Christmas Countdown: 1… 2… 3…. [BLUE ALERT]

Kicking off a kick-ass carol might begin with a ‘count up.’ A one anna two anna–take it away Lawrence Welk–!

Kelly Clarkson begins “Winter’s Dreams (Brandon’s Song)” with staccato vibrancy. But it’s all pop/love treacle. Ho, ho hum.

Even more pop, K-pop in point of fact, Wa$$up toggle ‘twixt languages for their “Jingle Bell.” But the 1,2,3 let’s go is serious this time.

1,2,3 go intros the silky rap (oddly to ‘Winter Wonderland’) “I Saw Mommy Kissing Sacramento Santa.” There’s a 916 Sacramento area code reference in there, too–but Big TL gives us very soft-core blue language. So, for MOST of the family.

But 1,2,3 Go! needs some (punk) rock for true trajectory. So, “Socks for Christmas” from The Wish You Weres is a contentious (hence, BLUE ALERT) reaction to the bourgeois platitude that is the gift-without-thought. Well… GO!

Christmas Countdown: 216 BLUE ALERT

Pineapple Posse wants to celebrate the holidays, but–clinging to street red–swear they won’t take “No L“–not from nobody. Lazy sex references and casual violence attribution frame: I’m back on the mic 216 Up in the heights, yeah the Posse down to fight. That’s likely a reference to the area code for E. Cleveland’s Shaker Heights. Must be some down-and-dirty there to warrant this rudderless rap.

Christmas Countdown: 223 BLUE ALERT

German whisper-rapper LoadTronic spins down the drug trail in “Christmas Cheesecake,” a reference to how his homies are stacked (??!). It ain’t a dream you just see me bubble ball out 223 Yeah I go up now. This number could be the ungodly time, or the Minneapolis municipal code against drug paraphernalia, or the number of pages in a Cheesecake Factory menu… dunno. But it’s lyrically street.

Christmas Countdown: 710 BLUE ALERT

More playful rap from isthatfr0st (ft. Ham Sandwich, 954mari, Ty Wild & more) about playing the game in “How the Camogod Scammed Christmas.” Among the fun’n’stuff someone Just switched lil timmy’s 3070 for a 710 which looks to be jacking some kid’s decent graphics card outta his video gaming computer system and leaving him with crap. ‘Tis the season.

Christmas Countdown: 7/11 BLUE ALERT

Hollywood Undead claim to have a tough ‘hood in “Christmas in Hollywood.” Some kid even steals from the 7/11. Also, booze, sex, adult oppression. Hanukkah shows up, too. Rapping white boys. Amiright?

Bob Rivers sneaks in a 7/11 ref in his overproduced ‘Oz’ parody “The Magical Kingdom of Claus.” It’s a sketch, but the number is noted in song, so let’s play. (This is historical, kids, so you’ll have to look up some of the cultural signifiers.)

Christmas Countdown: 7:54 BLUE ALERT

Apostle’s “143” is a mad love song, but as it seems unrequited, he’s driven mad. She’s to meet up with him for Xmas at 6 to 8, but at 9 he figures she’s got other things (men) to do. Had to look up the title, and the letter counts of I and LOVE and YOU is a shorthand thing to text now. But, did you know, there’s lots of other four-letter words?