Year-round Yuletide oddities
Is Santa qualified to be on a boat?
Ty Thurman wonders “If Santa was a Sailor,” then what? Kidsong (with a merry country backbeat) follows to spell it out to all y’all. There’s a list.
Gordon Mac Martin gets scarier with his “Sailor Santa.” He also asks If, but worries that climate change will require this as the coasts decline and we all live at the ocean. More Carib beat.
Santa by sled, by plane, by train…? How DOES one get ’round the world?
Savage Bell rocks out the Florida answer: “Santa Rode on a Shrimp Boat.”
A jolly, nearly yodeling, dad pop ditty,”Santa Clause Comes by a Boat” by Gary Fjellgaard, intends to surprise us. Kidsong wonder. Not the real kind.
Bandana Man has “Santa B Cruzn” become the story of Rudolph saving the delivery day in the Caribbean. Santa likee! Steel drum calypso-ish.
Brent Burns paints a grander landscape with his shanty “Santa Boat.” It may be about the deliveries, the it’s tarred in mysteries. Fun kid sea myth.
The hilarity of using the birthplace of mainland surfing as a referent to Xmas has not lent itself to many holiday tunes. (To be fair, Santa Cruz is a place name to a hundred cities around the world.)
The third school assembly comedy ‘Nativity 3: Dude, Where’s My Donkey’ offers a “Santa Cruise“–but it’s another travelogue for an island vacay. Oddly, this Carib beat transitions into gospel. So, uplifting i guess.
Bah & The Humbugs off their “Santa Cruise” as another jaunt away from the dreary day-to-day. More islander musicality for you. (Or an excerpt as a commercial.)
Rounding down, (the possibly computer generated) “Oh Santa” by Seasonal Songs asks to cruise the world in Santa’s sleigh. MOR pop. What a trip.
Why not a bunch boats for Xmas? A whole parade of boats, perhaps!
[Off topic for a mo: Nick Lutsko has a totally bro take on “Boat Parade!” that you might wanna check out. It’s not the holidays, not specifically, but boy is he WANTING to get to the event. Watch out for the flying sweat.]
Boat parades is part of what makes a “Florida Christmas” for 11-year-old Tamara Yasin with sassy pop Carib beatings.
Not to be outdone, California also features boat parades in deTournai’s “White Christmas Dreaming.” This dreamy bluesy slow pop feels more parade-like.
Amateur but heartfelt, G T Polerson ahoys us with his tribute to the West Coast annual event “The Christmas Ships.” Easy listening pop.
Gene Mitchell dedicates his Calypso to the “Christmas Boat Parade.” It’s cheesy in paradise, but it ticks all the boxes.
A commercial for the service, “I Want to Book a Brand New Cruise for Christmas” parodies ‘Hippopotamus.’ The Cruise World shines up this vacay mainstay with energy, but not much imagination.
Shouting the title over and over, Christmas! advises “Christmas Cruise” at least for the sexual freedom.
Laughing at YOU, Kent Goodson and Michael Panasuk calypso-ize and rhapsodize in “Cruisin’ for Christmas.” They list what they’ll do for fun that you won’t.
Wayne Pascall A Cappella has more specific destinations in mind with their calypso (lotsa beatboxing) “Christmas Caribbean Cruise.” Translators are standing by.
Tangentially, Judy Blank would rather have a “California Christmas” than a messy ol’ wintry one (y’know, the ‘Dreaming of’ kind). I’d rather learn to surf and sail a cruise she pop croons with no little talent.
More destination-oriented, Aubrey Wollett’s “Sandy Christmas” uses funky country to paint an idyllic pic: You can be on a boat, or lay on a pool float, Sipping on chocolate martinis with candy canes. Sounds relaxing.
Some people like a getaway for the holidays. Remote cabin in the woods may not appeal like an oceanic runaround, though. Hence, the Christmas Cruise.
The kiddo version of this is from the musical ‘A Children’s Christmas Musical Journey.’ “The Hallelujah Christmas Cruise” by The Hallelujah Chorus is bouncy yet measured fun. Doesn’t cut loose, but doesn’t kneel and pray either.
