Yuletide: Poopdeck

Old timey sailors had it even harder. For Christmas.

1980s pop (with a gospel influence) may not be ancient, but Goombay Dance Band’s “Christmas at Sea” is about a simpler time. The tragedy is not being with family. That’s pretty much it. But you can dance to it.

Meg Davis runs over octaves with her classic operetta offering “Christmas at Sea.” It hurts to hear about it.

Old fashioned folk/country from Lloyd Snow brings in a Celtic influence. “Christmas at Sea” is frothy and light, but that’s only the foam floating on top. Its depths’ll kill.

Yuletide: Grog

Sailors work hard for their pay, and a ration of rum. Do they overindulge given the chance?

Christmas Card from a Drunken Sailor” is a gentle, almost soothing ballad from Rob Snarski. No F-bombs. Just regret.

What Shall We Do with a Drunken Sailor Early Christmas Morning?” asks the Windy City Gay Chorus. Frivolity ensues. And side-taking.

Not to be out-twisted, Alexander P. treats us to “What Shall We Do with a Drunken Santa?” The steps differ, and the tempo runs crazy. [Less imaginative, but Bee-you-ti-fully sung comes the Tawny Shantymen version.] [Amped up comes The Georgia Tech Glee Club with a rapid retelling.]

Yuletide: Land Ho

Let’s bring ’round the professionals: sailors. For Christmas.

Skinny Lister has a hornpipe of no little merit hailing the setting of sail, and also of the return: Home again for Christmas “If the Gaff Don’t Let Us Down.” So big party when not drowned. It’s dance-inducing.

Homeward bound for the holidays, still the sailor spends Christmas in a harbor on the boat. Jeff Brown’s “Sailor’s Christmas” is nearly romantic, but the harsh harmonica in this breezy folk rock recalls us the hard times. (Yeah it’s Jimmy Buffett‘s song. So what.)

also on the way to land comes the indie/easy listening pop of “Sailor It’s Christmas Again” as posted by vandmalonogskid. Tubular bells, matey.

The Out of Tuna’s count time to “A Shanty’s Christmas.” It’s full of hope and is softly melodic for all its sailor-tom.

Yuletide: All Hands Lost

The same year The Titanic went down, so did the Christmas tree schooner Rouse Simmons. This was The Great Lakes, and the German tradition of trees for the holidays (free for the poor) was in full swing. The lore of this particular joy-bringer being lost has inspired many a sailor’s yarn.

Paul Behrend narrates and warbles “The Christmas Ship.” If you wanted to know what happened, poetical-like, here’s the folk-pop verzh.

True folk from Dan Hildebrand, “The Ballad of the Christmas Tree Ship” focuses on the scary, wet storm as well as the wet, washed up trees.

The Patrick Brothers attempt pathos by stretching out every syllable and note in the folky “The Christmas Ship.” The flute makes it ghostly, too. But it becomes maudlin.

Mike Aiken applies more pop to his Carib maritime melody “Christmas Schooner.” It’s all upbeat here. Nobody sinks. The music, on the other hand, causes sleepiness.

Oh Papa, come look, shanties Lee Murdock in “The Christmas Ship.” The glory of the great sailing actually overshadows the tragedy here, a fine memorial.

Novelty relief oars in from Claire Margaret Corlett who only wants to kill herself “This Christmas Eve.” The flapper-style jazz is a cute contrast to lyrics like: I wanna slit my throat, or get eaten by a goat, Or tie myself up and drown slowly in a boat. (Ha ha?)

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Success measure by excess: Christmas? Skiing in the Alps! Summer? Caribbean nights! Ice of Neptune pounds out the beat with “On Sale,” a rocker of a diatribe ‘gainst capitalism. Eat the rich (foods).

Also fronting, the protagonist of Glenn Frey’s “Big Life” claims: Right now we’re flying over some land I own–Yeh, that’s Aspen right down there; I go skiing there at Christmas time With Don and Jack and Cher. Bouncy pop with an edge.

Juliet Lyons is not as impressed: All my friends, they love getting big gifts: Starting out in June they’re dreaming long lists, Designer clothes, a skiing trip… But in the jazzy pop of “You’re My Christmas” she only wants you. Period.

