And Now… Kringle!

Worth another listen: Danny Gonzalez has seen Tim Allen’s ‘Santa Clause’ once too often, so “I’m Gonna Kill Santa Claus” in order to become the North Pole King. BLUE ALERT. Blame the game, not the playa.

Atmosphere’s “If I was Santa Claus” is a rapping wish list that addresses the psychology of the wisher. Poor guy, he’s conflicted.

Ol’ Nick and Rudy” is a whole story from Matt Andersen, including some statements from Mr. C. It’s not really him, but it is his side in his own words. If it weren’t for the kickass honky tonk music, i might’ve overlooked it.

Balderdash & Humbug have noticed an uncomfortable resemblance when holiday eating. “Beginning to Look a Lot Like Santa” is indeed a take off of ‘Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas.’ But it’s self-serving.

Christmas Blues” is the letter of complaint from Santa by way of Arrogant Worms. It’s blues, but comedic.

Xmas Autobio

More imposition on the mantle of the Claus with our aspirational philanthropy… The Withers rap parody with “Secret Santa Baby.” Modulated mischief.

Silly garage from Brad & Barry claims “I Wanna be Your Santa Claus.” Tell me what you want, dear. Woof.

Charles Jones gets R+B serious wanting to “Be Your Santa Claus.” Romantic? Creepy? It all depends on the eye contact. Me, i’m melting. (Keith Sweat mellows the hello out of this.)

William Clarke bottoms out the blues with the gnarly “Please Let Me be Your Santa Claus.” He’s askin’, but that harmonica is BEGGing.

Do Ergo Santa Sum

Worth another listen: Balderdash & Humbug parody The ‘Stones (NOT Fred & Barney) with the superior “Sympathy for Santa.” Guess his name!

Chaffu$ gets derogatory when maintaining “I am Santa.” BLUE ALERT rap. He finds your lack of faith disturbing.

Glam rock from ’15 sends The Darkness into “I am Santa.” He’s hungry for you in the best Eurotrash style possible.

The Hot Rods growl out “Old St. Nick Blues” like being Santa is a burden. It’s hard work, kids! Roll out that electric organ!

Roof Dancer

Let’s pile on Santa! Call him names! Judge him! BearRon once again strums and hums, this time about “Dumb Santa.” Three legged pants don’t make a keen gift!

Flooded Cellar mocks the list-maker without a clue in the grungy funk of “If Santa Only Knew.” What Santa didn’t know: He wants to lay some lovin’ on you, girl.

Bad Mall Santa” may not be the real guy, but Yulenog garages a heap o’ complaints that range from sartorial to personal. The image is tarnished.

Jeff Dunham (as his Bubba J character) sketches the sketchy “Santa is a Redneck” with rall purty country music. It’s all chaw in cheek.

Several versions of “Here Comes Bubba Claus” take on the original carol with less effort than Slidawg & the Redneck Ramblers here apply to the classic frontier humor of the American South.

That crazy, overworked oldster might be getting forgetful. “Santa Got Lost In Texas” cowboys out The Twang. Big place, you know. Like the world.

Santa’s Lost On the Underground” is fine Britpop from Little Timmy Tinsel & The Fairy Lights. Some fine guitar, but no solutions from fellow riders.

What you don’t want to hear is Santa saying “I Forget.” Chuck Picklesimer uses folk weirdness to explore the onset of dementia.

Making lighter of it, Chris Bennett jazzes the lounge with the Hey, Now of “Santa Claus Forgot.” So funny i almost forgot to, uh, you know.

Worst of all, Santa lost himself! “Where’d Ya Put Santa?” jugs out The Christmas Jug Band. It’s not rhetorical, dude. Help out.

The Anti-Grinch

Is Santa a KILLER? Worth repeating: The Killers beg with blues rock “Don’t Shoot Me Santa.” Didn’t you ask for kevlar PJs?

Michele Lee duets herself in the cartoon special about Santa running over (killing) some grandma somewhere. “Grandpa’s Gonna Sue the Pants Off of Santa” applies bossa nova strategy to the civil case that follows.

Ink a tutorial about how you “Better Be Good” Hot Buttered Elves let slip how Santa has a license to kill and will eat (and do worse to) your remains. Oogies. Sock hop rock.

Double Barrel Santa (the Night the Reindeer Died)” by X-Ray Mary is retro punk inspired grisliness of the homicidal kind. Duck! He’s reloading!

Starting with ‘She’ll be Comin’ ‘Round the Mountain,’ SCUM [BLUE ALERT] alerts us with hard rock that “Santa’s Coming.” Unlike other hopeful lyrics, in this song his goals include raping and killing.

More BLUE ALERT from Poke-Gangster with his rap wreck “Santa Killa.” Yuck.

