The morning after looms: regret, regurge stains, remembering–not so much.
Merely passing out is one affliction suffered after “Another Drunk Christmas Carol,” a lovely homemade metal bit of play from Death Before Sophistication. I don’t feel so good.
Aftermaths of Christmas drinking include Clashing Plaid with “All I Got for Christmas was Drunk,” a rocking rant that shines with head splitting pride.
Jim Bachmann snarls with country peevishness (and country punnery) for “All I Got for Christmas was Drunk.” He’s picking but not grinning while the world celebrates without him. Poor boy.
Better Off Dead slow down the rhythm with”All I Got for Christmas was Drunk.” But they stay together for some banging light rock melody. All together now.
Toasting is peer pressure for alcoholism. Can you say no, sneak a ginger ale, toss it in the potted plant?
Michelle Unkle just wants to talk about it. After a couple minutes she pokes fun at ‘Jingle Bells’ with “Let’s Get Drunk on Christmas!” It’s a sad processional that leads one more towards temperance. Wah.
Marco & Jannik invoke ’70s party rock with their “Let’s Get Drunk on Christmas.” The driving percussion, the rasping vocals, the incoherent beat–it’s like getting drunk. Whee.
Backyard cowboy Arnold Connelly tries to marry honky tonk with dixieland in his “Gonna Get Drunk This Christmas.” With some tweaking, he may have a hit, but this is cry for help. Wha–?
Chris Ilett finds more and more reason to indulge as he sings a British raging music hall style ballad to booze “Let’s Get Drunk This Christmas.” It’s an epic journey through the liquor cabinet of misery. If you don’t believe me, read the reviews included in the opening of the video. Whoa.
Some whiskey Christmas songs are a mixed bag. Fun to hear, sad to listen to. Great melodious fun. Woebegone lyrics.
Tipsy virtuosi Son of Fathers have a seesaw bit of silliness with “Whiskey Christmas.” You never get anyway with the song, but oh well.
John Gregorio as ‘Ray Church’ (from a show entitled ‘Chaos & Candy: Chicken in the Snow’) has a truck driving country rock blasphemy also called “Whiskey Christmas.” The devil proposes a drinking contest in a local dive on Christmas while Jesus was in the mens’ room… hijinks ensue.
Happy drinking sounding like a Steven Martin improv rollicks in from lounge lizard Jesse Thomas Brown with “Merry Christmas, Jameson’s Irish Whiskey.” It’s a family brawl, but all in fun–except for all of them.
Our Country tinkles the ivories with some old fashioned song writing in yet another “Whiskey Christmas.” Half gospel, half musical, half ragtime, these boys recommend whiskey in your Swiss Miss, but sheepishly. (2 1/2 minutes in is their Kickstarter commercial.)
The most upbeat, most degrading melange of holiday whiskey-ing come from Darby O’Gill and the Little People. Their “Whiskey Christmas” is a jig and a half about the puking, hating, stinking effects of partaking. Wee ones scream curses.
Temperance challenges Barleyjuice in a cool retro rock “Whiskey for Christmas,” which while Celtic hearkens to ’60s folk rock. Clever fellows.
Hard drinking largely features whiskey in all its incarnations: Jim, Johnny, Jack. Whether corn squeezins, white lightning, moonshine, mountain dew… it’s the water of life, the devil’s brew, the little brown jug.
What better time than Christmastime?
Some songs are a bit of fun, celebrating responsibly, taking the edge off.
Miss Mini calls her “Corn Whiskey in the Egg Nog” southern soul. Sounds like Motown regardless where you play it. The party in her song does get a bit reckless, but her sassy side sells it, yassir.
Proper southern slide guitars from Dan Rodriguez. His honky tonkin’ “All I Want for Christmas is Whiskey” is a song of sorrow and regret, but his rhymes are crispy and his beat is upbeat. Fun.
A more positive message with a growling folk country accent drawls out of The Sudden Passion who has done all his shopping for Christmas on aisle 13. “Whiskey for Everyone (This Christmas)” simplifies the worry of the holidays and isn’t that a good thing?
Whiskey Rodeo plays parody with “Deck the Halls with Beer and Whiskey.” It’s hard rock with angry trappings and self image issues. And the humor is boys-being-boys pedestrian. Wooo! But, okay that’s it.
Getting a bit ahead of ourselves, Three Day Threshold & Summer Villains wish you “A Very Whiskey New Year.” Despite their resolutions, they’re toasting uproariously and slide in and out of key of their big, loud folk singalong to convince you of their intentions.
Fusing American country rock with British Invasion, Minus 5 makes merry with the blurry in their “Your Christmas Whiskey.” Not a hangover song at all.
Another drink celebrated exclusively around Christmas is hot buttered rum. Songs about HBR may not always focus on the holidays (like Carol Weaver’s simple Red Clay Ramblers folk exhortation: “Hot Buttered Rum“), but you know–like with eggnog–that partaking of this libation is a tip of the lip to the Lord. You know.
