Category: spoken

Christmas. Bored Now. BLUE ALERT

Devon Kay & the Solutions beg, with ska, that you not have another “Christmas Boring“. Energetic impatience.

Jesse “Buddha” Clark (When I’m Older) strums out a bit more BLUE AERT folk with the talky “Christmas (couldn’t) Carol (at all)“. Carols seem to be a trigger. Stand back.

Latin For Truth uses the screech option for the lite garage “Discordian Rhapsody” wherein all things Xmas are dumped on.

Perhaps recorded on VHS fast speed, “The Night You Lost A Button” trundles out Xmas misery from Word Travels Fast. Indie angst.

Ben Coleman gives us another stellar parody suckerpunching McCartney with “Miserable Christmastime“. The sounds of sirens fill the street.…

In “A William S. Burroughs XXX-Mas” Apartment 7 channels the nihilist writer through childish tinkling music. It is not pretty. In fact, BLUE ALERT.

X-Games: Cards

Do card games up the ante for Xmas?

Certainly the pasteboards figure into the “Christmas Casino Dream“, but Nicola Maurantonio slops the AI into soft lounge jazz. so who cares?

Hans, Angelo drunkenly raps “Christmas Poker” with his strategizing all over the rooftop. Even my notes don’t help.

Pokemon is also a card game. Sadly the supporting music doesn’t rise much above the BLUE ALERT “A Relatively Poke Christmas“, in which the Poke Gangster raps nonsense from his poke of view.

Bob Rivers barely saves that day with his parody “Pokemon” about how obnoxious the over-hyped hobby is to parents.

Or maybe the odd pop of ChikënFist’s “Christmas of Want [Adolescent Lament]” will help. Pokemon joins the list of must haves, along with Stretch Armstrong and a Gameboy.

Remy molds a more learned parody “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Grixis” for all the MTG players out there. In-joke fun. (His “Tarmo the Green-Nosed Lhurgoyf” is also amusing.)

Stephanie Waldvogel’s “Carol of the Spells” succeeds not quite as well for the same card game. Quit caring about good music!

Brian Falduto’s “Christmas Solo” celebrates all things lonely, including playing solitaire. Peppy country pop undercuts this table for one, but that irony sells it.

The coolest Christmas card-player song must be “Dingo” by A Harris and Hart Holiday. This cowboy tale told in spoken-rap is traditional novelty. I mean that in the best possible way. The game goes wrong, spills into the street, and then….

X-Games: Other Board Games

Keep those kids busy while we’re drinking!

Kate Gambhir gets playful with the pop “‘Cause It’s Christmas“. Which is odd, bc her whole meh on Xmas involves giving in to board games. Whatever.

“Only Monopoly” is the epic he said/she said contest when dinner is ages away and the Christmas couple needs to pass the time. Helen Arney (feat. Tom McDonnell) make a lounge act out of this power play. (The amusing sequel, “It’s Going to Be an Awkward Christmas, Darling Part 2“, tells of the aftermath breakup. Schadenfreude har de har.)

X-Games: Checkers & Chess

Pull up a chair and get trounced by your uncle for the holidays!

The Withers return with their grand Dadaist parody “Reindeer on the Moon“. Checkers and chess survive from the original Andy Kaufman tribute.

4 Star Review gets depressed and unplugged folk for their “First Christmas in Florida“. To pass the excruciating time waiting to see if Santa will find them after their move, they play checkers and chess (with the nativity scene figures??).

Ned Harris has pleasant family memories when it’s “Christmas Time Again” and checkers is part of the fun as much as sledding. Solid Motown.

Martin & Erin equate the family scuffling for the holidays as a game symbolizing warfare. Their indie drollery “Christmas Checkmate” makes a CW meal of the idea. Thoughtful, yet anguished. (Praxton covers this with an eerie echoic modulation that ups the anger.)

“Wizard Chess” is all Harry And The Potters wanna play in this filk folly.

The Divine Comedy posits brain puzzlers in “Can You Stand Upon One Leg?” including the old Can you beat your Dad at chess at Christmas? Plonky music hall at quarter speed. Call it show tune. A hoot and a half.

Tom McLoughlin blues the country when “Doin’ Christmas Time” in lock up. Chess is played in the game room (‘swell as cards, and pool–nice game room, cons).

P4L Studios take the piss when they ask to take “Chris out of Christmas (mas)“. They have stories about the times he was a bad player on video games, and wrestling, but especially how he cheated at chess, but also made it racist. Not cool, man.

