Year-round Yuletide oddities
Bernie, as a name, gets a bad rap. It’s no Herbert, but it’s an oddity. “Bernie the Reindeer,” a kids’ favorite from Maple Leaf Learning finds the big-antlered overeating agoraphobic a job as a telemarketer. You kidding me?
Alternative holiday reindeer don’t much more other than “Bernie, the Jewish Reindeer.” Stage Stars go so schticky that i’d call it anti-Semitic, if they weren’t just fun-loving Chosen boys. Kidsong parody comedy.
Redrick, and the Rick-Rack Reindeer; The North Pole Report is some concept holiday journey (we’ll visit Redrick later). Not sure who, when, or why, but it’s much better than most kidsong twaddle. For now we’ll visit the folky pop “Babes the Baby Reindeer.” Paul Bunyan’s Babe may be a close relative, ‘cuz this li’l ol’ thing does turn blue on occasion. But he’s so cute and tiny!
Al Walser tried a cutie-pie book a few years back about a black/white reindeer (think Frank Gorshin in that 1967 Star Trek episode). Believe it or don’t, he saves the day. This author also sings about “Alex the Reindeer” with the loungiest showtune schmaltz this side of Tuskaloosa dinner theater. Brace yourself.
Surely the hateful eight of Santa’s reindeer are all dead by now. Does he just rename replacements like The Simpsons do with their cats (Snowball 5)? Are there OTHER reindeer to sing about?
Frank L Baum (the Oz guy) rhapsodized a Santa poem and named ten: Racer and Pacer, Fearless and Peerless, Ready and Steady, Feckless and Speckless. Cool, that. But no songs.
“Adolph the Brown-Nosed Reindeer” from classic comedy songster Dave Rudolph gives us a rollicking kidsong peek into how reindeers get ahead at the North Pole. Not that everyone loved him; there’s a reason that name is no longer christened these days. Sorry to start on a ‘Rudolph’ parody, but–unavoidable.
How much fun can we have with the Rudolph legend?
Even kidsong can get off the mainstream. “Rudolph and the Snowman” is awesome folk Q&A from KidsTV123. Love it.
FuMP’s Phil Johnson & The Roadside Attraction curse out a metal revenge story in “Rudolph the Blood-Soaked Reindeer.” More curious than comical.
Kelly Nolf & Wyndi Harp use the moral here to tell “Rudolph Knows,” a country swinger of life lesson-ology.
Also into the figurative, Arne Hansen & The Guitarspellers decry a horrid first rendezvous sporting a big pimple on the nose as if “On a Date as Rudolph.” Rocking polka.
“They Shined Up Rudolph’s Nose” gets more play than most of our novelties, but Johnny Horton brings just the right level of country rock to this number.
Some wild rockabilly elevated “Rudolph’s Ruin” beyond the drunkeness of the last post to victimhood. The Wildebeests deliver.
What kind of reindeer is Rudolph? What kind of nose? Oh, dear.
Homophobic humor at its ’90est, “Rudolph the Deep-Throated Reindeer” Is Matt Rogers at his most unapologetic.
“Rudolph the Big Dick Reindeer” is the unowned parody that also needs to be forgotten.
College Humor tries regular hard with “Rudolph the Regular Reindeer.” Shouting, but not that much.
Better from Kevin & Bean’s Shakespeare Man:
“Rudolph the Blue-Nosed Reindeer” from Barney and Hector at least adds cha-cha-cha.
“Rudolph the Green-Nosed Reindeer” from Smartz Crew add some marijuana. Yeah. BLUE ALERT
“Rudolph the Runny-Nosed Reindeer” also unowned attributes the symptoms to sampling his drug-mule sideline.
“Rudolph the Psycho Reindeer” is unattributed bro-humor wherein the boys crack each other up. Then justice is served.
“Rudolph the Mohawked Reindeer” is Primate Punk’s punk BLUE ALERT aggressive answer.
“Rudolph the Union Reindeer” takes us another direction completely. Organized by Ariana Eakle Blockmon.
The Christmas Jug Band help a smidge with “Rudolph the Bald-Headed Reindeer.” A Jimmy Durante tribute.
Any other humor we can inject into the Rudolph song? How’s about the scatalogical?
“Rudolph Don’t Go” is Kristen Key’s kidsong entry into Christmas poop. Guess what it’s about?!
“Santa and Rudolph’s Poop Contest” also does NOT bury the lede. Lil Poverty Angels get word salad rap ready.
“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Hemorrhoid” is Matt ‘The Toilet Bowl Cleaners’ Farley’s depiction of holiday distress.
“Rudolph Dropped a Package on My Rooftop” is the clever yet country humor of Brad Tassell and Steve Goodie.
“Rudolph the Reindeer (S**t on My Lawn)” is The Flatworms’s garage nastiness (it’s like black cottage cheese!).
Sorry, everyone. I can’t feature any of these. So let’s end on a big downer, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (a rendition in minor key)” from Tempus Cucumis (Time of the cucumber??) This is more than shitty, this is enormously doomy. See, the ending is changed from happy to– well, you’ll see.
From the top you’ve got no where to go but down. The fall of Rudolph is usually field by alcohol.
“Rudolph is a Drunk” is fine raging metal from DØMT.
“Rudolph got a DUI” is not so fine country from Bill Engvall.
“Rudolph the Gin Nosed Reindeer” is fine punk from La Vasa. Just piss poor parody.
“Rudolph Drank the Moonshine” is fine bluegrass by The Christmas Hillbillies.
“Rudolph : The Untold Story” is fine polka comedy from Yulenog. (Amazing sax solo.)
The ‘Rudolph’ song got as famous as the reindeer. In the annals of Xmas music it is Number Two of all songs. So, some took a shot at it (him).
I killed Rudolph–and I liked it! begins “Rudolph Burger… Hold the Nose.” The voice cracking metal from The Pork Guys is more defiant than murderous. So this gets only one shotgun shell.
Mighty Magic Pants rocks out “Rudolph on the Barbecue.” The childish innocence makes the mythivovre more horrible. Two shells.
Jesus Penis growls out the experimental garage rant “Rudolph the Red-Gutted Reindeer.” Ugh. Whatever shells.
Bullshark Comedy turns the worm with “Rudolph Shooting” in which the maligned venison buys a gun at Walmart. BLUE ALERT for this mass shooting ‘humor.’
Fortress of Attitude’s cowboy yarn “I Shot Rudolph and I’m Sorry” is an amazing genre send-up and gets all the shells.
“I Shot Rudolph” is the country stomper about the fraud perpetrated by Todd O’Neill. It warren’t him. Shells waived.
Fans abound for the most famous reindeer of all.
Kidsong likes the counting song, hence “Nine Counting Rudolph” from Brian Kinder. Catchy, but not his best.
Asiansploitation and Byron S. mock Lourdes with their “Rudolph.” It’s all about–
“The Reindeer Song” by Daniel Dennis and Mason Douglas (as Sno’Rida and Mista’Toe) white-rap out the credit due the nine. Celebratory shouting to commence.
“Hamildolph” is the epic parody of ‘Hamilton’ from Eclipse 6. Worth the time reliving the bullied fawn’s tale.
“Gee, Rudolph Ain’t I Good to You?” is the Nat King Cole classic funnied up by The Christmas Jug Band. Unrequited gift-bringing is so bluesy.