Pyreworks smashes “St. Nick’s Hit List” with gravel gargling metal. Something something kill something.

To reassure you, “Santa Claus Got Busted!” Mr. Cork takes him down with perky organ pop and a small drugs charge. He doesn’t do well up the river.

Wendell Ferguson takes it slower with the bluesy “Santa’s Doing Time.” Just a B&E, or a few hundred. He’ll be back by next year.


We’ll deep dive into believing later, but the question of Is He Real? is a hot topic in Santa crit. Worth repeating is Lenny & Squiggy’s holiday pageant “The Jolliest Fat Man.” This folk take is comedy gold whether or no you’re a Laverne and Shirley fan.

Nick Thune talks straight to your kids about the Santa Lie. The folk slow-build-rock’s silver lining: “You’re Still Getting Toys.” Parental advisory.

Truman Proudfoot & David Kandal bring us down with the folksy bummer about a down and out mall Santa from a broken home. He’s “Someone Else’s Santa” this year. It’s an empty existence.

Red Crinkles, as a store Santa, exposes the actual “Fake Santa” as a SoCal fatcat Ponzi schemer in this amateur folk plunker.

Santa Is a Fake” blares Arne Hansen & The Guitarspellers in proper dad rock. The disillusion is a childish tantrum, albeit wonderful.

Also ticked off is David Moorhead when he realizes “Fake Santa’s a Dick.” Funked up blues as a public service.

The Kids recognize “The Santa at the Mall.” (It’s my uncle Paul!) Southern rock+da blues tell us what they do with that info.

Uncle Whiskers

The Brighter Day Gang unspools a psychedelic kidsong about Santa’s origins while worrying how weird it all is in “His Paradise Mountain.” It’s pretty weird.

Dr. BLT heralds “Back Alley Santa” with grunge and echoic chaos. Pretty funky.

J. Maunders slips in some amateurism with “Some Crap About Santa.” It’s hollering and piano abuse, but keep the spirit of it, ‘kay?

Proper Brit-rock (late ’70s style, so punk on the edges) represents a strange turn: “Father Christmas is Dressed in Green.” Nice for a change from Wild Billy Childish & The Musicians Of The British Empire.

Scrutiny can overenlarge something into grotesquerie, so when Bob Blake (The Music Doctor) wonders about Santa’s time off the query “Where’s Santa?” gets weird. Grampa pop.

Everything about Christmas is off “Out at the Mall.” For example, Santa smells like pepperoni. Make Like Monkeys retro rocks the odyssey.

Functional funk from Stevie Nations & the United States complains how “Santa’s Getting Grumpy” working overtime. Chill, brah.

Black Peter

Worth repeating: “Santa’s Got a Zoot Suit” by Dave Rudolph is jazzy blues that beats big band time. Straight from the fridge, daddio.

Eddie Florano is perhaps not as impressed that “Santa Has a New Outfit.” It’s nice, but not superlatively so. Electronic, yet jazz.

The Poptarts don’t quite add elan to The Man when they jazz diva “Santa’s the Man.” I believe them, but my eyes are rolling.

Boss blues from The Christmas Jug Band ladles out how particular our red hero is when it comes to political affiliations. “Santa Don’t Go There.” ‘Nuff said.

From the Mark and Brian Show, however, comes a more convincing “Santa’s the Man.” Not sure who does this, but–woof. Rock. Just rock.

Over the Rhine softens the blues for their “North Pole Man.” Brrr, he’s chill. But they’re diggin’ him.

Not in the Face!

Nothing turns holiday favor on a dime faster than fisticuffs.

Wild Billy Childish & The Musicians Of The British Empire infuse enough punk into their “Christmas Lights” that i truly believe fighting is taking place. Prolly more likely just posturing.

Life lessons from Mark Cummings: setting the mood with light (John Denver-like) country the narrator runs and advises “Don’t Get Your Wife an Iron for Christmas.” Bodily injury looms.

The Yule Logs only want their two front teeth–that were punched out! On Christmas! “Bad Boy Christmas” is a retro blues/rock (parody) confessional from a nearly unrepentant delinquent. Danceable.

On Track to Xmas: A Loose Caboose!

Sometimes trains don’t make any sense.

New Kids on the Block try rapping “Funky, Funky Christmas” to little success. But they identify who is what throughout, with a call out to my elf, Little Train at the end. Who dat?

The Go-Go Boys introduce drag sensation “Peaches Le Train” to the toon of ‘Silent Night.’ The train here is the long long dress, and the carting in of Xmas music. Huh.

Might be a plane, might be a train, no its old saint nick and he’s back in the game, worries Madame Love in the funky blues of “Love Affair of Mrs. Claus.” What’s it all mean? BLUE ALERT, but who cares when it’s this crunchy?