Todd Sparks has the adult concept well in hand. Not only does “Christmas Cruise” simplify this transaction into leaving the winter behind and heading to the steel drum band, but also his dad-rock is as good as any boat band tribute. (By that i mean merely okay.)
Overplaying those steel drums comes Robert Akers asking with island pop for Santa to give him a “Cruise for Christmas.” No snow shoveling… margaritas instead! This stuff writes itself. (At least something should.)
Lawndry has a dream-like psychedelic little ditty in their “Christmas Cruise.” Lots of Jews (for the rhyme), but also a bit sinister. I like it.
Is a boat the perfect place to party, or just another place to party? For Christmas, i mean. Or not.
Party the Hut & Friends chants out “Christmas on a Boat” like the party is in military formations. Swinging jazz rock.
Mark & The Mongrels reveal “Christmas on a Yacht” is an ideal never to be missed. They missed it. Indie mopeyness.
Time for a ‘Banana Boat’ parody! “A Latke Boat Song” from Merkel & The Merkelettes makes the holiday party a bit of a drudge. It happens. Drei-del!
Love Boat, y’all. It’s the holidays!
R – Dot uses the metaphors like a rapper in his “Christmas Lap Dance.” He asks, he gets, but the rules are clear: Ima′ let her drive the boat but I′m the captain! Naughty Xmas.
Daniel Silverman has only one item on “My Christmas Wish“: you. But this amateur nasal rocking is boyishly charming in its earnestness. Sail away with him girl.
Ronson Kwan’s “Christmas in July” is more studio sophisticated, but its slickness is suspicious. It’s Autumn, it’s Christmas, it’s July… As I sail across the sea of summer days I search the space, the empty arid sky For the memory of autumn rain. Could be love… Poets and madmen, am i right? Pretty indie pop.
The Waitresses made a novelty splash in the early ’80s with “Christmas Wrapping,” which is as hip hop as ‘The Star Spangled Banner.’ But this missed cute couple don’t go out to lunch, or meet at his boat, or trick-or-treat together. The seasons pass until they are fated to cross paths at Christmas. Jazzy club rock.
Want a boat? Build it yourself! For Christmas!
Hawksley Workman plans to “Build a House or Maybe a Boat.” It’ll be ready by Xmas. It rides like a showtune, but it’s pure lounge blues. Wild.
Lukas Graham sings about that boat you built but never got to sail. It becomes a big deal, because you are no longer “Here (For Christmas).” Pop about loss.
Or just act like it–Mikael Englund and Árpád Solti get full on musical theater with “Times of Joy, Dreams Ahoy!” Free, happy, skating, giving… it’s all patter building to shout out that final nautical send off.
Toy boat? How ’bout a beaut of a boat? Is that TOO much?
Paul and Tom’s ‘Holiday Spunktacular Podcast for December 13th, 2017’ from their podcast Hometown Sounds begins with Andrew Grossman’s band The North Country recording of “Don’t Shop Just Love.” This noted socialist doesn’t want a U-Boot, just warmth. So, no boat. (Continue listening to the podcast as you please. It’s okay.)
Unkle Funkle also disapproves of Xmas excess: I don’t need a car or boat or brand new skis; I don’t want a diamond ring or any of these–I just need a little Christmas romance, please! “I Want a Kiss from Santa” he funk-raps. That’s enough… for the lonely.
In the most aggro ship-hating, SHeDAISY (feat. Rascal Flats) gives away and burns your stuff (including sinking your Bass boat) so you’ll have more time for her. As a Christmas gift! “Twist of the Magi” is a pop country back-and-forth of fun.
[Repeat offender Amanda Shires brings back the actual want of a boat, and a pony, and a plane–anything but you! You she wants “Gone for Christmas.” Groovy blues.]
Crazy Kuzins want a ship and a skipper in their “Warning… Crazy Christmas List.” ‘Course they also kid-rap how they want a really smart newt to compute square roots, a mosquito burrito for my pet bat, pat, and a bowl of potpourri. So, no limits.