Ray Conrad’s “A Skier’s Daydream” is awfully old fashioned fiddlin’ about the mountains back home. With lotsa snow. Wistful. But. iff’n you likes that, i highly recommend the entire album, The Cotton-Pickin’ Lift Tower and Other Skiing Songs. Picking and grinning and poling. Great stuff.

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Kicking off with a ‘Better Off Dead’ sound bite, “Ski Slope” from Cute Aesthetics mines the bebop walk beat of ’80s attitude movies for a never-ending stroll down wintery lane.

Patient Corgi fuses ’80s electronic action movie soundtrack with primal rhythms for “Ski or Die.” It slaps.

Bikini Skiing” seems to be about dating, or at least getting past third base, on the alpine decline. Waterlaso threads getting hot and heavy around a rather insistent alt-rock beat. Might as well dance.

Chad Mitchell Trio folk-spins the tale of “Super Skier.” While a parody (of The Kingston Trio’s “M.T.A“) spoofing the pop folk iconoclasm of the time (1961), this grisly saga is too upbeat to believe. (Bob Gibson’s gory sequel–to ‘Battle Humn of the Republic’–“Super Skier’s Last Race” might be ironic. Oh heck, his album Ski Songs is worth a whirl.)

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Excellent surf rock from Suffering Fools tells the tale of “Santa’s Going Skiing.” It’s strictly recreational. Though he is a master.

Paul Kopetko’s “Skiing Yeti Mountain” is background music for the 16-bit video game. It’s an electronic throwback to the ’80s. Tubular.

Dan Reeder’s “Skiing Song” is supposed to be a song about skiing, but his existential blues distract the message. Lovely gentle folk. About Skiing. Sort of.

Frank Yankovic reels us back with ski poles-ka (doesn’t quite work, does it?) in the hoot and a half “Let’s Go Skiing.” Step-by-step accordion supervision.

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Skiing (my favorite word with a double i) probably predates skating. But like most cool European inventions, it may have originated in China (i’m looking at you, notebooks of daVinci). This is not a backyard/neighborhood activity, like sledding. You won’t see Charlie Brown schussing in the cartoons. Which means… these songs don’t exactly spring out of the snowbank. I ask you to make some allowances.

Perhaps you’re familiar with “It Happened in Sun Valley,” a lovers’ meet-cute on the Idahoan slopes originated by the Glen Miller Band (feat. Paula Kelly, Ray Eberle, Tex Beneke and The Modernaires) from the motion picture ‘Sun Valley Serenade.’ For all that, it comes off as the documentarian or forensic analysis of some rom-com. South Park does an irreverent big band update.

To help pad my month of interesting Xmas/wintertime tunes, i may finally stoop to lyric-less instrumentals–provided they got class out the ass. F’rexample, Al Caiola & Riz Ortolani’s “Holiday On Skis” is just the right blend of electric jazz guitar and batch’ pad cool.

The novelty gold comes from R. Wyly with poor sound and VHS striations: the wry funky folk of “Skiing for Jesus.” Xmas adjacent.

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Tanya Rivera doesn’t want you to break her “Candy Cane Heart.” So, her pop music instructions include drinking, skating, and dating. Then, love. By the book.

The New Ice Skates” carry her away. He knows she’s leaving so, at least in the Faint Lights alt folk song, buys her a mode of transpo. For when it’s cold enough.

Joni Mitchell’s second most covered song is the anti-Christmas folk mopery “River.” She wishes she had a river she could skate away on… See ya! (Okay, beautiful song, beautifully sung–but, wotta bummer.)

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The Easy Button picture a picture postcard when you are skating across the lake and on the frozen streets. I picture infrastructure failure. But “It’s Christmas Time!” is energizing rock/pop, so let’s delude ourselves.

Showing off a few English language traits, David Cavada uses mystical pop with his hoarse vocals to craft a “Christmas Present.” I got: everything is fine. And snowman getting a smile. Not sure about the skating.

Rane has “(No Need for a) Snowy Christmas” because he has ice skating. Not sure how that works, but the folk-pop insistency convinces me he’s on the level.