Category: rock

Drink N.B. Merry: nog1

Start the party, it’s EGGNOG time!

It’s a drinking theme; it’s Xmas; it’s novelty songs here at parody palace… who did you think was going to happen?! Perhaps a pop song parody?

A bunch of college bros got together and flipped Kendrick Lamar’s ‘Swimming Pools (Drank)’ with their own “Christmas Pools (Nog)” which only shows to go ya that this dairy product is selective, seductive, and addictive. Down the hiphop hatch, batch-head.

Just as odd, BLUE ALERT, ‘Jin & Juice’ by the estimable Snoop Dogg gets a twist by Chad Carman with “Eggnog N’ Gifts.” And my mind on my presents, and my presents on my mind. FM morning show fertilizer, folks.

Eggnog is just another easy funny substitute, like the word pants in any Star Wars line. Some parodies, like Kelis’ ‘Milkshake’s moronic falsetto fake-out by NFFD productions “My Eggnog Brings All the Boys to the Ramp.” Don’t. Just don’t.

So, what’s it going to be, buttermilk? Well, try on some Gastronomical Unit! More college boys who really put the extras credit effort into novelty Christmas music throughout the ’90s. Today you may enroll in their Holiday Feast collections–worth it! If “Eggnog #5” doesn’t Lou Bega convince you (with a recipe), then savor homage to Depeche Mode: “Tainted Eggnog.” That’s pure parody power, pal.

Consume-mas Quantities: holy dead meat

What else is coming out for the carnivore course for Christmas?

Reindeer are made of meat, so a couple silly musical musings play with this food.

Jeff Dunham sings a song i’ve featured by some other bar band earlier. His Bubba J character leaves out a verse, but still captures the country howler “Road Kill Christmas” nicely to a live audience, albeit interrupted by other envious puppets.

Mighty Magical Pants have the most fun with “Rudolph on the Barbecue.” Great rock bass line. Whether or not it’s actually the red-nosed one on the cooker is up for grabs.

Don’t worry reindeer lovers, general meat may also be the subject of noel.

Atonal spoken poetry growled out to progressive folk with a trilling Irish accent may sound like a novelty Christmas music dare from me to you.  Dead Raven Choir imagines a world less than pristine in “Christmas Meat – carrion.” You better be in the right mood, or you’ll be sorry.

Stza Crack delivers a song plagued with technical difficulties. “Tainted Meat” relates Santa’s eating misadventures corrected by Jesus with rude garage rock.

Defaulting to the more wholesome, Farmer Derek jollies up ‘Rockin’ ’round the Christmas Tree’ with “Walking around a T-bone Steak.” It rocks classically, though the meal the steak is dedicated towards is never limned as the holy one.

Consume-mas Quantities: lunch rush

Xmas is a day x-ed off your calendar. B’fast, lunch, dinner may be mere suggestions.

In fact, no lunch guaranteed. Bah and the Humbugs dramatize this for the original Christmassers in “No Free Lunch.” This pop rock lesson mumbles, tumbles, and humbles. Get your perspectives straight, ya spoiled babies!

Sweet Christmas! diabetes

After feasting on sweet stuff for a month, we have to deal with the consequences.

HPU nursing has an informational talent show (no winners, sorry) in “The Diabetes Song (The Christmas Song)” set to ‘Chestnuts Roasting.’ It’s a real downer, but full of helpful info about how not to die in this condition.

Stuckey and Murray have an angrier song “Santa Gave Me Diabetes,” which while fun folk rock AND based on a true story, still poops on your corn flakes with its cautionary tale of profligate sweet-eating. Take that, fun.

Sweet Christmas! cake 1

When it comes to Christmas, i say CAKE and you say something about produce that hangs off a tree.

Cake is fine any time, though.

And so is reggae. I know we just had a slice, but Jamaica Jam bakes up “Christmas Cake (In the Oven Baking)” as a dance party for the holidays and for the children and for the holiest of holies having a birthday. This beats out Adu Deme & Dave Azi just a dred with their more solemn “Christmas Cake.” (No cake in the song, mon.)

