I said, Hey! Sometimes, the interjection is just an excuse to slip in the weird. Even about Xmas.

Hey-Ho, Let the Holly Jolly in” is the BLUE ALERT finale of ‘Another F*cking Christmas Play: A F*cking Musical’ in which the original cast rouse themselves from their cranky torpor and celebrate the holiday. Who Ray?

Amy Rutherford and Amy Stewart from their A Very Special Christmas Time with Amy and Amy rock the show tune poorly (on purpose, come on) with “Hey, C’mon! Merry Christmas!” Whew, out of breath time.

Filksinging from Green Matthews makes medieval merry of “Hey for Christmas!” Is it weird to want these auld soules to shake their bums?!

Patrick Sawers has bypassed Big Assembly by writing his own recital number for the grade schoolers as “Hey Ho It’s Christmas.” Better than most of that cornball crap, ya ask me.

Holiday time = drunk time, according to TheHeyHos. Gnarly rock (almost punk, but not quite) in “Hey Ho It’s Christmas.” Need a little hair of the Yule log there.

More nearly punk is the ‘billy “Hey! Hey! Buy! Buy! (It’s Christmas Time)” from Bathwater Babies. Boy, they’re mad. But they’ll tell you when the song is through.

Getting self-aware weird, Captain Tudmoke belabors rhymes with “Hey Everybody, It’s Christmas Time.” Can you spot the recurring theme?

Kyle Dunnigan (feat. Craig) goes the South Park route with “Hey Everybody It’s Christmas!” Celebrity voices poorly imitated, you know the BLUE ALERT drill.

King of weird for our current purposes is the petite comedy/rock from Mad Monkey: “Hey! Ho! Merry Christmas!” Get it? The ambiguity of the English language, man, i’m telling you.

Life After X-woo-o-oo

Sometimes the mixed up feelings after Christmas has rolled over us cause hard to define anxieties/peevishness. Let’s suffer along….

No more presents to unwrap is metaphor for Lonely Robot in “The Morning After the Night Before Christmas.” It’s all just marking time, this march from birth to death. Garage-fueled pop. After the unwrapping, the ennui.

That countdown may devour one’s soul. Without a sense of time, John Gannon’s protagonist is fretting about the “364 More Days.” Showtime pop with a clarinet edge.

Cledus T. Judd also expresses math angst with his silly country smiler “364 More Shopping Days ’til Christmas.” Heard this one before, but he’s funny.