I’m So Snowsome I could Die

Static Cadets make a shaggy dog out of “The (new) Christmas Song“, a slow burn of misery and distractedness. Intimate, confessional indie.

Swamp Ass and the Meat Sweats scream up a metal storm when they’re “Alone for the Holidays“. They burn out quickly (with cautious bleeping), so you can breathe after.

Cowboy country time. Dave Dudley makes maudlin with “Lonely Christmas Again“. Some overlap with last month’s without you theme, so let’s make the distinction clear. Missing you is a singular thing. Loneliness is every[one]thing.

Slowing the moodiness, “Alone For The Holidays” pits Adrian Glynn, Nat Jay against the void. More country, now with western. He’s cryin’; she’s bitchin’.

Only the Holly

Chancellor Arnold sings “The Christmas Song” about hurt and emotional distance. But it’s preppy indie with a drunkenly pronounced rhythm. You explain that.

Concave Onion’s “Funky Time Christmas” is technically about an unattended tree and unrequited wishlists, but it stands up via funk. So that’s weird.

Nyco Nemesis wants to share the warmth with you. Why? Because “Winter was Lonely“. New Age indie with atonal girlishness. I don’t know what that means.

“Christmas will be Just Another Lonely Day” pops Brenda Lee contrasting your joy to her boy-lessness. It’s a slow dance. Go figure.

12/25 is the Loneliest Number

Darling statistics like to reveal the great number of people today who suffer isolation in our overpopulated world. Brazil self reports over half the pop is lonely. Social media overusers claim to have no real friends. We’re all in this together, right?

Then there’s the most family-oriented, romantic, friend-gathered holiday of them all: Xmas. God is love and Santa is giving and stores want you to come on back now, y’hear. But for many, this ideal deepens the chill and heightens the emptiness. Those commercials, i’m telling you, really rub it in.

I’m not entirely sure if featuring a month of solstice solitude will achieve cathartic relief for us or drive us toward the beckoning arms of self harm… but, gotta stay busy.

Start with the blues, amiright? Marc Broussard claims to be coming home when it’s “Almost Christmas“. I hope it’s the solution he needs right now. Home can be standoffish.

Metal to balance: “You’re Alone on Christmas Eve” from Aristocorpse is probably BLUE ALERT (mine ears can not discern so, but i’d expect no less).

Also more mood than word, B. Wells (feat. DaVan Official) rap out “Christmas Time!” as if that were a bad thing.

Brad and Barry turn down the indie rock to 11 with the blubbering “I’ll be Alone for Christmas“. Not introspective so much as it is deflated. Catching the mood just by listening, so–affective AF.

“I Threw All You Photos into the [Open] Fire”

SayWeCanFly is all business in “Merry Christmas, I Miss You“. Altrock attitude outlines a coffee shop encounter gone wrong.

“I’ll Miss You At Christmas” is what happens when a good song gets worked over by a talent three decades too late. E for effort, M. J. Moore. Pop deflated.

Then Mariah Carey showed up and showed us how to overdo it. “Miss You Most (At Christmas Time)” does what it needs to and not one pop more.

Still prefer Bowling for Soup’s quirk in “I Miss You Most On Christmas“. Not an essential novelty, but it rocks the calendar.

How about a bit of the ol punk and out when Rancid rocks out “X-Mas Eve (She Got Up And Left Me)“. Sudden. Yet heart rending.

“I Never [Orna]ment Anything to You, Did I?”

Picking over the bluegrass folk, 30 Pounds of Bone scry “You Can’t Break Up At Christmas (So Let’s Get It Over With)“. That’s the saddest banjo i ever heard.

One of the funniest country numbers i ever ran before, “Break Up Before Christmas” from Corey Hunt and the Wise advises the men out there how to manage their holiday budget.

Dude York’s “Break Up Holiday” is rock that deserves a rewind as well. Classic.

Also inordinately fond of “Breakup For The Holidays” Migratory Animals, a brazen electronic pop in your face.

Jellyrolling the ragtime Goldentusk pulls out the piano bar stops singing “I’m Breaking Up with You for Christmas“. But he’s just telling you now, so what’d you get him? (Rotten to the encore.)

