Category: comedy

Life After X-yea

With the passing of Christmas, perhaps it is time to open a can of whoopee. I mean, finally, right? Woo-hoo.

Skavengers have caught the spirit of the season so hard that “An After Christmas Song” celebrates that perpetual high. Infectious Filipino ska pop. (Jim Sarthou claims to have originated this ditty, but slows its roll to the point of dreariness.)

With barely a spring in their step KC and The Sunshine Band wave in the ‘fun’ with their “After Christmas Song.” Funeral pop.

Half surf rock, half Beatles throwback “Merry After-Christmas” falters over sped up chipmunk vocals and clumsy tempo. But The Spongetones mean well. I’m just suffering doldrums this music can’t lift me from.

Bill Berry yanks the folk rock out from Dylan with “‘Twas the Night After Christmas“–an after hours party for Santa and company. They have no scruples, those unharnessed reindeer. Damn, nasty.

Life After X-please

Some lunatics out there admit that they look forward to the after-times from Xmas. What–? How–? Hoo boy….

Woebegone of folksy tune, John Caroll has mostly glad feelings now that “Christmas is Over.” There’ll be another one…. for those who even care.

Cardboard Box Thieves jig about with bluegrass pop confessing how little they like Christmas. “After Christmas” is preferred. ‘Strue.

Karen Jacobsen also complains about the hair-tearing-out pace of the holiday, so with a showtune turn she exalts “The Day After Christmas.” She even calls it Boxing Day, like that’s a thing.

But, to keep you off balance, Kermit & Dylan (impressionist Thomas Valenti) harmonize about how “I’m So Glad Christmas is Over” and it’s all back to normal. Music hall enunciated comedy.

Wait No More

This is the day before the day. This is when we really wait for Christmas. Here’s my list of boss tunes to get you through the next 24 little hand clicks.

Hit that Motown funk with Lee Rogers and his 1965 angry-cool “You Don’t Have to Wait ’til X-mas.” Is the blood pumping?

“Sedated (I Can’t Wait for Christmas)” is what it promises, a punk polite play on the urban outrage. Mark Sacco sleds in warmly. Two Inch Winky played this for us a couple days ago, but i’ve got my ugly jumper on and the cocoa’s telling me–this is the version you want today.

While we’re ‘cross the pond let’s get psychedelic with Loose Tapestries. Their “Can’t Wait for Christmas” is tight pop with an undercurrent of iconoclasm. Those rogues!

Jump blues gets the Nashville easy listening treatment from Cherie Brennan with “I Can’t Wait for My Baby to Come Home.” Love is in the air, and it happens to be nearly Christmas. Consider this half-time frilly silliness.

Back to the British Invasion! V.D.King (?) tries out a Beatles pastiche with their “I Can’t Wait (‘Til Christmas Day).” Again with the love, actually. This time with more pretty rock pop.

Girl power from The Courettes keeps us 1960s bound, but with more reverb fuzz and folk infusion. “Christmas (I can Hardly Wait)” wonders where you are, baby. And why the hell aren’t you here now!

Enough of the powerful. Time for the nuts. The Ping Pongs tell the 1964 rock tale of Johnny Jones who wails “I Don’t Wanna Wait ’til Christmas.” Now that’s novelty.

King of the novelty heap, however, must remain Mr. Mel Blanc’s “I Tan’t Wait ’til Quithmuth Day.” Here’s a low-fi 1953 78 to celebrate. It’s like Elmer Fudd is seven years old.

A Near Thing -1 & done

Did i save the best proximal Xmas songs for last? You be the supreme justice!

Garage angst makes a smirkery of the season when King Lazy Bones waxes punketical about what it means when “Christmas is Just Around the Corner.” Check yourself, consumer.

The message-laden pontification of “It’s Almost Christmas” by Neil Werden is betrayed by the fluffy folk timpani and fun of the delivery. Wee hah, knee slapped! He feels bad! Haha haha ha.

Leave it to those wacky Canadians to open my eyes to the real meaning of irony. “Christmas is Almost Here” is a schoolyard chant by Arrogant Worms, wherein the agony and screaming is offset by the fancy fiddling and increasing tempo. A whirling dervish of delightful suffering.

A Near Thing -3

Comedy time! Just before Christmas!

Comedy novelty songs aren’t a shoe in. Banks Family may have watched too much ‘Nutty Professor’ before trying their hand at “When It’s Almost Christmas.” Sprightly pop, risible humor.

Also wearing many hats Jackie Loeb does the brassy broad comedy, but “I Know It’s Almost Christmas” has more cutting cultural commentary–so more larfs. I guess.