‘Tis a pretty song. Reilly and Maloney give it the old Kigston Trio folk fun try. Mary Chapin Carpenter gives it the matter of fact, no nonsense statement. Mike Murphee gives it a warbling melancholic dirge-like sendoff. Bryan Bowers overmikes his mbira-sounding dulcimer creating a more haunting ghostly wisp of a warning. Phil Passen gets the music mix right but loses all feeling in his vocals. Leo Eilts goes for Dylanesque with his harsh syncopation and heavy harmonica (nice expository defense of this song as a Christmas ditty–thanx). Rani Arbo and Daisy Mayhem throw back to barn-dwelling throaty mountain folk–sounds like a party, of a sort. The Red Clay Ramblers theyselves the originators of said piece play the lay like they’re at an Irish funeral (with a 3 1/2 minute fiddlin’ intro). Becomes an old world mini-opera of an alcoholic beverage, it does.
Krista Detor gets her drink on for present-day Christmas partying with her “Hot Buttered Rum.” Try not to keep up with her escalating partaking. But sway to the hot buttery vocals.
It’s a drinking theme; it’s Xmas; it’s novelty songs here at parody palace… who did you think was going to happen?! Perhaps a pop song parody?
A bunch of college bros got together and flipped Kendrick Lamar’s ‘Swimming Pools (Drank)’ with their own “Christmas Pools (Nog)” which only shows to go ya that this dairy product is selective, seductive, and addictive. Down the hiphop hatch, batch-head.
Just as odd, BLUE ALERT, ‘Jin & Juice’ by the estimable Snoop Dogg gets a twist by Chad Carman with “Eggnog N’ Gifts.” And my mind on my presents, and my presents on my mind. FM morning show fertilizer, folks.
Eggnog is just another easy funny substitute, like the word pants in any Star Wars line. Some parodies, like Kelis’ ‘Milkshake’s moronic falsetto fake-out by NFFD productions “My Eggnog Brings All the Boys to the Ramp.” Don’t. Just don’t.
So, what’s it going to be, buttermilk? Well, try on some Gastronomical Unit! More college boys who really put the extras credit effort into novelty Christmas music throughout the ’90s. Today you may enroll in their Holiday Feast collections–worth it! If “Eggnog #5” doesn’t Lou Bega convince you (with a recipe), then savor homage to Depeche Mode: “Tainted Eggnog.” That’s pure parody power, pal.
What else is coming out for the carnivore course for Christmas?
Reindeer are made of meat, so a couple silly musical musings play with this food.
Jeff Dunham sings a song i’ve featured by some other bar band earlier. His Bubba J character leaves out a verse, but still captures the country howler “Road Kill Christmas” nicely to a live audience, albeit interrupted by other envious puppets.
Mighty Magical Pants have the most fun with “Rudolph on the Barbecue.” Great rock bass line. Whether or not it’s actually the red-nosed one on the cooker is up for grabs.
Don’t worry reindeer lovers, general meat may also be the subject of noel.
Atonal spoken poetry growled out to progressive folk with a trilling Irish accent may sound like a novelty Christmas music dare from me to you. Dead Raven Choir imagines a world less than pristine in “Christmas Meat – carrion.” You better be in the right mood, or you’ll be sorry.
Stza Crack delivers a song plagued with technical difficulties. “Tainted Meat” relates Santa’s eating misadventures corrected by Jesus with rude garage rock.
Defaulting to the more wholesome, Farmer Derek jollies up ‘Rockin’ ’round the Christmas Tree’ with “Walking around a T-bone Steak.” It rocks classically, though the meal the steak is dedicated towards is never limned as the holy one.
Xmas is a day x-ed off your calendar. B’fast, lunch, dinner may be mere suggestions.
In fact, no lunch guaranteed. Bah and the Humbugs dramatize this for the original Christmassers in “No Free Lunch.” This pop rock lesson mumbles, tumbles, and humbles. Get your perspectives straight, ya spoiled babies!
After feasting on sweet stuff for a month, we have to deal with the consequences.
HPU nursing has an informational talent show (no winners, sorry) in “The Diabetes Song (The Christmas Song)” set to ‘Chestnuts Roasting.’ It’s a real downer, but full of helpful info about how not to die in this condition.
Stuckey and Murray have an angrier song “Santa Gave Me Diabetes,” which while fun folk rock AND based on a true story, still poops on your corn flakes with its cautionary tale of profligate sweet-eating. Take that, fun.
When it comes to Christmas, i say CAKE and you say something about produce that hangs off a tree.
Cake is fine any time, though.
And so is reggae. I know we just had a slice, but Jamaica Jam bakes up “Christmas Cake (In the Oven Baking)” as a dance party for the holidays and for the children and for the holiest of holies having a birthday. This beats out Adu Deme & Dave Azi just a dred with their more solemn “Christmas Cake.” (No cake in the song, mon.)
Punk pokery takes place under the auspices of The Yobs with “Who Had All the Christmas Cake?” BLUE ALERTThese boys are unhappy about the cake eaters who may or may not have come down the chimney. While we’re down and dirty, Swaggy G white-child-raps “Christmas Cake” in which this seasonal treat somehow represents his ass.
Hey, did that cake come from home–or did it come from Christmas? Red State Update has a brief reminder about how your eating habits affect your holiday bliss with their “Christmas Cake.” Miss you boys!