“I’ve Already Thrown All Your [Red] Suits Out the Window Into the Street”

“Christmas Without You” is an over serious skit by Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton, but that’s just right for corporate country western.

“(It Just Can’t Be) Christmas Without You” is a gentler folk pop from The Four Oh Six All Stars. But then they all join hands and sing together. What th-

Swinging cool, Michael J Handley croons through “Christmas Without You” like it’s you suffering, not him. Blasé the Lord.

James and Mark jumble up the electronics with shouted feelings for “Christmas Without You“, a blast from the ’70s. An excellent mess.

“You Deserve Better [Not Pout, Better Not Cry]” BLUE ALERT

Cori Connors covers Tarja’s observance how much “You Would Have Loved This“. (This = winter.) She packs a punch in this soft indie pop with power vocals.

Also hemmed in by the winter weather, Alison Trelfa doodles around easy listening jazz with “It’s Not Christmas Without You“.

David McMullen’s “Christmas Without You” is just as bathetic, and he’s ready to yacht rock call it all off.

What the funk? Don Lee’s “Black Christmas” is especially dark without you. Turn it up.

James Coyle begins mid-breakup with the poignantly mean-spirited “A Very AIDS-y Christmas“. BLUE ALERT, but hilarious (if you ask me) pop. An encore of comic excess.

“Now I’m Stocking You on Social Media”

Cheesy pop peppers us in “Without You“. heymonday is determined to party on through the loneliness, but i feel like picking up the red Solo cups brimming with tears.

Swing also seems a bit inappropriate for Jeremey Lister’s “Wouldn’t Be Christmas Without You“. It’s cruel to be cool, dude.

Pounding indie tries to emo the moment. The Power of Truth makes a musical out of a moment in “Xmas Don’t Feel the Same Without You“. Now that’s a ride.

Dave Dudley slathers on the corn for the easy listening country “I Wish You Were Here“. Making it all about him.

Doowop digression! “Without You Christmas is Blue” is like Elvis fronting The Drifters. The Emotions feat. J Favale make a musical mountain out of a missing person. (BTW brown lights?!?)

“I’m Writing You a Dear John [McClane] Letter”

Kelly Long drawls “My First Christmas without You” with extra twang. Seems clingy even for country.

There’s some question who you is in “There’s No Christmas Without You“. Kirk Franklin and the Family might be singing about Jaysus, but what could they have done to rid themselves of His Grace?–surely not this gospel singalong.

Showing us how to mope, Flooded Cellar spiral with their folk “Without You“. Bemoaning the single set of footprints in the snow and on the floor, they don’t know what to do. Wait, is this bereavement?

John Cedrick synths the R+B with his lack of you. Apparently “Santa Didn’t Hear” that you needed to be with him. Scary, you think about it.

More rockabilly, STAT! Darrel Higham riffs out the high stepping dread of “Our Last Night” and all i can do is snap and clap along. Oh yeah.

Angry Johnny and The Killbillies get maudlin in “Winter’s Here Again“. It could be that this tinkling country ballad hides a secret: he made you go underground, with his shovel. Shivers.

“I’d Rather Stay in Tonight with Ben & Jerry [& Buddy the Elf]”

Parry Music makes gospel out of “Missing You At Christmas“, elevating a cruel breakup with soaring harmonies. Hard to listen to analytically.

Theory of a Deadman instills metal in their “Missing You This Christmas“. Might make a good TV show intro, but the driving drum rhythms knock all the pathos outta this sob story.

Richard Melvin Brown may be mourning in “My First Christmas Without Her “. The Carib beat doesn’t help the reading on this pulsating pop. I’m sorry for your loss of melody.

MMMC girlies up the AI with “A Star to Wish Upon“. Whispery snow laden missing you, in the key of limp pop.

One of the great star-crossed holiday cinematic stories is “Sally’s Song” from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Doors in the Labyrinth overplay the drama in this sad tale metamorphosing showtune into rock ballad. Noice.

Most authentic is the trilling, cackling grief of Shawn ‘Da Ma$tamind’ Noel paranging “What is Christmas Without ah Rum?” Truly a heartbreak.