Blues informs Jimmy Liggins and His Drops of Joy’s list: you want that woman, you know you do. So low, when you don’t even want the turkey for Christmas, Jimmy. He just wants her loving’. “I Want My Baby for Christmas.” Might wanna top off that Scotch, first.
‘Smatter, that too harmonious for you? You want down and dirty blues? Back behind the Dumpster blues? Smokey Hogg knows how you feel. “I Want My Baby for Christmas” is not want he needs–it’s what he wants. Listen to that piano, you’ll feel it too.
The Dramatics switch it up to R+B. But “All I Want for Christmas is My Baby” smacks of begging. Sounding like your thirteen may not get you where you want, fellas.
Seductive like a velvet=wrapped parcel, studio jazz cool-man John Jay Martyn croak-croons “I Just Want My Baby for Christmas.” This is how you get that baby, kids.
Stylized marches or cakewalks from the 1890s and since have featured ragged syncopation. Ragtime music usually results in swing dancing. (I recommend doing the robot.)
The Heftone Banjo Orchestra (featuring Brian Heffernan) really brings out the complex footwork with their “Santa Claus Rag.”
Country Joe and the Fish attempt to add a message in their “Dirty Claus Rag.”
If out of work, Santa could pick up some training at the local community college, i’m sure.
But the consequences could be dire–
Herein lies the lesson: Casey McKinnon warns of the resulting nihilism often resulting from liberal arts classes in her bouncy fun pop tune: “Santa is an Atheist.” Well, he didn’t start out as one but, see, what happened…
Santa seems to be at least a part-time spy, and i’ve got the intel to prove it.
Of course Ray Stevens blurted out this truth back in 1962: “Santa Claus is Watching You.” But that may have been a warning to a straying girlfriend.
Stephanie Riggio for Truthdig (a subsidiary of Anonymous) clues us in on what’s really going on with “Spying Claus.” But you probably already knew that.
Completely unmasking the Claus, the ACLU posts “The NSA is Coming to Town.” Santa is really a code name for the entire department. Listen quick before it’s redacted. Or click the link to these guys… i’m sure it’s safe.
I’d rather think of Santa as a cool secret agent who finds out what he needs to by doing his job. Call me an old romantic, but Rosie Flores knows what i’m talking about. She redefines “Secret Santa.”
A brief mention of the unpleasant hard rocking of sweet harmony barbershop country singers The Oak Ridge Boys. In letter form, they ask “Santa Bring Your Elves,” but personally i believe you’ll never see those elves again. Don’t do it.
Warm smoky throated Pauline Lynnes may appeal to families with little ones, but she has a jazz siren sensibility and sexy folk fullness. “Little Christmas Elf” comes off half country ballad, half funny kid song. Tell me what you think.
When is an elf not an elf? When he’s a car salesman? David Wood’s “Ralph the Sneaky Elf” is more about Santa upgrading his ride to a hybrid. Don’t do it, Santa! Listen to that country mumbler!
More laudable, “Little Ralph the Christmas Elf” works tirelessly for the toy cause. Although he does whine–folk song style–about his grievances, and scores a day off for the elves. Instigator? Progressive unionist? You decide.
If you need that throwback cornball confetti tossing tune to draw your own youtube cartoon to… go no further than The American Song Poem “Randy, the Li’l Elf” sung by Bobbie Boyle and the MSR Singers. Wee!
Mix it up with Rappy McRapperson play-singing “Rappy the Elf” playing it cold (despite Gitmo). He’s no Fred, and he’s no gangsta, but that’s a good thing.
The Stardust Family Singers warn us about that elf delegated to delivering coal to the naughty ones–although “Randy the Rotten Christmas Elf” may have been up to worse (or down to better). It’s a jazzy, snazzy celebration of employees gone bad.
Sorry, but we’re not going through the dozens of covers, interps, and re-imaginings of that old thing (Elvis was NOT THE FIRST, by the way). No. No, no no. Not even if some of them are pretty damn amusing, like Seymour Swine and Benny Grunch.
Not that we’ll miss out on the sentimental mush: Kaitlyn Maher sings “My Blue Christmas” in a clip from that holiday classic Santa Paws 2. Go ahead and cry.