Put Up Lights

So let’s enjoy the high utility cost of the strings of lights webbing over the outside and inside of your festive holiday domicile. These began as candles on trees, then went electric (but we’ve mostly covered tree lights on this blog), then got narcissistically all over. I mean, Halloween? Fourth of July??? Easter?!?!

Mr. Matt Farley’s back as The Very Nice Interesting Singer Man with his serenade to meaningful “Christmas Lights.” Put ’em up and life makes more sense! Word jazz.

Great Lake Swimmers want you to “Hang a String of Lights” to get with the programming. This lite alt party music might be played on repeat while doing so.

Winterval gets more solemnly emo with “Hang the Lights on the Tree.” Those were the days, when we did that, don’t you recall? Sigh.

Kevin McKinney slackers into the showmanship with “Everybody Wants to See the Lights.” It’s a sad thing, all that expectation weighing down a man. Slo-mo alt-pop that makes whining into poetry.

K1 barely parodies ‘Deck the Halls’ with “Deck the House with Christmas Lights.” The iconoclasm gets wild, however, so follow the rapping bulb!

More overtly humorous (passive-aggressive comedy?) The Therapy Sisters strategize like Caesar for “The War of the Lights.” This sing-songy showtime might hit a bit close to home for some of you. Deal.

Not Shit

What aren’t you getting for Christmas, you miserable one? You aren’t getting shit. That sounds reasonable at first, until you real the emphatic purposes of the ain’t.

Way back when, we visited Red Peters mocking an old Walter Brennan masterpiece with “You Ain’t Getting Shit for Christmas.” It’s real purdy.

Bob Wire and Chip Whitson get more funky rock with their “You Ain’t Gettin’ Shit for Christmas.” It’s telling.

Stevie B. calls from ‘cross the Pond to alert the slackers “Well, You Won’t Get Jack Shit.” BLUE ALERT for a proper comeuppance.

Underage rap from Daddy Hustle BLUE ALERT whispers out “U Ain’t Getting Shit for Christmas.” Not sure he means it.

White girl R+B lounge rap from Emily Miller testifies “You Ain’t Gettin’ Shit (For Christmas).” Buy it yourself, loser.

Uncle Daddy & The Skeeters get folksy pop with “Santa Ain’t Bringing You Shit.” Some layers of judgment here. You can tell because of the harsh percussion.

Let’s cut the shit. Heywood Banks is a comic genius and he can sing about how you’re not getting shit without saying the naughty word and being naughty himself. “You Ain’t Getting Diddly Squat” is the novelty we didn’t know we wanted. And–Big Finish!

Yee Haw-liday: cowboy walks into a bar s ranch….

Let’s break early for the funny. I mean, cowboys and Christmas. Laff riot, eh wot?

Liam and Mason (milph, perhaps) showcase an hilarious “Cowboy Christmas” full of Freudian associations and ad libs. I suspect basement such slackers as these appear to be stole it. But it’s still novel. And they do great post-modern shtick.

Brad Paisley tries the gentle approach to intolerance with “Kung Pao Buckeroo Holiday.” In the guise of cowboys (true Americans), Brad and friends curmudgeon about how sensitive some folks are about what you can sing. I agree, joke with ’em if that can’t fuckin’ take it. But no war, please.

The Funny Music Project (FuMP for insiders) play amateurishly fast and loose with the Lone Star state in “Christmas Time in Texas.” That’s tongue in cheek, not chaw.

WHAT ELSE? No Kwan do

Not every holiday gets the respect it craves.

Roger Emerson’s “Kwanzaa Celebration” from the school assembly program December in Our Town: A Multicultural Celebration of the Season is for all kids, but it sounds like all-white kids. Brrr.

Dana Manno’s “Oh Happy Kwanzaa” should read as a fun kidsong. But it struts its high-pitched sass with snooty teacher condescension. No like.

We’ll bask in the funny Kwanzaa songs a little later. Some of the ironic approaches miss the mark so widely they need their own requiems. So brace yourself for Jeffrey and Luke Robles and their basement tape “The Kwanzaa Song.” Yes, it starts with an apology. Not enough.

Sick of Christmas: hypochondria

The stresses of Christmasses may lower one’s ability to robustly fend off gramma kisses, fruitcake offers, and viruses.

Or we just want more attention than JC is getting.

So we might express our ill health a tad more emphatically than we experience it.

Red State Update present a poor sufferer unable to join in the tidings “Too Sick for Christmas.” Genius redneck traditional easy listening. [Why is he singing from inside a bowl of popcorn? Why not!]