State Nine: New Jersey
State Eight: Pennsylvania
FIFTY STATES OF ‘MERICA-MAS
Pennsylvania does not boast much proud local Noel, novelty or otherwise. Double Shot A capella has a heavily Pittsburgh accented Santa song on the ‘tube with a pronunciation gazetteer and a glossary.
(And , sigh, oh yes, the Steelers sing carols badly. But, take it from me, all sports stunts songs are the briefest of curiosities. If you need some hard to understand poorly punned Twelve Days of Christmas, just ask me. I’ll find you better… Oh, okay, and the Flyers.)
Some children’s group sings an original holiday paean to Philadelphia sweetly. Like little angels, although unlike most elementary assemblages that i survived i can understand them. Joyeaux.
And here’s an odd tangent: Jim O’Connor sings “Christmas in Pittsburgh, 1943” as a tribute to his WWII sailor dad. It’s mournfully memorable Irish folk with sailing vocals. Beautiful. Not Christmas. Not really.
But, for me… I gotta go Bobby Rydell. Robert Louis Ridarelli was a wunderkind of the ’60s with hits like “Volare” and “Wild One.” He starred in the stage show “Bye, Bye Birdie” as a teen idol, wink wink. In the show “Grease,” the high school is named for him. “A Philadelphia Christmas” is a cry for help from ’03 signalling his past due date. It says nothing but cliche about Christmas or Philadelphia loudly with much lounge cheese (the personal pronoun ‘I’ is tortured to five or six syllables). At the present he is no longer recording, but he is still touring casinos closing his eyes and leaning back rather than hitting the high notes. Please visit his fan sites and let him know his hits will live forever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmRtv44u1t8
State Seven: New York
State Annex: Virgin Islands
As a special Columbus Day insert to FIFTY DAYS OF ‘MERICA-MAS, let us reflect on the beaches where Columbus’s footprints were the only ones. You see, at least one conquest of good old Christian Christopher is ‘Merican (since 1927).
Now you can pretend you don’t know about the taxation without representation of our territories and commonwealths beyond the fifty tried and true, but i refer you to the wonderful wisdom of outrage John Oliver to learn more about this American heritage.
While some of the Virgin Islands are British and they do get a pretty good Xmas spiritual by William Perrins and James Haywood, don’t be fooled with all the tinkley piano morose ‘miss-you’ mishegas… “Christmas on the British Virgin Islands” is warmed over Beatles love song with the lovelorn whining about being stuck in paradise. Put the lime in the coconut, dude.
Now The Great John L. knows how to swing Caribbean style. His “Christmas in St. Croix” jazzes up the joint all brassy and sassy. He’s rather be dead than miss Christmas in Fredriksted, ya know, mon. This is festive and fun stuff, like opening presents from behind the tree that you didn’t even count in your tally of booty.
State Six: Connecticut
State Five: Rhode Island
State Four: Massachusettes
FIFTY STATES OF ‘MERICA-MAS
Okay, Mass-holes, where’s your carol? You got, like one–and it’s awful, that’s what you got.
The song: “Christmas in Boston.” James Melody was huge (nearly 400#) on the local TV circuit a few years back singing and re-singing his X-mas anthem for every talk show and news crew all about what made Beantown beam with pride. Mayor Menino gave him a proclamation in ’08 for representin’ and pronouncin’ all his words without that accent. I kid, but I love the middle-of-the-road showtune bounciness here… the ceaseless references to every traditional carol… the roster of where to go… It’s like a wordsearch for the season! It’s actually too big a song for my liking… it’s got it’s own website.
P.S. There’s a “Christmas in Gloucester” song on youtube as well. It’s an ’11 original song by Paul “Sasquatch” Cohan celebrating America’s Oldest Seaport, Gloucester Massachusetts. But it’s lower class and downbeat. So screw him.
P.P.S. There’s a better “Christmas in Gloucester” by The Souls of the Sea ‘tubing as well. This is loads more fun, drinking and laughing and falling off barstools… all in honor of those lost at sea during those terrible Winter storms. In order to suffer that loss, this particular video begins with the more somber (less holiday) ‘The Bella Figlia’ about The Eternal Voyage of fisherfolk. Wait for the oompah and you’re nearly there.
State Three: Vermont
State Two: New Hampshire
Let’s continue on our adventure to find amusing Adent-tunes which celebrate specific locales throughout the USA, or what i like to call
Fifty States of ‘Merica-mas
State Two.
New Hampshire has that small state problem of just being another part of New England, too. No great Christmas songs that make you wanna hang out despite taxless living free and dying. So, like Maine, NH breeds tough, caustic men who complain comically about that time of year (to harmonica music).
Except today’s special, Red Gallagher, is out of the Midwest and only married into the Granite State. Red is the kind of guy I find while ferreting out great novelty Christmas music: the troubador/bard/jester, that clever, witty guy who (fighting tooth and nail) lives off his ability to make you smile. Despite never getting national attention. Red (solo or with the missus as Redbird Duo) plays parody song sets for malls and retirement homes (‘Not For Kids’) and has a small handful of albums and following throughout the Twin Cities and beyond. His website sells his few albums.
I wish his talented tuchas all the best. You a funny guy!
Here is his “New Hampshire Winter.”