X-Games: Hardcore Sled Race

“Super Sledder” features a speed demon on runners. Mr. Aaron electronically depicts this racy racer with appropriate pop.

Not as horrifying, “Christmas in Vintondale” is still fast paced. Sunflower Spectacle measures out the folk judiciously in this low key indie.

Thrice a Chuckle daredevils the icy streets in their “Red Sled“. Folk kidsong with an edge. I don’t make up this kind of stuff!

Rockabilly accelerates my interest, so “Crazy Reindeer Sleigh Ride Race” by LenneBrothers Band makes my ever-lovin’ day. The whole gang’s here!

Bob Wire uses driving rock’n’roll for the hard backbeat to set “Sled Man’s Hill“. Don’t place your bets quite yet.

“Daniel’s Sled” is grisly (ironic?) spoken word fun John Tabacco. Blood shed race, i have to say. Whoa, no winners here.

“The Great Sled Race” is more traditional fun spoken word kid mythologizing to the folksy guitaring of Bill Harley. Epic doesn’t quite cover it.

Xmas Music Delivery System: Phonograph

Another word for turntable? Oh, no.

Taking a spin on Edward Hare’s 19022 prank novelty Christmas song, Emanuele Arielli mashes multimedia together for “Last Christmas Santa was Hiding in the Phonograph,” a mess of genre, temperament, and holiday. Scary.

Harry E. Humphrey also recorded this milestone with “Santa Claus Hides in Your Phonograph.” It’s no longer quaint. He’s threatening you with death here.

Peek on Earth.10

The Guide Family includes the kids who haven’t learned language skills yet to belt out “I Saw Santa Claus.” Hard pop whatever.

Almost as unintelligibly, Patrick O’Connor gargles “I Saw Santa Claus Rocking Christmas.” Nice guitar solo, but the genre swerves into easy listening elevator.

The Ohio City Players may be borrowing a Tom Waits style to begin the story of the “Santa Claus Stakeout.” But their jazzy indie ends badly… or doesn’t end(?). This one’s a moody masterpiece.

Robert Piccione claims “I Saw Santa Claus” at the corner saloon asking for the mens. Spoken word storytelling featuring humanity’s lowest common denominators. Yeesh.

Brick

How does Santa NOT get stuck?

Chimney sweeps are the answer, so F.A.I.R.Y. pop the folk in their moving “Chimney.” Well done!

Brett Vargo fronts the Vargo Family when he belts out “Straight Down the Chimney.” American rock with a hint o’ Motown makes a party of the arrival.

Still, he comes. The insistence featured in “Coming Down the Chimney” by J.R. Top may not be turned aside. Feeling the Zappa here in this anti-pop.

Sp[oken word experimentalism from David Allen gives us Santa’s commandments for your “Chimney Stack.” Pay attention!

Santaphilic.10

“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” hit #1 on the Billboard singles chart when 13-year-old Jimmy Boyd first released it in 1952. It’s been a staple since. Barely novel at this point. And yet, some of the reactions since–

Kip Addotta turned the idea on its head with “I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus” in 1984. Stand Still here covers that for us. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Again! The Yule Logs reorchestrate the idea with “[I Saw Mommy Kiss Santa] Last Night.” Psychological repercussions are explored to a slack key guitar countrification.

Balderdash & Humbug reposition the events for a he said/she said of “My Kid Saw Me Kissing Santa Claus.” Conclusions are jumped to in this spoken piece.

Cecily Strong gets more into the trauma for an SNL sketch that brings in Dad and a big, weird payoff.

Certainly, for novelty purposes, Homer & Jethro, and Tiny Tim deliver with bizarre sounds. But let’s leave this elevator music with a tip of the Captain’s chair to William Shatner and his little kid who’s not getting mad–he’s getting even.

Damn That Holiday: DamNation.4 BLUE ALERT

Funk me, DJ Tenderloin mashes up soul, Queen, Ed Grimley, and plenty others with “About Damn Christmas Time.” Disco adjacent.

Best Damn Roofer offers the “Best Damn Christmas” album with all the standards sung with the word roof substituted for all the nouns. Watch out for the BLUE ALERT drug spiral. I dare you to last all ten minutes.

Seiza (feat. Biggie Smalls) has had enough of quality Christmas songs, and talent for that matter. “About Damn Time for an Actually Good Christmas Song” delivers on ‘Good,’ provided ‘Good’ is weak ass bad. BLUE ALERT