New Kids on the Block try rapping “Funky, Funky Christmas” to little success. But they identify who is what throughout, with a call out to my elf, Little Train at the end. Who dat?
The Go-Go Boys introduce drag sensation “Peaches Le Train” to the toon of ‘Silent Night.’ The train here is the long long dress, and the carting in of Xmas music. Huh.
Might be a plane, might be a train, no its old saint nick and he’s back in the game, worries Madame Love in the funky blues of “Love Affair of Mrs. Claus.” What’s it all mean? BLUE ALERT, but who cares when it’s this crunchy?
Snowboys2K14 begin their “Christmas Train” with a little Santa sled pop music breakdown. Then the electronics go SONAR. Finally Santa’s on his way with alternate means. Hooray.
Elfie, from the Christmas Workshop Band, narrates the amateur “Rolling Christmas Train.” This drum-centric pop seems to go ’round and ’round rather than straight to your door from the workshop as is suggested.
Hank Snow tap-dances through “The Christmas Cannonball” without breaking a sweat. In fact, in this square-dancing country doodler, he barely pronounces each word. Ting-a-ling-ling toot toot.
Gargling gravel, Whit Hill and John Latini hit the blues of “Christmas Train” without regard for the children getting their presents from it. Hoo-oo-wee! I mean, look out!
Catch the last train home, it’s nearly Christmas! Matthew Oleson seems to improvise a folky ditty about travel and getting far away in his “Lonesome Freight Train.” Safe travels, man.
Not sure about getting home–after all it’s a train trip–Popdorian employs a thick accent and Eurovision pop beat to reveal he’s “Coming Out for Christmas.” Not just home, but honest too. Take your time.
Bet Smith and the Currie Brothers make “That Christmas Train” the centerpiece of their seasonal celebration. Bluesy guitar pops open the tree-getting, popcorn-stringing, and baking. Most importantly, they listen for that whistle to blow. Woo-woo along with ’em.
Carey Bell gets so funky with his bluesy “Christmas Train.” It seems a special ride, but it’s all about getting home on time. I feel it.
What do you do with “A Snowy Christmas Day“? Harry Garcia (feat. Joe Freer) discovers smiles and laughter. Slipping down ski slopes is another thing that is possible.
Helter skelter down the slopes may not be what the ski instructor told you, but Vim Cortez does his cheesy pop best with “Christmas is for Lovers.” Stepping out in the snow is the wrong way to love, but there’s a plan here.
Sorry it’s come to this, but Bob Sellon is all rigged up with no where to ski. “The No Snow Blues” is, indeed, blues. But no downhill glory. So, guess it’s a life of crime, then.
John Prine visits with you a spell in his chatty “A John Prine Christmas.” It includes time when he was three what got him almost taken to the hospital. Story time! (Watch for polka coda!)
Only a little less sentimental, Sandra Cross’s soft pop “Snowflakes” heaps on the sweetness, including when we’d Decorate the Christmas tree With things we made when we were three. Aww now.
Boarding school croons from Jeff and Deb Conrad. “Can I Come Back Home for Christmas” itemizes the troubles: I don’t remember daddy much, ′cause I was only three When he went to be with Jesus, leaving you and Clint and me. Bluegrass country big woes.
Nico Reservoir raps out some “Naughty Boy” plans. It involves the lonely Mrs. Claus. Heavens, but: I haven′t been a nice boy since I was three. Not blue.
The Boxmasters sling the blues when they promise of their own families that they’ll never spend “Christmas on the Road.” See, growing up Dad didn’t hold such a promise: The first time we were thrown out, I was maybe three years old. Shows us more than tells us. Powerful stuff. Tell ’em, Billy Bob.
Ever since ‘It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” mentioned looking into the Five and Ten (to shop, y’cheapskate), discount stores pop up in Xmas carols. Consider the punk version here (Thanks for making it nearly unrecognizable, The Wheelz). Or even “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Hanukkah.” BShep doesn’t mess much with the lyrics, though.
Bill Anderson dredges up the 1969 country hokum in “My Christmas List Gets Shorter Every Year.” See, in the good ol’ days most of the presents just came from the five and dime. Now, this broken family can’t get none. Spoken heartbreak.
While we’re talking money, Hoyt vanTanner recounts the Christmas at the Expose Cabaret in Monkeys Eyebrow where the stranded motorist spent “Christmas With Carol.” The Madame distributes to the strippers their Xmas bonus: Here’s gas stations finest five dollar scratch offs. Funny country.
“Last Call Christmas” is also stuck in a bar. She’s out with someone else, see. Shelby Lee Lowe is laying out fives, drinking to for to get drunk. Juke joint country.
Elliott Yamin only wants everyone to have “A Very Merry Christmas.” Oh, And five cents every song we’d sing, oh. Not too greedy. Disco pop.
While shopping for your “Christmas Sweater” don’t forget to stop at at Starbucks: Wondering what color is on the new holiday cups; I hope you remembered to bring your red card–Save five percent and put more in the tipjar. The River’s Edge has your whole spending trip planned. Sweet blues pop sing-along.
S.T.R.O.U.P. apologizes in masterful rock’n’roll: Here is my gift I got for you (At the five and dime); please don’t kill me right now… So “Merry Christmas (Sorry I’m Late).”
Dirty Robots tell the story of living frugally with some dirty blues rock and a “5$ Christmas Tree.” Finn-tastic.
Does this special time of the year amp up the whole deal? Well, does it?? To 100?!?
Filnobep raps hearty “This Christmas” BLUE ALERT about all the good stuff on the list. There’s 12 days, a 40 inch ride, and 50 belts. When you got some change you make Christmas everyday 100 Brrr Aw aww. Gleefully nasty.
Commercial jingles are a billion dollar industry, and they don’t all suck. They do try to pack the pop and fun into the message. But it’s funny how things they Never change We can grow a hundred different Ways and stay the same moans the alt pop “Something in the Air” from Grayson Sanders (ft. Jono ft. Lauriana Mae). Coca-Cola gets the product placement here and it’s more reflecting than refreshing, but if you’re feeling paused give it a go.
Banging the folk out of romance, Rushmore Beekeepers wail out “Some Deeper Meaning.” To tell you how I feel I’m gonna need some christmas lights Wrapped around a hundred trees, goes the holiday hyperbole. It’s just aw-shuck ah lax yew for a song, but the mention of Xmas makes me wanna share it.
Full country twang lands us in the corny sentiment of Jessie T’s “Decorating That Tree.” Each ornament is a showstopper: Grandma’s angel made of gold Broken wings but she still holds The stories of a 100 winter nights. So about four years’ worth.
It doesn’t get more upbeat than “100 Christmases” from The Sugarettes while hand-clapping, whooping, chanting, and partying on.
Joee Corso relates “The Night I Followed Santa” in a Coupe de Ville Rolling down the 405 to Vegas. This dirty blues country grinder gives us no other hints (the 405 is San Bernardino south to Irvine, a bypass off I-5 west of LA’s center), but lays on the dream imagery of adult Christmas. Best to join in your dreams.