Christmas Every Day: August (hot hot hot)

JJ Payne sweats us with her little girl pop “Summertime Christmas.” I’m not sure why.

New Zealand knows “Christmas in the Summertime;” it’s meteorological! The Funky Monkeys beat the message to death (for the kids!) with their fun, frolics, and big doggy.

Also Down Under, Stella Zigouras gets warm and sultry with her “Summertime Christmas.” Call your travel agency now!

Now, it’s summer all over the Southern Hemi, so please note that “In Summertime It’s Christmas (In Brazil).” Mostly ’cause Calico Crew’s Latin beat is so much muy caliente-er.

Some may consider this time of year time off from The Holidays, so let’s explore “Summertime Santa“‘s off duty activities with Jason Didner and The Jungle Gym Jam. Spoiler alert: Santa surfs.

Music hall (the vaudeville of UK) also wonders “Where Does Father Christmas Go in the Summertime?” somewhat updated by Peter M Adamson. The youtube notes add apologies for the old timey humor.

But we’re talking the Christmas Frame of Mind. What matter the dog days of hotness? I say, tear a page out of Lizanne Hennessy’s manual: This is Lizzard’s  “Christmas in Summertime.” Celebrate now, celebrants! Do it.

Manger Management: Dog the Halls

Puppies are not dogs. They are a completely different mindset. One type you would let romp through expensively wrapped gifts grinning, the other you would harness for the Iditarod to save lives.

Martin Metcalf and Gillian Brown murmur “Santa’s Dog” mistaking one of the reindeer for Santa’s best friend. That’s the Olive-problem. It happens.

Getting a dog for Christmas is perhaps more grown up than getting a puppy. So Tom Manche’s “Dog Christmas Song” is an adult advisory on the appropriateness of beating the void with a ‘friend for life.” Cha cha cha.

The 1948 version of that gift list sounds like Billy Mayo’s Orchestra and “I Want a Dog for Christmas.” Pardon the poor sound and the sniveling 3/4 of the way through (by way of narrative bridge).

Once we get into grown-up dogs we can get mean and nasty. Vinnie’s entry to some Worst Christmas Song Ever contest is “The Christmas Dog.” Holy crap.

Although dealing with puppy training, the responsibilities of cleaning up credentialize Cliff Berg’s “My Dog Just Shit Song (A Christmas Song).” Yeah, not much of a holiday number….

For a more seasonal parody, nothing beats Gary Gee with “Fleas on My Dog.” If you can’t guess the source material for the take-off, please listen: it’s pleasantly surprising. Although the slide show  is vertiginous and nauseating.

Best of Show is Eels laying into “Christmas is Going to the Dogs.” The tone is mongrel, the puns are dogged, the melody mangy–what fun!

Manger Management: Puppy Noel

So many songs about cutesy little fuzzy faces that i lack credits at times.

I Want a Puppy for Christmas” is off a British cassette tape from 1992 entitled 20 Children’s Christmas Songs and Carols–so it’s pretty short.

At times stellar, unnamed talent makes it onto the kids’ records. “Pookie Doodle Puppy’s Christmas Party” is by Children’s Songs. But check out the range on that soprano! (Not the unfortunate slide whistle).

A saccharine favorite for elementary school pageants is “Polar Puppy.” I don’t want to know who does this. Take it away.

The Christmas Puppy” is similarly adorbs, but i finally figured out it was recorded by Dudley Dogg Jr. Warning: sped up chipmunk voices.

Before we get too cool–watch out for overly sentimental pop like Gina Naomi Baez’s “Puppy for Christmas.” Too much! Too much!! Need snark!!!

[I’ve already referenced Red Buttons with “Bow Wow Wants a Boy for Christmas” and Linn Sheldon’s “Boofo Goes Where Santa Goes.” ]

I could have also noted Gene Autry’s “Poppy the Puppy.” Another attempt by the Singing’ Cowboy to be Xmas popular (not so successful this time).

See, retro rock likes little doggies: Adam Faith sings “Lonely Pup (in a Christmas Shop).” This seems to be on the outside lonelytimes looking in. Awww.

The Wiggles nudge old timey rock n roll as well with “Paw Paw Wags.” Honestly i’m not sure if a puppy is getting a child or a child is getting a puppy.