Yes, it’s mostly sad when you’re blue, but it doesn’t have to be! Blue skies, true blue, blue-eyes… even the dichotomy of blue blood/blue collar happens more often than once in a blue moon!
Blue can mean cold. (Well, i’ve already shared my favorite “Blue and Cold” Christmas tune by Versus the World last 4/11/16.) She’s dead, man.
And sometimes it’s just a color–a sports team color, that is! Jeremiah Rufini cheers “Make My Blue Christmas Green” about his hockey team. No, hang on, that still means blue = sad, Dammit.
Squidbillies’ own Stuart Daniels Baker, better known as Unknown Hinson, puts a darkly comic edge on classic country, viz. his “Black and Blue Christmas” which is about classic domestic violence. Go ahead and not laugh.
“Red, White, and Blue Christmas” by George Pardo and J. Gale Kilgore should be getting us pumped and patritoic, but the creepy children’s electric organ and tambourine make me down as down can be.
Jamie Rickers, a UK TV personality, has concocted a “Blue Santa” in order to challenge our limited view of the jolly old elf’s sartorial selections. Sadly, this gem of an idea leads nowhere.
Well, we best embrace the drear. Rheal LeBlanc goes country depressed after some kind of break up with his “Blue Christmas Tree.” Ole.
Buck Owens country croons “Blue Christmas Lights” competing with the steel guitar for longest held note, or the best imitation of weeping.
Also extending the color by tearing open the wrapper a bit is Wayne Newton with “Blue Snow at Christmas.” He’s lonely, danke very much.
This tinkly thoughtful honky tonker is not to confused with the country crooner “Blue Snowfall” which was made into a commercial recording by George Morgan, but i prefer the pretty pairing of Johnny Mathis and Lorrie Morgan. It soars and swoops and begs to be made into a montage.
Fighting the blues, Natalie Cole answers back with “No More Blue Christmas.” She’s gonna stand up and be empowered with her ’70s soul, you doubters! Represent.
In fact, let’s leave The Blues (and Bluegrass for that matter) to their respective genres and explore them more later.
And yet, Miles Davis beats the nik out of “Blue Xmas (To Whom It May Concern),” a frosty jazz rap from the ’50s full of vitamin hep and what’s cool for ya.
Christmas is based on love, so the holiday’s for lovers, dig. Or the converse. (These songs all appeared on Christmas albums.)
Breakups are rough in the cold. Something Corporate is desperate to hold onto love, but wants you to “Forget December.”
Ready to throw in the old love towel, The Matches are convinced “December is for Cynics.” You might pogo out your soul to their message.
Merle Haggard, oddly, has a tale of the hard times and unemployment tearing up the family. “If We Make it Through December.” Way to break the mood, Merle.
Kay Starr takes us back with “December.” Romantic nights when they’re longer, eh?
Mu330’s “December” is decidedly more modern, but still about that special love who is ‘better than crack.’ Dance, ska buddy!
Bugs anthropomorphize poorly, despite Aesop and Pixar. So why write noels ’bout them?
Because kids like them! You know: to eat, to kill, to stuff down friends’ shirts….
Many an elementary school Winter Festival has had a tiny person version of bugs celebrating in their buzzy ways from a musical by John Higgins and John Jacobsen. “A Bugz Christmas” is guaranteed to make you itch! Hee hee hee. (Schools don’t as often preform “The 12 Bugz of Christmas” or the termite rock number “We’re Hongry“–cause they’re pretty awful.)
To be honest, kids’ music is all about the backbeat and the catchy rhymes. It just might kill kids’ songwriters to make sense. Hence “Cicada Christmas” by Ian Ross Williams. Big Hunh?
And then–hey, not even a proper bug–there’s the itsy bitsy spider. Reworked by Matt Thompson’s The Ghost Script (how is that a fun kids’ source of music?) “The Itsy Bitsy Spider (Christmas Version)” delivers on rollickin’ adventures for Santa and that nasty black thing with all those legs. Enjoy kids!
Larvally speaking, take that lounge hit from the ’50s ‘Glow Worm,’ Christmastify it, then trowell on the class with the Velvet Fog himself, Mel Torme, and you get “Glow Worm (The Christmas Version).” It’s smoother than a virgin eggnog (with all the calories)!
