Sexy Bells

Sometimes a bell is not a bell, but more a… climax. Even at Xmas, fergawdsake.

“Jingle Those Bells” is Superion’s euphemistic take on S&M for the hollies and jollies. It’s worth the trip.

Fashionable Glasses has little use for all the holiday trappings, but YOU, baby, YOU matter. Especially when you got “Nothing But the Bells On.” Hard party pop, with just a twinge of ’80s rock. ‘M feelin’ it.

Musical Bells

Adults like the bells of Christmas, too. Some make songs about their musicality. A couple of those songs aren’t very nice about life.

Sha Na Na is pretty doo top about life. “Christmas Bells” go ding ding-a-ding ding for them. Ahhh.

Willie Kalikimaka (Willie K) is pretty upbeat about his “Christmas Bells,” almost childish. But that strong Hawaiian rock beat thrashes it up pretty good. Parental supervision is advised for a good time.

Hard Call Christmas raps about times that are ‘hard as hell.’ “My Christmas Bells” recounts the probs with urban holiday celebrating. And–the bells. (Wait, is that a sex reference?!) BLUE. ALERT!

DJ Fire “Twerkith on These Bells“–which is more of a dance background than a statement. But, that statement woulda been mean. Electronica to twitch the toe.

Singing Bells

Sometimes the tintinnabula are just instruments to make music at Yuletide. Just play along.

Kidsong leans on this idea so those tensed up kids can let loose with some percussion. See: “Ring Little Bells” as performed by the Christian Sesame Street Veggie Tales. Wee, wot fun.

Infectiously round the Christmas Songs and Carols channel on Youtube has put “Ring, Ring, Ring the Bells” to the tune of ‘row your boat.’ Your kids don’t stand a chance.

Greg Page has the kids cheer for the “Christmas Bells.” In his kidsong the you sing la la lala la with the bells. Okay.

Etta James conducts your kids with “Ring the Bells.” Altogether now.

Dingle dangle dingle ding is just some of the message brought to you by Peggy Lee in “Ring Those Christmas Bells.” It’s not singing so much as onamotopeoia-ing.

The Bandana Splits boogie some boogie with “All the Bells” Sweet Christmas song.

Family Bells

How sad to ring the holiday bell all by your lonesome. Better instead to flock the family ’round those ringers. Christmas bells bring us home

Kenny and Dolly belt out how they’ll be home “With Bells on.” It might be fashion de jure, or it might be merry making mischief. Regardless, they mean it. You can hear it in the pop sorta-country rhythms.

Loreena McKennitt charms “The Bells of Christmas” with whispery hymnalistic come-hither-ness. It’s all about calling you home, baby. Come on now.

The blues will be cured by the baby coming home, that’s just a fact. So Aaron Neville has “The Bells will be Ringing” to signal her home. Raunchy blues just this side of pop.

Sylva itemizes the trappings of the Nativity with “Christmas Bells,” but it’s all about coming home. Jazzy marshmallow-mouthed pop.

Decoration Bells

Some people just festoon the halls and bowers and hearths and passersby with the bells. They just hang there and look pretty–pretty Christmassy, that is!

Driftless Sisters “Hang a Little Bell” as step one in the process of celebrating. Soulful pop you might wanna take notes during.

Join hands and sing in a round with War Pony Dos. “Hang the Bell from the Christmas Tree” is that hippie folk rock we need to chant to create the spirit.

Just Bells

Bells at Christmastime might just be one more prop what fell out the box from the attic when you upended that tangle of merry morass.

A supernumerary, the bell adds to the list in Patti Page’s “Christmas Bells.” (This is an older version.) Scmaltzy romantic pop fun. Byron Lee & The Dragonaires & Friends‘ duet underlines the hey-you-doin’.

And the Bells Rang” let’s you know where bells rate… last. The Golddiggers tip pop into easy listening so nobody younger than thirty will like this, unless they’re buttering up gramma. (This was a year before Bing’s release.) (But a few years after Tex Beneke, Ray Eberle & The Modernaires With Paula Kelly.)

Little Rita Faye cornpones the ham with “Sleigh Bells, Reindeer, and Snow.” It’s a list, read it.

