Category: metal

Why do we need a brand new Jesus, a “Brand New Christmas“? Hot Chocolate gospel/disco raps why–To take the gun out of the fighting hand, To take a little away, from the greedy man. ‘Seasy!

Trouble with money, trouble with drugs, trouble with being “Lazy,” yet Jay Stunner claims: This Christmas I done bought errbody a gun. Yer standard BLUE ALERT rap.

Greg Volk’s folk pop “Have a Maga Christmas” might be straightforward, it might be ironic (lots of ‘whatever‘s), but it does suggest Gun-right garland, whatever that might be.

Sum 41 & Tenacious D ups the ante with an expectedly ridiculous metal screaming list in “Things I Want,” a solid gold Harley with machine guns on the front included.

“A Gun for Christmas” by The Brown Christmas seems to recount an actual gift with tragic results. Hard to tell through all that garage synth. Just as well.

Tweaking and plunking, “Don’t Shoot, It’s X​-​Mas!” by Colemanworld comes in at the bare minimum of a song about something.

The _____ Hunters growl and slobber their garage way through psychopathy with an Xmas wish for “My New Gun.” It’s not pretty. Boys will kill boys.

Despite the warning not to fear “Tofu for Christmas,” Dad’s grabbing his gun! Tofu Vibrations punk that metal to make their point. I’m afraid.

For X-Ray Mary “The Worst Christmas Ever” begins with Santa dead. The rollicking punk pop makes it sound more like an inconvenience. La di dah.

Two-Fisted Slobberknocker leans into the punk with their “The Worst Christmas Ever.” Economic disadvantage drives this punk screamer.

Glamourpuss recounts “The Worst Christmas” with experimental metal. Apparently crappy presents ruin everything. It’s terrible. (Not the song; it’s cool.)

Man of Arms worries about zealots, breadlines, and missile launches in their spunky indie “It’s Christmas Time and Everything’s Wrong.” Lively for a bummer.

Hot Buttered Elves give us a hot minute of exposition with their “Mayan Santa.” Angry, they claim, the fat man will unleash volcanic endtimes in 2012. Remember that?

Hip to that Bastard Monster barricades the manor to prevent Sant bringing the “Christmas of Doom.” Measured metal makes a meal of this mess. What’s with that spoon?

It could be the end of the world, sings Akal Odea (feat. DW) for “This Christmas Will be Different.” It’s been a helluva year, he continues, with an R+B downbeat that harshest the buzziest of buzzes.

Palma Violets approaches “Last Christmas on Planet Earth” with enjoyable rocking pop. Rudolph was shot down, but hey–whaddya going to do?

Everybody’s running and screaming crazy! when nuclear war threatens at just the wrong time in Hot Buttered Elves’ “Dead for Christmas.” Listen for the cheering at the end of this garage crowd pleaser.

Tyler Huston gets metal with the rock if it’s gonna be the “Last Christmas on Earth.” I mean, party–right? Or–declare love. Yeah, that’s good, too.

Darius Rucker smoothly wonders “What God Wants for Christmas.” Well, God IS everything… but the devil given up could be one of those wishes. Pop soul.

Wolf Devil unleashes the ultimate wingman when they metal croak “(Party with) The Christmas Devil.” It’s tinkly!

Schizoid Lloyd proudly presents the metal “Christmas Devil.” Born of whores, with horns, he recommends to poke it with a stick.

I’m not the sort to pick nits over pointing out the monster has no name and the creator does. You can infer from context clues which is scary. It’s Christmas after all.

When the monster wishes for a brand new bride from his ‘father,’ it’s “Merry Christmas Frankenstein.” Wm Matt Miller’s indie rock seems a prelude to some rock-opera, but we need to move on.

Lucky Tones smuggle in some comedy with misheard scripture concerning gold, frankincense, and myrrh. “Baby Jesus, Santa Claus, and Frankenstein” is the corny country result. Rather than magi, they figure villagers (with pitchforks).

Josh Reim combines precious video game style melody with distorted metal vocals for “Frankenstein’s Holiday.” Weird.

Sham Gabr ‘s problem is that Christmas with the family is “Christmas with Aliens.” Metaphorical indie that stretches the premise, but all aliens are welcome here.

Even more metaphorical. The Winter Failure’s marvelous little album P.S. It’s Christmas features an alien (Far-naz) who strikes up a friendship with an Earthling who happens to have a bear name (Grizzly). In their indie “The Brightest Star” the bear-man misses his old friend now so far away. Touching.

Back to robots and spaceships! Matthew Ebel has a cute talky musical: The High Orbit Holiday Special, in which the protagonist is involved in a toys heist in space and spends time in jail. “Merry Christmas from Cell Block 2” celebrates hard time with aliens. Peppy pop.

Martians try to ease Count the Clock’s “Christmas in Space.” Soft soothing pop about the strange colors of eggnog and Santa’s beard for the Martian Xmas.

Melodicka Brothers penned a song by committee about Satan and then Santa explaining Christmas to an alien. It’s “The Best Christmas Song Ever (About an Alien).” I guess ‘cuz the alien catches the Christmas spirit and so doesn’t kill us all. Metal rock.

Sean Leigh’s “Pirate Christmas Song” with lounge rock recounts the traditions of those lawless seamen: dirty jokes, homemade gifts, and Spam. Amateur amusement.

“Christmas with Alestorm” features the merry metal of the band Alestorm singing a true Gaelic ballad about Christmas Eve in pirate land. Most of the line ending rhyme with rum, and no one remembers the night before. But….