“Bobby Wants a Puppy Dog for Christmas” was made a hit by Merle Haggard and even recorded by The Wiggles. I like Bowling for Soup’s alt rock version.

Manger Management: Simpler (3)

Crustaceans are the bugs of the sea, but technically they are simpler than arthropda. So, let’s consider the few yule tunes for those multi-jointed animals that white people claim they enjoy eating.

Sandal the Sand Creature” by La Guardia Cross may actually be made out of garbage, and not possess a chitninous shell at all. (And i song bombed this bit last 10/24/2015!) But the festive funster bears repeating.

‘The Little Mermaid”s Sebastian hermit crab does a passable pass at crabbing up “Deck the Halls.” Samuel E Wright sings cannily enough without the Rasta-slack most character vocalists inject into Jamaican mockery. Color me not a fan here, but i was touched by Jonathan Oosterhof’s notes for his youtube entry: that’s what a novetly Christmas song aficionado sounds like.

A Baltimore holiday staple is David Deboy’s “Crabs for Christmas.” It’s fun. They have funny accents over there.

Sassy aunts and an uncle family-scramble to uke out humor with “The Christmas Lobster Song.” Homemade homkum for the folks at home, hmm?

What does it mean to be a truly wonderful novelty Christmas song here in the 21st Century? The melodic, lulling intro… the astonishing betrayal of tone (the irony!!)… the coffee-house random poetry of the lyrics… the unknown ballsy singer (with less than a couple hundred views)… the lovely discovery of something new. Folks, may i introduce Nick Fredy and “The Christmas Lobster.” (He might not kill you.)

 

Died. You’re Welcome: love loss stress (1)

Here’s the 600 pound gorilla killer sentiment concerning holiday stress: grieving a loved one during the merriest of times.

The imagery of Versus the World here with “Blue and Cold” borders on that fun rockabilly sendup ‘I Want My Baby Back‘ (NON-HOLIDAY NOVELTY SONG ALERT) where our forlorn survivor digs up his lost love to crawl back beside her and cover up, lowering the creaking  coffin lid. Here our pathetic hero lives with his loss like she’s still there (Alan Rickman movie alert). Sorry to reference this all over the place: this is an original and  shocking requiem and deserves a quiet listen.

A Month of Love: The Rescues

More TV music.

The Rescues have rescued several musicians from other not so successful bands, and put them in honorable mention status. If you watch teen-twenty teevee you’ve probably heard them.

“All I Want for Christmas (Is to Give My Love Away)” is from Private Practice or something like that that i never watch….

A Month of Love: Big People

Some songs earworm you into submission.

I can’t tell you much about the alt rock band Big People. I know this song appears on a great collection entitled Yuletunes: A Collection of Alternative Pop Christmas Songs (love it). Oddly it also appears on Trailer Trash Christmas, and Redneck Christmas Party (say whu–?)

I can tell you it’s about wanting more than peace on Earth, more than a new bike, more than a mistletoe mwah… but this sadly earnest complaint (“Piece on Earth“) bypasses the creep factor (barely) with its catchy whininess (and the dogs acting out the bits from Lulu’s Christmas Pudding).

A Month of Love: Jars of Clay

Jars of Clay is a TN alt rock from a while ago. Not a follower, but gotta give them props for an early hit (“Rudolph Smells Like Teen Spirit“). It’s the old carol, y’see… but it’s sung to a goth rock… It made my nice list.

They also reinterpret the 1885 “Love Came Down at Christmas” which has been a minor holiday sensation, not yet a classic. Theirs is only one of the tunes the holy poem has been set to over the centuries. (For a classic version of the song, check out the Choir of King’s College at Cambridge.)

A Month of Love: ProjectHappiMusic

Love makes us goofy.

When we exhibit goofy in love a bit too much, we probably need a deprogrammer.

Projecthappimusic seems to be run by Loren Lemon dedicated to bringing all human beings together into one big fat hug. Their Christmas song “I Love You! It’s Christmas Time!” endeavors to teach you to say the L-word in many languages. Yuletide’s in there, too, i guess. Maybe you should be sitting down for this one.