Punk pokery takes place under the auspices of The Yobs with “Who Had All the Christmas Cake?” BLUE ALERT These boys are unhappy about the cake eaters who may or may not have come down the chimney. While we’re down and dirty, Swaggy G white-child-raps “Christmas Cake” in which this seasonal treat somehow represents his ass.

Hey, did that cake come from home–or did it come from Christmas? Red State Update has a brief reminder about how your eating habits affect your holiday bliss with their “Christmas Cake.” Miss you boys!

Jesus Christ! place mats

Let’s move the rock songs to fit our scene!

ApologetiX goes Murray Head (‘One Night in Bangkok’) to make “One Night in Bethlehem.” Verse dropping! Next, The Cars’ ‘Best Friend’s Girl’ switches around to become “Bethlehem’s Boy.” (Give the intro a minute, ‘kay? ‘Worth it.)

Credance Clearwater Revival’s ‘Up Around the Bend’ gets the Bob Rivers’ bending with “Going up to Bethlehem.” Those wisemen threw babies out of a balcony, jim.

Bob Rivers did this one, too. But it’d been done. Here come The Joy Strings with “Little Town of Bethlehem (House of the Rising Sun).” These Christian British popsters were the Salvation Army holiday band ‘cross the pond in the ’60s. Wild.

Jesus Christ! the setting

Taking the time to rework ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ by Queen to meet your own comical needs is a consuming labor, but several have done it.

ApologetiX has a lively, clever version (or two), but it’s OT about David and Goliath. (Did they fight in Bethlehem? Or was that Elhanan and Goliath?)

Queen even did a Santa/gifts lark with their own parody.

I prefer the Mark Bradford attempt. Lots of churches use it (with awful costumes/puppetry), and it’s a super duper parody.

Jesus Christ! b-day greetings

Some songs simply tell JC to blow out the candles on his cake of forgiveness. I suppose God-as-Man has more to do than observe numbers on a calendar, but it gives us great elder wisdom to thank ourselves for not forgetting His special day.

Most pastorages stick some virtuosoistic kid in from of the oldsters and sing “Happy Birthday Jesus” until we can’t stop beaming and crying and feeling fulfilled. Whatevs.

Some try out the joke of singing the (previously) copyrighted ‘Happy Birthday’ song to Jesus: check out the tail end of “Wonderful Christmastime” by Barenaked Ladies. It’s not one you’ll put in your top 100 carols, i’d wager.

I prefer a good Beatles’ parody from the grand master mockumentarian Bob Rivers. “Jesus’ Birthday” rocks the flock. It’s a fine way to get the party started.

Merry Mistletoe: who huh

Most youtube song amateurs are mere children giggling and emulating rap stars. (The funny ones are way too brief.)

A few have the equipment, at least materially, to deliver a song.

Austin Jasay sings out of his range about “Mistletoe.” With his shirt and tie, politeness, and blue hair he’s easy to dismiss. But his song has range and flirts with depth.

Hannah J shows considerable range and intensity that at times reveals emotional fun (the Frosty metaphor) with her “Under the Mistletoe.” Grunge this up a bit with a back up bass and watch out. Sign off after the song, unless you like peeping  in on the lives of underage girls being girls.

United We Christmas Tree Stand: under god

Gentle reminder, the big guy in the USA is not the prez… it’s God. John J. Peterson sings “It’s Christmas in America” as a catchy tune redolent with joy and recrimination about how we may have neglected the true meaning of Christmas. Christine Noga also sings this song. A bit more soul; she can carry a note!

John Kammerer wants to remind us–us!–that Christmas is not just about one nation, but one nation under god (that 1954 insistence). In “Christmas Time in America” his rocks populi nudges us into not taking country too much for granted. Without God… well, let’s not go there.