Shad Weathersby adds bells to every aspect of Christmas with “Swingle Jingle.” For kidsong, it kinda does swing.

Announcement Bells

So dammany bells for the holidays, the mere collision of clapper with shell foretells the season. Ring it out!

Can’t pass up a clever one: “Christmas Hmm That Rings a Bell” quips Dr. BLT with eclectic music fusion. You’re on notice.

Disney tells you what you want. Irina Menzel, Kristen Bell, and Josh Gad belt out a standard show tune (from that ‘Frozen’ holiday extra) “Ring in the Season” …and big finish.

Shuffling pop from Rubettes (feat. Alan Williams) hails us that “Bells Ring out on Christmas Day.” That’s how we know. (Well, that’s how YOU know, me i heard the songs back in Sept.)

Douglas Wagner brings us chorale arrangement for your school/church/prison in “Ring the Bells, It’s Christmas!” a showy show tune.

Twinkle Toes Music tends to downbeat this title. “Ring the Bells, It’s Christmas Time” here is a jazzy kidsong to proffer physical exercise. Sounds like London Bridge is Falling to me, though.

I like the persistent swing of Natalie Taylor’s “Holiday Bells.” Here’s a theme song for the season.

Silver (Tinkle) Bells

Another bells favorite of the holiday season is from ‘The Lemon Drop Kid,’ some old (1950) Bob Hope rom com. More not-exactly-Jesus type celebrating. And, the skinny is, the original title of ‘Tinkle Bells’ got the 86 from the writer’s wife who knew third-grader slang. If you can sit through the flick, William Frawley introduces the song at first with an angry sidewalk Santa rant. Cool. Then Bob Hope sings it, but Bing Crosby cuts the vinyl of it. Nevermind.

The only novel version I might subject you to would be Johnny Setlist’s “Silver Bells (Ukulele Mix)” from the Goon Christmas 2010 extravaganza. Although I am partial to Rich Hinklin’s reimagining “Silver Bells (Post-Apocalyptic Dance Mix).”

Hey, that one reminds me of the after-the-robopocalypse fun from JMaq: “Iron Bells.” Most ‘Silver Bells’ parodies don’t allow for bells. Screw them, this is far out.

Newfoundland’s own Snook sermonizes on the difficulty of living it up given urban oppression in “Swingin’ Bells.” Too much vernacular by half, innit?

The 1980s gave birth to housewife talent like The Fallen Angels, a Portland weird-ity who parodied classics especially around the holidays. In the spirit of the original, their “Clanging Bells” is a denouncement of noise pollution especially the Salvation Army’s.

Sleigh Bells, for the pop

A couple more songs about the ringing of the horse drawn carriages for Xmas.

Jane Hutton big bands up the saccharine silliness of “Song of the Sleigh Bells.” It’s a whirlwind of tympani.

Charity Shop Sue drives through her “Sleigh Bell Time (Again)” with an insistent increasing tempo garage backbeat that suggests you better defuse that bomb–NOW!

Another luscious li’l nugget, this time from The Benefit, who unfairly grouse about having their beach blanket bingo song ruined by the addition of “

Sleigh Ride, natch

The mainstream delivers ‘Sleigh Ride’ every holiday season, an instrumental from The Boston Pops (1949) first with words from The Andrew Sisters (1950). Yeah, it’s a Christmas mainstay, but –yawn– it doesn’t –ho hum– help with the –what was i talkin’ about–?

A couple of versions you should add to your novelty collection spun out from this joyride are inspired by the vapidness of the added words. Mojo Nixon plays around with the nonsense syllables, and Barenaked Ladies just scat. Take that, wordsmiths!

You should also know, Anthony Daniels (following orders) makes this non-denominational number a lesson for robots (Star Wars and otherwise) to learn the spirit.

Parodies don’t bring it either. I can do without John Valby‘s tasteless BLUE ALERT schtick. Joshua Gilyard‘s Queen of the Ratchet neither amuses about gossipy girls. The Bible gets a fun synopsis to this melody by Jacob Manning. Jason, however, explains why school band members don’t like this tune.